Am I a REAL DOM?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Am I a REAL DOM?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Am I a REAL DOM?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 1:40:58 PM

MasterSteve57

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

I've read that genuine DOM males are very rare. I've only had three scenes with two subs but in each case when I take control (usually by grabbing their hair) I get a sexual rush that is truly intoxicating. It's far beyond anything I've ever experienced during vanilla sex. The orgasm that follows later is incredibly intense.

But the important factor is - the rush I feel is wholly dependent on the sub going into sub space. If I can feel her gasp, see her eyes roll back and her muscles go limp - I get the rush.

Lacking the response I'd get little or no pleasure. I'm not by nature a violent person quite the contrary so I'm no rapist. I'm also not a control freak nor am I an egoistic person so I don't think this is an ego thing.

It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become.

What is this rush? Is it an indication that I'm the real thing - a REAL DOM? Still trying to figure all this out...

=- MasterSteve57

Post #: 1

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 1:50:17 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Few questions.

First question... why do you care?

Second question... what do you think a dominant is?

Third question... will you be disappointed if the answer is "No"?

Fourth question... if you aren't sure if you're a dom, why call yourself a master?

My guess is you're going to get a lot of replies to the effect of "If you have to ask, you aren't." There's some truth to that. But I'm going to assume for the moment you're serious and earnest in your question... my questions were just a serious. I think what you mostly are now is inexperienced and still figuring things out. For what its worth, the situation you described, regarding scening with a submissive, sounds more like Topping than anything else.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 1:53:46 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

yeah, I'm kinda thinking he wrote this to have hits on his profile by willing subs who think he's cute since he's so "emotionally open" and "unsure of himself"

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 1:56:52 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

Ok, hon. For one thing get the cornball "real/twue" Dom stuff out of your head. Dominance (or submission for that matter.) is truly in the eye of the beholder. I am a switch, when I have my haired pulled, I feel that rush deep in my stomach, and it is such an instant turn on for me. I feel the same way when I do it to someone else. The thing is, one person may not think you are real, and the next one might. If you haven't already, connect with your local bdsm community, and talk to people, go to classes/workshops, go to play parties, read threads articles on here and other sites. (If you want I could send you a list of worthwhile sites that have great articles.

) And most of all, have fun!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 1:59:55 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

yeah, I'm kinda thinking he wrote this to have hits on his profile by willing subs who think he's cute since he's so "emotionally open" and "unsure of himself"

If so it'll back fire when they tell him they just want to be friends and he's like a big brother to them.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 2:01:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

From your description I'd say you were a very reactive type personality who enjoys kinky sex.

I have to say it's somewhat odd that you're asking THIS question when you've already named yourself a "master."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 2:01:33 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

hehe

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 2:46:40 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Steve,

We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately so everyone is a bit testy. Your post echos some of those things that drive us nuts but I am going to take you at your word.

First off, people who really do this stuff in real life HATE the word true for a host of reasons, partly because the worst idiots claim to be "true" and secondly what is true and works for you, might suck for me and mine. Be happy with who and what you are, stake a claim to individuality and you will do fine.

Second, we aren't so much into labels, we consider them broad catagories, none of which sit on pedestals.

Posturing will get you nowhere here, being open and honest, even vulnerable will get you much farther and you will learn more. There is much to learn hear and many to learn from.

Best of luck!

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:19:17 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

If there had to be collective agreement from the entire BDSM community if someone was real or not nobody would be.

Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. Screw everybody else.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:26:37 PM

MasterSteve57

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

My post was entirely in earnest with no other motives whatsoever.

If real doms are really so rare, how is someone relatively new to the game to know if they belong to such an elite group? Most submissive women seem to be looking for the genuine item not paper tiger pretenders. Are my dom traits solid enough to make a ltr work?

Pardon me if I pushed some buttons here, but I'm just trying to find my way in a fascinating but bewildering maze.

=- MasterSteve57

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:26:57 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Screw everybody else.

But won't Val be jealous?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:32:06 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

My post was entirely in earnest with no other motives whatsoever.

If real doms are really so rare, how is someone relatively new to the game to know if they belong to such an elite group? Most submissive women seem to be looking for the genuine item not paper tiger pretenders. Are my dom traits solid enough to make a ltr work?

Pardon me if I pushed some buttons here, but I'm just trying to find my way in a fascinating but bewildering maze.

=- MasterSteve57

Ok Steve,

Here's the deal. There is no elite group. We are who we feel we are. I may not think your techniques, abilities etc. fall into what mine are and Michael may not feel mine fall into what his are. I am a dominant. I know that and I execute it the way I feel is important to me. Michael, I am sure feels the same way...as does many other.

