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Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 1:54:43 PM   
Bearlee


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From: South Central CO
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Power or Pain?
 
Okay, this is NOT a thread to fight over which is better or more about BDSM.  Hopefully this will be an adult conversation regarding your thoughts of both Power and Pain…and how, in your mind, either adds to or draws you interest here.  I’ll start:
 
I see my interest in BDSM as primarily an interest in D/s.  Having said that, I’ve spent about four years in ‘the lifestyle’ and have become somewhat edgy, people have said.  I’ve been whipped bloody, have enjoyed needles run through my breasts, like hard play and welts & bruises.
 
For me pain goes hand in hand with humiliation and fear, too.  I’ve said before I subscribe to that bit about the conscious suspension of reality (OMG…can people really see me; is my flesh actually being carved off my body…I can’t believe I’m doing this, will he still love me when we’re done?)  But there is not much better than moving or stretching for the next day or seven…and remembering every delicious moment.
 
Still, I will say that what is even better than pain, for me, is the control, authority and power another may have over me.  It is most often a subtle thing, but can be as strong and direct as a handful of my hair grabbed from behind.    While I prefer sensitive, intelligent men there IS something about being bent over and taken; one hand holding me down on the small of my back, basically for his pleasure only…whenever, wherever, however.  <swoon>
 
What say you?

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 1:58:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's not about power.  It's about authority.

I am a sadist, I get off on making others hurt- both masochistically and non masochistically.

But mostly I'm boring and just enjoy my partner.  Our relationship is based on love and mutual compatibility, so that's what I can't get enough of.



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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:03:33 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Putting aside authority dynamics and focusing on sexual kink alone...

The moments of power exchange are what really really turn me on. Whether I get them threw pain, humilation or bondage, it makes no difference. All are serving the same enjoyment.



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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:05:53 PM   
MzMia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Putting aside authority dynamics and focusing on sexual kink alone...

The moments of power exchange are what really really turn me on. Whether I get them threw pain, humilation or bondage, it makes no difference. All are serving the same enjoyment.




Well L.A., I need to tag MadRabbit on this, POWER is a major turn on for ME.
So if the question is power or pain?
For me the answer is POWER, short and simple.
 
Bearlee, I always state I am much more into D/s than the M/s aspects.
There is a spectrum, and people can be at either end or in the middle.
I am way at -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > that end of the D/s spectrum.
LOL
No right or wrong, just a matter of what floats your boat and turns you on.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/10/2007 2:13:09 PM >

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:17:11 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I believe that it's "power" (or control, if you prefer) that gives us the "authority".  And that power eminates from consent.
 
As for my own relationships, I'm into my partner and the relationship itself itself.  Who my partner is really matters to me, as does our relationship dynamic.  All the rest of it is, for me, simply an extension of the exercise of my authority (for a myriad of purposes).
 
John

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:19:32 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I am an advocate for the authority plug as well, not power.
Darcy has authority over everything and I dig it big time.
 
And I hate when Em beats me to it... I am pretty 'boring' too.  I love the whole package and compatability Darcy and I have and our love is pretty huge.  The whole pain aspect and everything else just makes the package rock even more.  But it's not the be and end all.
 
Peace
the.dark.


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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:24:15 PM   
Bearlee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I believe that it's "power" (or control, if you prefer) that gives us the "authority".  And that power eminates from consent.
 


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh... what a lovely way to put that.  When I started this thread, I considered adding consent...but I couldn't make it fit and feel like an 'aside'.  You made it an integral part of the whole with 'power eminates from consent'. 
 
Thank you,
beverly

Thank you.

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:31:02 PM   
BitaTruble


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From: Texas
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The pain is a perk, I love it but have no problems leaving it as well. The power.. I'm all over that with or without authority. There are times you can just feel that power emanating from someone whether they have authority over you or not. There are people who walk into the room, complete strangers and make me want to fall to my knees in front of them. Sometimes it's sexual, but other times it's an electricity and I'd be happy to muck out their barn if they'd just let me bask in their energy. Fortunately, with Himself, I don't have to choose. :)

Celeste

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:36:20 PM   
BitaTruble


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From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I believe that it's "power" (or control, if you prefer) that gives us the "authority".  And that power eminates from consent.
 
John


For me, authority comes from consent and power just is.

Celeste

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:38:15 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
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Status: offline 		Power and sensation on the top, sensation only on the bottom.With one notable exception.

