RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres

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RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/8/2007 11:53:51 PM

rob425

Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

Cause there are so many fakes out there making the good ones look bad

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

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Post #: 21

RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 7:02:11 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jonslav

Thank you all for your kind replies, I am not one dimensional and am most def do not top from the bottom, I do meet many people yet I find it very difficult to meet truly dominant people (not saying that Pro Doms are not) i like to be ordered about.

I just have nag in my mind that says "say this" so here it goes.

If you like to be ordered around there are mundane jobs out there where you can get that.

So be more specific about why what you like is a matter of Ds. If it is just in Ds situations, knowing this will help you find more compatible partners. If it a matter of just liking being told what to do you may be able to find ways to get that in every day life.

Knowing what you mean by being ordered and being dominant can only help you find more appropriate tops. You will also want to figure out what you mean by being submissive and what that entails.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to jonslav)

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RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 11:11:56 AM

smoothcoco

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline

Depending on where you live, it is hard to find real doms. Most doms are mere role players. Dont get me wrong, real doms are out there(and trust me a real dom, fem or male will NOT charge), but it can take awhile to find. Gotta be patient.

Been a sub for a VERY, VERY long time. When I lived in France and the Netherlands, finding a fem dom was very easy. Spent some time in NYC and finding real fem doms wasn't difficult either. You can email me privately if you want me to elaborate on a few things

(in reply to rob425)

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RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 11:13:40 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

well, first ya gotta stock up on chocolates, flowers and lots of bubble bath and massage oils...a big net also comes in handy too...LOL

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RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 11:19:06 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hi jon,

Your post sounds like a whiny trolling message. If that's not the intention, it's certainly the effect.

your complaint isn't unique to lifestylers. Many vanilla folk feel lonely, and ask themselves the same question. The folks asking those questions rarely meet anyone, with that attitude. Instead, approach the lifestyle from a perspective that you are intelligent, confident, have value, and genuinely enjoy meeting people. Incorporate your 'search' for an owner as part of your life; but do not let it replace it. No dominant will feel compelled to share time with you, if the only thing the two of you have in common are how lonely you are .

This message board is a great place to meet lots of people. Interact in it, share yourself on it from time to time, attend local munches and playparties, and work on making yourself the best person you can be. Doing so will have you in demand, in no time.

Stephan

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Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

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RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 11:20:43 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hi jon,

Your post sounds like a whiny trolling message. If that's not the intention, it's certainly the effect.

your complaint isn't unique to lifestylers. Many vanilla folk feel lonely, and ask themselves the same question. The folks asking those questions rarely meet anyone, with that attitude. Instead, approach the lifestyle from a perspective that you are intelligent, confident, have value, and genuinely enjoy meeting people. Incorporate your 'search' for an owner as part of your life; but do not let it replace it. No dominant will feel compelled to share time with you, if the only thing the two of you have in common are how lonely you are .

This message board is a great place to meet lots of people. Interact in it, share yourself on it from time to time, attend local munches and playparties, and work on making yourself the best person you can be. Doing so will have you in demand, in no time.

Stephan

and, if this doesn't work...try my suggestions...LOL

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Post #: 26

RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/9/2007 4:30:25 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Sorry, i'm not a Mistress (or even a Dominant); but i feel qualified to answer this question because i am a living, breathing, feeling and yes, thinking human being.

People on both sides of the coin seem to think that finding their counterpart in the bdsm and Ds lifestyles should be easy, and this absolutely blows my mind. Finding a real and lasting relationship of any kind is supposed to be difficult. You are not trying to pick out your car color or style of sockes here, you are looking for someone to share the most intimate details and moments of your life with.

Finding a Dominant or a submissive is not supposed to be easier than finding a vanilla lifemate; there are more inherent risks to your emotional, physical and mental (and yes, sometimes finacial) well-being in the lifestyle than in the mundane. You don't go to Doms r Us and pick out one and tailor it to fit.

If you're looking for someone from here.

You look at the most superficial aspects possible in their profile.

You follow up in their journal and posts and see if maybe you might fit in their life, and decide if they might fit in yours.

You then attempt to contact them.

If they see the same possibilities in you that you see in them, you may then move onto chat or email correspondance.

After some time you may then decide to exchange numbers, where you don't have minutes, hours or days to think and rethink the proper thing to say or way to respond to look the best in their eyes.

Eventually, you may decide to set up a public meet; hopefully taking all the proper precautions on both sides. You'll usually want to do this several times over at least a month before you come to terms on contracts or move to physical interaction.

If all goes well, you have spent a lot of time in getting to know the person you are devoting so much of your time and energy into and have found the counterpart that you seek. This can take months or even years or trial and error, and guess what; you may never find that perfect fit for you.

_________________________________________________________________

If you meet someone at a munch, social or other event; you can skip the first couple of steps here, but you're still going to have to put alot of time and energy into finding THE ONE.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 8/9/2007 5:28:54 PM >

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if only to keep me to herself.

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Where the fuck do I post?

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(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

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Post #: 27

RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/10/2007 4:22:00 PM

dolceservo

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

I would not agree with Jonslav, not according to my experience at least.
I have actually met here on collarme many Lifestyle Mistresses who don't require tributes and were real without a tiny doubt!
The obstacle, however, for what concerns myself it was that they all lived far away..mostly in the US, UK or Australia.
I think the male bottoms coming from those countries are way luckier to have an emancipated, free and openminded Female population counterpart.
Male subs and slaves in other parts of the world have not such luxury.

(in reply to jonslav)

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Post #: 28

RE: Why is it so difficult to find a Master/Mistres - 8/10/2007 6:24:56 PM

riadre

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

Well. You could try not being so desperate sounding, for one. Try not to ignore all the logical rules of actually interacting with other people.

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Post #: 29