That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O)

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That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:09:07 AM

Bobkgin

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Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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I'm not going to ask how many times "your kink is insane" has been debated here. Any good discussion group will have its share of threads on this topic.

And while it was not my kinks that were criticized, I was surprised at the lack of perspective that drives such a statement.

If the meaning of "insanity" is based on averages, and considering the small percentage of the population engaging in bdsm-ish activities, we're all crazy.

(O.O)

I might just as well argue that sky-divers and rock-climbers are insane, given the risks they take.

What we do seems no different to me.

bdsm isn't about living up to the expectations of "sane" behaviour held by the average joe. It is about expressing individuality and stretching the envelope.

What is "insane" to you or to me is "living high on life" for someone else.

This is not to suggest that we shouldn't advocate safe practices for physical activities.

But the bdsm community has always had its share of armchair pyschiatrists who try to judge the morality (carefully disguised as concerns for mental health) of kinks and kinksters.

I prefer the old formulas of "live and let live" and "informed adult consent".

What say you?

Post #: 1

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:21:50 AM

Driver1961

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips His lid:

With respect.... What is your bitch? Did someone criticise you to motivate this thread? If so- in what context?

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(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 2

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:26:24 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

He dips His lid:

With respect.... What is your bitch? Did someone criticise you to motivate this thread? If so- in what context?

A couple of days ago an individual deemed me unworthy for conversation because I did not join in on the condemnation of a kink.

<shrug>

It crossed my mind that a general discussion on the topic of kink condemnation might benefit the collarme community at large.

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 3

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:31:53 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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Being comparative (negatively) in one's honesty in their thrills or rush is never productive. Best I can do is try to understand, if I don't, I drop it and leave out comment., to those that would understand. Besides, if we were all the same..nothing would even BE considered kinky lol.

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 4

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:33:43 AM

goddessAVA

Posts: 221
Joined: 11/2/2006
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Yes Yes Yes!!!!! as a devotee of heavy raunch play, breath play and extreme medical, I rarely get to discuss these subjects here. I do not want to advocate these acts, especially to the inexperienced, however I do like talking about them with others of like minds. While I am fairly thick skinned, I think there are others who are afraid to admit these desires here thus making them feel crazy and outcast for these thoughts. In my reality, the number one session request is not for bondage, spanking, foot worship-it is brown showers with forced bi as a close second.
just some ummmm food for thought

_____________________________

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cleaning out America's assholes one at a time

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 5

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:43:25 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips his lid

The boards are generally full of condemnation from all perspectives even among self-appointed Long term knowledgeable Lifestylers. If you read the varous posts here on the boards you will understand this. People will always have their perspectives and most people including even truly experienced Lifestylers will condemn and not justify their judgements. It's life unfortunately and part of Lifestyle also. Their is no homogeneousness to peoples brains.

Look to your own ethics, justify your comments if able to, but otherwise write off their narrow mindedness for they are simply not receptive to you words.

Simply- Be SMUG!

Warm regards from Sir Smuggy.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 6

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:46:22 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

A couple of days ago an individual deemed me unworthy for conversation because I did not join in on the condemnation of a kink.

<shrug>

It crossed my mind that a general discussion on the topic of kink condemnation might benefit the collarme community at large.

Forgive me for saying so, but I think a better discussion is how to be secure enough to ignore a few idiots without running to a public bulletin board for validation. And I'm not saying that just to you (I'm an equal opportunity offender, but you just happened to be the one that invited public comment)... there are WAY too many whines and complaints for my taste.

If you go through life waiting to be offended, sure as heck you'll find reason to be. And in my view, the community would benefit far more from a discussion about having a thick skin, some self-confidence, and a short memory.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 7

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:46:58 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: goddessAVA

Yes Yes Yes!!!!! as a devotee of heavy raunch play, breath play and extreme medical, I rarely get to discuss these subjects here. ... While I am fairly thick skinned, I think there are others who are afraid to admit these desires here thus making them feel crazy and outcast for these thoughts.

And I think that is how innocent kink gets tranformed into a psychological problem: rejection.

I find that if there is an absence of any other symptom of insanity (aside from the 'questionable' kink) then I refuse to judge the individual's mental balance based solely on the kink.

And really, if the individual is rejected for their kink by the community, where does the individual go from there? That the majority of a community do not choose a particular kink is no reason to shun those who do.

