Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

TPE/live-in preferences


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> TPE/live-in preferences Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 12:39:40 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I have a good job, and I'm going to have my bachelors in psychology in two years. I plan to enter a masters program shortly after I finish my degree.

I'd like to get a some opinions: if you are a dom/me looking for a TPE, live-in situation, would you ask your submissive/slave to forget those aspiriations, or are these situations you would accomidate for? My biggest fear of entering this community is that I will be asked to give up my goals... I know some people want that, or don't mind it, but I do, and I want a better idea of how limiting this is going to be in my search to submit.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 12:49:10 PM   
Tinman1960


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I want mine to be all she can be - for herself first - that in turn filters down to me...part of my "demands" on a submissive or slave is that she develope into all she is capable of being, both in andout of the relationship - I hate doormats.

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 12:59:16 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Morsigil,
It depends on the person. I’m looking for a long term partnership, and my partner (being sub switch or even dom gasps) is important to me. One of the main things I’m looking for are similar interests and goals (long term life plan stuff ums/marriage/pets ect) I would try by best to accommodate their aspirations (well depending on what they are), yours would be inline with what I would see as healthy aspiration which I would feel as firstly your partner to help push you to achieve them.

I don’t think you should be afraid of this, I really don’t. It’s not like you are going to be signed Domme X and she doesn’t want you to achieve anything and to live in a box for the rest of your life (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You get to pick this person, and if they won’t support your dreams then you don’t have to stay with them. I would think overall that your aspirations would not be limiting overall, but then again would you want to be with that person then?

Kat

(in reply to Tinman1960)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 1:24:33 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I do not want to be with someone who is so demanding that I cannot pursue a full life that doesn't revolve around power exchange. At the same time I absolutely hate closing doors. Decisions, decisions...

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 1:54:21 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		NEVER!

I want my sub to grow and learn and become as productive in society as he is in my home.  I want him to feel useful and fulfilled and happy and successful in all aspects of life.  I have no problem tailoring my live in's situation to include a full time work life.

I once had someone who had an 11 hour day out of door to back in.  His responsibilities to me each week were much less than those of someone who worked only part time.  I would encourage you in anything you chose to do that is positive.  Education, work aspirations, all positive. 

Congratulations with your hard work and efforts!!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 1:55:19 PM   
SageFemmexx


Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, be very careful, always keep your personal goals in mind. I ran through a string of dominants that liked to set their subs up for failure. They will pretend to support you for awhile but the first time you have homework or school responsibilities you will have a tantrum on your hands. Also be very aware more than more dominant does not like to have a sub that's more educated or intelligent than they are, so weed out those ones too.

I tried dating a dom who became infuriated because I used too many "big" words, he wanted all my conversations dumbed down to four letter words. So, beware, if he only watches Nascar while you want the history channel, if he never reads anything except the tv guide and if he only wants a piece of furniture/ trophy sub for show--you may need to find someone else. I certainly did.

good luck, listen to your gut reactions and instincts

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 2:23:14 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I think there are many a Dom(me) who would encourage you to be all you're capable of being. You also have every right to state from the beginning that these are your goals and are a deal breaker/hard limit if they won't offer their support in these endevours.

In the off chance, your prospective Dom(me) does not know, I would further mention that going for a degree in anything means the hours required to achieve this do not stop once you leave the campus doors. Many additional hours are required for study and research.

~Big

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 2:36:35 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SageFemmexx

I tried dating a dom who became infuriated because I used too many "big" words, he wanted all my conversations dumbed down to four letter words.


I do understand your point. While I have no qualms about anyone who is smarter than me, the fact that they are smarter than me would require a bit of 'dumbing down' until I could grasp what they are talking about.

If I were with a brain surgeon and he came in talking about how he removed the cortex of the this and did that and this medical term........well, sorry, but I'm just not going to know what the heck he is talking about and he's going to have to 'dumb it down' for me, at least until I grasp more medical terms.

What I would get angry with, is his frustration in expecting me to know everything in a month what it took him years of medical schooling to get through.

~Big

(in reply to SageFemmexx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 2:39:50 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Responding to earthycouple, this is where I am at: up at 5:40 AM, work until 4, class until 10, home and in bed by 11 or 11:30 PM. Granted, this is only three days out of the week, but then you have to include homework as big said.

