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I am his sub not his love - 8/7/2007 7:48:46 PM   
subtt


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I am not his love, I am only his sub...

only a weekend sub...

I still remember the first time when he kissed me, the first time I felt the thrill when he got his hand on me, I dont know why I have so much tender feelings for him...

I have never been left alone so much in a relationship, I get anxious, I get sad, I have to force myself to concentrate on other things to get rid of the horrible feeling...

I hold my feelings back as Im so scared to get hurt, but I give whatever I can to make him happy...

should I just leave? ahh, it hurts me just to think about the idea...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/7/2007 7:53:21 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Is this what you want for the rest of your life?  If not, then move on and get working on finding what you want for the rest of your life.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/7/2007 7:54:01 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If you can be content being nothing more than his sub, then theres nothing wrong with the situation. Kitten is just my sub, not my love. He and I are both very happy with that arrangement.
However, if you want or need more, you may have to leave to get it. It does not sound as if your place is going t change any time soon, so you have to figure out what you want. If you want or need to be his love, then you might have to look elsewhere.  Some of us do not fall in love with our subs, even though we keep them.  Some of us do.
It is not unusual, though, for you to be falling in love with him. You should at least let him know about the feelings, since they might impact how he feels and relates to you. Hiding something like that leads to resentment farther down the line, especially if he has other subs or does find a lover.

DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/7/2007 8:02:16 PM   
ExquisiteFeline


Posts: 124
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtt

I am not his love, I am only his sub...

only a weekend sub...

I still remember the first time when he kissed me, the first time I felt the thrill when he got his hand on me, I dont know why I have so much tender feelings for him...

I have never been left alone so much in a relationship, I get anxious, I get sad, I have to force myself to concentrate on other things to get rid of the horrible feeling...

I hold my feelings back as Im so scared to get hurt, but I give whatever I can to make him happy...

should I just leave? ahh, it hurts me just to think about the idea...



Check out my thread in the submissive community. "Losing my monogamy." Similar thing :)

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/7/2007 9:41:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's your choice. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 3:32:03 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		MMm...no profile found, on either side of collar me..


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 3:41:35 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If that was the situation you where offered, the situation you entered into willingly, the situation you submitted to then the possibility that these feelings could arise should have been taken into account before you did so.

If you now find you can't handle it then maybe time to discuss with Him, reassess and move on to something more 24/7, with someone else if He can't provide that.

But if He has done nothing but stick within the terms of what was initialy agreed then He is not at fault. Not that you are 'at fault' though it would have been advisable to assess this sort of situation beforehand, just as it would have been advisable for Him to raise and discuss such issues with you back then. your needs are changing and either the relationship can change to accomidate that or it is time to find another situation which can.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 3:55:15 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		It's prolly not going to get any better.  If it's tearing you apart, you need to leave.

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 4:33:31 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Clearly your fear of getting hurt is being realised the longer this relationship continues.  It is quite normal for subs to wanna serve and please their dom/me etc, but there is a reasonable expectation of something in return for that committment.  However, sounds like you're stuck in a one-way relationship that is an emotional vacuum for you.  As always, you can try talking to him about it but I get the feeling he won't be listening because this relationship seems all about his needs only.
 
But welcome to the Forums anyway.... :-)
 
Focus.

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 4:42:29 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
As always, you can try talking to him about it but I get the feeling he won't be listening because this relationship seems all about his needs only.


Now this is more familiar territory Focus, we did too much of that uncomfortable agreeing thang last time *g*

There is nothing here to suggest that "The relationship seems to be about His needs only". There are more Dynamics out there than the 24/7 one. There are many reasons why people enter into a regular sub/playpartner arrangement and they are usualy for mutual benifit. Both get something from it, else one side or the other would not enter into such..... unless they are being deceptive and thinking once they have their 'foot in the door' they can manipulate a change in the agreed terms.

Here it looks like a simple case of feelings developing and needs growing past the confines of the agreed situation. A risk it is always worth considering BEFORE entering into such. her needs  have changed and either the relationship needs to change OR she needs a new relationship end of story. There is no wrong doing on the others part if all they have done was stick to what the origional terms where.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 4:49:37 AM   
Mirysien


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

MMm...no profile found, on either side of collar me..



so to hijack the topic for a moment .. but what do you mean "on either side"?  That is, are there profiles on the forums side and if so, how do I access them?

