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Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 2:40:11 AM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Recently I've had paradigm switch. I've always been submissive at heart, but cruel events have forced me to take back what I was forced to give up long ago.

So I wonder... As I become independent and build self-esteem, how will my attitudes change, and the people I attract differ from the people I want to attract?

What behaviors identify a healthy submissive? An unhealthy one? Do dominant women generally notice when a guy can't look them in the eye and smile confidently on the street? Is there a general reaction dominant women get, or does it simply vary woman to woman?


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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 3:25:11 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Define "healthy and unhealthy" submissive. Someones perfect sub is someone elses freak. I'm a dominant woman, but I don't stare at guys in the street, so have no idea if they are smiling at me/looking me in the eye or not. There is no "general reaction" to anyone or anything.

I don't think anyone can answer the questions you've posed. I don't know your background, your upbringing, your life experiences, nothing. It's a bit like asking how a newborn will turn out in 30 years. Who knows?

.

(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 5:12:46 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Not sure I'm following you.  If you're asking what qualities identify a healthy submissive so you can emulate them, I can offer a couple thoughts:

Confidence.  Men, women, butch, femme, bears, bois, gyrls, doesn't matter; be confident.  One can be shy, but still confident.  Lack of confidence is the quickest way to turn others off.

Independence.  This doesn't equate with lack of submission.  It means you can, and will think for youself.  You can tie your shoes, you can pay your rent, you can make it to your own doctors appointments.  Being owned doesn't mean automaton.

Friendliness.  Before being someone's slave/sub you first need to be interesting to them.  Being unfriendly or standoffish is the quickest way to be passed by.

Humor.  If you can't smile, you're going to be just plain boring.

Good luck.

Stephan


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Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 5:35:20 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		The tattooes on the forehead.
Or the label stuck on the back like ya get in highschool... like 'dork'
 
Peace
the.dark.
.withdotsandinamoodoflittlepatiencerecently.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 5:47:59 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Waves to dark, i hope you are well.

Okay i am really really sorry about that label, how was i to know no one would ever tell you it was there ?  

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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 6:23:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		*Waves back to the politeone* Yup - am verreeee well - hope you are also!
No one ever told meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it was there....
 
Must do coffee one day - that mug always looks so yummy....
Peace
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 6:50:34 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		You know, I've never been able to tell someone was submissive or a bottom simply by looking at them.

It usually requires at least observing them for a while but better still interacting with them.

Of course, I don't do the vanilla dating scene so I'm primarily in kinky venues where it is safe to just be out. I am certainly out so that might affect how people interact with me.

It isn't something I can tell you though, it's more feeling really.

When I met Fox it was post several people in the local community who told me that a great new top was in town and we should encourage him to stay involved. Why did they think he was a top or dom? Because he spoke with confidence about things he knew and introduced himself at events -- they were using the stereotypes to make their call.

I only had to interact with him for less than five minutes before I had a strong feeling he wasn't a dominant. But I didn't let my assumptions rule -- I flat out asked him what his scene orientation was. That was almost 8 years ago.

He has learned to be an excellent top -- especially with bondage because that's mostly a fetish so he can enjoy it in either role -- but he still doesn't have a dominant streak in him at least not in the BDSM sense.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 10:16:09 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well, some of your comments concern Me, I would neve have a submissive who had low self-esteem or developed low self-esteem as a submissive---
 
a healhty submssive to Me starts with a healthy human being---most people today do not lock eyes when they meet a stranger on the street, so that to Me is not a guide at all--and I hardly want a submissive who carries himself like a wounded animal----I find that one cannot "attract" a Dominant ot submissive on the street, for that is where we are often exhibiting our "vanilla" persona versus who we want to be or are in the dynamic---your best bet--local groups.
 
And since we do not know who you were, its pretty hard for us to judge who you will be.
 
 

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Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 11:29:23 AM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		These were the answers I was half-expecting. I have been working on my confidence and at any given moment I might by incredibly shy or in complete control of a situation. My experience with first impressions is my concern... Am I going to chase off prospective dommes by being too willful? Attract others with the same trait? I do not want to emulate anyone, because I know that I am an incredibly funny, often shy, but completely independent, and growth minded guy.

