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Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 4:24:06 PM

Jounan

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2006
Status: offline

Hi!
I'm a young very serious Dom, i may not be the most experienced.,But heck i'm trying! (i'm 20 btw) I take this Life-style very serious, i am completly open to anyone who asks me. i try to keep everything on a nice level. it's just that.. in this community people see my age and go "oh, another little kid who gets turned on by bondage pics... damn poser" I want people to understand that i'm really serious with this! same when i try to talk to people i get so ignored it sick! i have been trying to meet a sub for a long time now, But i'm so utterly ignored even by people my age, what can i do to appear more.. serious, mature? should i just change my age to 24? should i give up? should i wait for a couple of..*gulp* Decades?

Please guide me!

//jounan

Post #: 1

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 4:27:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You accept what it reality is, and you deal with it on your own terms.

You can do more by not whining, bitching, giving up, or talking about how unfair life is.

You appear more serious and mature by BEING more serious and mature.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 2

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 4:39:39 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

That and learning to spell common words like "its" and capitalizing properly might help.....
sorry I am feeling a bit bitchy tonight it seems

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 4:55:19 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

If there is an Early Bloomers munch in your area, make it a habit to attend. Gather the experience that shows you are serious while you wait to find your perfect sub or playmate -- read the books, attend demos and conventions, do what you can to learn. Consider looking for an older sub that would be willing to mentor you and be played at the same time. Do not be in a hurry to find your eventual slave -- that hurry shows, the rushing shows, and it looks very immature. L.A. is right, -- whining and bitching look immature. And adults do not give off 'It's unfair' vibes, because adults do not believe in fairness. Try to cultivate a calm, serene demeanor, as this is something that many subs find very, very hot.
Do things that emphasize your maturity, like making it clear that you put the well-being of any submissive you might play with, and submissive in general, ahead of a simple good time for yourself. Negotiate carefully and fully. Find out what her limits are. Ask how she feels about certain play. Make your concern for her show through your conversations. Always be the first one to bring up safecalls, when talking to someone new. And give PLENTY of safecall info. It makes you look like you are worried about the safety of potential playmates, which looks very mature.
practice courtly manners, something that many older Dominants have, that many subs find a huge turn on. Open the door for women. pull out her seat. Develop a look of self assurance that says, 'This is what I do. If some Feminist does not like it, Too Bad. As a sub women in my company, you will tolerate it.'
Never act like you expect any sub to submit to you just because she is sub and you have attached the word Dom to your name. expect every woman to consider carefully before agreeing to play with someone, and encourage them to do so. Never touch a woman without her permission, until you have passed the point as a couple, even just playmates, where it is reasonable to be secure in that permission.
In other words, act mature, and you will be perceived as mature. Lying about your age will never have that effect.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 5:52:33 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I have a theory that lends itself to Tsatske's reply. The flaw is that older = better is that a young gentleman can be just as kind, bright, experienced, witty, fun, rich, well-mannered, and have that... rogueish charm that is absent in most young adults. I think that many young women like a little mystery and adventure in their master. They want a man who has seen the world, and now has the know-how to show them. Also, a submissive wants to be able to proudly say "This is my master." Long ago, in the seventh grade, I had a little girlfriend. We had a nice puppy-love relationship, and after one 'break-up' she said "We should go out... But let's not tell anyone. Let's keep it secret." It stuck. Since then, I've always wanted my partner to be proud to have me, and have only taken partners I have been proud to have. (Obviously I'm not talking about wanting My Pet to endanger her job by yelling how happy she is that she is My Sticky Lickable Barbie Doll because her boss doesn't understand our love, I'm talking about in the context of those who understand.) If you and your submissive (or you and your dominant, whatever, really) go to a munch, and can't smile and stand proud next to your mate, what the hell are you doing? (Unless, of course, your relationship is not that way, ex: A master who's slave shows her pride in her position by kneeling behind him with her head down.)

... What was the question again?

Oh yea! Women love a little mystery, and a leader they can stand behind. That's the theory anyway.

Leading isn't easy. You always need an answer, no matter what. Even if it's "Sit still. I want to mull this over a bit to ensure you aren't unjustly punished." Your answer can be anything, but I find that submission is stronger when the leader has an instant response. (In and out of d/s relationships.)

So, in short...

