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RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 12:36:50 PM   
blmtrsne


Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		My husband/slave is 50, and is my slave since 1988. The only thing that shanged is that he knows me better and is of more use. (24/7 relationship, but not exposed to others).

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RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 5:18:57 PM   
UR2Badored


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

balance comes to mind. I did some work at nursing homes and it is just interesting to listen to them talk about their spouses it is about a lot of things i think really it has to be about value how much value things and morals after that is the glue that makes us who we are and anyone who infringes on that just tell them to kiss your hiny


I certainly can work on having a balanced life in a few areas........Anyhoo......that (your work) sounds like an amazing experience.  It reminds me of the book called something like Tuesdays with Morrie. 

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 8/10/2007 5:19:34 PM >

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RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 8:27:04 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UR2Badored

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

balance comes to mind. I did some work at nursing homes and it is just interesting to listen to them talk about their spouses it is about a lot of things i think really it has to be about value how much value things and morals after that is the glue that makes us who we are and anyone who infringes on that just tell them to kiss your hiny


I certainly can work on having a balanced life in a few areas........Anyhoo......that (your work) sounds like an amazing experience.  It reminds me of the book called something like Tuesdays with Morrie. 


i have a lot of respect for my elders. it was cool to sit with my grandmother who was 101 and ask about life in the 1920 and 1930s people forget history to much but it was cool :)

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 10:19:04 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		As time goes on change is enevitable.  Rob and I have been together for 17 years and tho far from vanilla it definatly wasn't what it is today. We've progressed and grown together to enrich and enhance each others lives. There is still much more to explore and  there never seems to be enough time.


denika

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 10:45:29 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I've always looked for stable relationships, though I've not said no to a few whirlwind learning opportunities in between, though, with the exception of one, always entered into with cognisance of what was on offer and what was to be learnt and with the outcome of doing no harm to either party.

I've been married twice ... first was sort of vanilla, though it became an open marriage (it pissed me off that more women were willing to bed him than men were to bed me ... the desire was there, they just didn't believe a hubby could truly allow it and that he wouldn't come after them and beat up on them ... wusses grrrr!), it lasted nearly 16 years and 16 years after we split, we are still close friends; the second started vanilla, failed once, tried again vanilla in a new way and with assistance, failed again, tried for a third time D/s, failed again ... 3 strikes and you're out! It lasted nearly 12 years in all though, so I could hardly be accused of giving up too soon! During the last iteration in D/s mode, my sub side met Master and with all due consideration (and agreement from My then sub hubby), He came to live with U/us to form a poly. Now that I have left hubby, Master and i are into O/our 4th year together and are very happy and the most stable i think i have ever felt. Mum is convinced I am happier than I've ever been and so she is very supportive of my new choice of man! However My Domme side needs an outlet, and to that end, Master and I are willing to try poly again and are currently working with a very promising fem sub (though it's early days yet). Fingers crossed!

So where does the age come into it? Well, hubby 1 was 4 years older, we married on my 20th Bday, seemed so mature then (and we were more mature than most early 20 yos at the time) ... but essentially we grew apart and we often say we had 10 years of heaven and about 5 years of hell and we should've given up on the hell earlier except both of us were too unaccustomed to failure to admit defeat! Hubby 2 whom I married at age 38, was only 6 months older ... but lots younger in behaviour ... stuck somewhere between a petulant toddler and an egocentric teenager. Not a good mix, but despite the hassles, we can still communicate civilly, although my moving 5000km has helped expedite that.

