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RE: being owned or being loved - 7/3/2005 11:09:59 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I like Emerald's definitions of the simple terms.

For me, there must be love for there to be ownership, but there -can- be love without ownership. I personalyl can't do ownership without love.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 21

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/3/2005 12:10:48 PM

SftTigress

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

For me, I must be in love to be owned completely. If he hasn't taken my heart then he hasn't taken all of me. Therefore, I can not make that choice. I may serve one without love in hopes that it will grow to that, or I may even serve without love while I continue my search. But to truly own me, one has to have my heart.

_____________________________

slave jan

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 22

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/3/2005 12:34:04 PM

LASub4Real

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

How would you describe the difference between being owned and being loved?

That is a difficult question to answer because "love" can be defined in so many dirrerent ways. I "love" hot dogs. I "love" ice cream. Of course, I'm not "in love" with either. Well... maybe ice cream :-) So it really becomes a question of wether there is one Love (capital L) that is above the ice cream type of love. Most people would agree that there is a difference and would even agree that ice cream and hot dog love is a much lower level of love than say, a mom's love to her kids.

All of this to say that there are different types of love, some higher and more noble (mother to child) and some selfish and small (love it when people do things for me) The answer to your question IMHO depends entirely on what level of love you are talking about.

sub4real

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 23

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/3/2005 1:27:39 PM

esclava

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline

To me ownership is an act of love. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but it does to me. Hopefully it will make sense to the one that collars me lol.

_____________________________

I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships.

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 24

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/3/2005 8:43:12 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: betticus

I love this question. I need someone who is very dependent on me and who needs to have a strong male in order for her to feel secure. At the same time I have a very loving side and I have a tendency to grow extremely fond of the woman that I am with if she is right for me. I would say to the point of love.

I've pretty much given up hope that there is someone out there who wants to be owned and adored at the same time.

I would totally agree with this. I think that both can exist. Or at least for me they do. I know that the man who coos at me and calls me to take silly sunset pictures and dances around giddily while on the phone with me is also the man who can tell me what to do, anytime, anyplace, and I know I have to obey that... that I want to obey that.

I am in a place where I can be adored and owned and recognize both of what those mean to me. I understand if people need to get it from different places... I think in some senses we all have these desires, either to own or be owned, and all of us to be loved... I think some people get the joy of ownership from other things other than a LTR... and then all of us get love from other places than our LTR as well... I think it's all relative and that whatever works for you, works for you, and as they say in my neighborhood "get it where you can girl...."

(in reply to betticus)

Post #: 25

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/4/2005 8:39:21 AM

edana

Posts: 594
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

for me,...

to serve him is to love him, they cannot exist seperately.

his ownership of me, the steps he takes in training me, his consistant care and discipline, his tendeness, and strength, the fact that he IS what he said he was, is his love of me. and it is the best love, for it is real and masculine. It is not a mans version of femenine love. It's not a man loving a woman like a woman loves a man.

I asked my master one time why he never tells me "i love you" his reply was "it would be a detriment to you as a new girl who is only just learning the difference that exists between a master and a boyfriend." because of the social circle i was brought up in, i would undoubtably struggle with that difference and what those words really meant.

*smiles* i know he loves me. i would have to be blind not to see it... for it is as palpatable as the steel around my neck, and as real as his hand in my hair.

but i am loved as a slave... as valuable, cherished, favored property. and i would have it no other way.

i am enslaved

in service,

edana

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 26

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/4/2005 2:48:21 PM

Dragonzaymaster

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

From a Masters perspective I agree with Bix. I would not own something i did not at least like. Other than the necessities ie: phone, car, etc. the personal items in my life i love in an intangible sense. The living things in my life I love ,protect, care for, and am served by, I would not disgard, I would place in a good home. With responsibility there is an inherent ownership.
Dragonzaymaster

(in reply to edana)

Post #: 27

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/4/2005 4:18:53 PM

SophiaBelle

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

Since I made the shift from being in a vanilla long term relationship to stepping into a hesistant D/s relationship, my view is a little skewed. Our new roles, our relationship now is simply a deepening of our emotions (at least in my eyes.) It's like by 'owning' me (which I allow him to do) he shows me love by giving me compassion, taking care of me, taking over responsibility of me, taking my needs before his. He loves me by owning me, by taking care of me considerately like a most prized possession or well loved pet - but as I am more complex than both, the love is more complex for both. The D/s relationship is delivering me into a more secure and romantic relationship with him that is laced with more intense interaction.
Owning and loving are one and the same at this point - but if I were to choose, I would choose love.

(in reply to Dragonzaymaster)

Post #: 28

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/4/2005 11:25:47 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

How would you describe the difference between being owned and being loved?

If you had to choose one or the other, which/why would you make that choice?

Ownership tends to have more responsibility attached than loving (although it shouldn't).

However, as others have noted, they can and do co-exist, and I would not do one without the other.

