RE: Married subs

RE: Married subs (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

adoracat -> RE: Married subs (8/2/2007 5:50:28 PM)
i'm married, but not to Sir. Sir has met my hubby. wolf doesnt care to know what i'm doing, as long as i'm safe and happy. i'm open and honest and let him know where i am and who i'm with...and he has his vanilla relationship with his g/f. so it can work sometimes. kitten

fungasm -> RE: Married subs (8/2/2007 6:21:22 PM)
I have several married Toys. Several of them come to me because they haven't figured out how to share with their wives their cravings... and other work with me because their wives have said, "You can explore- but not in person." So I'm a logical choice. I prefer the first one. I wish that all people could talk to their potential mates and get on the same page... but it's hard. You can't help whom you fall in love with. And some things grow... If you had told me, when I was 21 and freshly married, that 18 years later I would be here... and all the things I've tried and loved, I would have never believed you. Alison

OsideGirl -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 7:23:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: instynctive Fast reply: "BDSM" does not automatically equal "sex". I see no issue with it, male or female. Cheating does not automatically equal "sex" either. The recurring theme over my years of listening to couples is that men tend to view cheating as physical and women tend to view cheating as something psychological. Women will be more upset about a man using the same phrases or kissing than they will about the actual sex.It's about the psychological departure from the relationship. That's why so many women get bent about online relationships or porn. Men tend to be upset about the physical contact, focusing foremost on the physical act of sex. While D/s BDSM may not equal sex, I'm sure lots of husbands would be just as upset to find out that their wives were naked and being touched by another man without their knowledge. (since the OP started this thread as "married female submissives")

camille65 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 10:27:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 In the past three decades in the BDSm scene, I've encountered dozens of married female subs. That is, married subs whose husbands are too busy with their hectic careers and sports cars to notice that their wives have secret desires. How have people dealt with this? I was one of those married women. My husband wasn't interested in sex much less interested in being the dominant partner. He could never have been a dominant. I married not realising the crucial difference between domineering and dominant. Kink to him, was anything other than the missionary position. Control was actually cruelty. I tried showing him books, talking about it. Roleplay (omg that freaked him out to no end), porn movies.. everything under the sun. Life became really really hard because I had no direction and no one to give me the boundaries I needed. I did the whole passive aggressive thing hoping he would discipline me or ask what I needed but that just mucked everything up more. I had NO right to try and turn him into what I needed because that simply is not a part of his being. So I stopped trying to alter our relationship into what I needed and fifteen years passed. Abuse became our only communication and I sucked it up, stayed silent. When I finally got around to the internet it was all waiting for me. The chatrooms with people that understood power exchange, the sites with bondage pics & stories. It totally horrified him the day he used my pc and saw my bookmarks. Most of it was pretty tame but to him it was sick. In his mind even chatting with someone platonically is warped. I found someone online who showed me what I was doing and told me that there are other paths in life. That it was up to me to dissolve what had turned into more of a roomate situation. That no, I wasn't some fucked up degenerate whore :( who needed a shrink for her twisted needs. My dom (online) was the one who made me see the doctors and get my health under control. He (this is part of the micro managing I've mentioned I need) made sure that I took care of myself in all ways. When my husband would switch my meds for his amusement it was R that helped me figure that out. When my husband made up entire conversations, saying that 'I just couldnt remember because of my fibro fog' it was R that kept me seeing the truth. There is a lot more, an awful lot of hell that doesn't matter now. But R walked me through my divorce and kept me strong. Next winter I will have belonged to him for 8 years. I'm moving to his area. Heh eventually. I'm still struggling to pull my house together. I do not regret stepping out of my marriage. Cheating on my husband. What ever words you want to use, I don't regret it. Living with him was sucking the life out of me and it wasn't fair that I needed something he simply could not give. Now it turns out we are the best of friends as people not married to each other. Dang this was a LOT more than I intended to write but it is such a small amount of words compared to the reality.

