quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am on out of town for a few days w/ my relatives, but got hold of my niece's lap-top PC. I am not going to be able to hang around and "host" this thread, because we're all going out to dinner, but I was thinking about some ideas I occasionally see tossed around on the CM boards, that I think just aren't true, and I sometimes can find them hard to stomach especially if they come from anyone who claims in their profile to be "educated" or "sophisticated".

I am not saying people don't have a right to their own opinions. So do I (and here they are)...

If someone is brand new to the BDSM "world", or relatively young, then maybe it is somewhat understandable. Otherwise, IMO, spouting many of the following points of view is only going to make you seem like some unsophisticated Neanderthal, or just plain prejudiced. Of course people can believe whatever they want - and they do - and I am no better than anyone else - but I just wanted to say that find the following mis-conceptions hard to swallow, when they come out of the mouths of people who can also preach things like: "It is always wrong to "judge anyone else's kink", etc. I'm not trying to be a nag, or sound whiny, but the following mis-conceptions about D/s orientations, are the ones I find especially annoying:

1) All FemDoms aka "Dommes" must (or do) hate men. If they did, why would they be interacting with them at all? A FemDom orientation is no more "strange" than having a Male Dom orientation (or any other D/s orientation). It's the same orientation as M/f , except in reverse.That's all it is, really. If some people cannot wrap their head around this, then don't interact with them, if you don't like it. But they're here to stay. Get used to it.

I could not agree more.

2) ProDommes must all (or do) hate men. See #1. I see nothing wrong with ProDommes. But also - it's a business transaction that is taking place here. If you are a customer (or a prospective one) of some of these women, and suspect you might be "duped" (or whatever) then think of yourself as a consumer first, and a sexually-oriented being second. Ask for some references from someone claiming "years of experience" or "many satisfied customers". If all of these women hated men, I doubt they'd be able to satisfy them as customers, time and time again. If your'e complaining that they're not getting "emotionally involved enough" with clients (or you yourself, if you are a client) - I think you maybe shouldn't expect that, and find a non-"Pro" for a partner, instead. Or, even just find a different "Pro", perhaps. I think there may exist ProDommes who dis-like males, just as there are Male Doms who dis-like females. Some of them are out there, probably. I don't like to think this is the "norm", though.

In addition, I think the possibility that there are Pros out there which got into what they're doing because it can be lucrative, not because they actually have an interest in domination. 

3) All male submissive must really be gay. Geez - if they were, would they be seeking out interactions with females? Clue: If their profile orientations says "gay" then they are gay. If their profile orientation says "straight" - then they are straight". If they were truly "asexual" or something, then would they be involved in BDSM activity at all? These men have the same orientation toward females that female submissives have toward male Dominants. Though it might not seem "normal" to you, many of these men have very buff bods, are very masculine, know how to treat a lady, are intelligent, mature, and have their act together. If you haven't noticed this, then you haven't looked very far. As with Male Doms, there are exceptions to this (these are people - not mere "roles" - we are talking about - just people). Like in the "Vanilla" world...just people. This is simply some men's way of expressing their "kink" orientation. Period.

I actually know a couple male submissives and no, they definitely are not gay!  Consider this one blown out of the water.

4) There is something "weird" about being gay. If you honestly still believe this (or maybe even if you ever did), simply because you're not gay, then shame on you. Really. If you are gay (I am also including Lesbians in this terminology) and you believe this, then please get the therapy you need to help yourself. Ditto, if you hold this kind of judgment about Trangendering (or Transgendered people).
 
That's like saying there is something weird about being male or female or *insert ethnicity*, or fat or skinny or blonde or brunette or whatever.


5) True Bi-sexuals don't really exist - I dunno. I just don't find this too hard to wrap my head around, either. I will admit there are people claiming to be Bi-sexual perhaps, just to please a Dom or Domme, who might not find it something they'd do without "prodding", but, I do think there are probably people who don't find it hard to be attracted to either sex (and maybe on a 50-50 basis, too). I am sure some debate this, but I personally don't have a hard time believing it could be true.

