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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/1/2005 5:33:25 PM

anthrosub

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Thank you for that. I know in the exchange of ideas, one must be prepared for alternate views but in the long run, that's what it's all about. Yours...mine...everyone's. Every post I write is written with the expectation that someone will disagree but I look forward to them all, as there's always the possibility of one post that offers something outside my own train of thinking.

anthrosub

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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 6:59:02 AM

GentleLady

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One of the best ways I know to learn is by listening and hearing another person's point of view and understanding why they believe that way.

This is the Internet. Anyone could post whatever degrees they want after their name to prove they have the training and right to state their opinion. Would that make it an more valid?

Gentle Lady

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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 9:58:47 AM

sanita

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it is interesting, the responses to this post.

as i was reading it, i did wonder where i fell into this dynamic. then, intead of feeling criticized, i wondered if there is a way to take responsibility if i have come off as the be-all-end-all, and change that.

so, in answer to this OP:

fillepink, i do respect your opinion. if you ever see me offering advice (which i try not to do without at least some experience or knowlege... i think), please, feel free to gently point out that i am off the mark, and might want to rethink any assumptions i made.

sometimes we all miss a key phrase, that just turns the perception ass over ears. fillepink, i do recall you being upset and offended by someone's quote about loving "ni**er whores in ginger's tagline. i probably would have been, too, if i had not seen the thread a week or more earlier which was started by ginger about loving it when she was being called that kind of name, and in a sexual setting, having herself bombarded by racial slurs. that quote was from that thread, and was said in an amusing way. i don't know if that ever got clarified. but honestly, that is the only time i think i have seen you make a statement where you were not on solid ground.

i could be wrong. when threads get pissy, i usually stop reading.

having a missed point clarified is a good thing, in my book. getting ugly and defensive, and flaming someone is not necessarily showing onesself in the best light.

now, to be clear, i am not saying anyone in this thread so far has flamed anyone, that i can tell.

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Post #: 23

RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 10:22:15 AM

slavedesires

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Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I'm not actively antagonistic, but my intent IS always to make people question, inside themselves. That's generally not a happy space people like to go.

Instead of coddling an ultra-sensitive poster, I think it's better to help them deal better with reality, help them gain new perspectives and empower themselves, rather than allowing them to remain vulnerable to the slightest problem.

quote:

but there are ways in which to bring a point about without demoralizing someone...humiliating them publically and being antogonistically arrogant.

sometimes a blunt ruthless answer turns away someone really needing to learn, to know, to comprehend and a little gracacious humanness never hurt anyone.

~~shy

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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 10:55:22 AM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

myself; i'd like to see people offer some basis for the expertise they claim. are you a lawyer? in law school? a paralegal? are you a medical doctor? a registered nurse? etc. if you do not have these credentials but want to post to a thread anyway, i'd REALLY like to see that fact disclosed. something like "i am not qualified to give a professional opinion, but ....." i have been honest about my lack of knowledge about certain areas of the law. THEN contributed my opinion.

i guess what i am trying to say is while the boards should be fun and provide a free exchange of ideas, i think there are certain threads where a sense of responsibility should be shown.

Some facts about me:

I am a lawyer.
I own a lear jet.
I own an airport.
I work in government.
I am a multimillionaire.

None of the above are true about me. If someone qualifies themselves as an expert how is anyone to know their credentials? Anyone can claim to be something that they are not, it happens with a frightening frequency on the Internet. I tend to believe that most people, not all, are discerning enough to know that what they read on here may not be factual. If someone follows advice that they got from the Internet even if it is from a site like webMD it is their choice to do so.

I offer opinions, if someone thinks it sounds like solid advice and follows it then it is their responsibility for the outcome. All I did was offer my opinion. Unfortunately, some people will believe just about anything if they see it in print. Placing a disclaimer within every post would just take up space and even if it was there people will still do what they want.

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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 11:03:19 AM

Faramir

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Joined: 2/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

If someone qualifies themselves as an expert how is anyone to know their credentials? Anyone can claim to be something that they are not, it happens with a frightening frequency on the Internet. I tend to believe that most people, not all, are discerning enough to know that what they read on here may not be factual.

That can be true - and yet a lot of us know each other in RL as well. I was in a gaming guild (UO and then EQ) for five years. We all ended up meeting in RL at various RL gatherings. Guess what? We were all pretty much who we said we were. "Kirth" really was a DO GS 16 in Naval Appropriations, "Freena" was a Marine CWO-3 at a Tank Battalion, etc, etc.

In two years at B.com I have travelled the country, and met and hung with I think 12 different people I met there (platonic meetings, just buddies). Everyone has been on the up and up - "p's" Daddy really is a DA and she really does own a vineyard (I stayed there for 5 days - yayyy!), "j's" Daddy really is a (whatever the hell you call a trial lawyer for an insurance company doing subrogation litigation).

