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Why is it? - 8/2/2007 8:41:25 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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I was talking to an ex play partner of mine the other day. He wanted to see me again but i told him Master does not allow me to see old play partners. He got kinda upset and said it is like you let him control who you see. I told him I DO He said what gives him the right? I told him i do i gave him that right went i accepted his collar. He said so it is a game upi play? I said no it is my life.

Now to my question why is it that people who are not in the lifestyle refuse to understand the lifestyle? Also why do they think it is a game?

Matt's littleone

Post #: 1

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 8:44:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I don't think he refuses to understand the lifestyle. Plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle would suggest that your master is being an insecure loser to not let you see ANY ex's under ANY circumstances. A lot of people *IN* the lifestyle would say that it's a sign that he can't trust you or that you can't trust yourself.

And plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle are playing a heck of a lot of games with eachother.

So really, his questions seem completely reasonable from his perspective.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 2

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 8:49:18 AM

Babybass

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
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People outside the lifestyle don't try to understand it - and probably a lot of people who claim to be in the lifestyle don't actually understand it either. They tend to take the view that its all about sex - that there is nothing more to it - and that people in the lifestyle are really promiscuous! They think its a game for that reason - and they cannot understand how someone could submit/be a slave/dominate someone they love! Generally the relationships are seen to be based on sex and kink and not actual emotion - that there cannot be a bond between master and slave and that therefore it is something they only play at!

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 3

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 8:57:09 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Really depends what you mean by 'see' - do you mean 'see' as in have coffee - or 'see' as in with the expectation to play.

If it's the latter, then yeah - if you are in a monogamous relationship and it's all agreed upon then the ex play partner just has to accept the facts.

If it's the first, then it would appear reasonable to me for someone to question as to why. Does your partner not trust you? Is there more to it? Is there insecurities? Why not even meet halfway and bring your Master along and all meet for coffee together if the relationship is that important.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 4

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 9:09:27 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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They don't refuse to understand the lifestyle they are just looking at it from their perspective, to them it IS a game, nothing more, nothing less.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 5

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 9:35:02 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
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Darcy and the dark i should have clafiried myself. It is see in expect play.

To the others Master in not insecure far from it in fact. He loves me and i love him. That is just the way it is.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 6

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 11:33:06 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
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I had another sub once tell me to stand up to my man/Dom.... made me chuckle!

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 7

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 12:21:14 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Well, my Master is a pretty secure individual. And he too would not allow me to meet/have coffee with/entertain/you call it what you will any ex-partners of mine. I am NOT told I can't go to munches, gather in groups of people even if he may be a part of that group or anything else. I simply can't visit, one on one with the man.

If I was vanilla and married and my husband said I couldn't go have lunch with or whatever with an old boyfriend, I wouldn't go then either.

It's not about isolating anyone. It's about my Master being in charge of me and making the rules. And if an old boyfriend - that I still considered my friend can't see that, then that's on him. No one said he can't approach my Master in friendship - with his girl - and develop some sort of relationship with him in such a way that we all can be friends. Other than that, I'm not going to go against someone I've pledged my life to (honor, fielty, service, etc). It's that simple.

In addition, the very fact that he argued with you, in effect, diminished your relationship by calling it a "game", and tried to put himself above the man you're collared to says a lot right there, and may be the real reason your Master has this rule in place.

I know it's irritating to a lot of women when the men in their lives badmouth someone they've called a friend, and it irritates me at times too, but more often than not, men see the games men are playing, even while the women don't yet. It's the same thing that happens when women catch on real quickly to the women who are "hunting" faster than the men who are being hunted.

I had to do the same thing in my life littleone and my former play partner tried this. I tried to find a way around this rule without violating it. Then I noticed that in public functions, he was always touching me, tugging my hair, etc...and I realized that my Master was exactly correct. That's when I stopped questioning and that was that.

