RE: The Dark Side Of The Force

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RE: The Dark Side Of The Force - 8/16/2007 7:26:33 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610

I'm pretty vanilla. I never got into B, S&M. It seems to me that once you cross over that line, you have to put all your trust into your partner's sanity. Now, we've all seen the posts, "I'm a newbie, where do I find a Master". You can hear the inexperience in their posts. I've also read some very disturbing posts in Collarme. These are from people, whom you wonder if they have autographed pictures of Bundy or Dahmer on their walls. Let's face it, this group would be an ideal hunting ground for such types. And there's no way I'd meet any of you in a dark, secluded parking lot at 2 AM. So, for the "newbies", before they click that email send button, what are some of the RED warning flags that this person is dangerous?

First...understand that your admitted vanilla bent and distrust of some of the activities involved in BDSM gives you a somewhat skewed view of those activities.

I engage in some of the edgier forms of play...knife play, heavy mindfucks (of the good variety), caning with regular canes and my own Serpent's Bite but the submissives I have played with...long term and casual...would tell you that I am not a walking red flag and that I can be trusted. But, I spend time building that trust and respect. I have no problem exchanging emails and discussing not only aspects of D/s and BDSM but also talking about my outside interests including hot rods, music, books, ums, etc.. I have no problem giving out my phone number and when I answer, they immediately know that I am trusting them to a certain extent just by that first phone line.

So you see...some of us can engage in that wilder stuff and be trustworthy...and some that engage in the very light stuff are about as trustworthy as taking a hot rod on the road for a 1000 mile journey with an unproven power combo.

Go with your gut...not your preconceptions. Go with what you learn, not what you think prior to knowing someone.

(in reply to labrat18610)

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RE: The Dark Side Of The Force - 8/16/2007 7:42:52 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

This will come as a big shock to you all, but....

.... some of the people in BDSM are jerks, creeps and loons.

Shocking, I know.

And guess what? The percentage is just about exactly the same as in the vanilla population.

And the safety rules are the same, too - other posters have said them so well. Searching for that someone special on the net has about the same level of success and danger as a bar, or club, or work colleagues, or wherever else vanillas go fishing. We need the same level of care, no matter where we're looking for love. Or whatever.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

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RE: The Dark Side Of The Force - 8/16/2007 8:15:58 AM

ExquisiteFeline

Posts: 124
Status: offline

i met my ex amongst a group of friends that i had known for sometime, i met his family, his cockatoo, cat, and read half his bookshelf before even kissing, we were together for years and he was really bad.
i met an English guy online who had lots of dark fantasies, we spent a couple of months online chatting, another couple on the phone before meeting up at a bar, turned out to be a great summer!

Yep there are probably bad eggs here, and then there are just the freaks ;)

When i asked my great grandfather why he wanted to go to hell and not to heaven, he replied, because there ain't no dancing girls in heaven ;)
Come to the dark side....

< Message edited by ExquisiteFeline -- 8/16/2007 8:18:36 AM >

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Post #: 23