I think true bisexuals do exist.  By the same token, all women are not bisexual.  That's like saying that all women are submissive, it just takes the right man to bring it out.  I'm not bisexual, not even remotely bicurious.  *gasp*

6) Switches are "just confused" - This is my personal favorite. When I first became involved in D/s, I was becoming very attracted to a male Dom who claimed to be "educated and sophisticated" who was lecturing me about not ever "judging anyone else's kink". He said it was a "Cardinal rule" in the "BDSM world". I did like him. And then one night, he killed all that, when I said I thought I had some fantasies about dominating a male sub, he said to me: "Don't worry. You're still just "transitioning from being "Vanilla". It's quite common, and "finding yourself in BDSM just takes time". Excuse me? Most "Vanillas (to my knowledge) don't often fantasize about swatting some man's butt. I am not "confused". I don't need to "just find myself and decide which orientation I am". It's not that I can't decide. I've decided I don't want to decide. I have no problem excluding one "side of myself" for the other. Sure there are people who claim to be: 10% sub, 90% Dom/me, 70% sub, etc. Find out who you're dealing with, and just how, they operate within their "Switch" orientation, if their "Switchi-ness" concerns you. I don't expect someone who is a submissive to "Dom" me (although some people do expect this, as a Switch, and some subs and Doms don't mind accomodating them. Some do).  I truly feel like I can "have it all". Deal with it. Does everyone want this? No. Can everyone even do this? No. Do they have to, or should they necessarily want to? No. Should it really matter? No.

I think *some* switches may just be confused or just figuring to better their odds, you know?  That said, I do know people who definitely switch and enjoy either role equally.

7)"Sissy Boys" are all gay - See #3. I may be slightly off-base here, but overall, IMO, these are just men who will dress up in female clothing, and-or in a maid's outfit, and feel forced to act in a traditional "femenine" role, and like to be bossed around by Dommes (or Doms) while they're dressed that way. Although I have head of some who are actually male Doms as well, I think that is probably the exception, and they are mainly male submissives. If you don't like them personally, all you have to do is stay away from them. I know some really wonderful, kind, decent "Sissy Boys." If you don't, then you don't have to shout how "abnormal" you think they are from every mountain-top. Grow up.

No, sissy boys are not all gay.  Sorry if this threatens anyone's masculinity out there.

8) Adult Babies are just "abnormal" - I think sometimes these folk can have a hard time dealing in the adult-oriented D/s world, because they're interactions with other people can be so innocent-like, and have a sort of "naive" quailty. They are used to being in relationships with someone who truly treats them like a child (and may act like one. I mean that in an innocent, not "judgmental, sense of the word). Hence the term "Adult baby". If someone wants to wear diapers, and be held and cuddled, etc - it's just plain not my business. I can understand it, even if I wouldn't maybe want to do it all the time (or at all). They are just people, like anyone else. It's not too far a stretch to imagine it as okay for someone else, even if you might not want to do it yourself. If you don't appreciate it, fine. Nobody's asking you to do it. If they do, and you don't want to, you can always say "No." 

Not my cup of tea, but then, who am I to criticize if it's yours?

9) All Male Doms are secret (or overt) woman haters - C'mon - you can't really believe this, can you? I know the majority of male Doms I've seen treat females pretty well. Some treat them very well.  Sure there are maybe some people with 'issues" all over the BDSM world. Just like there are in the "Vanilla" world, btw. If you honestly believe this (and especially if you are a female submissive) then maybe you either 1) Don't belong in the BDSM wolrd or 2) Need to check out interacting with a male submssive for awhile. Or 3) At least, be quiet about thinking this as a generalization. Because it's just not true.

This one is patently false.  And the ones that are women-haters, well ... sucks to be them, right?

Well, that concludes (for now) my list. Have any of your own? Feel free to add them. Thanks for listening. 

