territorial behavior

territorial behavior (Full Version)

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MrsDiablo -> territorial behavior (8/1/2007 10:11:04 PM)
This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong.

MsLilac -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 12:40:48 AM)
Hi there, I have to say that I would find that disrespectful also, and I don’t think you are wrong in feeling that. I openly admit that I am very territorial, doesn’t mean I will act upon my impulsions though. Have you contacted the Domme yet?

adoracat -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 12:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrsDiablo This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong. chatting is one thing. Sir has no problems with me chatting with anyone. but if i were asked about compatibility? that's someone who doesnt respect my relationship with Sir, and is trying to undermine it to lure me away. i have "friends only" marked on my profile, and i still get those sorts of emails occasionally kitten, who in those cases is allowed to be as rude as she wishes

BoiJen -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 1:40:44 AM)
Okay okay okay...I have the same thing going on for me in that I like making friends and all but I turn down any open requests for those looking for more. I'm pretty clear about that. The Lady is territroial. And I really like that. Those who get to know me tend to ask if there are any more where I come from. And when I tell Her this She gets a little testy at first and then She grins for a while saying stuff like "yer Mine...all Mine...hahahaha!" and does a little kitten wiggle while She celebrates a little more. Makes me feel really good about myself actually. So what if you want what's your's not to be approached and feel something about it. As a domme that's your choice.

MaamJay -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 2:11:39 AM)
I would feel that was rather rude too. I have a new fem sub under consideration, and while I am encouraging her to make other friends, it's hands off as far as anyone else asking about compatability etc. Good on your boy for alerting you to this. I would drop a nice but firm note to the other Domme clarifying Your position regarding Your sub and politely requesting she limit her communication to chit-chat only. Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MissOchistic -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 2:52:48 AM)
Agreed with above posters. I talk with plenty of men and women as friends or simply good conversation, and I'm not offended when one wishes to stop speaking after hearing that I am owned and collared. However, when they act like they can change my mind or pursue it after they know better, it crosses into disrespect, and the friendly chit chat is over.

earthycouple -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 4:56:32 AM)
'Baaaa" I follow the masses on this one. Robert not only gave me his CM password but when a new email came through he didn't even read it without me at his side. When a local pro something or other emailed him inviting him (not me, not us) to an event I wrote and told her I thought that was wrong. She copped this hilariously funny attitude and told me I better watch myself because she doesn't tolerate my attitude. I couldn't help myself. I wrote her back and encouraged her to put me in my place....I never heard from her again. **I'll wind up dead in an alley in ten years and as I die....I won't be able to help thinking....was it, was it...oh no...it was her! RETRIBUTION*

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 5:01:34 AM)
Sorry to state the obvious, but Dominas love power and often will fight for the position of alpha female in the pack. Cruising other women's subs makes them feel very superior. Afterall, if the other Mistress was worth her salt, she would be able to "keep her dog on the porch". I have found that when you get a smart, handsome sub, unless he is an absolute newbie, he will have other Domme "friends" hanging around sending email, on MSN, texting etc. It is really important to assert yourself as the alpha female and direct your sub that he must tell the other women they need your permission to speak to him. That tends to make these other women throw a tantrum and disappear in a huff, which is what you want :) If your sub has a problem asking his female Domme friends to respect your wishes, you will have problems with your sub. Face power struggles like this head on. Its not jealousy or insecurity, it is exercising proper authority over your domain But in answer to the OP, you cannot expect other Dominants to automatically show you respect. You haven't done anything to earn it. Slapping down unwanted attempts to top you (by cruising your sub) will earn that respect. The only person you can dominate in the whole world is your own sub - nip the problem in the bud starting with him.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 6:48:46 AM)
In what way is it territorial to expect others to respect the boundaries of your relationship? If I had a boyfriend or a husband and a woman started cruising him to see if he was available, I'd be ... um ... rightly upset. Same goes here. Once people become "taken" they seem to attract the covetousness of others. Maybe it's the forbidden fruit thing, maybe it's, as MsC noted, the enticement of taking down someone else's sub. It seems like devolved behavior to me. Feh. MSS

MHOO314 -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 7:40:42 AM)
*Wow, I have started this three times and erased it because it iwasn't what I felt--ok I DO have a tad of a jealous streak--however, here is where I stand on this issue--* I greatly respect a relationship---collared or not--so much so that I would not a while back engage in a vanilla relationship with a man ( who is also a sub) who was serving another Mistress ( 1. I respect the relationship and 2. My Domina side doesn't start and stop)-----although I do not need log ins and passwords ( I have an UM and chasing one set is enough) I DO expect to know who one is chatting with, and what is the relationship. When we are engaged in the evaluation period, I do NOT expect other Dominas to come flitting about like the sirens from the underworld and I do expect the submissive to let them and Me know what is what---nor do I expect the submissive to be playing the seeking game---however, if I have not made a clear indication of My interest than all is fair game. *In your scenario, its back off Barbie! You have every right to feel territorial.*

cloudboy -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 8:30:56 AM)
Friendship across the gender divide is complicated. a. What does one do with his or her attractions? b. Is the other really content being a friend? c. The limitation of friendship dulls the imagination and desires. d. Irrational jealousies. These are but just a few of the issues.

