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RE: Others - 8/9/2007 3:19:26 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

behind my back

Seams to indicate that he is doing it without discussion. You indicated that you discussed it, so then it leads me to assume he said he wouldn't do it, and then did it anyhow. A little confused as to what to answer, so I will give a general one.

A feeling, no matter what it is, is never wrong. How you express that feeling is an action, and your actions are right or wrong. So be calm and be sure you know what is happening before you act. Be sure you know how you feel before you act, and why you feel that way.

If someone is going behind your back, or making the choice to be with another person after you have expressed that you do not want this in your relationship, then they really are not taking into account your desires. If you can agree to him seeing another person, under whatever rules you lay down, then it can work out. If he is going to do it anyhow, and you have said "No" then you can't stick around. He is making a choice to be with the other person, or to live the poly lifestyle, and not including you in that decision. It sounds like he is saying that living like that is more important to him than your relationship.

You say it has been discussed at length. Do you know why he feels that it would not be detrimental to your feelings if he took on another person? Why is he wanting this? If he is wanting it to fix some issues he has, then run. If he feels like he can love someone else and not loose any love for you, and that you are secure in your relationship, then you MIGHT give him some more time to explain. His reasons are very important, but not more important than your feelings.

I am poly, and so is my fiancé. We may not have gotten together if we had not been. If she was not comfortable with it any more I would stop looking for someone else in a heartbeat. She has placed her own comfort restrictions as to what types of relationships she is open to. I respect her choices, because I care about how she feels. I place my own restrictions. Together those things narrow down out desired relationship choices. Only when we are both comfortable with the person, and the relationship type, will we even consider taking on another person.

I haven't been awake long enough to think in a coherent manor. If that makes no since please just disregard it.

~Ki

(in reply to ProfJoe)

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RE: Others - 8/10/2007 7:01:07 AM

Switchgirl68

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

Could someone please tell me how I can delete this thread. I shouldn't have posted anything here. This situation is way more complicated than I can get into on here and I'm afraid I've not been able to give all the information. I'm very sorry. Thank you all for your advice.

< Message edited by Switchgirl68 -- 8/10/2007 7:15:43 AM >

(in reply to ProfJoe)

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Post #: 22

RE: Others - 8/10/2007 7:16:41 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Ofcourse this just piques my curiosity

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Switchgirl68)

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Post #: 23

RE: Others - 8/10/2007 7:32:15 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchgirl68

Could someone please tell me how I can delete this thread. I shouldn't have posted anything here. This situation is way more complicated than I can get into on here and I'm afraid I've not been able to give all the information. I'm very sorry. Thank you all for your advice.

You can't, only moderators can.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Switchgirl68)

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Post #: 24

RE: Others - 8/10/2007 7:32:18 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Seeing others behind your back constitutes cheating. If you two did not agree or have not discussed an open relationship, then you need to discuss it with him. You also need to consider if it's something you can or will choose to live with.

Yeah, what she said.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to feastie)

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Post #: 25

RE: Others - 8/10/2007 12:04:50 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchgirl68

Is it wrong for me to be upset that my Husband/Master desires to see others behind my back?

Put the shoe on the other foot, Switchgirl. Would it be wrong for him to be upset if you desired to see others behind his?

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Switchgirl68)

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Post #: 26