Honest peeps in RL are honest in correspondence too

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Post #: 26

RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 11:29:04 AM

zaynab

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i always say "in my opinion" or similiar clause, because i'm certainly no expert on anything!

if someone directs me to do something, i listen with an open mind, but i weigh everything out first, because they aren't an expert either, and if they were one.... experts can be wrong too..... ~ z

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RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 11:43:35 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

i realise that every poster's profile is embedded in his post, and anyone who wishes may check it out while evaluating what has been said. but someone in a hurry or in distress might not do so; or a profile might not be as forthright as perhaps it should be.

frankly, i am alarmed by the nature and manner of the responses some posters make. rather than say "this might be worth considering" or "I found this helpful"; some posters say "you have this problem (fill in here) and should do this (fill in here)."

fillepink,
I understand your frustration and have felt this myself on more occasions than I can count. Unfortunately, we live in a world today that is becoming increasingly devoid of personal accountability, especially in mediums such as the internet.

If you take a look around these boards you will find a very diverse group. While there are many highly intelligent people here you will also notice that there are some who lack the capacity to distinguish whether or not the written words before them are something they should apply to their own personal situation or something that they should "leave to the experts". It worries me that there are posters who do not take into account that some here may not be able to just pick and choose what is right for them. Especially, in the case of the newbies who come here seeking advice and are hit with conflicting and sometimes dangerous messages. Too often I see people posting without thinking of the possible ramifications of their words.

You also brought up a very good point about the immediate mindset of those who may be seeking advice. Crisis and distress can cloud judgement. We need to be especially cognizant of that fact when dealing with those who are reaching out for help.

A while back there was a post from someone inquiring about abusive Doms. I do apologize for I can not recall the name of the post or who it was that answered, but there was one post in particular that just scared the bejeezus out of me. They posted that they saw nothing wrong with a Dominant who acted out his anger upon them physically and were happy to be a receptacle to absorb that anger.

Now I am an intelligent woman and I can clearly distinguish the difference between physical play and abuseas it relates to my own circumstance. However, I do not think that the poster may have taken into consideration the mindset of the OP. How she may have been trying to sort out within herself if what she was experiencing was indeed abuse or overdramatization created within herself. Was she making mountains out of molehills? This is a very common thing that happens in victims of Domestic Violence. Many times they can not see it as real until they "hear" that validation coming from someone else. Rather than tell her to listen to her inner voice or offer her advice on how to seek the help of qualified professionals, the message of that poster reinforced the position of the abuser that this type of behavior was not only ok but something one should tolerate and discounted the OP's concerns.

I personally do not believe that we need to add disclaimers and qualifiers to every word we write here as most should understand that they are personal opinions. But for those who are incapable and may see our written words as gospel, I would propose that we all simply try to understand that there is responsibility that goes along with our responses. We are responsible for our words.

I, for one, am a somewhat extreme player in the BDSM realm. I did not start out that way but over many years my limits have decreased and my tolerances have increased. I try to keep my beginnings in focus though, when I respond to those who are new, as I realize that some of the things that I may find to be mundane may be shocking or downright dangerous to those who are just beginning themselves. I would personally like to err on the side of caution for if it became known to me that someone ever took literally what I have voiced on a message board and my words resulted in harm or damage to them....well, that is not something I wish to live with.

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Post #: 28

RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 11:49:08 AM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

If someone qualifies themselves as an expert how is anyone to know their credentials? Anyone can claim to be something that they are not, it happens with a frightening frequency on the Internet. I tend to believe that most people, not all, are discerning enough to know that what they read on here may not be factual.

That can be true - and yet a lot of us know each other in RL as well. I was in a gaming guild (UO and then EQ) for five years. We all ended up meeting in RL at various RL gatherings. Guess what? We were all pretty much who we said we were. "Kirth" really was a DO GS 16 in Naval Appropriations, "Freena" was a Marine CWO-3 at a Tank Battalion, etc, etc.

In two years at B.com I have travelled the country, and met and hung with I think 12 different people I met there (platonic meetings, just buddies). Everyone has been on the up and up - "p's" Daddy really is a DA and she really does own a vineyard (I stayed there for 5 days - yayyy!), "j's" Daddy really is a (whatever the hell you call a trial lawyer for an insurance company doing subrogation litigation).

Honest peeps in RL are honest in correspondence too

I have to agree with the fact that every one of the people I have met on the Internet was who they claimed to be. However that is not to say that caution should be thrown to the wind. In anything on the Internet a little caution goes a long way. Better to be a little cautious than to end up a headline in a newspaper.

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"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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Post #: 29

RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 12:01:29 PM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

Especially, in the case of the newbies who come here seeking advice and are hit with conflicting and sometimes dangerous messages. Too often I see people posting without thinking of the possible ramifications of their words.

I agree that when you reply to a post that is seeking advice in a touchy subject that caution must be used. I try to stay out of those things unless I have experience in the area.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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Post #: 30

RE: Giving and Getting Advice - 7/2/2005 12:10:48 PM

fillepink

Posts: 124
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quote:

I agree that when you reply to a post that is seeking advice in a touchy subject that caution must be used. I try to stay out of those things unless I have experience in the area.

Mother of God..NOT posting unless i know what the f**k i'm talking about?????????????

fillepink