Where do you draw the line between "hard to get" and "mission impossible"? (o.O)

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Where do you draw the line between "hard to get" and "mission impossible"? (o.O)

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Where do you draw the line between "hard to get&qu... - 8/3/2007 4:48:24 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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There are some who thrill for the chase, and others who chase for the thrill.

There are some who will show an interest, flirt, and remain playfully just beyond reach. But they do not discourage you.

And then there are those who watched "Red Sonja" once too often. Grab your sword and shield.

I noticed a statement in a profile the other day. It went something like this:

'Not everyone builds walls to keep people out ... some build walls to see who cares enough to break the walls down.'

And then there are some who are as addicted to wall-building as if they were hooked on heroin.

I've found both types tend to look pretty much alike at the beginning. It is only the lack of progress in the case of the latter that tips me off.

What wisdom can you shed on this matter?

on edit: correcting typos

< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 8/3/2007 4:53:05 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 5:30:50 AM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Bob

interesting ......

It's hard to be chased if you are not running though..
: )
But there is something to be said about being pursued...both from the pursuers and pursuees ( is that a word lol? ) point of view... its thrilling..exciting..challenging....heightens the senses..makes you put " your game on" ( hopefully not in a negative way ie player) ...the newness and banter..the dialogue..

But you can pursue and be pursued while dancing ( to use an example) or having a cup of cawfeeeeee lol...

guess it comes down to your preference on the "take down" ...

when I think of "chase and be chased " I think of the lion and the antelope...
predator and prey..
one is out to conqueor and devour the other is running scared and for their life..

so I know its symantics but ..are we talking about chasing or pursueing ?? I think it is about mindset. If one feels preyed upon they will likely bolt! Pursued > feels completely different, and will get a different reaction.... ( assuming we are talking about 2 mentally healthy individuals to begin with... )

walls> well
there are fortresses with moats around them LOL and then there are the walls of an igloo..
one meant to be impenetrable and one temporary and capable of melting under the right conditions..

how to know which "wall" you are faced with ?
( because I think we all have our various walls, certainly in the beginning of a "getting to know someone" phase...its human nature to have boundaries ( igloo walls ) at first..self preservation and all : )

for me, a good indication during the " getting to know phase" > is listening carefully> are there answers to my questions or are they responding to my questions with more questions?
...sarcasm is a big tip off to me...
flippant, evasive answers or replies > another clue..
are they engaged in the conversation or removed from it?
staying slightly ahead of my thoughts rather than engaged in the dialogue.. Do they talk around the point rather than getting to the point. Do their stories and words match-up..consistant over multiple conversations... Questions about other relationships ( family, friendships, romantic ones ) can give insight into their emotional availability and victim/predator mind-set ( or lack of hopefully ) .....
lots of tips and clues to see and feel if you are watching and listening..

Hope I understood your question..

Cyndi

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 2

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 5:40:34 AM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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I understand your question. I am not one of those Red Sonja chicks though, much to the delight of those around me. If I have no use for you, I pretty much tell you up front because that's fair. If I see in three weeks discrepancies showing or issues, I let you know. I have no desire to string you along for days on end only to say "uh, yeah, no thanks".

Those females that do, have more than dominance (or submission) to worry over. I venture to guess there are esteem issues at hand that make them feel better about themselves when being pursued even by someone incompatible. Or they are just wankers who get off on doing this sort of thing to us. I typically feel when it is a male sub doing this to me....he chickens out. That's my take.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Cyntilating)

Post #: 3

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 6:39:11 AM

MHOO314

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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I am with D, if you do not have what I seek, I tell you straight away or as soon as I know---(at times much to their argument)---I am very honest that to engage with Me, one must have patience---My life is active, I do not live it at the screen or on the cell--and the timetable is Mine not theirs -- I do not chase, never did, never will and I abhor someone I told was incompatible, chasing Me to plead his case.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 4

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 7:03:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Since I don't play or deal with people who play games like that, it's a fairly irrelevant question in my life.

I think the difference between someone who honestly wants to be "chased and held down" and someone who just wants to be chased and never caught is how they let you know they want to be chased at all. The timing, the heaviness, how much they talk about how "difficult" they are- I find the more they do that, the more they really want to be caught.

I'll get involved with someone difficult and who has walls IF I judge that there is a thread of steel within them that is not broken, that they sincerely want to change, and that I can genuinely provide them with the security they need for that change. If any of those things are missing, I pass by.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 5

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 7:47:45 AM

earthycouple

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LA...."thread of steel...not broken" I love that!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 7:53:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Thanks Earthy :) It's something I came to find very important in my relationships. There are some people who deal with a lot of shit in their lives, but no matter how battered, or quiet, or passive they seem, they still have this unbroken thread of steel inside that they just won't give up who they are, going for what they want, and trying to make the best of things.

In those cases, it's more an issue of unveiling the layers beneath, cleaning out all the nastiness life has piled on them and letting that thread grow.