LadyPact -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 11:50:07 AM)
I have to twist the OP just a bit, because of My own situation. I put this in two catagories. The first is that I would not take a married person as a submissive. I would not be able to consider them "Mine" if they really already belonged to someone else. I'm saying that just based on My own theories and even if they could meet all of My requirements (i.e. full disclosure, talking with the SO in detail of what the activities will include, etc.). The second, is that I see it a bit differently from a Top/bottom situation where no sex is included. That I can participate in (the above mentioned requirements fulfilled, of course) without an issue. However, if they can't be, I have no desire to participate in the activity. For the record, I'm very much in the camp of the "cheating is the dishonesty/hiding the activity" theory. If you have to lie about it or hide it, there's obviously something in the content that is wrong. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any reason not to tell the truth, would there?

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:10:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: minta i am married but not to my Daddy and no my husband doesnt know...my Daddy is also married and his wife does not know...we have been together for almost 2 years. i talk to him almost every day, i have hourly rules to adhere to and i get to see him once or twice a week.... i hope not to many people blast me for writting this but....my husband andi were in the life together for a number of years, i made it very clear to him who and what i was when we met and all was fine until one day he decided to stop, just stop everything. and informed me that i was going to stop as well. i tried for a few years to forget who i was and put it behind me or just plain ignor it but as we all know thats just not possible. having Daddy in my life has believe it or not helped my marriage, like i said blast me if you have the need to but this is the best decision i could have made for myself and my family. this is not meant to blast you but......... good luck with your family! your daddy's family! and the other two people you will be hurting when they find out about the affair you and your daddy are having ... not only wil this destroy your FAMILY but the lives of two other people...I was one of the other two and found out about the cheating and lies....... and yes i demanded a DIVORCE! .....Good luck to you, your daddy and both FAMILES!!

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:12:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I have to twist the OP just a bit, because of My own situation. I put this in two catagories. The first is that I would not take a married person as a submissive. I would not be able to consider them "Mine" if they really already belonged to someone else. I'm saying that just based on My own theories and even if they could meet all of My requirements (i.e. full disclosure, talking with the SO in detail of what the activities will include, etc.). The second, is that I see it a bit differently from a Top/bottom situation where no sex is included. That I can participate in (the above mentioned requirements fulfilled, of course) without an issue. However, if they can't be, I have no desire to participate in the activity. For the record, I'm very much in the camp of the "cheating is the dishonesty/hiding the activity" theory. If you have to lie about it or hide it, there's obviously something in the content that is wrong. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any reason not to tell the truth, would there? 100% right Lady :)

Aileen68 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:13:49 PM)
From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all.

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:18:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages.............

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:32:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 If I'm not getting into a relationship with them and/or I don't know their husband, I really don't give a fuck. As long as it doesn't effect me, why should I care. As long as it does'nt affect You!!! no disrespect intended....... but thats the problem with this world!! if it does'nt affect YOU ! fuck it! don't worry about the familes it destroys..................

Aileen68 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:38:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages............. I wasn't replying to you. I was replying to the OP. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder and a moral highground to maintain. Have a nice day.

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:47:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages............. I wasn't replying to you. I was replying to the OP. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder and a moral highground to maintain. Have a nice day. the chip on my shoulder is because of the people who do cheat and DESTROY lives/familes....... and yes i guess i do have highground morals :) you have a nice day.... mine is wonderful ........:))

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 12:50:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages............. I wasn't replying to you. I was replying to the OP. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder and a moral highground to maintain. Have a nice day. the chip on my shoulder is because of the people who do cheat and DESTROY lives/familes....... and yes i guess i do have highground morals :) you have a nice day.... mine is wonderful ........:)) and btw i was not directing that to YOU ....... i was sinply making a comment on your comment..................smiling