Master is 15 years younger than me ... never having had a son i don't have that sort of issue to deal with ... and while He has a wonderful inner child that escapes and creates a whole lot of fun and laughter and lights up my day, He is never childish. He has always gravitated towards older women, so i was no surprise to His family! And He has the maturity to realise that i have health issues which mean that kneeling can only ever be a transient thing (usually when deep in subspace and i've lost the ability to get up and i'm not feeling any pain), and He has been at my side and supportive during diagnoses in the past year of both diabetes type 2 and atrial fibrillation. W/we don't look incredibly different in age despite Him having long "rock guitarist" hair and not looking remotely past His age ... i guess my purple streaked hair, tri-tone purple nails and well-cared for youthful skin help to belie my age too! About the only generation gap W/we have is musical ... me being an old folkie and Him a child of the 70s rock and metallic eras ... but as i lived through His stuff too and like a lot of it, i am able to be more accommodating of His choices than He of mine sometimes. And with Him being younger, i am much more confident that He will be around in my twilight years adding some youth and a whole lot of loving support. W/we are very much considering each other to be life partners, i joke that when W/we move into the retirement village all the ladies will swoon at the youngest male there LOL! And He was definitely the youngest in the theatre when He came to see "Menopause the Musical" with me ... and made me buy the CD so W/we can replay the songs and remember the funny scenes! Is He a typical 36 yo? Probably not ... but then i'm not a typical 51 yo either!

Age is what you make of it ...
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 11:20:46 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ThinkingKitten
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten

In addition, with the ongoing debate about large age-differences in mind, do older (say 50+) BDSM'ers who've deliberately sought younger partners find that even this changes, and they want someone closer to their own age (at about the same place on the curve of life), with them for those twilight years?
 
I do tend to seek younger partners, I find few women my own age that hold my interest very long.  This is not a physical thing, its very much about connections.  Partly, I find relatively few women my own age who have the same energy, zest for life, openness, the same ability to adapt to change, that I have.  It seems, that to find a woman on the same "curve of life" as myself... more often happens with someone younger, though even then it has been uncommon.  As for those twilight years... I recently turned 40 and was mistaken for a 22 yr old... my old joke about "I'm going to live forever or die trying" is starting to seem less like a joke to those who know me. 

quote:

Have your priorities changed, as you have aged?

They haven't really, except that they've intensified.  Age has brought some focus I previously lacked, but my goals are still the same.  Then again, I was a very serious little boy.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 11:24:18 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		do others find that there are some things they used to do that they can't do any longer?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/10/2007 11:47:30 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		i think it is poignant to point out that while many vanilla women have visions of Red Hat Society type groups in hopes of feeling "wild" and "less conventional", it is being asked if those of the same age who are in the lifestyle are going to start settling down. :) 

i would much rather be the girl in the corset now than the one considering growing old, wearing purple, with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me...

To answer the OP, long term matters more to me than ever. It was my goal when i began my experiences in the BDSM world, it just took some time for Master to find me.

It will be interesting to see what the next generation uses to express themselves as they hit middle age. As BDSM becomes more and more mainstream, there is less and less a chance that BDSM will be what they chose, but i believe anyone who has not yet settled down will find some taming of themselves as they age.

Just my predictions for the future...
Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 8/10/2007 11:49:45 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/11/2007 4:54:01 AM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

i would much rather be the girl in the corset now than the one considering growing old, wearing purple, with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me...



Absolutely! Count me in!
I do think there is some truth to the old adage "you're only as old as you feel". I don't have UM's, so I think I feel younger (and some say I look it too, by a few years), than my age, simply because I have not had that marker (or stress) in my life against which to gauge time. And having recently discovered European metal/goth bands (better late than never) thanks to a Dom who is somewhat my junior I feel even less like what a part of me says I should feel like at my age. I like my age peer group, but find I have little in common with many of them.
There's another expression "mutton got up lamby" (basically means a person who is trying way too hard to look younger than they are, and not fooling anyone in the process), so I keep that in mind.... don't want to be THAT person! Screw that red hat though!

The responses have been interesting... and I see where perhaps I have been guilty of some ill-conceived and inaccurate biases - maybe a change of thought process is in order. But that's the beauty of these forums.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/11/2007 5:49:55 AM   
stardancer00


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		"I'm more prone to say that getting into stable relationships is a case of self awareness and a lot of luck."  - Lucky Albatross

i  have to agree with Lucky here that both self-awareness and luck are the best predictors of stability in a relationship, and even in one's self.  i am older than most here, and i have chosen to remain alone for over 15 years.  i also have no UM's, and that has also given me the freedom to do and to be whatever i choose at any given moment.  Should i attempt a stable relationship at some point, it would have to be with someone who is experimental, creative, and not locked into that rigidity of self which so often accompanies age.  Yes, give me the corset, please, and keep that old red hat!