You can't rely on "fitting in" or being a part of the dom clubhouse to be a dominant. It is up to you to find someone who falls in line with your beliefs and simply make it happen. Your dom traits are what you make them. If you want to be harsh be harsh if you want to be soft then be soft. There is someone out there who wants what you want. The question is how do you find them? And, my friend, no one can answer that beyond get out there and look....real life places help.

Good luck and if you aren't a poser; my apologies.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:38:00 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

My post was entirely in earnest with no other motives whatsoever.

Glad to hear it.

quote:

If real doms are really so rare, how is someone relatively new to the game to know if they belong to such an elite group?

Some of us, I'd even say many of us, blazed our own trail, found our own path. To quote from a favorite poem, "I am the captain of my fate, I am the master of my soul." Think about that and the kind of confidence it takes to approach life with that attitude... and you'll understand why I said you'd likely get an answer from some that essentially would be "if you have to ask, you aren't."

quote:

Most submissive women seem to be looking for the genuine item not paper tiger pretenders. Are my dom traits solid enough to make a ltr work?

No one here knows you nearly well enough to tell you. You just jumped from wanting to know if you had the "right stuff" to be a dominant, to asking if you can make a LTR D/s relationship work. I think you skipped a few steps in there somewhere. For now, here's another question to consider. How well have you been able to make other LTR relationships work? If you couldn't, you still can't. If you could, you'll probably do alright in a D/s relationship once you get comfortable with being a dominant.

quote:

Pardon me if I pushed some buttons here, but I'm just trying to find my way in a fascinating but bewildering maze.

Don't worry about it, most of the regulars have pretty thick skins... and those that don't need to learn.

I asked you four questions earlier, seriously, take a crack at answering them. I may use a bit of humor and sarcasm, but the questions were quite genuine and asked for a reason.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 4:56:54 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

I've read that genuine DOM males are very rare. I've only had three scenes with two subs but in each case when I take control (usually by grabbing their hair) I get a sexual rush that is truly intoxicating. It's far beyond anything I've ever experienced during vanilla sex. The orgasm that follows later is incredibly intense.

But the important factor is - the rush I feel is wholly dependent on the sub going into sub space. If I can feel her gasp, see her eyes roll back and her muscles go limp - I get the rush.

Lacking the response I'd get little or no pleasure. I'm not by nature a violent person quite the contrary so I'm no rapist. I'm also not a control freak nor am I an egoistic person so I don't think this is an ego thing.

It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become.

What is this rush? Is it an indication that I'm the real thing - a REAL DOM? Still trying to figure all this out...

=- MasterSteve57

It is an indication that you get turned on when you get rough with a woman but only if she is responsive to it. Where I come from it's called great sex. You honestly don't need to force yourself into a box right out of the gate.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 6:11:06 PM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

I've read that genuine DOM males are very rare. I've only had three scenes with two subs but in each case when I take control (usually by grabbing their hair) I get a sexual rush that is truly intoxicating. It's far beyond anything I've ever experienced during vanilla sex. The orgasm that follows later is incredibly intense.

But the important factor is - the rush I feel is wholly dependent on the sub going into sub space. If I can feel her gasp, see her eyes roll back and her muscles go limp - I get the rush.

It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become.

What is this rush? Is it an indication that I'm the real thing - a REAL DOM? Still trying to figure all this out...

=- MasterSteve57

<snarky response> You call yourself 'Master', you talk about a scene, and how seeing a sub in sub space makes you feel; then you ask if your a 'real' Dom? Duh huh? <end snarky> Sorry it is so friggin' hot here.

That being said, I do understand being new and trying to figure stuff out, I am fairly new to this as well...sort of.

Well here's a little of what I've figured out in my short time here;
1. I am submissive, not because others say I am but because I am
2. My Dom (who is also as new as I), is a Dom because he is; as well as
      his interests, attitute, actions, words, behavior prove him to be. Is he a 'real' Dom? I      don't know others definitions, but mine and his say YES.
3. The labels that seem to exist don't matter, except in a general sort of way, like having to tell someone I am a woman; behavior and attitude define you, not labels.

My suggesstion for figuring IT and yourself out, read. Read everything you can get your hands on but read with the idea that it is someone's opinion and not gospel.

What the rush? It's endorphins, adrenaline and pleasure.
Is it an indication of the real thing? Are you asking if this 'makes' you a Dom? If so, no, it doesn't. It means you enjoy the scene.

<a little snarky again> Asking others if you are a 'real Dom' is kind of like asking others if you are a 'real man', opinions will vary.

