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RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 8:47:09 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAidan

I have a scenario that I would like some input from others on.  A male sub (non live-in) knows that part of his serving his Domme is weekly cleaning.  The last time he did it, he half-assed it and left stains on the laundry that weren't there before.  He is punished for this.  When messeged regarding his coming over to clean the next week, he uses yellow, one of his safewords (as in green, yellow, red) and says that he has a splitting headache and has had a long day at work and asks if it can be put off for the weekend, when he knows full well that his cleaning is supposed to be done during the week.  What would you do in this situation?

We'd have a sit down about his abuse of a safe word.  We'd discuss him being on probation.  We'd also discuss my options to dismiss him if he doesn't get his shit together. 

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 8:49:06 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAidan

Lol, my pleasure, I was glad to get rid of mine as well.  Sadly, this kind of behavior was the norm with him.  He has since been released, yes.  Guess I was just starting to have guilt pangs (I can be too damn nice sometimes) and wanted to see what others would do in that situation.

The only guilt to carry is that you allowed it to happen a second time!  Ramp up the corrective action on unacceptable behaviors.

A safe word isn't for him to use to get out of doing shit.  It's for his physical or psychological protection from harm.  It's not a "psych card" like the military used to give out so that asshole privates could get out of being yelled at by an officer!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 9:10:14 PM   
DrPleasure


Posts: 74
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline 		Have sex with him.  He'll want to come over more often. :)

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 9:45:50 PM   
PrincessinLatex


Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPleasure

Have sex with him.  He'll want to come over more often. :)


OMG! That tickled me!

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If you are pervy and you know it, come visit me at ** Got Kink? **

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 9:47:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		SOunds like a breakdown of communication and understanding of expectations.  I am not prone to placing this all on the sub- what exactly did you do to train him and teach him good cleaning skills and communication of problems?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PrincessinLatex)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/1/2007 10:44:46 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		A safe word for laundry!

When do i start?!

Chores are chores, service should be done lovingly, or not at all.

Mystress allowed the use of the safe word "tampon" during the
physical surrender to Her requirements.

It was clearly understood however, that a well used "tampon"
was cause for dismissal.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 1:35:17 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Okay so here's how it works for me...who thinks safe words are pretty much only good for damage control...and I don't use them...it bugs me.

I got limits. They're clear. However, they are flexable if it means bettering Her life. If I have to let a male plumber tounge my ass for a couple of hrs to get the plumbing fixed while we're in a crunch then I'ma do it. If it's for shits and giggles during play I'ma likely be a tad pissed  but deal...thing is then She has to deal with the emotional reprecussions. That's the agreement. I can handle my shit if it's a better Her life kinda thing. I gotta have some help if it aint. And that's just me being clear about my needs.

As for cleaning...hahahaha! She'da laughed at me and found some rather uncomfortable thing to make me do the cleaning in...like heels or something girly. blah to that!

boi

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 2:06:37 AM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAidan

I have a scenario that I would like some input from others on.  A male sub (non live-in) knows that part of his serving his Domme is weekly cleaning.  The last time he did it, he half-assed it and left stains on the laundry that weren't there before.  He is punished for this.  When messeged regarding his coming over to clean the next week, he uses yellow, one of his safewords (as in green, yellow, red) and says that he has a splitting headache and has had a long day at work and asks if it can be put off for the weekend, when he knows full well that his cleaning is supposed to be done during the week.  What would you do in this situation?


Hire a maid. You will get better service if you pay for it or if you actually give him some thing in return that qualifies the equal amount of hardship on his end.


< Message edited by naughtynick81 -- 8/2/2007 2:12:14 AM >

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 7:43:56 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Hire a maid. You will get better service if you pay for it or if you actually give him some thing in return that qualifies the equal amount of hardship on his end.



I'm not normally a name caller but you're Retarded right? cuz Happy and Sleepy are hangin out at the bar.

