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Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 8:29:24 PM

L0STsub

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline

Hi,
Well it has come to this. You see I'm a bit of a newbie so I have been lurking here for a bit reading and learning, and I am getting to the point of wanting to speak with someone about "things." Since I'm pretty shy about my personal life I feel awkward about airing my particulars here on the boards at the moment. I'm weary of just picking someone at random to aproach, especially after reading some profiles. I would hate to invoke someones Wrath/Apox upon me!

So I guess my question to a Mistress, what would be the best way to approach someone that could help me. I know they would have to have the time to do so and that is asking alot I think. But I am sincere and would be respectful of someone that would render some some wisdom and answers to me. I just hope that I can find someone honest and that I could trust. TIA L0stSub

PS I'm not here looking for a relationship, just someone to talk with and ask questions, not expecting anything.

< Message edited by L0STsub -- 8/6/2007 8:32:07 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 8:38:10 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Not to harsh your buzz, but it IS a lot to ask someone to help you without offering something (I'm not talking about money). Please know that submissives do hit up dominas for advice a lot, and then skip off on their merry ways. Can you offer something to a dominant lady first *before* asking for something? That would put your best foot forward, and set a good practice for yourself.

A few alternatives ... do research on the boards and see if it's already been asked, go to local munches, ask submissive men (they probably know about the issues you are wondering about), screw up your courage and ask on the boards.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 8:51:24 PM

BossyLadyPamela

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

screw up your courage and ask on the boards.

by:mysweetsubmissive

. .. that says it all, you will probably get a decent response to a general description.. there is such wisdom out here and ..scary--nice people..wink wink

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 3

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 8:52:34 PM

L0STsub

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline

Oh Yes, I do believe that it is a BIG deal, and that their time is precious, maybe I was not clear enough about that point. Ok, yes thanks for the advise about offering something in exchange. I am an expert computer tech. So do you suggest I ask other subs instead of Dommes? I have spent quite abit of time reading and researching, but like I said it has come to the point were I can discuss things I need further clarification on matters. But your advise is both appreciated and taken to heart. Merci beaucoup!
Cheers,
L0stSub

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 4

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 9:05:47 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I think other submissives can give you a perspective that a dominant might not, and they might be more open to questions. There are *fantastic* submissive men on the boards. Why not find one of these gentlemen that says things that make a lot of sense to you and approach him?

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 11:47:50 PM

MsSophie

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline

My advise would actually be to seek out a mature, experienced independent pro-domme in your area and ask her if she is willing to give you an advisory session. With that I mean a session with no play, and all talk. She will have seen, and heard, it all before and is most certainly accomplished at helping putting nervous newbies at ease.

_____________________________

My site: http://www.euro-kink.com

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 6

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/6/2007 11:53:33 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

MsSophie! What a delightful surprise to see you on the boards again!

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MsSophie)

Post #: 7

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 12:02:21 AM

MsSophie

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline

Thanks, it's nice to be welcomed back!

_____________________________

My site: http://www.euro-kink.com

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 8

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 6:59:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Have you explored the scene in meatlife or offline? That is usually the best way to find a mentor which your emails suggests to me that you want.

Why is it the best way?

First, you meet face-to-face so you are offering something in return for their time and energy: your time and energy.

Second, this allows both of you to get to know each other better. The questions you ask and the advice you may be offered is only good if it is useful to you. The best way to make something useful is to make it more specific to the person and situation.

Third, getting involved is a way to get answers to your questions because you get experience simply by observing others and seeing a wider range of possibilities.

Is it scary to go to a munch or a workshop or a group? Of course! But any type of learning and growth is usually a bit scary at first.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 7:15:35 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: L0STsub

Oh Yes, I do believe that it is a BIG deal, and that their time is precious, maybe I was not clear enough about that point. Ok, yes thanks for the advise about offering something in exchange. I am an expert computer tech. So do you suggest I ask other subs instead of Dommes? I have spent quite abit of time reading and researching, but like I said it has come to the point were I can discuss things I need further clarification on matters. But your advise is both appreciated and taken to heart. Merci beaucoup!
Cheers,
L0stSub

Taught from the Femdom perspective: "I just got the 1000th unsigned, one-liner email that had absolutely nothing to do with my profile, with me, or with what I'm seeking. You boys say you want to be pleasing and you can't follow instructions! Ugh! Hey You? New guy! Don't DOOO that stuff! "

Taught from the malesub perspective: "When I was new, I used to send one line emails about what I wanted. I didn't even bother signing my name. What did I know? They were quick to tell me to stop doing that. Try paying attention to what she says she's looking for. If you know you're not it, have some respect and don't waste your or her time. Provide the information she's requested. And be able to take a no for an answer!"