1) Make yourself so desirable she wants you, and wants to show you off.
2) Have a little mystery about you, even if you've only been so far in this world, there's surely an area of expertise you have.
3) Be a good leader BEFORE wanting to be her dominant.
4) Consider if you're actually dominant.
4a) If you have trouble attracting submissives, maybe it's because you smell like they do.
4b) Being younger you get to deal with the stigmas. Tough luck, Kid. Can you handle it? Can you wear the big-boy pants?

---This part of the seminar is for the men, only---

Look, I have no idea what it is, but outside of the BDSM world, I've yet to find a woman younger than 30 who can stifle her emotions long enough to hear me through on anything. Young women have it really hard, and it shows. Complexes and being self conscious complicate everything. Personally, I have an inverse problem of the original poster. (Mostly because I'm no longer on thr prowl, so I don't get the defensive prey) I have trouble finding women who are mature enough to interest me. But I think being in a very successful relationship produces an aura that attracts women... But that's a whole other bag of my cats. Have you tried a wedding band? My father gets hit on all the time. (Kidding, don't lie about who you are. Every potential submissive deserves your complete and utter honesty from the beginning.)

Edit: Nearly forget a huge point and pet peeve of mine.
>.< I'm such a bad person for saying this... But let's call it an easy 75% of young women confuse power, arrogance, and dominance. They are all very different, but all include shades of the "Pfft, I don't need you." attitude. Master that, and you can have the pick of the litter of insecure, untrained, weak minded, inexperienced, naive kittens.

.... I'm going to hell.

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 8/4/2007 5:56:47 PM >

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 5

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 6:10:08 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Don't make an issue of your age.

My owner is 23, I am 22. I started in the lifestyle when I was a little under 21. I can count the number of times age has been an issue for us on one hand. I've even had people twice my age ask my opinion, an experience that made me feel quite honored.

Keep your mind open, learn as much as you can, and above all else be patient.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 6

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 10:24:05 PM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

It's not about age. It's about knowing who you are and what you want and sticking to your principles and being confident in yourself. Don't look to others for you identity. Don't rely on what others say you should or shouldn't do. How can you expect anyone else to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? So what if some aren't interested in you because of your age or any other reason. Don't start lying about your age or anything else just to impress someone. Honesty is a highly valued trait by most and the truth will reveal itself eventually any way. Don't worry if no one on this site gives you the time of day. Don't even expect to find someone on this site. There are more players than anything else on here. You're better off meeting people in the real world. Don't be afraid to try new things. That's the only way you're going to find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't worry about making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and if you live long enough you will make many mistakes along the way. Learn from your mistakes. Accept responsibility for your actions and grow from each experience. I started at a much younger age than yours and I learned by doing and by trying new things. Each new experience is an opportunity to grow. Don't try to be perfect. No one is. Just be yourself and you should do just fine.

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 7

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/4/2007 11:17:43 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1185772&key=

Just about everything I said here, applies.

By the way, if I was a sub who learned a guy I was interested in lied about his age, I'd drop him like a bad habit. How can you trust your life to someone, if they cannot be completely honest with you?

Just me. Good luck.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 8

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 1:43:21 AM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

As at least one other poster suggested, begin by being yourself and I agree with Stephann that under no circumstance should you lie about your age or anything else. I would suggest that you date women who are interesting to you. Learn from them about the oppossite sex, their nuances and the way they think.. It's not unlikely that by being yourself you will attract a submissive personality.
Although you want some things that older Dominants have, you still have some maturing to do. Think back three years ago. Have you matured and changed much in those 3 years? Imagine your growth in the next 3 years. Attend local groups and learn as much as you can and update your profile as you grow. Along the way you'll make friends and when your paths cross and you are prepared you'll find your slave. It could be 6 months it could 5 years, learn patience, as a Dominant you'll need it.

_____________________________

Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 9

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 6:02:55 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Actually after 2+ years surrendering in this relationship I am no more serious than I was at the beginning. Maybe you try not to convince poeple of your seriousness and lighten up a bit. Might attract a different sort.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 10

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 6:08:45 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

I totally understand your delimia. At the same time, I am looking at it from a 48 year old Domme's point of view.
Life changes. As you grow older, you are going to discover all types of things to be involved with. That is why I will not work with someone your age.
You will probably need to find a local club or group somewhere and meet people that way. When you meet people face to face, it is a different feeling all together.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 11

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 8:14:06 AM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Get ready...people judge in life. If this is really you, you can't let that stop you.

I have a very sexy lady friend - when we were in our late 30s, she had an affair with a friend of her oldest son's who was about 19. He was a total dom with her. So I know it's possible.

