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RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:22:26 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

charlotte12: I am leaving this thread, due to time constraints, but felt compelled to comment. I agree that is a TOP peeve of mine as well. I can't believe I didn't put it on the list. It really belongs there. Thanks for mentioning it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 21

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:25:31 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysoul

Susan this is a greath thread, unfortunetly posting it here is preaching to the chior!!

ms

Hehe, i was just going to say that. Unfortunatly it is generally the people who are already openminded who will learn from such a discussion. However i hope that proves to me a misconception of my own.

Now i will stop hijacking this thread for my own vents

HEHE the above was me, Iv been doing that a LOT latley for some reason the forums keep sighning me in under shy's name Ill have to be more carfull to see who is signed in when I post!!

but your right!!! Most often the only people to learn of or from these things arent the ones that really need to learn!!

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 22

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:36:24 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysoul

Susan this is a greath thread, unfortunetly posting it here is preaching to the chior!!

ms

Hehe, i was just going to say that. Unfortunatly it is generally the people who are already openminded who will learn from such a discussion. However i hope that proves to me a misconception of my own.

Now i will stop hijacking this thread for my own vents

HEHE the above was me, Iv been doing that a LOT latley for some reason the forums keep sighning me in under shy's name Ill have to be more carfull to see who is signed in when I post!!

but your right!!! Most often the only people to learn of or from these things arent the ones that really need to learn!!

ms

Hey MS thanks for clarifying. I was wondering why shy's post dissapeared ...

I still think it's good to put the discussion out there though. I have learned alot from discussions and will be the first to admit that i have judged people instantly before.

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 23

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:38:23 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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shysoul: Well, I dunno. Maybe. I am not trying to preach, really (I guess it does sound kinda "preachy", maybe). But it's frustrating - I do see what I view as misconceptions about D/s orientations abounding, at times. I think there is some mis-conception maybe, that people, simply because they become involved in BDSM, suddenly drop any of the other predjudices or maybe just social conditioning they previously held, once they "board the BDSM bus". That's really (IMO) not true. I don't see a ton of predjudice out there, but I see it here and there, on these CM message boards (not just in my home-town).

People do have a right to their opinions, and some may not feel like chnaging their opinions, and they don't have to - BUT - I am no longer going to listen to anyone claiming to be "educated and sophisicated" who spouts this kind of non-sense. I've read more mail from male Doms who initially seem fairly intelligent and sophisticated, who then go on to bitch to me about "how horrible FemFDoms are" or "how weird male subs" are than I care to admit. And it's not just the men (or even male Doms, necessarily), either. I've heard comments like I listed from women, too. And other kinds of men. It's not the "norm" in my world, but it really, really grates on me, when it happens and I run across it.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/4/2007 8:43:49 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 24

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:42:30 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysoul

Susan this is a greath thread, unfortunetly posting it here is preaching to the chior!!

ms

Hehe, i was just going to say that. Unfortunatly it is generally the people who are already openminded who will learn from such a discussion. However i hope that proves to me a misconception of my own.

Now i will stop hijacking this thread for my own vents

HEHE the above was me, Iv been doing that a LOT latley for some reason the forums keep sighning me in under shy's name Ill have to be more carfull to see who is signed in when I post!!

but your right!!! Most often the only people to learn of or from these things arent the ones that really need to learn!!

ms

Hey MS thanks for clarifying. I was wondering why shy's post dissapeared ...

I still think it's good to put the discussion out there though. I have learned alot from discussions and will be the first to admit that i have judged people instantly before.

LOL I was gunna repost as soon as I got in under my name which I have done every time I have made that stupid mistake but you had already quoted my mistake so I thought Id just clarify.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 25

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:44:14 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Susan I wasnt accuseing you of preaching really!! preaching to the quior is just a saying that means telling it to people who already know and agree.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 26

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 8:48:28 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well I dunno. Maybe. I am not tring to preach, really. I do see misconceptions abounding at times. I think there is some mis-conception maybe, that people, simply because they become involved in BDSM, suddenly drop any of the other predjudices or maybe just social conditioning they previously held, once they "board the BDSM bus". That's really (IMO) not true. I don't see a ton of predjudice out there, but I see it here and there, on these CM message boards (not just in my home-town).

People do have a right to their opinions, and some may not feel like chnaging their opinions, and they don't have to - BUT - I am no longer going to listen to anyone claiming to be "educated and sophisicated" who spouts this kind of non-sense. I've read more mail from male Doms who initially seem fairly intelligent and sophisticated, who then go on to bitch to me about "how horrible FemFDoms are" or "how weird male subs" are than I care to admit. And it's not just the men (or even male Doms, necessarily), either. I've heard comments like I listed from women, too. And other kind sof men. It's not the "norm" in my world, but it really, really grates on me, when it happens and I run across it.

