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CreativeDominant -> RE: "Submission is a Gift" (8/1/2007 7:56:51 AM)
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The idea of "submission as a gift" was most recently discussed on the "Just a Vent" thread. There were some damn good replies in there. I posted twice and will just post this from my last post as I think it addresses a lot of what you are saying...
quote:
ORIGINAL: MaamJay
I know the whole "gift" thing drives people (and Me) crazy at times. So much so that I get subs to read several articles about whether it is or is not a gift and then encourage them to come to their own position. I think some of the problem lies in people's definition of the word gift. Most seem to take it in terms of a "present" ... something they receive for a special occasion ... and that seems to bring about a very negative response, such as seen in this thread. It does that with Me too if I look at it that way. However, a look in a dictionary or 3 is interesting:
Pronunciation: 'gift
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse, something given, talent; akin to Old English giefan to give
1 : a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
2 : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
3 : the act, right, or power of giving
I see all 3 meanings of "gift" here as relevant ...
1. a particular capacity or talent (can someone have the "gift" then of being submissive?);
2. something that is freely given (perhaps as opposed to something which is taken? As I subscribe to the belief that a Dominant can't "take, command or demand" someone's submission (and I rather feel that was what the OP was venting about) ... I believe that at best, they can only inspire it to be "given" or transferred to them); and
3. the act or power of giving (isn't that what power exchange is about? The submissive exercising their power of giving when they yield control of various things to the Dominant?)
I find it fascinating that the dictionary I used (Merriam Webster) doesn't put the "present" aspect of the word gift in its top 3 meanings. Yourdictionary has the same 3 meanings but in a different order. The Cambridge was the first one to put the "present" aspect (as in birthday or wedding gift) at the top.
Comments anyone?
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
Though I do not feel as "Merriam-Webster bitch-slapped" as Whip, I will concede that the above makes sense....except for Number 2. I think this is the area where most of us have wound up seeing it as a "present" when the phrase "submission is a gift" is uttered.
And what is so bad about a present...or gift? Welllllllllllllll, when given as stated: voluntarily transferred to another WITHOUT compensation...then there is nothing wrong. One problem is that, many times, that present comes with all sorts of strings, not all of them on the surface so that they are seen and accepted as being there. Another problem is that many people think that the present they give is much shinier and much prettier and worth much more than it is and that the "gift" you give them in return no way measures up to the "sacrifice" sustained by them in giving theirs...even though they are supposed to "give theirs voluntarily (because they want to) without (thought of) compensation".
I think I'd almost rather have them think of their submission in the Number 1 sense: They feel that they have the gift of submission and they know that, while it is useful and significant, there are plenty out there who also have been "gifted" with the art of submission. Therefore, what they are choosing to do is not just present their submission to a dominant but understand that they are getting something in return and what is taking place is a mutually wanted exchange of power.
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