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ORIGINAL: darchChylde

question... whatever happened to truly non-sexual bdsm or Ds relationships?

i fear that there is a horrible double-standard (and yes, i'm about to start using generalities) where  many female Dominants are strictly "no sex" with their subbie boys, while so many male Dominants seek to use their subbie girls as fuck holes and sex slaves, only their to service them

i just find it odd, i know that, in general, women do have as much (if not more) sexual desire as men; so, why are so many men so incapable (or at least choose not to) of controlling those urges?

for example, when i started in the community (some ten or so years ago); i had thought it was a standard practice, that beyond maybe a feeling-out period with a new submissive (to be sure of a physical compatibility) a "training" period begins where there is no overtly sexual (or play) contact between the Dominant and submissive... this is usually due to the highly emotional  link between submissives and the sex act, and more specifically with women; and so that a relationship is established to build the emotional and spiritual bonds strongly between the two before the strain that sex and scene often brings about

for many female Dominants, it is also to have their male sub to prove that he's not in it for kinky sex, but for something deeper and more significant... and many are the female Dominants who simply will not have sexual interaction with their subs

but in speaking with females with male Dominants or Masters, i often hear shock and surprise at such a practice; as quite often is the sexual interplay between her and her Dominant in effect rather quickly and often, sometimes subsuming other aspects of the relationship and i have rarely (if at all( heard of a hetero male Dominant who chooses never to practice sexual  activities with  the  females under his power

____________________________

this is for male and female Dominants, why the dichotomy?  why (in hetero relations) is sex so often a part of relationship with a female submissive, while often being forbidden with the male?

female Doms who have no sex with their subs, what is the reason?

male Doms, would you consider a ltr with a submissive female and not have sex as part of her service?

all, what do you think of having a "training period" of at least a few months, where there is no sexual or bdsm activity; where you focus on other parts of the Ds relationship, perhaps until collaring?

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ORIGINAL: kittinSol
You just invoked the name of Jesus Christ the offspring of the Lord in vain.

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ORIGINAL: darchChylde

so many male Dominants seek to use their subbie girls as fuck holes and sex slaves, only their to service them

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ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

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ORIGINAL: darchChylde

so many male Dominants seek to use their subbie girls as fuck holes and sex slaves, only their to service them

Geez!  I think if you ran a poll on the subject most female subbies rather enjoy being fucked. Hell after a while i get real cranky about it if i am not. (Lucky for me Scooter has the sex drive of a rabbit on Viagra)
 

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra
And yes, we waited for a while before we engaged in sex so that we could develop a good D/s relationship. I mean, after all, we had to finish dinner!! And then there was that long drive around the block to the hotel. It seemed like we waited for eons. I tell ya... I about raced him out the door, ran a yellow light and everything.

juliet

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

I'm a lot like the male dominants in this regard, in that I definitely expect sex, and lots of it with my submissive/slave...  As a matter of fact, when there is no sexual spark between myself and the intended, I don't continue to meet/consider him for me, because what we do (D/s or Ms, with my man being servile to moi) is very much about what makes me hawt.   I realize that I'm different from many other dominant women who absolutely preclude sex from their M/s relationships.  M

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

I'm a lot like the male dominants in this regard, in that I definitely expect sex, and lots of it with my submissive/slave...  As a matter of fact, when there is no sexual spark between myself and the intended, I don't continue to meet/consider him for me, because what we do (D/s or Ms, with my man being servile to moi) is very much about what makes me hawt.   I realize that I'm different from many other dominant women who absolutely preclude sex from their M/s relationships.  M

But even there, you fit in with the concept of "control".  YOU get to be the one determining whether or not sex is going to take place, the how and why and wherefore of it...something completely different from what society says...for while it says that women control their sexuality and therefore, the sexuality of many men, it does not say that the woman gets to be the active, aggressive one who is also MAKING the choice to "use" the male.

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But even there, you fit in with the concept of "control".  YOU get to be the one determining whether or not sex is going to take place, the how and why and wherefore of it

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for while it says that women control their sexuality and therefore, the sexuality of many men, it does not say that the woman gets to be the active, aggressive one who is also MAKING the choice to "use" the male.

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ORIGINAL: darchChylde

question... whatever happened to truly non-sexual bdsm or Ds relationships?

quote:


i fear that there is a horrible double-standard (and yes, i'm about to start using generalities) where  many female Dominants are strictly "no sex" with their subbie boys, while so many male Dominants seek to use their subbie girls as fuck holes and sex slaves, only their to service them

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

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But even there, you fit in with the concept of "control".  YOU get to be the one determining whether or not sex is going to take place, the how and why and wherefore of it

Damn right, that is why we call me the dominant in the equation.

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for while it says that women control their sexuality and therefore, the sexuality of many men, it does not say that the woman gets to be the active, aggressive one who is also MAKING the choice to "use" the male.

Society may not say it, but most women know whether there is going to be sex or not, when out with men.  So the only issue to me up for discussion is, why do some men see women who overtly control when/where/how of their sexuality as a bad thing?    My bet is that if all things were equal, women wouldn't be so shy about saying what they mean in regards to sex.    M

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

question... whatever happened to truly non-sexual bdsm or Ds relationships?

this is for male and female Dominants, why the dichotomy?  why (in hetero relations) is sex so often a part of relationship with a female submissive, while often being forbidden with the male?

female Doms who have no sex with their subs, what is the reason?

male Doms, would you consider a ltr with a submissive female and not have sex as part of her service?

all, what do you think of having a "training period" of at least a few months, where there is no sexual or bdsm activity; where you focus on other parts of the Ds relationship, perhaps until collaring?

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that many women still prefer men to make the first move, thus giving the woman the opportunity to deny or grant their favors.  Odd that in some ways, this aspect of the male-female interaction in the vanilla world resembles that of the interaction between female dominant and male submissive, though not completely...i.e., the first move