Anyway, thanks for listening and reading the thread.

- Susan

I often find such comments to be coming more from a place of insecurity than not being educated. I tend to have strong doubts about someone's ability to safely Dom another when they feel the need to put others down so often. If someone is Doming me to prove something that can get scary real fast.

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 27

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 10:00:38 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

2.) Don't think ProDommes hate men but do think many take advantage of some men. Why are there no ProDoms except in the gay world for most part?

Mainly because women don't need to pay to find an outlet for their sex, not like men do, anyway.

I think this can be true, but I don't think it should totally mean there can be NO pro Doms. You might think it strange, but my lady is an exotic dancer. MANY of her co-workers come through complaining that they haven't been able to find a guy who can give "a good beating". We have discussed me being a service top to some of them. A couple weeks ago I had a couple sessions with one of her coworkers, and it worked out fine. We might just rent out my services, because we have found a place where there is a good market for it. The girls can't go home with a customer, but coming home to my place is acceptable.

Also to note that for the response quoted here. A pro typically does not have sex with the client is my understanding.

~Ki

(in reply to Steelriven)

Post #: 28

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 10:21:54 PM

nmjardine

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Tolerance is always an excellent quality to possess. Thank you.

OT:

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
Seriously, I totally believe some people have no desire to be with a member of their own sex so it is a false belief that no one is always, totally straight.

Thank you for this. So many times I've had to give up on a Dom or he on me because he insisted that I had to have sex with another female. Hey, some of my best friends are gay/bi, but I have no desire for sex with another woman. Nevermind the transgendered female who's pussy I licked at LR.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 29

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 10:24:30 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

All good points, Susan, even #8; those big, hairy, 300 pound guys, filling up their Huggies with poo, wanting to be nurtured by someone looking like Bea Arthur, they are part of the human family, too.

curse you, Level!

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 30

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 10:51:48 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I thought of 3 more:

10) All female submissives and slaves (and even male submissives and slaves) are just involved in BDSM because they are "sluts". This is something someone else on this thread mentioned, and I can't believe I left it off the list, as it is a TOP peeve of mine as well. It's just not true! (and many female submissives I know, are tired of being treated as if it might be the case by some male Doms. I can't speak for male submissives, but at times, I've heard some complain they want to be viewed as a person and not just a "piece of meat" as well. Someone with a true sex addiction has real "issues" their Dom/me is going to have to deal with, but I don't think they are probably the "norm" in the BDSM world (although I think such people exist, just like they do in the "Vanilla" world). Define the word "slut". Also, If you think submissives are all "sluts" and you yourself are simply here just looking to "get laid", then what does that make you? I rest my case.

11) All Poly folk are "promiscuous" - While I agree there are maybe some folks who either mis-construe, or intentionally abuse the term "Poly" for their own purposes, (so they can simply _uck a lot of people), that is not the traditional or generally accepted meaning of the term "Polyamory". Polyamory (aka Poly) is a committed BDSM relationship (with or without sex) with more than one person at a time. As opposed to Monogamy (self-explanatory). I've heard and read about Poly relationships that work both badly and that work well (just like Monogamous ones).

12) Sadists are just covert sociopaths, who "found a home" in the BDSM world. See #9. I view Sadism (enjoying watching someone suffer, and inflicting pain on them) as simply BDSM activity kicked up a notch or three. If all sadists were sociopaths, they wouldn't exactly be operating in consensual relationships now, would they? As far as it's "sister assumption" that all masochists (those who truly enjoy sufferring) have "issues" - well, if they have "issues,"then everyone in the BDSM world has "issues" - because on some level most folks in the BDSM world - on some level, like pain - otherwise, what are we all doing here with whips and chains to begin with? IMO.

Gotta go in a few minutes, but - Please feel free to add your own "Pet Peeve generalizations about the BDSM world to this thread. Thanks for reading.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/4/2007 11:41:31 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 31

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 10:55:51 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

How about sub/slaves are just subs because they dont want to have to take care of themselfs or be responsalble.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 32

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 11:00:07 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Good one!

13) Submissives get into BDSM relationships because they are avoiding responsible, adult living. They want someone else to pay the bills, make all the decisions, and they just plain don't want to have to deal with problems, or think much about how to deal with "life" anymore. While I admit I think there are some "dysfunctional folks" involved in BDSM, I don't think I see many more than in the "Vanilla" world. My understanding is that submissivesness is simply someone's "kink" and-or D/s-orientation preference, not a judgment on their overall fitness to be in or out of a relationship, and their maturity. There are many adult-acting, responsible females, both within BDSM world, and the Vanilla" world, just as there are folks with "issues".