The word "whatever" applies here, in the face of the judgments. Keep rolling and find out more. As long as you are legal age (which for public play is normally considered 21) and your partners are legal age, you can go to parties, conferences, and keep learning. Just be yourself. "Convincing" people never works anyway. By the time you get to your 30s and 40s youwill be a seasoned scener and in demand if you play your cards right.

Good luck.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 12

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 8:30:26 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Well, bottom line is that you can't and the more you complain about it, the less credible you'll appear. Only your actions can establish you as someone to be taken seriously.

Just like a football player, you can talk the talk all you want, but it's your actions that will make you credible.

I would suggest attending munches with the sole intention of meeting other people, not for the intention of meeting submissives. Attend lectures in your area, volunteer for local groups and get yourself an experienced, established Dom as your Mentor.

Let your actions make you credible.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/5/2007 8:31:22 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to classykindasassy)

Post #: 13

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 8:48:11 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

It can be frustrating to want to get experience, and to have to wait to dive in. Please know that it's not unusual to look for a long time before you find a partner.

Your profile is inconsistent. You say you are a Dom, cop to being a switch, but then sign your letter Master. In my mind, no beginner is a Master. It's a process of acruing skills and gaining the respect of your community. (While there are people who would disagree) Master is not a title that you just pick up. It's something that I see in people who are not secure in who they are, an that makes you look green. If you don't know who you are in regard to BDSM (which is likely true, as you have little exposure to it), that's OK. Just say that.

This is advice often given -- write more about who you are as a person in your narrative.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 8:51:16 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Oh ... and nix the idea of lying about your age. That puts your credibility right in the shitter.

Because I can't get to the edit function,
MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 15

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 9:33:16 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

Oh ... and nix the idea of lying about your age. That puts your credibility right in the shitter.

I actually agree with this. When I was single and seeking, anyone "Dom" that lied to me to get me to meet them, never heard from me again. And you'd be suprised by what they lied about: Age, height, weight, whether they had hair. To me it just established that they were willing to lie right from the get go and that they couldn't be trusted to tell the truth.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 16

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 3:35:42 PM

Jounan

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2006
Status: offline

okey first of all. thank you for ALMOST all replies. thos two first especially, how very mature. I am a swede, so no i don't have perfect grammar and spelling. and do you really think that was only whining? you are the kind of people that fuck up these kind of sites. Though you made me feel a whole lot of mature, since i don't go pick on people who spell something wrong, or who actually uses a forum to OMG check this weird shit out. ask people! Get advice! so buzz off. goddammit.

anyways, those who gave terrific Advice.. well. i am well mannered. i am really romantic, i am all that you said. it just seems that being a nice guy doesn't get you anywhere these days. i've seriously thought of dropping that whole thing and "act" (yes, since i am a nice guy) like a badass. i bet as soon as i start to hit people and shout and be obnoxious girls will come to me like bees to honey. well, i will try to be nice for a little while.. but hell, it doens't seem to work.

Maybe its just me that is the problem... i don't know. thank you everyone. i will not bother you anymore.

//Jounan

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 7:01:33 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Do you have to act the stereotype? You got a lot of good advice and but part of learning and growing is being able to accept it when people out your flaws.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 18

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 8:26:02 PM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

After reading this I have to say that your age should be the least of your concerns. Don't count on the girls coming to you like bees to honey, with this attitude. I think the first part of your last sentence says it all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jounan

okey first of all. thank you for ALMOST all replies. thos two first especially, how very mature. I am a swede, so no i don't have perfect grammar and spelling. and do you really think that was only whining? you are the kind of people that fuck up these kind of sites. Though you made me feel a whole lot of mature, since i don't go pick on people who spell something wrong, or who actually uses a forum to OMG check this weird shit out. ask people! Get advice! so buzz off. goddammit.

anyways, those who gave terrific Advice.. well. i am well mannered. i am really romantic, i am all that you said. it just seems that being a nice guy doesn't get you anywhere these days. i've seriously thought of dropping that whole thing and "act" (yes, since i am a nice guy) like a badass. i bet as soon as i start to hit people and shout and be obnoxious girls will come to me like bees to honey. well, i will try to be nice for a little while.. but hell, it doens't seem to work.

Maybe its just me that is the problem... i don't know. thank you everyone. i will not bother you anymore.

//Jounan

(in reply to Jounan)

Post #: 19

RE: Help with appeal! - 8/5/2007 9:45:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Yeah see that last post Jounan- that's exactly the opposite of mature and serious.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NControlofU)

Post #: 20

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