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:53:21 PM   
slave4UMsMstress


Posts: 35
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Ohhh myyy - giving up the power is THE HOTTEST for me as well - love it love it love it.... lol

the pain can be ok - but the exchange of energy with the power - it is the bomb for me....

td

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 2:54:46 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Pain--sadistic action--is for me the expression or manifestation of power exchange.

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 3:31:59 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
 
Still, I will say that what is even better than pain, for me, is the control, authority and power another may have over me.  It is most often a subtle thing, but can be as strong and direct as a handful of my hair grabbed from behind.    While I prefer sensitive, intelligent men there IS something about being bent over and taken; one hand holding me down on the small of my back, basically for his pleasure only…whenever, wherever, however.  <swoon>
 
What say you?


The way that it works for us, which I happen to like, is that its all about control (altho authority is certainly a part of things as well) - and the control manifests itself everywhere, including in SM pain type scenes.  The pain, bondage, and kinky stuff is... fun, but hollow without the control.

C~


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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 3:34:15 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It is the power over the submissive. She may be acting flippant in a silly way that manifests in a narcissist giggle or something that I want to adjust. I know (and she knows, too) when I turn up the heat physically she is going to quickly change her mood to one of an appreciative supplicant.

I also know I can do the same thing with incisive, biting words that remind her of the power I have over her as I leave her trembling and desiring to show me her submission. It is a potent, real and erotic power. She is going to experience much emotionally when she confronts either the physical or mental control I have over and her needs are exposed.

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 3:35:43 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

...  The pain, bondage, and kinky stuff is... fun, but hollow without the control.


When I was very new to BDSM, I found it exciting and helpful to play with lots of people; friends, friends of friends, other people my friends knew...all in the context of a dungeon where others were around, a DM was on duty...and I was quite safe.  No more...  I agree with you.  While I value my experience trying various things; any more it can be hollow and disheartening (dare I say boring?), if some element of control is not there...
 
Just me,
b

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 4:13:21 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		I started with pain. As I matured and realized that people eroticize non-physical things, I came to regard authority as an aphrodisiac as well. So, I top, and I dominate, and I especially like doing both together. I can understand and empathize with finding receiving sensations, even strong sensations, fun--in other words, I "get" bottoming--but ceding authority for pleasure never really worked for me, and it's not something with which I can properly empathize.

(As for definitions of authority, when one talks about it in a formal and not particularly sexual sense, power is actual potential to do things and authority as potential to do things *legitimately* or ethically. But I don't fuss too much about that around here.)

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 4:55:21 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		My original interest was in sensation and the trance and ecstatic states that can be achieved thereby.

However, I find that I'm interested in exploration and self development too, which basically makes me an edge player. So pretty much anywhere I can find an edge to explore is interesting and there are plenty of edges around d/s.

Mostly I've approached d/s cautiously, though. I think my power parity relationship skills are pretty good, but I'm still cautious about what I get into.

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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 5:17:30 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Why would it be a Power or Pain motivation... could it not be both? 

Power to me is simply the ability to "do" it.  The ability to do it doesn't actually mean a person does it.  However, for there to be an effective influence upon others, others must believe that one will exercise their power to "do" it... whatever the It is.

Authority in of itself is not power.  It is the legitmate right to use one's available power to do what one chooses to do.

For me personally, Authority is a critical element in a M/s or D/s relationship.  The establishment of the authority that exists will allow one to use power legitimately or non-legtimately.

Regardless if I have the authority ( I will and do have the power to do alot of things)  I can rape and violate a person.. authority doesn't prevent me from being able to do it.  However, if this person is highly strong and skilled or maybe has a gun.  Suddenly my ability to do it is immediately nullifed.  The power rests with the other person.

How we use the power we have is much different than having power in the first place. 

I disagree that Power just exists.  For some they have no power.  They have no ability and never will have the ability to do X.  Even if a person gives them the authority (consent) and they still will not beable to inflict consensual pain on another.  Some just don't have that ability, that power.  It also takes incredible "Power" to be inflicted with the pain from a sadist.  The power doesn't rest in one person's court.

Well.. enough rambling.


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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 5:17:50 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		For me, to get the pain...it's giving up the power, and just letting him inflict it upon me.  Authority for us comes in other areas.  For me, authority is more in our day to day, where he has more authority than me, but we do work very much as a partnership. I may defer to him for some things, but we both have say in other things.


So the power that I surrender to him to get the pain that I so crave, just makes it that much sweeter.


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RE: Power or Pain? - 8/10/2007 5:29:07 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
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Status: offline 		I felt his power from the start, immediately.   It was his power that brought me to want to give him all authority over me.  Pain just comes with the territory when he wishes it to, but it wasn't something I sought after.

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