(in reply to naughtynick81)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 7:56:59 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think that's retarded at all. I find that if I simply want domestic service it's better done by people who aren't all emotionally tied up in my shit and where there's no spillover. I find that it "costs" more to have it done by "service slaves" -- having it done as an aspect of service by my personal slave is pie, but this isn't someone local to me at the moment. He'd get it right, someone who supposedly just comes around once in a while to clean is best paid.



(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 7:59:25 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value.

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 8:22:24 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value.


No, they're not. But you know...I find that inevitably there's a little drift with someone who really insists it's "just about service to me"  - I have become circumspect of the idea that anyone's that altruistic, and I'd much rather know what they want in return than having to sniff it out or find it out when they get sullen because I'm not giving it to them and ought to know. FWIW I'm talking about real time as well, just people who spend more time than ideal in different cities.

I guess what I mean is that I agree "services like cleaning are not based in emotional value" - more like "should not necessarily be but often ARE" - which is where paying someone comes in, easier.



< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 8/2/2007 8:24:43 AM >

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 8:32:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value.

We don't know that.  Perhaps the dom isn't holding up to their expectations and the sub doesn't know how to respond properly and so acts out badly.  Perhaps the dom isn't training properly and then placing the blame on the sub when it's not "right."

While it certainly is possible that this is a case of a loser sub who is playing around, there are many other valid possibilities as well. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:10:08 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I had one that did the same thing...every week a new excuse
as to why he couldnt fulfill his duties.

I give 3 chances after that you are gone with the wind...

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:30:27 AM   
MissAidan


Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, now that I am awake,lol...
I taught him from the start to come to me with any problem or concern or if he just needed someone to talk to.  I made sure that he knew he could come to me, knew that I wanted open and honest lines of communication.  He struggled with this, quite a bit, to the point the point where it was the other part of the reason for his release.  With cleaning, it is something he enjoies!  He is one of those slightly odd folk who actually like cleaning and vacuming and doing dishes and such.  That I will never truely understand.  His cleaning skills were top notch.  Lack of communication on his part caused the eventual breakdown in the quality of his cleaning as well.  It was note purely a service relationship either.  There were play sessions, though no sexual activity envolved, there was training in areas he struggles with such as basic manners, and there was helping him find the courage to get out and meet people in the local community, something he confessed he didn't have the courage to do on his own.  All I can say in hindsight is that I wish I had been able to see that he was decieving me every time he promised to communicate openly with me.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:38:19 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		o
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAidan

Ok, now that I am awake,lol...
I taught him from the start to come to me with any problem or concern or if he just needed someone to talk to.  I made sure that he knew he could come to me, knew that I wanted open and honest lines of communication.  He struggled with this, quite a bit, to the point the point where it was the other part of the reason for his release.  With cleaning, it is something he enjoies!  He is one of those slightly odd folk who actually like cleaning and vacuming and doing dishes and such.  That I will never truely understand.  His cleaning skills were top notch.  Lack of communication on his part caused the eventual breakdown in the quality of his cleaning as well.  It was note purely a service relationship either.  There were play sessions, though no sexual activity envolved, there was training in areas he struggles with such as basic manners, and there was helping him find the courage to get out and meet people in the local community, something he confessed he didn't have the courage to do on his own.  All I can say in hindsight is that I wish I had been able to see that he was decieving me every time he promised to communicate openly with me.


Hindsight is always 20-20.
I have learned from the past and will try to not repeat it.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:46:13 AM   
MissAidan


Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		Looking on the bright side, at least I've learned a lot from all this, and I can hope that he did to.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:48:35 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i think i have the ultimate excuse for "not" using a safe word...haven't been put in a situation where i needed to




_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:55:26 AM   
MissAidan


Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thats the best excuse for it!  Guess you haven't been asked to do the dishes, huh, lol. :P

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Safewords and excuses - 8/2/2007 10:56:46 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		that's what the dishwasher's for, Ma'am




_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MissAidan)
Profile   Post #: 40
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