It's not like kink is a disease.

And a friendly, embracing community can have positive influence on all members, including those who gravitate towards the extremes.

Perhaps those who judge the morality of kinks are not so secure in their own practice?

(in reply to goddessAVA)

Post #: 8

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:47:03 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

MsAva/goddess:

I do understand that, the breath/medical discussions that you mention fit under my ideal of 'quite sexy and normal'. Others might call it unsafe and insane. What I do not understand is why, well ok, I Do understand why, does the comparason itself as a negative would be cause for someone to be giving such opinion (as OP refers to) for a personal agenda? ie: piping up to say 'that is nasty etc etc.', is it truly necessary? no, but people still do it. I answered my own question, why??? because (here,internet,anon) they can. sigh.

(in reply to goddessAVA)

Post #: 9

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:53:04 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

[Forgive me for saying so, but I think a better discussion is how to be secure enough to ignore a few idiots without running to a public bulletin board for validation.

Such as running to the board to whine about someone who ran to the board to whine?

(o.O)

I opened the topic with the thought it would be educational for some to hear a variety of view points on the subject.

But if I have no life in raising the topic, what of those who have nothing better to do than whine over the fact that I raised the topic?

(O.o)

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 10

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:53:24 AM

MistressSophia

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Correct you are Ava.. And each to their own taste. This life style is for those that don't want to play in side the box so to speak.. Don't we all seek out this life because vanilla has so much judgement to it. To many ready to lable us sick. Let us not do it to each other.. I say if they have a taste for the more spicey, You have the right to disagree. You even have the right not to partake. You don't have the right to judge.. We should all be able to speak freely ,enjoy our kink freely. Just might learn something about yourself..

_____________________________

A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!

(in reply to goddessAVA)

Post #: 11

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:54:29 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

Such as running to the board to whine about someone who ran to the board to whine?

(o.O)

I opened the topic with the thought it would be educational for some to hear a variety of view points on the subject.

But if I have no life in raising the topic, what of those who have nothing better to do than whine over the fact that I raised the topic?

(O.o)

Awwwww..... are you a professional victim, or just a gifted amateur?

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 8/3/2007 6:55:26 AM >

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 12

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:56:06 AM

aSlavesLife

Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline

I have seen my share of condemnation, especially in regards to owner/property relationships and captivity based slavery. The arguments presented rarely have anything to do with safety concerns, despite that being the premise they base their condemnation on. It usually boils down to " I don't like or want that, so no matter how safe you show it to be, I will never in a million years admit that my personal bias and not safety is the real reason for my condemnation of it. "

Owner of slave L

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It takes a village to raise an idiot.

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 13

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:03:31 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

[Forgive me for saying so, but I think a better discussion is how to be secure enough to ignore a few idiots without running to a public bulletin board for validation.

Such as running to the board to whine about someone who ran to the board to whine?

(o.O)

I opened the topic with the thought it would be educational for some to hear a variety of view points on the subject.

But if I have no life in raising the topic, what of those who have nothing better to do than whine over the fact that I raised the topic?

(O.o)

No offense, Bob. But I think people are already well equipped to whine on public bulletin boards. They do so many times a day. As for my comments, I prefer to consider them constructive and worth my time (I would not have commented if it were not worth my time).

As for you having no life, I have no way of knowing that. But I defer to you on the issue.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 14

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:14:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Actually this is one of the best sites I've been on which self polices and has moderates to really tone down on the "your kink is wrong" issue.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 15

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:18:09 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

No offense, Bob. But I think people are already well equipped to whine on public bulletin boards. They do so many times a day. As for my comments, I prefer to consider them constructive and worth my time (I would not have commented if it were not worth my time).

As I consider mine, John. That was the point of my comment to you. We all believe our viewpoints have validity.

And if someone cannot come here to post their concerns, and thus have the opportunity to hear other viewpoints, how are they to learn anything?

I'm betting collarchat is quite capable of deciding which topics are valid and which are not without the need to jump into a thread and say I think there is no point to it.

Some of us may actually be more confident in ourselves than you might think, and don't mind appearing a fool if it helps a novice learn something they'll value later (or better yet, reassure someone standing on the fringe of the community that there are those within it who do not judge them by their kink).