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/4/2007 11:36:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 33

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 11:02:55 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Has someone already added: "All female subs/slaves are into BDSM because they were molested and don't know how else to cope"? I hate that one...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 34

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 11:08:05 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Good one, Aquatic!

14) All female (or male, for that matter) submissives "into BDSM" have been sexually molested in childhood, and simply haven't ever really coped with it. Oh yeah? Where's your proof? A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Maybe some are here for that reason (on the other hand, there are a lot of folk who've been molested who are "Vanilla' too, aren't there?) How would you like the same generalization tossed back in your face as a male Dom (if you are one?): All male Doms were abused children, who just "never got over it", and now they are simply "acting out" on someone else who will be their "helpless victim". I believe that many folks are definitely not in the BDSM "world" for those reasons - I think they are simply attracted to BDSM activity, and find D/s relationships more satisfying than "Vanilla" relationships. These generalizations are way too over-reaching to be taken seriously, IMO.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/5/2007 12:01:48 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 35

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 11:24:44 PM

smilingjaguar

Posts: 271
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
13) Submissives get into BDSM rleationshios because they are avoiding responsible, adult living. They want someone else to pay the bills, make all the decisions, and they just plain don't want to have to deal with problems, or think much about how to deal with "life" anymore. While I admit I think there are some "dysfunctional folks" involved in BDSM, I don't think I see many more than in the "Vanilla" world. My understanding is that submissivesness is simply someone's kink orientation preference, not a judgment on their overall fitness to be in or out of a relationship, and their maturity. There are many adult-acting, responsible females both within BDSM world, and the Vanila" world.

Boy oh boy did I get a raw deal or what? You mean I'm not supposed to have to think, have problems, or deal with life anymore?!? I guess I need to go find a twue master...

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 36

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/4/2007 11:28:15 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

smilingjaguar: hehe!

me too - I sure am glad being submissive means I won't ever have to do "responsible" things like cook a meal, clean a house, or pay bills anymore...

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to smilingjaguar)

Post #: 37

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/5/2007 1:06:18 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

13). Clarification re: #13 - I don't think male submissives who enter the BDSM world are (necessarily) seeking to avoid adult all responsibilties by becoming submissives, either (I'd only referenced female submissives in the above post, but meant what I wrote in relation to all submissives, male or female). In any case, should that be what a male or female submissive is seeking in a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, then I believe they may eventually (or rather soon), have a rude awakening as far as those kinds of expectations, unless they find a truly all-powerful, giving (and possibly somewhat masochistic) Dominant to have a relationship with.

Because Dominants are going to have "expectations" re: a D/s relationship as well. Which may involve things like: Cleaning, cooking, sexual and BDSM activity "service", running errands, having a paying job, etc. Sort of like (make that almost exactly like - sans the "BDSM part") the "Vanilla" world.

**Please feel free to add your own generalizations about D/s orientations that irritate you to this list. Thanks for listneing to my "rant."

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/5/2007 1:41:51 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 38

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/5/2007 3:40:12 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KiandPhoenix

quote:

2.) Don't think ProDommes hate men but do think many take advantage of some men. Why are there no ProDoms except in the gay world for most part?

Mainly because women don't need to pay to find an outlet for their sex, not like men do, anyway.

I think this can be true, but I don't think it should totally mean there can be NO pro Doms. You might think it strange, but my lady is an exotic dancer. MANY of her co-workers come through complaining that they haven't been able to find a guy who can give "a good beating". We have discussed me being a service top to some of them. A couple weeks ago I had a couple sessions with one of her coworkers, and it worked out fine. We might just rent out my services, because we have found a place where there is a good market for it. The girls can't go home with a customer, but coming home to my place is acceptable.

Also to note that for the response quoted here. A pro typically does not have sex with the client is my understanding.

~Ki

That's true, Ki, certainly in many cases, but I wonder how many pro-dommes do have sex, but say they don't? Also, even if there is no intercourse, or swapping of fluids, the acts they perform on the males end up in sexual release for most of the males, when they get home and masterbate, if nothing else. There are exceptions, though, true enough.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)

Post #: 39

RE: Misconceptions about D/s orientations - 8/5/2007 3:41:42 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

All good points, Susan, even #8; those big, hairy, 300 pound guys, filling up their Huggies with poo, wanting to be nurtured by someone looking like Bea Arthur, they are part of the human family, too.

curse you, Level!

lh, hewwo........

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 40

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