RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it.

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/12/2007 8:53:37 AM

SimplyMichael

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It IS frustrating though, you come into a place/world where suddenly all those secret desires not only don't have to be secret but are celebrated. You find out that on a site like this there are people all around you looking for EXACTLY (you don't yet realize how untrue that is) what you want and none of them will contact you or respond.

It is frustrating and for a man or woman new to the scene it must be maddening although the experiences of men and women are 180 degrees apart, men can't meet anyone and women meet everyone and find nobody.

For me, a dominant with skill and a reputation locally, there are quite a few women on here who are very local to me. None have ever responded to my emails, a couple have hit on me, one dominant (what is up with THAT trend?) who I thought wanted to be friends but left in a huff when she found out I was partnered and an 18 year old nitwit who hung up on me when she realized that the woman I was staring at in my pictures was the woman I stare at in real life.

So I have SOME sympathy for the frustration but at the same time it does get tiring.

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/12/2007 8:53:44 AM

SirDominic

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quote:

Personally, if I were giving odds... I'd take your chances in a laundry mat over this place.

Smiling. So very true! I have found that a great many use the internet because it gives them an excuse to NOT go out into the world and risk meeting people in person.

Also agree with Padriag that The One myth, unless you are Neo, is about the most harmful belief preventing people from getting into potentially great relationships. It amazes me that so many still insist on holding onto this myth since statistically, well over 50% of relationships fail. That should put a stake through the heart of The One concept right there. Of course, everyone thinks THEY are the exception to the rule. Most find out the hard way, they aren't.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/12/2007 9:35:17 AM

submittous

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Nice OP, well said and a subject to give some thought to.

John Money, one of the pioneers of modern sexology said something to the effect that when people with more unusal fetishes (I recall his word for that being "lovemaps") connect it is a "true triumph of the human spirit." Sorry I have to paraphrase that as our books are still in storage.

No doubt connecting with appropriate and compatible relationship partners is very difficult and we all need to have patience and take our time.

Bill

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/12/2007 9:50:33 AM

sexyred1

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When you are of a "certain age" as I am, you see just how little effort people put into finding a compatible partner. Years ago when I met men, it was not online and people spent more time communicating and working through things.

Today, the online world of dating is a world of disposable people and a vast candy store filled with myriad choices. Couple that with the inherent rudeness that is borne of being able to say whatever you would like to someone behind the safety of your computer monitor, and now we have a recipe for NOT connecting.

On a daily basis I am subjected to grown men who write How R U? Or A/S/L, Are you shaved? Relocate? Been collared? How long a sub? instead of hello, I read your profle/saw your photo and would like to introduce myself and get to know.

IM has become the bane of my existence. I am debating whether to ever IM with anyone but friends, because there is so much room for misinterpretation, impatience, rudeness, ill manners and lack of any finesse or humor or tone.

Online has made it to easy to miss out on some great people, that I am 100% sure of. Sadly, when you are a professional woman and work hard, your personal time to go out is limited so many of us use the internet as one way to meet potential partners.

I find it very disheartening that our world has become so used to instant gratification and self involvement has gone to new lengths, with MySpace, etc. (which has its value for networking purposes, I grant you that).

I know I sound like an old fogey, and I am actually not. I was married for 10 years and then had a long relationship of 9 years. So this brave new online world we are in, leaves me cold.

Perhaps I was born in the wrong century, but I still value flirting, courting, getting to know someone, asking questions, listening skills and connecting on a deeper level than just physical.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/12/2007 9:53:03 AM >

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/12/2007 9:59:23 AM

LATEXBABY64

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i agree and when you find those matches learn to keep the bs out there is so many things to kill a relationship it is not funny..

First do not let others live that relationships for you. It is up to you and yours to grow it .
Second get the hell off the sites and chat rooms and spend time with your one..
Everyone has a Solution to fix a problem with in a relationship.. they normally do not know both sides always make the quick opinion of the one that is their friend or They know. If courts were this way we would all be in jail lol
use good roll models: if you know people who have made it past the 30 year mark of marriage it is safe to say they have gotten it right. This is where real life experience pays off
Advice is only as good as you use it.. learn to take everything with a grain of salt when it comes to constructive criticism ..
Always justify your fears.. outside things or pressures can put us into an unstable format of illusions and cause us to make un rational choices
Learn about the human mental condition a little psychology never hurt anyone. Learn how things work is also give you a better understanding into how you deal with your self and others
Be A little Judging. Set rules and Boundaries by which you will not do something and will and stick to them wishy washy people never get anything done and always flounder in their growth path in life
Have self control you have heard the term even though we like someone they might not be good for us this is very true comes with bad boy or girl syndrome.. such as picking bad partners.. Great in bed bad with money.. or abusive
Shedding Baggage we tend to carry left over feelings from past relationships... cure those ghost before approaching a new person
For Dom's Dommes always have your ducks in the row before you try and control someone Else's Mentally Physically.. Financially. and yes no one is perfect but working on perfection of life long happiness should be everyones

a lot of times we make life to complex by trying to justify wrong things and not the right ones.. some things really are black n white. People just tend to make them grey.. For example if you know someone is abusive Get out) if you know someone is depressed make them laugh.. get your head out of your butt and start being productive ..life was ment to enjoy just the way it is

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/13/2007 8:24:10 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Thank You Rockwell..:0)..Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Why Ask Why? Just put some real effort into it. - 8/14/2007 12:07:43 AM

becca333

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You can definitely find 'the one'. But there isn't just one of them.

I've had two wonderful Doms (and kissed a few frogs as well). Each Dom was 'the one' at the time, and they were totally different in style and personality. And each one suited me perfectly.

One relationship finished, the other is still going on. I don't see the ending of a relationship as a failure, being with him was a changing experience in my life and I treasure every second. Breaking up nearly killed me, but looking back it was the right thing at the right time. And I found another 'one' who's taken me in a different direction, and I'm totally happy and fulfilled.

I think if you expect to find one person who'll complete you, fulfill you, meet every need and like the same chocolate biscuits you do, you're going to be searching a very long time. But if you're clear about your needs, don't have unreal expectations, and are prepared to put in the time and effort to build a relationship, you've got a good chance.

Pretty much the same as the vanilla world, really.

(Edited because my keyboard keeps making typos.)

< Message edited by becca333 -- 8/14/2007 12:08:52 AM >

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