Aileen68 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 1:06:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages............. I wasn't replying to you. I was replying to the OP. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder and a moral highground to maintain. Have a nice day. the chip on my shoulder is because of the people who do cheat and DESTROY lives/familes....... and yes i guess i do have highground morals :) you have a nice day.... mine is wonderful ........:)) and btw i was not directing that to YOU ....... i was sinply making a comment on your comment..................smiling Actually, when you quote someone it's pretty logical to assume that you're directing your comment to them. If you read my original reply, I said nothing positive about getting involved with someone married. You assume an affair based on your reaction to me and your replies to a few others before me. There was an edge of hostility to your words. It can be a poly relationship or countless other scenarios that do not involve cheating. All I said was that getting involved with someone who is married will most likely mean that their time and emotions directed towards you will probably be limited. You will experience all kinds of lifestyles here on these boards. You may not agree with all of it. And you may find that your assumptions based on your life experiences may not be accurate here...or they may. People will call you on it if they feel like it.

solia -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 1:42:08 PM)
Interesting question alena. Just what is cheating anyway? There's the traditional, he's sleeping with another woman, she's sleeping with another man. But what about cheating ourselves out of our own desires? Or being cheated out of our desires. I'm not condoning being dishonest about it. Talk to your partner and be open to each other's needs. For me, my ex couldn't fulfill my desires and he couldn't share me with another. That's not the only reason he's my ex though. Dishonesty is uncool and unsexy in all it's forms.

sweetbear61 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 4:59:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 From the other perspective...I've found that in comparison, married doms compared to single doms, the married doms tend to have much less time and consideration than the singles. They don't put themselves out there emotionally and they don't show any loyalty or any sense of committment. Of course that's to be expected from a married dom or sub. They are married, after all. So my question is............ why get involed with a married Dom/Master? or is it just a online game ... or real life meeting game ? it only destroys marriages............. I wasn't replying to you. I was replying to the OP. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder and a moral highground to maintain. Have a nice day. the chip on my shoulder is because of the people who do cheat and DESTROY lives/familes....... and yes i guess i do have highground morals :) you have a nice day.... mine is wonderful ........:)) and btw i was not directing that to YOU ....... i was sinply making a comment on your comment..................smiling Actually, when you quote someone it's pretty logical to assume that you're directing your comment to them. If you read my original reply, I said nothing positive about getting involved with someone married. You assume an affair based on your reaction to me and your replies to a few others before me. There was an edge of hostility to your words. It can be a poly relationship or countless other scenarios that do not involve cheating. All I said was that getting involved with someone who is married will most likely mean that their time and emotions directed towards you will probably be limited. You will experience all kinds of lifestyles here on these boards. You may not agree with all of it. And you may find that your assumptions based on your life experiences may not be accurate here...or they may. People will call you on it if they feel like it. ok...... i give! but like i said i wasnt directing my comment towards you ! i was simply replying to a comment...... sorry if i offended you........

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 5:05:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 As long as it does'nt affect You!!! no disrespect intended....... but thats the problem with this world!! if it does'nt affect YOU ! fuck it! don't worry about the familes it destroys.................. So I say again, why should I care? She or he is not my submissive and not directly involved in my life. If you're looking for a bleeding heart for the family of the submissive then you're most definitely barking up the wrong tree here. That family is going to be destroyed regardless of whether I care or not.

Kellendra -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 6:35:34 PM)
Nothing is ever black or white..those shades of grey can sure kick your arse though sometimes....

asubmissiveheart -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 6:54:40 PM)
I agree but many of us that are single, prefer to only deal with those that are also single. Even if their partner is aware of the involvement, that is a can of worms I would not care to open.

Babybass -> RE: Married subs (8/3/2007 6:57:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 quote: ORIGINAL: sweetbear61 As long as it does'nt affect You!!! no disrespect intended....... but thats the problem with this world!! if it does'nt affect YOU ! fuck it! don't worry about the familes it destroys.................. So I say again, why should I care? She or he is not my submissive and not directly involved in my life. If you're looking for a bleeding heart for the family of the submissive then you're most definitely barking up the wrong tree here. That family is going to be destroyed regardless of whether I care or not. Agree - it is not up to the 'innocent/outside' party to worry about the married sub/Dom's family - that guilt is all their own. if they are willing to risk destroying their family well then thats up to them. People do things for their own reasons - who are we to comment!

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.736328E-02