quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

But what about the opposite side of the coin? What about the one that uses their insecurities as a weapon of manipulation? The "I told you this was a major issue for me now look what you've done!!??" person? Just playing the devil's advocate here, but I've known those types. They can take the smallest issue and eventually hide Mt Rushmore in it. After that they pull it out every time something doesn't go their way and use it as a trump card.
 
I'm sorry, but insecurities are too easy to let go of if you really want to.
 
Jewel

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

re: "being forced"
in my opinion, if there is no possibility for "no", then "yes" has no real meaning.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

...if a certain action can be seen to have its roots in insecurity would it not be less pleasing than if it stemmed from a desire to please the other that is not based on insecurity.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Smythe,

First, thank you for responding. Secondly, i have re-read your post about 4 or 5 times and i still have a hmmm about the following couples of sentences.

quote:

A more insecure partner may work hard to gain approval or please their partner. This is natural in some relationships and there is nothing wrong with enjoying the dynamic it creates.

i can see why it would be natural, but what i'm hmmmming about is, if a certain action can be seen to have its roots in insecurity would it not be less pleasing than if it stemmed from a desire to please the other that is not based on insecurity. i'm not sure i am explaining myself well and i tend to look at things from an s-type perspective and not a D-type perspective, so that may be part of my confusion.

If i knew or could tell that someone is doing something for me and the motivation behind them doing so was to gain my approval because their insecurities constantly made them feel like they didn't have it, that would bother me. Again i looking at this from an s-type perspective, but hopefully that example made my previous statement make more sense.

Thank you again for your reply Smythe,
heartfelt

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

Although i suffer from my own anxiety - i don't think it is severe as yours.  I love the mall :)
 
I wanted to ask - didn't it also show you that you could survive that short time without him.  The world wasn't going to swallow you up while he was off shopping.  And that in all reality, few people, if any, paid any attention at all to you sitting on the bench alone.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247




a submissive person who happens to be very insecure, may always feel a need and desire to please due to their submisisve nature, and may also feel a desperation of sorts to please due to their insecurities...the two need not be mutually exclusive.

in our union, my Master does use some of my insecurities, anxieties and various other personal issues at times for his own benefit, or for the benefit of the M/s dynamic. vulnerability appeals to him, and for him it's also a necessary state for any slave he would own. He can (and does) manipulate a slave's life in ways that will create vulnerability, but it is even better for him if there is some natural vulnerability there, due to unrepressed submissive nature, or depression, or anxiety, or whatever else. this all makes for increased dependence on him, which he likes very much.

i recall very clearly the time less than a year into our union, when he took me to a shopping mall with the intention of getting me a new wardrobe. well anyone who knows me knows i HATE malls, hate all the people, crowds, noise, activity, etc., because of social anxiety issues. but because i was near him, it made it bearable. until all of a sudden he stops in this little seating area near a fountain and tells me to sit there and wait for him, while he did some shopping by himself. He knew full well that such a thing would terrify me and likely cause a panic attack...well he walked away, i stared after him until he turned a corner and i couldn't see him anymore, then i put my head down and very silently hummed to myself to try to keep it together. i felt like screaming, running...just wanted to disappear. i was thinking to myself why was he being so mean, he must not care, etc. it took everything in me not to cry...i definitely could not cry, because then people would notice, and look at me, my great fear. then out of nowhere he appears...He's walking towards me. and at that moment all of the bad things i was thinking about him just fizzled away, and he was a knight coming to rescue me. i was so filled with relief and joy at seeing him, at knowing i wasn't alone anymore. He came to me, took my hand, said "good girl," and we left. later, he said he just wanted to remind me of just how much i need him, and of how helpless i am without him. it certainly served the purpose.

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ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

From a sadists point of view however, with someone they do not specifically care about, I could see fear of failure being an appealing motivator to hold over someone.

*snipped for brevity

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ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy


While he may not be encouraging you to fly free,  that's not the only option out there, and there's something really sweet about this. He very much is taking you at face value, who you are and where you are at, and valuing that. It's definitely not the same as someone who wouldn't even care that that was a hard excercise for you.