We've all got our own little pet peeves and things that disturb us about internet communication! I think that if you approach with courtesy, honesty, respect of my time and desires and clearly communicate -- you can't go wrong, even if you're 100% not my kind of guy. You might still wind up with a "no thanks" but it's not the door slammed on your fingers if you were less of a gentleman.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 10

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 4:25:26 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

You could ask your questions on here. It's worthwhile to do a forum search for similar keywords, though--some questions, like "How do I make my profile more attractive," and "How do I find my local community" get asked very, very often.

If you have a more specific, narrow question that is also less common, ask away! That's what the forums are here for.

If your questions have to do with getting in touch with local groups, you could search profiles in your local area. Some people have little blurbs that mention their involvement in certain groups, or that welcome people to get in touch with them if they're curious about the BDSM community in the area. Those people might be willing to answer a question or two--don't make them pen pals without their encouragement, of course, but a quick, limited question isn't so bad.

If you do send people unsolicited emails, go for regular forum posters (hang out, you'll figure out who they are). Send a very short message to start, noting that you've appreciated their insight on the forums and asking if they would be so kind as to take the time to give you some advice on your specific problem. NAME your specific problem, please, so they can say something like, "Sorry, I can't tell you about how to conquer jealousy in poly relationships, because I'm not polyamorous," if they don't feel well-suited to answering the question.

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 11

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 7:31:47 PM

devotedslave78

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Can you offer something to a dominant lady first *before* asking for something?

quote:

My advise would actually be to seek out a mature, experienced independent pro-domme in your area and ask her if she is willing to give you an advisory session.

LOL!

Lostsub, just sift through the profiles. In time the worthwhile people will stand out. Ignore the pro or, ahmm, "tribute" ladies out there. It is not an easy road, but eventually you'll run into someone who will give you an honest answer to your questions. ...and when you find her, approach her like a normal person (God I hate saying that). Any Domme/Dom who plays the part from the get go is not worth your time.

Cheers, and good luck!

ds

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

Post #: 12

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 8:29:29 PM

Rockwell

Posts: 63
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: L0STsub

So do you suggest I ask other subs instead of Dommes? I have spent quite abit of time reading and researching, but like I said it has come to the point were I can discuss things I need further clarification on matters. But your advise is both appreciated and taken to heart. Merci beaucoup!
Cheers,
L0stSub

Taught from the Femdom perspective: "I just got the 1000th unsigned, one-liner email that had absolutely nothing to do with my profile, with me, or with what I'm seeking. You boys say you want to be pleasing and you can't follow instructions! Ugh! Hey You? New guy! Don't DOOO that stuff! "

Taught from the malesub perspective: "When I was new, I used to send one line emails about what I wanted. I didn't even bother signing my name. What did I know? They were quick to tell me to stop doing that. Try paying attention to what she says she's looking for. If you know you're not it, have some respect and don't waste your or her time. Provide the information she's requested. And be able to take a no for an answer!"

We've all got our own little pet peeves and things that disturb us about internet communication! I think that if you approach with courtesy, honesty, respect of my time and desires and clearly communicate -- you can't go wrong, even if you're 100% not my kind of guy. You might still wind up with a "no thanks" but it's not the door slammed on your fingers if you were less of a gentleman.

Thank you, MisPandora and all dominas

I would myself not rely on other subs . I would seek permission to start a conversation with a lady. To find out her tastes and quirks and yes, to let her know ( without bragging) what I may have to offer her.
I would hope I had passed the basics early in life and am a indeed a civilized human.

I don't need some dude to pick up hot chicks. *
* please note how offensive this is if turned around.

Dear Mis. ( and all dear ladies) we are as individual as you.
( smile but you know that)

< Message edited by Rockwell -- 8/7/2007 8:32:36 PM >

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 13

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 9:34:09 PM

L0STsub

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline

Hello Everyone! Wow, I am soooo pleased at all the advice and opinions from every one. All of you have placed me more at ease about this and given me some insight because of such varied responses. I have enjoyed reading each post and would like to make some comments to each of you and possibly post something else in response, but alas, tonight I must hit the hay early because I have a big day tommorow reconfiguring about 70 computers to use the new WAN sharing/failover device that I installed last week at the library. If things go good I will be able to respond tommorrow night! I can't wait, this is so cool. Thanks again for the comments on and offline. I appreciate them all. Cheers, L0stSub.