For people where it's broken or doesn't exist, there's not much I can do for them. Hopefully some people have the will and strength to help them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 7

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 8:15:43 AM

sophia37

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Joined: 2/7/2006
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Geesh. Anybody who builds walls just to see if anyone notices or "cares enough" to break them down is really going to be in for a disapointing life. Whos got the time and energy to go after this type of "worthieness". For that is what the person is really saying. That I want you to see my worthiness thru it all. And that, you are SO worthy that I will jump any fence, climb any mountain, just to get to where you are.

Bah. Nobodys that worthy in my opinion. Or Im too old for those types of shenannigans. Its a crowded world out there. Lots of people to choose from these days what with the internet and all. I suggest when we meet people with those ground rules, that we try to pay attention to the conditons, then quickly pass it by.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 8:35:14 AM

GhitaAmati

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Joined: 5/30/2007
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Yea...seeing as how Im a chick I dont have to chase anyone, they all come running to me....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to sophia37)

Post #: 9

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 8:54:16 AM

MistressCass

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

2 weeks of conversation via any medium without a firm date to meet face to face.....or one no-show at a scheduled meeting time.....

I don't have time to tear down walls that require longer than that......just how my life is....

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 10

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 9:38:34 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Since I don't play or deal with people who play games like that, it's a fairly irrelevant question in my life.

I think the difference between someone who honestly wants to be "chased and held down" and someone who just wants to be chased and never caught is how they let you know they want to be chased at all. The timing, the heaviness, how much they talk about how "difficult" they are- I find the more they do that, the more they really want to be caught.

I'll get involved with someone difficult and who has walls IF I judge that there is a thread of steel within them that is not broken, that they sincerely want to change, and that I can genuinely provide them with the security they need for that change. If any of those things are missing, I pass by.

Thanks Lucky. That's very well said.

I'm with D: "thread of steel".

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 11:01:07 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I don't play the 'hard to get' game. If we are compatable and I am convinced she is a girl worth taking things forward with then she either wants to give herself to Me or not.... end of story. If not then don't waste My time, she should know whether she wants to or not by the time we have looked closely enough at compatability and met at least once.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 12

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 11:42:30 AM

Aileen68

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Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I am hard to get to people who do not appeal to me.
I'm very easy to get to the few who I find I have instant chemistry with.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 13

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 11:45:40 AM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Since I don't play or deal with people who play games like that, it's a fairly irrelevant question in my life.

I think the difference between someone who honestly wants to be "chased and held down" and someone who just wants to be chased and never caught is how they let you know they want to be chased at all. The timing, the heaviness, how much they talk about how "difficult" they are- I find the more they do that, the more they really want to be caught.

I'll get involved with someone difficult and who has walls IF I judge that there is a thread of steel within them that is not broken, that they sincerely want to change, and that I can genuinely provide them with the security they need for that change. If any of those things are missing, I pass by.

While not my exact thoughts their damn close!

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 3:05:55 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I am hard to get to people who do not appeal to me.
I'm very easy to get to the few who I find I have instant chemistry with.

LOL just what i was going to say. I dont play hard to get, I am eather imposable to get if Im not interested in you, or If I am interested in you I dont play games, it is apparent I am interested and we move foword... I dont much like game playing life is really to short!!

I had a friend who was very into playing hard to get, in high school she had a huge crush on a friend of ours but she was playing hard to get, he wasnt interested in playing and started dateing someone els, it was no fun for eather of us dealing with the depression and sadness my friend went through over loseing her high school crush aspecialy when she could have had him.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 15

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 3:44:40 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I noticed a statement in a profile the other day. It went something like this:

'Not everyone builds walls to keep people out ... some build walls to see who cares enough to break the walls down.'

And then there are some who are as addicted to wall-building as if they were hooked on heroin.

Yep. It's for emotional safety. Been there, can still go there, don't always realize it's happening. I have no numbers, no statistics, but it seems to be fairly prevalent in both subs and Doms.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 16

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 3:53:48 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

What wisdom can you shed on this matter?

It's much better to play "get it hard" than hard to get.

Okay, okay.. so they can't all be gems.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 17

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 7:27:18 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

What wisdom can you shed on this matter?

It's much better to play "get it hard" than hard to get.

Okay, okay.. so they can't all be gems.

Celeste

Yoikes!!!

...Tempting...

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 7:33:04 PM

RationalBohemian

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/14/2007
From: Seminole, FL
Status: offline

I'll play along until I get bored, then switch it around. The mechanics of desire are infinitely mutable.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Where do you draw the line between "hard to ge... - 8/3/2007 8:52:58 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I never saw Red Sonja as playing a game. The only man worthy of her was one who could defeat her in a fair fight. She stated it up front and repeatedly. It wasn't a game but a challenge - if you don't think you are worthy, don't waste the time.

I don't personally play games. But I do let men know up front that if they can't make me think, they just aren't worth my time.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 20

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