Compassion is such an easy gift to give.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
As for you having no life, I have no way of knowing that. But I defer to you on the issue.

And so you should, as I am an expert on me ;-)

Safe Journeys.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 16

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:21:01 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

[Forgive me for saying so, but I think a better discussion is how to be secure enough to ignore a few idiots without running to a public bulletin board for validation.

Such as running to the board to whine about someone who ran to the board to whine?

(o.O)

I opened the topic with the thought it would be educational for some to hear a variety of view points on the subject.

But if I have no life in raising the topic, what of those who have nothing better to do than whine over the fact that I raised the topic?

(O.o)

Interesting point here Bob, but I still consider that you are condemning others for their condemnation of you- like a schoolyard slap. You have not provided the full story (and probably can't for reasons of flaming) so I feel we are wasting time here. Be more positively productive as has been clearly previously stated rather than veiled vengfulness.

(Sincerely) Warm regards to a new poster that obviously will have some great future contributions.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 17

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:35:35 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Many times, people condemn what they do not understand. I know that I have been guilty of it myself and try to keep myself open to most things. When I cannot open myself up to some idea, then I look at the "whys" inside myself and then try to prove my "whys" right or wrong.

Of course, educating yourself about something and finding out that your "whys" are all wrong does not necessarily mean that your views on it change. You still may not like it and then can still be seen as condemning it. If you are guilty of doing so, then it is on you.

However, on that same side of the coin, I have heard those who say they don't like something and, despite what they have read, do not understand why other people do be accused of condemning it simply because they don't get it/don't like it/don't want to do it.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 18

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:41:30 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

As I consider mine, John. That was the point of my comment to you. We all believe our viewpoints have validity.

And if someone cannot come here to post their concerns, and thus have the opportunity to hear other viewpoints, how are they to learn anything?

Bob, I think you're being overly sensitive. I did not say that you (or anyone else) should not post your views or concerns. I offered what I considered to be a "better" discussion (a relative assessment).

That's the nature of public bulletin boards. People have differing opinions and share them. If you're under the misconception that you (or me, or anyone) can or should post here without public comment, good or bad, supportive or contrary, then allow me to disabuse you of that notion right now.

Please take a bit of your own advice, and "hear other viewpoints"... no one expects you to agree with them.

quote:

I'm betting collarchat is quite capable of deciding which topics are valid and which are not without the need to jump into a thread and say I think there is no point to it

There is no need for any of us to post about anything. You're making a specious argument intended to discourage the expression of views that contradict your own.

quote:

Some of us may actually be more confident in ourselves than you might think,

Confident people may engage in heated discussion and debate, but are not apprehensive about the mere existence and expression of differing opinions.

quote:

and don't mind appearing a fool if it helps a novice learn something they'll value later (or better yet, reassure someone standing on the fringe of the community that there are those within it who do not judge them by their kink).

You may be new here (a novice?), so you may not appreciate that judging other people's kinks isn't well tolerated. In other words, you're preaching to the choir. And my personal experience with real time communities is much the same, so I cannot help but wonder what community it is that you have a beef with. Perhaps that would be the place to preach.

quote:

Compassion is such an easy gift to give.

Compassion is great. Coddling is not.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 19

RE: That ol' "that kink is insane" refrain (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:42:20 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

Interesting point here Bob, but I still consider that you are condemning others for their condemnation of you- like a schoolyard slap. You have not provided the full story (and probably can't for reasons of flaming) so I feel we are wasting time here. Be more positively productive as has been clearly previously stated rather than veiled vengfulness.

I think what I've done is take an event that raised an issue I know to be relevant to the bdsm community, and I have turned it into a topic of conversation. I believe the emphasis of my OP was on the issue of tolerance for each other's kinks: a valid issue for conversation.

To feel vengeful I'd actually have to have an investment in the individual who had ended the discussion. Someone with whom I might have exchanged 20 letters over 36 hours or so.

(o.O)

Honest, Doc, I appreciate the armchair psychiatry, but you might want to check those assumptions before prescribing treatment ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

(Sincerely) Warm regards to a new poster that obviously will have some great future contributions.

Thank you for that. It is my fondest hope I won't last another week here (and I mean that in a good way). While I do not believe in counting my 'chicks' before they hatch, I have good reason to hope.

Of course, I've been wrong before (O.O)

(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 20

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