- Susan 

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ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
5) True Bi-sexuals don't really exist - I dunno. I just don't find this too hard to wrap my head around, either. I will admit there are people claiming to be Bi-sexual perhaps, just to please a Dom or Domme, who might not find it something they'd do without "prodding", but, I do think there are probably people who don't find it hard to be attracted to either sex (and maybe on a 50-50 basis, too). I am sure some debate this, but I personally don't have a hard time believing it could be true

Believe it!  I have said here more than once that I truly am bi-sexual.  I am not a lesbian because I am too attracted to (some) men.  I don't seek a full-time, committed relationship with another woman.  However, when I am out in public in the midst of a crowd of people, 95% of the "attractive" people I see are women.  Men generally just do not catch my eye unless they are exceptionally attractive.  I see many women, however, of all shades, shapes, sizes, etc. that make me look twice.  I would say that the ratio of attraction to men -vs- women is something like 51/49 for me. 

I love Master and every "manly" thing about Him as well as our relationship dynamic.  But, if given the opportunity to "play" with others, my choice would overwhelmingly be to play with other women.  (And, btw, this was the case before we got together and He forbade me to be with other men).  I have never had to be "prodded" into playing with other females.  I jump at the chance.  I would say that makes me absolutely bisexual.  Just my take on it...........luci 

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ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

... Through questions asked on my part, and patient replies on the parts of other members here and elsewhere,  my  perceptions were changed a great deal and very positively....which is why i enjoy being here....i really never stop learning 

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ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

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ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
5) True Bi-sexuals don't really exist - I dunno. I just don't find this too hard to wrap my head around, either. I will admit there are people claiming to be Bi-sexual perhaps, just to please a Dom or Domme, who might not find it something they'd do without "prodding", but, I do think there are probably people who don't find it hard to be attracted to either sex (and maybe on a 50-50 basis, too). I am sure some debate this, but I personally don't have a hard time believing it could be true

Believe it!  I have said here more than once that I truly am bi-sexual.  I am not a lesbian because I am too attracted to (some) men.  I don't seek a full-time, committed relationship with another woman.  However, when I am out in public in the midst of a crowd of people, 95% of the "attractive" people I see are women.  Men generally just do not catch my eye unless they are exceptionally attractive.  I see many women, however, of all shades, shapes, sizes, etc. that make me look twice.  I would say that the ratio of attraction to men -vs- women is something like 51/49 for me. 

I love Master and every "manly" thing about Him as well as our relationship dynamic.  But, if given the opportunity to "play" with others, my choice would overwhelmingly be to play with other women.  (And, btw, this was the case before we got together and He forbade me to be with other men).  I have never had to be "prodded" into playing with other females.  I jump at the chance.  I would say that makes me absolutely bisexual.  Just my take on it...........luci 

This is very much like me. I don't notice men at all anymore. I do notice women all the time and there are just so many hot hot hot women out here. I'm not allowed to play with anyone male or female but it would only be a female if I could, the idea of any other man but him touching me is icky to put it mildly.

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But while Im defiantly bi-sexual, I could never be in an actual relationship with a female, I could never have anyone but a male as a life partner. So I never know how to list myself on these websites...straight or bi or whatever

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ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati


I learned long ago that I enjoy sex with both men and women equally...basically as long as Im having an orgasm I couldnt care less whats between your legs....OK, its deeper than that but still...  [Puns are the lowest form of humor, yanno!  ha!]

But while Im defiantly bi-sexual, I could never be in an actual relationship with a female, I could never have anyone but a male as a life partner. So I never know how to list myself on these websites...straight or bi or whatever.. 

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ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I'm sure the misconceptions the OP stated abound,  however, fortunately for me, none of the people i respect, or take seriously on these boards operate under those misconceptions.

I guess i must just have an "i don't give a shit" attitude, because i never really feel compelled to educate those with such opinions.    I'd rather invest my time in those whose minds are open.

A investment well spent, I bet