I think my messasge was muddied by the state I was in last night. I was trying to get opinions on what dommes, in general, found attractive in a sub, but I already knew it varied person to person: where some women want a catheter wearing object of a man, others might want someone they can live a life of balanced control with, with the man riding on the bottom in bed.

Thanks for the responses.

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 12:05:48 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am not sure I see any "tell-tale" signs someone is a male submssive. But I know what I want in a "healthy" one - (and think I may have found someone who has those qualities.)  
 
Someone who can run their own life - it's just that they may want a Domme to run it instead. But - knowing they can run it if they want to is a great comfort to me. I've been through quite a bit these past few years, and I run my own life just fine; I have no doubt can help someone run theirs, BUT -I want to know they can do it on their own, without me. It's really only then that I can get attracted to them.

Also, a sense of humor is crucial (to me) in a relationship.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/12/2007 12:09:13 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 7:27:04 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'd say I have a good sense of humor...

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 7:37:36 PM   
GuidingLite


Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		A sign of a tell tale symbol is when they get all shy and act all like a pussy. cat.

(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 9:18:38 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GuidingLite

A sign of a tell tale symbol is when they get all shy and act all like a pussy.   cat.


Well if that were the case, you'd be acting all up on that pussy.  cat

chia* (the pet) 

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 10:47:29 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		A healthy submissive has the same attributes as a healthy adult. Role and orientation have nothing to do with it. You seem to imply that being submissive means having no self esteem and no confidence. This isn't true.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 10:52:37 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil

Am I going to chase off prospective dommes by being too willful? Attract others with the same trait?


If you chase off people just by being yourself, then they aren't a match for you. You do not have to mold yourself to fit every person who comes along. When you are being authentic and real, you will attract those who like what they see and feel.

"...because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." Skin Horse to Velveteen Rabbit.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Morsigil)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 11:13:06 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I have an understanding as to what a healthy adult is, but something I have had a hard time with is what it is to be a healthy human being who participates in this. As you said, a healthy submissive is a healthy adult, which is what I agree with and would hope it would be. Being new to this aspect of life, and seeing many of the profiles that I do, I have a hard time believing that many, many people here at mentally stable. The more time I spend talking with those who have experience the more I start to see that it's a lot like real life: there are users, abusers, and sheep, but also that there are some really intelligent people who have thoroughly challenged who they and come out the better for it.

I'm not suggesting that role has anything to do with being a healthy person, but participation in the life-style does seem to suggest control issues. Many take it as a way to create an alternate reality... which I can understand, but is that healthier than accepting reality is it is? The more I talk with people on here the more I believe either way is acceptable.

Anyway, when I posted the original message I was not thinking terribly about the content of my post. A lot of it was simply eagerness to get my face seen. So I wouldn't take this too seriously.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/12/2007 11:15:10 PM   
GuidingLite


Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		oh u know for sure i gets mines.  pussy galore.  you, joyslavery and them other freak dogs wants my pussy badass badly and  i know yall cant even resist me.  for sure.  what?

(in reply to chiaThePet)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/13/2007 12:01:37 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GuidingLite

oh u know for sure i gets mines.  pussy galore.  you, joyslavery and them other freak dogs wants my pussy badass badly and  i know yall cant even resist me.  for sure.  what?


i see the stem cell research still has a way to go, but i'm sure there will be
a breakthrough for that badass grammer eventually. Won't speak for the
other "freak dogs", but "i" can certainly resist the filet-o-fish that you so
proudly serve up on that submale-hating platter of hypocrisy.

chia* (the pet) 

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 8/13/2007 12:35:52 AM >

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to GuidingLite)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/13/2007 2:32:08 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Chia...... It`s gramm"a"r bro.... bad-arse (with an r) grammar


(in reply to chiaThePet)
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RE: Tell-tale signs of a submissive? - 8/13/2007 5:51:59 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Chia...... It`s gramm"a"r bro.... bad-arse (with an r) grammar




Morning Ps, nah, in this case it's "er", as in "erks" the hell out of me.

On this side of the ocean, it's badass, though i've met very few who really are.

Thanks for pointing out "my" ranting faux pas though bro, duly noted and
i shall attempt to be a bit more "up" when posting those wee morning words.

Content however shall remain the same, no matter the chatter.

chia* (the pet) 

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 8/13/2007 5:56:29 AM >

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 20
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