Thanks in advance

(in reply to FrankAr)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 5:01:58 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		That's pretty much how I read it too, Raven.  Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all too often.  I don't know that there is an answer for it.  Yes, you can discuss this very thing prior to entering into a relationship, but sometime our emotions just don't do what we want them to.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 5:14:13 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
That's pretty much how I read it too, Raven.  Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all too often.  I don't know that there is an answer for it.  Yes, you can discuss this very thing prior to entering into a relationship, but sometime our emotions just don't do what we want them to.


Quite and one I have encountered personaly both from the girls emotions/needs growing past those confines AND from My Own. I My case the answer was simple, I have the discipline to stick within the commitments made and the confines of the arrangement entered into. With the girl, when it was clear that continuing the arrangement would have been harmful and I was not in a position to offer her more than the origional commitment, I helped her move on and advised her during the search for a relationship more applicable to those needs.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 5:17:27 AM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		all the time people come into our lives for one reason or another.. a lesson for sure... and just because we learn from them and care for and even love them....it does not mean that they are there forever physically! it sounds like it is time to move on.. tuck your lessons into your memory bag...smile and thank Him.... and find your TRUE happiness... last love of your life ...soulmate... whatever you wish to call it! nothing comes from hanging on and being unhappy.. no one can serve freely when they are heartbroken or disatisfied!  its LIFE and there is always something good to be found from these lessons just harder sometimes to see this!

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 5:28:19 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		Well said, loverly!! i agree - every situation presents an opportunity to learn - and sometimes the opportunity might be in the ending of a relationship rather than in the middle! But we take what lessons we have learned and continue on our path!
To the OP - maybe you are expecting more from this man than he is willing to give - you need to decide if you are happy with what he is willing to share with you or do you want more. Of course, first you need to be sure on what he is willing to give you - talk to him! And if your paths are not the same then decide if what you have is enough or do you need to leave and find something that really makes you happy!

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 10:33:46 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mirysien

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

MMm...no profile found, on either side of collar me..



so to hijack the topic for a moment .. but what do you mean "on either side"?  That is, are there profiles on the forums side and if so, how do I access them?

Thanks in advance


You can do this 2 ways....first when the person posts in the forum you click on their nic, this then brings you up their profile on another screen.  You can also go on the home page of collarme and type in the nic of the poster, and this will bring you up their shortened profile for you to look up.  Now this does not work if the person has thier profile in the mode of silent, when you can have it.  But you see, the poster that started the topic has just made a new account, and lo and behold has no profile...that is why it is suspect..

Be well.

Frank Ar.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to Mirysien)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 1:15:24 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtt

I am not his love, I am only his sub...

only a weekend sub...

I still remember the first time when he kissed me, the first time I felt the thrill when he got his hand on me, I dont know why I have so much tender feelings for him...

I have never been left alone so much in a relationship, I get anxious, I get sad, I have to force myself to concentrate on other things to get rid of the horrible feeling...

I hold my feelings back as Im so scared to get hurt, but I give whatever I can to make him happy...

should I just leave? ahh, it hurts me just to think about the idea...


I guess my question would be, why are you only a weekend submissive to someone?  Why aren't you his love?  Is there a reason you can't be?

If there is a possiblity for change, talk to him about it.  If not, then, yes, you have to consider ending it for your own wellbeing.  One sided love is not a way to live.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 4:22:18 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		i suppose you could call me Sir's "weekend submissive".  but i'm not.  we are a bit long distance, we both have other responsibilities, and we cant see each other as much as we would like.  it sucks.

but i belong to him all the time, not just when i'm in his presence.  i talk to him every day...and not only in BDSM terms, what is going on with both of us, how my sorting and packing is proceeding (am in the begining processes of moving) and while neither of us likes how little we can be together, we each understand the other.

kitten, who needs to go back to sorting and throwing things out.....

(in reply to Skates)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/8/2007 9:08:44 PM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Dear Abby had a good one for this type of situation- are you better off with him or without him. be honest with yourself.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I am his sub not his love - 8/9/2007 1:58:26 AM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		subtt, i had to smile when i read "I am not his love, I am only his sub..."  my Sir and i had a conversation about this very thing, and He reminded me that He does not love me in a "romantic" way... "romantic" was His word.  without getting off track here i'll just say you're not alone with the feelings you have.  i too have thought about leaving, but that thought quickly brings me back to my love for Him....
He loves me, cares for me, and most of all brings a lot of joy to my life.  i suppose when the sadness or heartache has over shadowed the joy i'll have to make that difficult choice.  until then i get great pleasure on just knowing i am His, and when W/we do spend time together it is fanfuckingtastic! 

(in reply to subtt)
Profile   Post #: 20
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