"If real doms are really so rare, how is someone relatively new to the game to know if they belong to such an elite group? Most submissive women seem to be looking for the genuine item not paper tiger pretenders. Are my dom traits solid enough to make a ltr work? "

I'm not even going to touch the 'elite group'...definately cannot control snarkiness today. Darn it, I have to...what gives you the idea that Doms are an elite group? Or do you mean those into BDSM? Either way, there is nothing 'elite' about it, it's just something different from YOUR norm; not better, just different.

Genuine item:  someone that can communicate openly, honestly and clearly; as well as a whole host of other things that any individual is looking for in THEIR Dom.

Using others to define you will only leave you feeling as if you are lacking.

As far as the last question, how have your other ltr worked, because this is absolutely no different.

MHO, is that the last question is not so much about 'your dom traits' as your experience, and it will increase in time; as will your confidence in this and yourself.

Welcome and good luck on your path.
SayaNereida

< Message edited by SayaNereida -- 8/8/2007 6:17:57 PM >

_____________________________

Anais Nin: Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. ...

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 7:40:19 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I think your best approach is to concentrate on being a real person. Don't lay claim to any labels until you have done enough reading and research, and talking to and observing others active in the lifestyle, to know which parts appeal to you, and which avenues you wish to pursue. Learning should never stop; if I ever meet anyone who already knows all he wants to know, I will run like hell.

When you have heard subs speak of there being "few true Doms", they are probably speaking from bad experiences with people who use the title as a means to exploit the unwary. Usually this is mostly to gain sex, but it can also damage people emotionally, physically, and financially.

"True Doms" don't have some magical inborn talent. There is no convenient sword in a stone to serve as a test to separate the fake from the real. There is an endless variation among domination styles. The test of trueness is not their skill set in the dungeon or playroom, but their strength of character and their self discipline and sense of responsibility for self and those in their charge.

Just be yourself, forget titles for now, and watch people. *smiles* Hope you have a wonderful journey of discovery.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 8:44:07 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Are my dom traits solid enough to make a ltr work?

Hello MasterSteve57. There is a difference between kinky sex in which you "play" the dominant (some top and get the same rush you do, while non dominant in daily life) and a 24/7 lifestyle in which the "play" is a small part, and D/s life with it's ups and downs is the big part.

The dom traits you talk about are very common and insufficient to "predict" anything. You cannot conclude about an exploration of life based on desire (sex rush). You have to "explore" and take risks to really know if you are "solid enough".

Seems like you are looking for validation. One "good" trait about a 24/7 LTR type dom is that he usually does not give a fuck about validation. If you take your time and "explore" carefully, you will find out very fast why.

No one can "really"answer the question you ask, especially you at this stage. But if I had to answer at gun point, I would say no, your "dom traits" are not solid enough based on what you posted. They may or not be with time in the relationship department. Right now you are solid enough for "play". That is what you "do" at this moment in time. For LTR ? Nobody knows.

Just have fun and don't worry about it. RL.

PS: I have been in LTR for a very long time, I am not part of an "elite". Vanillas do LTR and no applause is heard. It's the same, only the power exchange factor is different. Most vanillas are not an even 50/50 and most TPE people are not totally 100/0. You have vanillas in traditional marriages (D/s) with unkinky sex and some of us LTR people are only TPE in the bedroom. You have to explore what works for you (and your future partner) and come up with your "unique" flavor of LTR. You have to become part of an "elite" of one, and at the same time really not give a fuck about any "elite".

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 9:46:47 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

there are many other responses a bottom can give you that shows she's enjoying herself besides subspace. Especially in the first moments when you grab her hair, assuming she's got enough hair to grab. I think you're limiting yourself. And I'd say you enjoy topping. somewhat. And I'd widen my repertoire. that bit might get stale.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to MasterSteve57)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 10:12:18 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

The only Real Dom edfinition I have ever come accross that made any universal sense was.
You have to split the words
Are you real, as in genuine about who you are and what you want, what you need, what your motivations in life are, etc
Are you Dominant, are you seriously fullfilled by taking the responsibility, the control, etc.

If you meet both terms then you meet them combined.

That of course does not mean you are nessisarily ethical, a nice person, or anything else.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/8/2007 10:30:19 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

In seeking to learn about myself I asked one person, "Am I a submissive?" He answered that yes, I was. But, he was a Gorean Master, and believes that women are inherenty submissive.

In seeking to learn about myself I asked another person, "Am I a Dominant?" He answers, yes. Yes you are! But he's a submissive who thinks all women are inherent goddesses.

People often project their own expectations on to others. That is not to say that it is wrong to seek answers, but even the answers you get that are genuinely and kindly offered or not so kindly offered, are still based on that person's own perspective. I believe that Padriag presented you with some questions to ask yourself that will be very helpful in sorting out for yourself what your own expectations are.

Good luck and best wishes.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Am I a REAL DOM?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078