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 14

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 10:13:22 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

devotedslave ...

I wasn't talking about material things. I meant that a submissive should offer before asking. Your cynicism is blinding you.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to L0STsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 10:25:50 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

My advice would be to ask your question as precisely as you possibly can. The better the question, the better the answers you'll receive. A well phrased general question "can" bring results, but a specific question will get even better results. If you have more than one question, break them down and ask them separately, or parts of your question may be ignored or overlooked. I'd also suggest writing it offline and spell checking it first, as some posters seem to delight in pouncing on mistakes and you seem a bit diffident to start with, so you don't need that sort of response. What I always say is this: "the most stupid question is the one you DIDN'T ask" so - ask away...

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 16

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 11:22:30 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I'm sorry that you feel you have nothing to learn from other male submissives, and it's just all about "picking up chicks" rather than growing in your submission. I sure find that I get my horizons broadened about relationships, and that comes from deliberate interactions with ALL walks, whether male or female, dominant or submissive.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Rockwell)

Post #: 17

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/7/2007 11:38:36 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedslave78

quote:

Can you offer something to a dominant lady first *before* asking for something?

quote:

My advise would actually be to seek out a mature, experienced independent pro-domme in your area and ask her if she is willing to give you an advisory session.

LOL!

Lostsub, just sift through the profiles. In time the worthwhile people will stand out. Ignore the pro or, ahmm, "tribute" ladies out there. It is not an easy road, but eventually you'll run into someone who will give you an honest answer to your questions. ...and when you find her, approach her like a normal person (God I hate saying that). Any Domme/Dom who plays the part from the get go is not worth your time.

Cheers, and good luck!

ds

How's that fucked attitude working out for you "devotedslave"??

I'm not ProDomme, but I know a couple of them. Do you pay to go to a doctor? Do you pay for dentistry? For food in a supermarket which employs staff? Petrol? People pay for services, ProDommes provide a service. YOU may not like it, but don't take the attitude that you know what everyone else wants.

Personally, I could spend hours on here answering the questions I get from subs/slaves. Few of Us have the time, energy or inclination to do so.

To the OP, I agree with MisPandora and MsSophie. Find a ProDomme who has the time and energy and inclination to answer the probably ten billion questions you have OR ask in the forum.

Good luck!

(in reply to devotedslave78)

Post #: 18

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/8/2007 3:35:36 AM

MsSophie

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedslave78
Lostsub, just sift through the profiles. In time the worthwhile people will stand out. Ignore the pro or, ahmm, "tribute" ladies out there. It is not an easy road, but eventually you'll run into someone who will give you an honest answer to your questions. ...and when you find her, approach her like a normal person (God I hate saying that). Any Domme/Dom who plays the part from the get go is not worth your time.

Of course the chap can sit and spend hours sifting through the profiles, spending time contacting all these people, get replies from one out of ten, start conversation and then maybe get some answers. All in a mere 50-100 hours of his time...
Or, he could spend 20 minutes finding and contacting a professional, in his area, and another hour or two sitting down for his questions.
It's just a matter how much he values his own time. Some people find their time is worth a lot, others find pleasure in the time consuming search. Why shouldn't both types be allowed to be happy their own way?

_____________________________

My site: http://www.euro-kink.com

(in reply to devotedslave78)

Post #: 19

RE: Dazed and Confused - 8/8/2007 10:08:45 AM

devotedslave78

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

How's that fucked attitude working out for you "devotedslave"??

Very well actually, thank you very much. The few people I have found are people without all the bells and whistles of a pro domme, but with their Dominance and understanding of its root concepts put any one of those ladies to shame. Our attitudes are born from experience, and when I first started looking into all of this, I did run into some pro-dommes (of course not in a client capacity). It amazed me how little they knew about my passion.

quote:

I'm not ProDomme, but I know a couple of them. Do you pay to go to a doctor? Do you pay for dentistry? For food in a supermarket which employs staff? Petrol? People pay for services, ProDommes provide a service. YOU may not like it, but don't take the attitude that you know what everyone else wants.

Well, true, somebody might like it. Then again some like to pick up girls who walk the street corners. Got a general distaste for that sort of thing - power exchange is too personal for me, and I'd rather share it with someone I am close to. ...not some butch leather clad amazon in a cartboard castle. :)

(in reply to MsSophie)

Post #: 20

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