It's only been recently that my former play partner has begun talking to my Master. As a result, I am freerer to engage in conversations with him as well. I'm glad. I miss the friendship I had with this person, but if he was being disrespectful to my Master, I wasn't participating in that. Bottom line is that I'm not going to go against my Master for anything or anyone. I even told my folks that if THEY have a problem with me being with him and I heard one derogatory thing from them about him, I'd walk away from them too.I meant it for them. I mean it for everyone else too.

I've discovered that when I wasn't willing to take a stand, I was in effect, giving everyone else permission to treat me whatever way they wanted and when I tried to make everyone happy, the person in my life that mattered most - wasn't. So now...no divided loyalties. I belong with who I belong with and that's that. And it's not an indication of insecurity for him to make this decision or for me to decide to follow it. It's not abuse or any other negative thing. It's just what is.

I am owned by SirRobert and I don't know what else needs to be considered.

juliet

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 8

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 12:40:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I don't suggest it necessarily IS an insecurity issue- simply that for many that's what it involves, and it's a very legitimate perspective to have. There are tons of rules that my slave friends have that make me shake my head and they know I think they are aliens. And I've been an owned slave!

We don't really have to understand how/why things work for others, we just have to accept that they do and wish them well. I know with my slave friends that ANY of our conversations can be subject to scrutiny by their owners at any time. I know that any time we have together is at their masters blessing and can be taken away at any time. As long as you accept and respect the dynamic that IS in place, the why/how of it is fairly irrelevant to anyone except those involved (even then it can be meaningless to a certain extent).

My point was more that Little shouldn't get upset for someone else not understanding the why/how of her relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 9

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 12:57:31 PM

phoenixxy

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/14/2007
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Not quite the same but my Master has His ex staying at the moment, although they were in a vanilla relationship and I know he isnt cheating i still feel very jealous right now, just because she is there with Him and i am not, she is staying in our house while im at work. :(

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:07:33 PM

sweetNsmartBBW

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
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"Now to my question why is it that people who are not in the lifestyle refuse to understand the lifestyle? Also why do they think it is a game? "

Actually, since you are obviously still friendly enough with the ex-play partner to chatting -and for him to want to be meeting with you- my suggestion would be to ask him those very questions. We can sit here and surmise or theorize- but it really boils down to the fact that only your old friend can give you the insight you desire. Not all people outside the lifestyle, or inside it for that matter, view things the same way.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 11

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:14:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixxy
Not quite the same but my Master has His ex staying at the moment, although they were in a vanilla relationship and I know he isnt cheating i still feel very jealous right now, just because she is there with Him and i am not, she is staying in our house while im at work. :(

On the other hand, try and think of what a gracious and wonderful hostess you can be while she is there and to show that her ex is in fabulous hands with a home filled with comfort and happiness and can provide such for guests as well. Feel grateful they can continue to have a positive relationship with eachother and you don't have to deal with drama or fights or tension.

Unless she's an ungrateful bitch who is trying to take your person away from you. Then you act happier than you've ever been, more gracious than you've ever been and silently count the hours away.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 12

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:24:09 PM

southernstyle

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsmartBBW

"Now to my question why is it that people who are not in the lifestyle refuse to understand the lifestyle? Also why do they think it is a game? "

I wish someone could provide a real HONEST answer to this question because I have, on a couple of occasions, attempted to explain the lifestyle of my choice to friends...once to a married couple who are also swingers, and once to a man I was dating that I thought had some dominant tendencies. However, the single man thought it was a big joke. I don't know if this was his way of throwing up walls thinking he needed to protect himself from me or what.

When I attempted to explain things to the married couple, I really felt because they are die hard swingers that they would be a bit more open minded and even understand a bit. Unfortunately, they spent the rest of our conversation trying to talk me out of what they thought was a dangerous situation. The first words out of their mouths were.."OMG..you mean you are into whips and needles?"...<smile> I will admit that needle play is nothing I am interested in, for personal reasons. However <WG> if I had said, "Why yes, I do like whips"..lol..I suspect our friendship would have ended on the spot. So I simply shook my head, said no, and that they didn't know as much as they thought they did. The conversation, as far as my part of it was concerned, was pretty much over. They were too busy speculating about all of the abuse they thought I was exposing myself too..<smile>..silly people.

