RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex?

RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

MissIsis -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/10/2007 3:10:26 AM)
Not everyone is into the extremes & they aren't all into only hardcore sex. Someone on here has something on their profile, that says if all they do is talk about sex within the first contact with them, more than likely, they are really not into this for the D/s, M/s. I tend to agree with this. It is, for me, a good weeding out tool. And it isn't just the men with dominant profiles, either. Some of them are decent people, too. They just want more of the sex stuff without having to go through the "getting to know you first". I actually met someone who was funny, compassionate, & had some great qualities I enjoy in men. Although, it had been obvious the guy wanted some D/s, it became much clearer after we met, that for him, the sex was what he wanted most of all. Needless to say, we drifted. I can get kinky sex from just about anyone if that was all I wanted. And I have met men who were great with the D/s stuff, & really were horrible when sex was added to the mix. I guess it is a balancing act. I think some people think that is what all of us women here, whether Dominant or submissive are after, & the sex might in some way, be easier for some men to talk about than to talk about than intimacy & what else they may be looking for. Good luck to you. Best unasked for advice I can give you, is to stay true to what you want the most, & open to what you may want in the future.

Durus -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/10/2007 6:19:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Not many people will ask you if your pussy is shaved 15 minutes after meeting you face to face No wonder I've been getting slapped!

littlebitxxx -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 4:20:38 AM)
On the one hand, yes this lifestyle is really based on sex and sexuality. Sadism and masochism by definition are usually performed (for lack of a better word) with sexual gratification in mind. Bondage is usually about sex, otherwise why would you go to the bother of tying somebody up just to watch TV? Domination or discipline a lot of times comes in the form of control of the sub's sexual behaviour and self, ie, orgasm control, not wearing panties, being nude in the home, having various toys inserted when going out, etc. This alternative lifestyle we've chosen has opened the door to a lot of kinks being realized and acted upon. On the other hand, if sex was the underlying factor or connecting thread to the entire relationship, it would get real old real fast. Being in a skirt every single time leaving the house just so you can drive around with his hand between your legs gets very annoying. Fellatio is a fun thing to do but how many times a day would it take to raise your ick factor? Watersports is also fun but when he forgets how to use a regular toilet because...? A D/s relationship has to consist of more, much more, than just the bdsm or sex. You can't "play" 24 hours a day no matter how much you may want to...what are you gonna do the other 22? There's got to be another whole side to the equation and communication is the way to find it. If talking to a particular prospect always meant sex talk, I point blank asked him if he could talk about anything else. Depending on the answer, we went on...or not. Sometimes you just have to sit up and speak your mind. Know what you want and don't settle for less than the best...you are worth that. Love and light, sage

Focus50 -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 5:25:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx Bondage is usually about sex, otherwise why would you go to the bother of tying somebody up just to watch TV? Actually, bondage is the perfect physical manifestation of one person controlling another. And when there's something on tv I wanna watch that the girl is not particularly interested in, it's no bother at all that the she'll probably spend the time trussed up at my feet while I take in both "shows" simultaneously.... Focus.

came4U -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 5:38:53 AM)
quote: The jerks here are more sophisticated so you'll still need to keep your wits about you - but you're doing ok thus far.... [sm=flowers.gif] here, for all the jerks. lol

PairOfDimes -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 9:02:06 AM)
Good grief, no, everything isn't about sex. I often don't like sex with my BDSM. (I do like a hefty portion of sadism, typically, so that's worth mentioning.) That said, some people do approach BDSM in a very, very sexual way. Some of those people are, in my mind, really nice, sane, polite people with good social boundaries and good BDSM skills, although naturally, they may not be compatible with everyone. Some of those people are socially deprived wankers. Since you write that you do want sex, you just want other stuff as well, you might say so--either in your profile, or in these chats. Then, gently remind people who are moving too sexually that you'd like to talk about other areas of compatibility, and if they respond to that with encouragement and politeness, you may well want to keep on talking with them.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 9:08:21 AM)
If the hardcore sex isnt your thing, just state that upfront. Those who arent interested in anything past there wll bolt, quickly. Im not a Dominant MALE, but I do know that my personal relationships do not have to be about sex at all. I have had Angel for a year come September and he is still a virgin. Kitten on the other hand, was sexually active form the getgo but we didnt mix the sex and the BDSM. One ended and the other began. You wil find someone who is interested in and capable of emotional and mental domination. Not everyone can do that, there are some dominants who cannot control past the physical. That works fantastically for some. If it doesnt for you, then keep looking. Good Luck DV

ProlificNeeds -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 11:13:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom hello. i am curious about some of the dominants thoughts on this. does everything have to be about hardcore sex?? It's about pleasure, plain and simple. Sometimes there's the "Ugh do I have to?" bits but, really, BDSM is there for pleasure, we do what we like, and avoid what we don't. That varies from person to person, you just need to wade around through the muck till you find some people who fall closer to your range of enjoyed activities.

MadRabbit -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 11:22:17 AM)
Personally, I happen to love and fully desire hardcore sex in any M/S relationship that I enter. The more hardcore, the better! But just because I have a healthy sexual appetite doesnt automatically equate to the relationship being just about sex. Its on par with pretty much any other activitiy I enjoy. I love to go to the movies, but the relationship isnt all about going to the movies together. I doubt I could form an emotional correction of eros love (Thanks Faramir. Learned another new word!) without that physical aspect.