If required, however, Ownership for the additional securityas a "good" Owner is responsible for my emotional well-being regardless.

sudja

--------------------------

quote:

If required, however, Ownership for the additional securityas a "good" Owner is responsible for my emotional well-being regardless.

sudja

--------------------------
ok ok ok..just a quick comment and does not ask for replys...
"responsible for emotional well being"
now if i understand this? and i may not...bear with me a sec here please.
"i" always thought as a matured responsible adult, everyone is responsible for themselves emotionally, or at least my shrink says so!
so you just lost me there.

take care
the wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to sudja)

Post #: 29

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/5/2005 1:32:54 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Love can exist without ownership, and ownership does not mean one must love.

The can co-exist.
They can also live seperately.

By personal choice, I do not choose between them. I would rather go without - and use patience to aid me until they both arrive.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 30

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 12:02:13 AM

hullman

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline

as a master i find that love is what helps a sub/slave reach her decision ,as togiving total control over to her master, as they have to be sure they are in good hands and i for one wouldnt have it anyother way, hope this answer helps you.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 31

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 5:22:06 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hullman

as a master i find that love is what helps a sub/slave reach her decision ,as togiving total control over to her master, as they have to be sure they are in good hands and i for one wouldnt have it anyother way, hope this answer helps you.

Love can certainly HELP that...but how many people are in sucky relationships because they still LOVE eachother? Love doesn't mean a person is capable, able, secure, responsible or any of the things that really make a relationship WORK.

(in reply to hullman)

Post #: 32

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 5:54:06 AM

sabis

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou asked: How would you describe the difference between being owned and being loved? If you had to choose one or the other, which/why would you make that choice?

if i had to choose... i would want to be loved. i am fortunate in that i don't have to choose - i am married to my Dominant, very happily so, and we continue to explore His ownership of me on a daily basis.

We, as a couple, have deliberately chosen to commit to being man and wife first and foremost. Nothing happens in a D/s context that would hurt that, harm those vows. We're in this for the long run. Sometimes that can cause conflict/disagreement while we work out where the line between ownership and love lies.

Example - the other night, His back was hurting enough that He mentioned it during sex. I immediately changed what i was doing, and demurred when He instructed me to go get the extra toys we play with when He wants to make me cum. I believed that it would hurt His back more if He was focusing on my pleasure. I was thinking as His wife, not as His sub, making an instinctive decision to shift my actions rather than cause Him harm. Well, as it turned out, the coitus interruptus and discussion that followed was far worse than a bit more strain on his back would have been. I responded as His wife, when He was expecting the obedience of His sub.

so it's never an easy task to juggle the two.

~ sabis

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 33

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 6:21:23 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sabis

I responded as His wife, when He was expecting the obedience of His sub.

~ sabis[/font][/color]

This is where a safe word is needed.

(in reply to sabis)

Post #: 34

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 6:43:27 AM

sabis

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting
This is where a safe word is needed.

... er.... i'm confused. why on earth would i safeword in such a condition? i'm not reaching a 'hard limit' or in physical or emotional danger ...

~ sabis

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 35

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/8/2005 6:52:12 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

No but you want your husband to know it is something serious do you not?

(in reply to sabis)

Post #: 36

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/11/2005 10:37:36 AM

ricanmami678

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

you dont have to choose between love and letting him have controll because to me if this is the life you want to live the controll is why you love him and he loves you for beign submissve to him to me we are givign a man the best gift any one could give our selves compeltely to them.

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 37

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/13/2005 3:46:27 PM

O2bksd

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Here's a twist.. what if you are owned by one and married to another?... would you split it because you have the best of 2 worlds?.... and the one you are married to is "vanilla"? Where would/could/should your loyalty/love be?
Could it actually be possible to still "love" your husband?
Just making things interesting!!!

(in reply to ricanmami678)

Post #: 38

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/13/2005 3:52:55 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Here's a twist.. what if you are owned by one and married to another?... would you split it because you have the best of 2 worlds?.... and the one you are married to is "vanilla"? Where would/could/should your loyalty/love be?
Could it actually be possible to still "love" your husband?
Just making things interesting!!!

I believe i am qualified to answer this being a married sub. my husband it totally Vanalla and i love him. My late Master i also loved hm it is possible to love a husband and a Master it is just different kinds of love.

littleone

(in reply to O2bksd)

Post #: 39

RE: being owned or being loved - 7/13/2005 5:14:47 PM

playfullyHis

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

quote:

Here's a twist.. what if you are owned by one and married to another?... would you split it because you have the best of 2 worlds?.... and the one you are married to is "vanilla"? Where would/could/should your loyalty/love be?
Could it actually be possible to still "love" your husband?
Just making things interesting!!!

I believe i am qualified to answer this being a married sub. my husband it totally Vanalla and i love him. My late Master i also loved hm it is possible to love a husband and a Master it is just different kinds of love.

littleone

i agree with littleone...the love one finds in a D/s relationship is far removed from that of a vanilla relationship, so yes it is possible to love your husband and your Master, the needs in each seperate relationship are very different, i for one could not live without being owned as i need the Dominance and darkness which my Master gives, and the intensity of the bond is like no other i have known.....and yet i can see the need for a lighter side, of being in a loving relationship which allows romance and companionship, a vanilla love, which only a husband/lover could provide....in a perfect world if A/all concerned were happy and open with the situation then i feel B/both sides would benefit greatly by it

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 40

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