I think there have been so many negative things said and written about BDSM that when vanilla people hear it mentioned they automatically start to have visions of abuse. What they do not stop and realize is that if there is abuse going on, in any form, it is between consenting adults...that apparently, the one on the receiving end went in search of that treatment, and the One providing it was just too happy to oblige. I use the word abuse because that seems to be what vanilla individuals consider it...I meant no offense to anyone who might be reading this...

Ok..that is my two cents worth..SL

(in reply to sweetNsmartBBW)

Post #: 13

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:27:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Oh I guess it's because there are numerous vanillas I've outed myself to and they have no problems understanding my dynamics, or at least accepting that they may not understand but respect it for what it brings to me.

I find simply living a happy life is what matters most- that shows everyone what they need to know.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to southernstyle)

Post #: 14

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:40:17 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

my goodness LA i don't know how you do it. Almost every answer i see from you are answers i wish i could come up with and say as well as you do. i could almost be your mother and yet your answers are so much better than i'm able to come up with. Either you have lived one heck of a life or you've had some wonderful influences in your life

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 1:58:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Why thanks Joy. I sincerely appreciate that and hope you continue to find good stuff around here.

I think the answer to your question is both :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to liljoy)

Post #: 16

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 2:26:27 PM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

i wouldnt have been able to say this anybetter myself i totaly agree becouse i have been threw this a few times with just friends who are not even in the lifesytle just vaniilla friends whos boyfriends dont want me to be around them when they are not htere and stuff like that

ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't think he refuses to understand the lifestyle. Plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle would suggest that your master is being an insecure loser to not let you see ANY ex's under ANY circumstances. A lot of people *IN* the lifestyle would say that it's a sign that he can't trust you or that you can't trust yourself.

And plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle are playing a heck of a lot of games with eachother.

So really, his questions seem completely reasonable from his perspective.

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 6:45:06 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I personally find people with in the lifesyle a lot less tolerant of other people wants and desire then i do the vanilla world.

It is just disrespectful in both vanllia and the lifestyle for a person to chase or ask some one they KNOW is in a relationship to play with them/date them ect. Then have the nerve to question your realtionship and belittle you because you dont give them what they wanted ... not the type i would want in my life no matter if he understood the lifestyle or not.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 18

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 7:04:52 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't think he refuses to understand the lifestyle. Plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle would suggest that your master is being an insecure loser to not let you see ANY ex's under ANY circumstances. A lot of people *IN* the lifestyle would say that it's a sign that he can't trust you or that you can't trust yourself.

And plenty of people *IN* the lifestyle are playing a heck of a lot of games with eachother.

So really, his questions seem completely reasonable from his perspective.

Agreed. The only people (ex or otherwise) I'm not allowed to see are ones that were emotionally abusive or very clearly used me. Otherwise, he lets me decide who I will and will not see and only steps in when my seeing a person causes me negative effects I'm am unwilling to see. Even then, banning me from seeing them is a very last resort.

Even being in the lifestyle, most of us encounter relationships and practices that make us shake our head and go "What the hell are they thinking". And honestly, I don't see what is so insulting about non-lifestyle folks thinking it's a type of sexual game. Not every transgender person agrees with the phrase "I'm a woman in a man's body", but in some cases it really doesn't serve any purpose to hammer what you really believe in their head.

As long as he is respectful of your relationship from now on, does it really matter why he thinks you are doing it?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Why is it? - 8/2/2007 7:06:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Darcy and the dark i should have clafiried myself. It is see in expect play.

To the others Master in not insecure far from it in fact. He loves me and i love him. That is just the way it is.

Matt's littleone

That does change things. For plenty of people play is a sexual thing that would break monogamy and he should respect that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 20

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