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/11/2007 7:49:57 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
funny I just had this conversation with a friend a few days ago...I was married a lot of years..and have been single for 7 years ( 2 ltr in there )...and at this point in my life I am ready for a stable long term relationship...'hook-ups' hold no appeal to me anymore...


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/11/2007 7:54:25 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you always going to a have a few that will work.. in that age gap relm and thats ok I know others that did not work and had very bad effects. but that can be true  of any relationship. when is a age gap to much in my personel opionion i think anything more then ten.. but that is just my point of view..

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/11/2007 3:58:50 PM   
stardancer00


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Latex... i feel that age gap is quite different from stability in a relationship.  i have had very long term relationships with those who were  up to 20 or 25 years younger than i am, and those were the best relationships for me at that time.  i have also had relationships in my own life with those who were more than 25 years older than i am, and those were the best relationships at the time as well.  It is where one is at on the life experience and maturity continuum that is the key.  As a less experienced younger woman, i enjoyed learning from older men, and as a more mature woman, i have enjoyed the spice, spontaneity,  and sometimes even the taboo feeling of being with much younger men (and women).  There are no rules in this life, only the ones we make up as we go along, and those that suit us.  i would greatly enjoy a Daddy/daughter relationship with either a younger or older man - the dynamic would be different in each case, but no less exciting.  Whether there would be stability is really a matter of intent, maturity and compatibility.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 10:27:05 AM   
masterdstar


Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think the answer to your question will be found more in future generations- as people in their teens get into this right away.

Right now, the majority of people discovering the scene are already adults and going through a second adulthood- post their first vanilla marriage, post kids (often leaving the nest).  So it's hard to say whether it's an issue of age or an issue of life change. 

I'm more prone to say that getting into stable relationships is a case of self awareness and a lot of luck.

Since self awareness tends to increase with age, it's more likely that stable relationships will reform.  When people "discover" kink and become aware of their new self, they go through a whole new unstable part of their lives.

Over the next few generations, we'll see what happens when teens go through that stage with kink as they already always have with dating.  What will their "second adulthood" crisis be?  Or will they be aware enough to not have one at all?



Great observation, I agree.
Perhaps they will all go "straight" and become swingers who love kinky sex....oh wait that's already here?!?

LOL
Enjoy your wonder-filled day

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 10:42:44 AM   
BossySSBBW


Posts: 132
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		I keep looking for the one who wants the long term stable relationship, I would love to have that.  If a younger man understands the aging process and what needs arise with it then he would be considered.  Not too many people in general understand the needs of a person who is older (I am 51), so it is few and far between those who would stay in a long term relationship with me.
It would be nice to find a man who does want that and will relocate for it.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Ageing and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 7:40:01 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Age isn't something that's a huge deal to me but I would have limits. I don't think I'd want a long term relationship with someone who was more than maybe 17 or 18 years older than me.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 8:15:42 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

do others find that there are some things they used to do that they can't do any longer?

Nope, if anything I'm doing more than I used to.  Being older I have money to do things I couldn't when I was younger, physically I'm in as good or better condition (little older, little wiser, taking much better care of myself!).  Overall, I feel like I'm in my prime.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 8:27:44 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the domme/submissive dynamic might work better if the domme is a few years older than the sub.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 8:30:35 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten

I do think there is some truth to the old adage "you're only as old as you feel".
 
There absolutely is, at least in my case there has been.  I think for some its very much mental.  We live in an age when people are living far longer, with so many advantages in remaining healthy and fit available.  There's no reason for someone in their 40's or 50's or even 60's to necessarily feel old, at least physically.  But mentally, people let the stress of their lives wear them down, they stop reveling in life, changing and growing... they get too comfortable and then they start feeling old.

quote:

I like my age peer group, but find I have little in common with many of them.

Amen... same here.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Aging and stable relationships - 8/12/2007 8:31:35 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		but honestly it is what you bring to the table compatablity is a big one with age gap there are a lot of us who look for long term and want someone who can identify things we been though in real life experince just a common bond

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Profile   Post #: 40
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