cloudboy -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 8:51:04 AM)
There's another school of thought too, which is that if you have to control your sub's devotion to you, you don't really have it. To ramble a little bit, I think flirtation is a healthy thing --- long as you keep it harmless and innocent. (Seems like an oxymoron, I know.) We all need to know we are both desirable and "have game." This is just crucial to our self esteem. Flirtation too, can lead friendship. I've always had the attitude of "the better man" with my wife. If she can find one who makes her happier, she has my blessing. I firmly believe that when you are with your significant other, you attention should be on her (or him, as the case may be.) Lastly, my Mistress and I got into a CM password conflict this past spring. I told her I wanted to keep the account private b/c when I speak to others here, sometimes I am seeking or need confidential advice. Like everyone else, I have relationship issues. Everything isn't perfect all the time. Poly is especially complicated. If my Mistress were looking over my shoulder, then I would simply censor myself, partly defeating the purpose of my place here. Anyway, about two plus years have gone by and everything's been fine. Odd things can happen here, like a professed Uber-Dom turning into an "owned slave." Don't ask me to explain it, but we just can't control the strange ways of the world.

Lashra -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 8:54:53 AM)
No your not wrong but the other Domme is. She's trying to move in on your slave it sounds like, although she could just want to be friends but if that was the case then she should have contacted you to inquire if that was alright. I know I wouldn't be happy if some Domme started messing with my sub, but then again my sub would tell her in a nice way to fuck off. [;)] ~Lashra

MistressSassy66 -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 9:31:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrsDiablo This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong. Personally I dont think Your wrong at all. I feel its rude to do such a thing. But then again I can be territorial with My special submissives. So maybe I'm just overeacting also...though I doubt it.

Grlwithboy -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 10:03:14 AM)
quote: But in answer to the OP, you cannot expe quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy There's another school of thought too, which is that if you have to control your sub's devotion to you, you don't really have it. To ramble a little bit, I think flirtation is a healthy thing --- long as you keep it harmless and innocent. (Seems like an oxymoron, I know.) We all need to know we are both desirable and "have game." This is just crucial to our self esteem. Flirtation too, can lead friendship. I've always had the attitude of "the better man" with my wife. If she can find one who makes her happier, she has my blessing. I firmly believe that when you are with your significant other, you attention should be on her (or him, as the case may be.) Lastly, my Mistress and I got into a CM password conflict this past spring. I told her I wanted to keep the account private b/c when I speak to others here, sometimes I am seeking or need confidential advice. Like everyone else, I have relationship issues. Everything isn't perfect all the time. Poly is especially complicated. If my Mistress were looking over my shoulder, then I would simply censor myself, partly defeating the purpose of my place here. Anyway, about two plus years have gone by and everything's been fine. Odd things can happen here, like a professed Uber-Dom turning into an "owned slave." Don't ask me to explain it, but we just can't control the strange ways of the world. We may be separated at birth - this is where I clock in. If someone was trying to "steal" him I'd simply find it amusing - if she actually could, I'd check for snow in hell.

LaTigresse -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 11:48:44 AM)
I like that reply best! I would be upset with myself and my girl more than the other dominant, if she could be stolen.

Ericus1 -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 2:36:28 PM)
Just a quick observation: as a male sub i gotalot more emails from Dommes when my profile said i was collared. I am not sure why that happened. But i always thought it was disrespectful to my Mistress and always directed the other domme to contact my Mistress. ericus

MistresssAria -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 4:31:24 PM)
I think the other Domme is being rude.......if she would like to talk to your sub, she should contact you for permission.

Majik -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 5:02:28 PM)
I have no problems with my sub 'talking' to others...be it Dom or sub. I do not have his login or password. I trust him and he always tells me who he gets messages from. If something happened like commented on by the OP I would step in and send the Domme in question a polite message to back off. =]

MisPandora -> RE: territorial behavior (8/2/2007 5:14:28 PM)
I'm sorry to say, but It's no different than in vanilla life when a guy (or gal) with a ring on gets flirted with by someone else (and they DID see the ring.) Set up guidelines for him as for what to do when these things occur. In my opinion, not engaging at all would be one option. The other, a simple reply that he is owned and is permitted to learn and grow within the confines of his relationship with you. Outsiders inquiring on his training and behavior should kindly mind their own business!

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