Satyr6406
Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline
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I HAD to respond to this because it struck a few chords ...
quote:
ORIGINAL: southernstyle
I wish someone could provide a real HONEST answer to this question because I have, on a couple of occasions, attempted to explain the lifestyle of my choice to friends...once to a married couple who are also swingers, and once to a man I was dating that I thought had some dominant tendencies. However, the single man thought it was a big joke. I don't know if this was his way of throwing up walls thinking he needed to protect himself from me or what.
I remember the first time a young lady told me: "Oh, you're a dominant, alright.". I was pissed! How dare she! Every male I had met (to that point) that claimed the title of "Dominant" was, in my mind, a horrible example of what a loving, caring partner was supposed to be. I was insulted. It was like she had slapped me in the face. I didn't want to be one of those. Well, the good news is: I'm not but, I am, very much a dominant.
quote:
ORIGINAL: southernstyle
When I attempted to explain things to the married couple, I really felt because they are die hard swingers that they would be a bit more open minded and even understand a bit. Unfortunately, they spent the rest of our conversation trying to talk me out of what they thought was a dangerous situation. The first words out of their mouths were.."OMG..you mean you are into whips and needles?"...<smile> I will admit that needle play is nothing I am interested in, for personal reasons. However <WG> if I had said, "Why yes, I do like whips"..lol..I suspect our friendship would have ended on the spot. So I simply shook my head, said no, and that they didn't know as much as they thought they did. The conversation, as far as my part of it was concerned, was pretty much over. They were too busy speculating about all of the abuse they thought I was exposing myself too..<smile>..silly people.
This isn't all that weird. Being swingers doesn't make them people that understand our relationship dynamic. As a matter of fact, many of the swingers I know are pretty much "equal partners" (and, in a lot of cases, it was the lady that "ran the show" but the couple didn't identify that as a dynamic.). I would hasten to suggest that if you believe that they would be that judgemental of you, they aren't really your friends. I don't think real friends judge us. They may not entirely support EVERYTHING we do but, they don't "judge and dismiss".
quote:
ORIGINAL: southernstyle
I think there have been so many negative things said and written about BDSM that when vanilla people hear it mentioned they automatically start to have visions of abuse. What they do not stop and realize is that if there is abuse going on, in any form, it is between consenting adults...that apparently, the one on the receiving end went in search of that treatment, and the One providing it was just too happy to oblige. I use the word abuse because that seems to be what vanilla individuals consider it...I meant no offense to anyone who might be reading this...
I agree with this statement, whole-heartedly. There is a lot of negativty about this lifestyle floating around, out there. On those rare occasions when the mainstream media picks up on it, it's to sensationalize and sell more newspapers or advertising.
That's one of the reasons why I believe it behoves us, as a community, to live up to certain standards (give in, to a degree) that society holds dear. The marginal ones that we can take or leave. We, juts like any other group, have to assimilate without losing who we are. We need to present a positive public image in as much as we can and we need to police ourselves so that "the outside world" doesn't have to.
Peace and comfort,
Michael
_____________________________
Peace and comfort,
Michael
Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!
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RE: Why is it? - 
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