EldroRolod -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 11:29:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Personally, I happen to love and fully desire hardcore sex in any M/S relationship that I enter. I fully agree! My D/s relationships have always had a very strong sexual nature. It is who I am and therefore is what I seek out. I was lucky enough to find a sub, my beloved future wife, who's own words were, "What's the point in the beating and begging and crawling if you don't get fucked afterward? That would seem pointless." LOL God I love her. ;) I tend to find those who are into the pain and torment without sexual pleasure to be more masochists than slaves or submissives. And if that's what they are into, more power to them. But not me. I get very worked up when working my sub and without that release and usage and pleasure, it would feel meaningless.

RaynaSub -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/11/2007 11:34:19 AM)
No, everything does not have to be about hardcore sex. You have the power to not communicate with individuals that feel that way, so why would you? Before I met my Master, I did not have that problem, because I cut those conversations short. Problem was then solved.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/13/2007 12:42:57 AM)
It's not always about sex. However, you have to understand that this is the place where people come to find kinky sex. I mean, Maxim (a men's magazine) once published that if you wanted hot sex, find a dominatrix. rolls eyes Just use it as a very effective weeding tool. Master Fire

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/14/2007 5:46:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EldroRolod quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Personally, I happen to love and fully desire hardcore sex in any M/S relationship that I enter. I fully agree! My D/s relationships have always had a very strong sexual nature. It is who I am and therefore is what I seek out. I was lucky enough to find a sub, my beloved future wife, who's own words were, "What's the point in the beating and begging and crawling if you don't get fucked afterward? That would seem pointless." LOL God I love her. ;) I tend to find those who are into the pain and torment without sexual pleasure to be more masochists than slaves or submissives. And if that's what they are into, more power to them. But not me. I get very worked up when working my sub and without that release and usage and pleasure, it would feel meaningless. well, i guess i should explain myself more.... i love sex. and i TOTALLY agree, i'm not going to go thru all of this stuff without getting some in the end. what i am saying is....when i have NEVER spoken to you before, i have no clue who you are, and you send me a mesage and the FIRST words out of your mouth are how you wanna shoot a load on my ass, or use me as your cumbucket, that's what i have an issue with. how about.... "Hi. My name is ______." or "How are you?" or "What's up? Tell me about yourself." those are the types of things i would expect from an introduction. that's all i'm saying. but i guess everone has their own idea as to what they want in an initial conversation. :) OH, and thanks to everyones responses, i did change my profile to list more specifically what i am looking for. i think it has helped a lot. :) thanks!

mnottertail -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/14/2007 5:58:18 AM)
Hi. My name is Ron. I wanna shoot a load in your ass, and use you as my cumbucket. Thanks. (this is quite proper, of course). Hey, yanno, if you don't like the approach, don't let the fuckers land. Ron

breatheasone -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/14/2007 7:12:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom hello. i am curious about some of the dominants thoughts on this. does everything have to be about hardcore sex?? ok, i'm new. i've only been on CM for a few weeks now. but in that time i have chatted with several dominant men. and one thing that i am noticing is that EVERYTHING out of their mouths is about sadistic, hardcore sex. now, i realize that this is a BDSM website, and yes, that is considered a sex website. so many of you are probably sitting there thinking... "if this girl doesn't want to talk about sex, why the heck is she here?" i get that. lol. but i was under the impression that this whole lifestyle was about more than just weather or not your pu$$y is shaved; if it's ok for me to pee on you; or if you like to take it up the butt. am i wrong? now, i like sex JUST as much as the next person. but personally, i am looking to be intellectually, emotionally, & mentally dominated as well....not just sexually dominated. am i the only one?? are there any dominant men out there who are interested in more than just kinky sex talk & an easy fuck? or am i barking up the wrong tree. any advice for a newbie?? YES!!! yes it does....LOL

vield -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/14/2007 8:11:14 AM)
What interesting responses! Motivation is going to be similar for many people and very different for many others. For me the whole B/D, D/S, S/M scene is very sexual whether any degree of intercourse or penetration of anyone by anyone occurs or not. As slave or as Master it is hot and sexual, whatever we are doing. I do know quite a few people who claim BD/SM for them is not sexual. Not my point of view! I also know people who play with people other than their spouses who claim to reserve "sex" for the spouse and only do dom or sub or pain slut play with other BD/SM partners. Oh well, there will always be many points of view.

becca333 -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/15/2007 2:39:52 AM)
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before that prince comes along. If it helps any, I've got a great recipe for frog's legs. Recycle those suckers.

chey -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/15/2007 5:13:04 AM)
Ron you always make me laugh! biracialsub just block or ignore those people who say things which offend you. You have some choices. You can block them, ignore them (I've found if I do not respond they go away), respond to them and tell them you prefer to get to know a man first (who knows maybe they will .....nah nevermind, probably not going to change anything but you can try.) Or respond back to them and tell them you are not interested if you would like to be more polite, I have not had a problem doing this, most of the time they do go away. The point is, they are going to have luck somewhere with that tactic, and if they hook up and everyone gets what they want then great. They just are not the one for you, don't worry so much about them. Believe me, you will eventually get email from men who do want to get to know you. It just takes time and patience.

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/15/2007 8:19:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Hi. My name is Ron. I wanna shoot a load in your ass, and use you as my cumbucket. Thanks. (this is quite proper, of course). Hey, yanno, if you don't like the approach, don't let the fuckers land. Ron Dear Ron, I prefer to get to know a man first. :) There, how did I do?? BTW...YOU ARE HILLARIOUS! lol I mean that as a complament. lol also, who is yanno??

realtuffdom -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/15/2007 10:07:26 PM)
For me, it doesn't have to be hardcore sex. I am an enlightened ruler in that it can be semi hardcore sex, slightly harder than softer sex, sometimes softer sex, or... ...You know, come to think of it, if I'm allowed to be in the same room, I think we're off to a good start.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.076172E-02