I'm happy to be getting such posistive responses.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 11:40:07 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If someone is asking you to give up something that is truly fulfilling for you, they are not a match for you. There are plenty of us who would wish you to succeed in a professional career, should you feel it important to your own mental and emotional health.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 11:48:00 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Quite the opposite. A big part of what you will see me complaining about is the fact that I have put myself after my boys educations.  Angel is a senior, and as much as I want a TPE with him, I am willing to give him up to long distance again for 2-4 years so he can pursue his dream of getting a Masters from a spcific university. I see him when time permits around his school schedule. I am no less his owner, and our dynamic is not diminished by our time apart, just our face to face contact time. However, we have our priorities, and his education is one.
Many of the realistic Ladies on the site will eant you to have an education and finish that out, and explore your career. Anyone who needs you to give that up for them doesnt care enough about you to make you happy. Thats your cue to leave.  Always remember, you have to be self-suficient before you ca serve someone else. On the chance that a relationship doesnt work out, dont leve yourself in a position where you are going to regret everything you had to give up for it. You have to be able to take care of yourself in the event the Dominant isnt always there. Anyone who wishes to own you will have to accept this. If they cant, you are not the pet for them.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/12/2007 11:50:46 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil

Responding to earthycouple, this is where I am at: up at 5:40 AM, work until 4, class until 10, home and in bed by 11 or 11:30 PM. Granted, this is only three days out of the week, but then you have to include homework as big said.

I'm happy to be getting such posistive responses.



I am sure that you are worth it, totally.  You are striving for something and to me, that says a LOT. 



_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 6:22:58 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think you are going to find that many Dominants are not only willing to accomidate your school/work schedule, they will encourage you to persue your goals.  Too many times, it is the opposite that is the issue.  More along the lines of someone who wants TPE, but they also wish to remain unemployed, so they can be 'kept' by the Dominant. 
 
Personally, I believe that a good Dominant wants their submissive to continue to grow and learn.  Obviously, you are doing that through continuing your education and have goals.  Doesn't this make you more appealing, rather than one who would want to be stagnant?

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 6:36:20 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't do the TPE thing primarily because I don't personally think it is realistic.

That said someone who has earned the position of my slave needs to put me first and foremost. This does not mean he can't have a job or go to school (Fox has done both) but it may well mean taking different jobs or learning to manage time better so that when Mistress calls, you can act and still not fall behind in your work or study.

So if your goal is to work at the psych ward of a major hospital and that requires 80 hours of your time a week, that is unlikely to work well if you are a slave. You may have to go for the small clinic with the 40 hour schedule or private practice where you could certainly control the number of hours you need to work a week.

If being a slave is what is right for you and you have an appropriate mistress/owner, these sacrifices will not seem like sacrifices, at least the bulk of the time we all have times we feel down and reconsider our choices.

Hope this perspective helps.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 6:42:12 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morsigil

Responding to earthycouple, this is where I am at: up at 5:40 AM, work until 4, class until 10, home and in bed by 11 or 11:30 PM. Granted, this is only three days out of the week, but then you have to include homework as big said.

I'm happy to be getting such posistive responses.



Sometimes what we desire is not what is best for us at this time.

It may not be healthy for you to think of a TPE or in-slave Ds dynamic while you have the above schedule.

You aren't dead, you have time ahead of you to have a Ds relationship in the future I strongly suspect for decades to come.

It is really tempting to rush into Ds and SM but we need to be ready in all parts of our lives if we want these relationships to last and be positive for everyone involved.

Is there anything wrong with casual scening or a part-time dynamic? That might fit better into your life right now.

I know we all embrace the fantasy that we can have everything we want. I think this works when what we want is balanced and this often means toning down those fantasies.

I'm know I'm being a huge downer here.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 6:44:35 AM   
DomDadandMore


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer TPE live in situations and it is what I seek presently. I have always encouraged aspirations and goals and encouraged one to express dreams and fantasy's openly and honestly. I feel this is part of the depth this lifestyle offers that very few if any other do in a personel intimate relationship. Having said this..nothing pleases this Dom any more than to see his submissive grow and become more aware of herself and the world she lives in so that she can aspire to be all that she is capable of and meant to be. Just as a submissive luvs to hear "good girl~well done" a Dominant likes to hear " I never could have done it without you".
 The creed I offer and live by " respect the woman~desire with lust and use without abandon the slut~nuture and guide the lil girl".
 
    DD

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 6:44:35 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		A college education gives you a solid foundation to build your professional life on, and once you have it, no one can take it away from you.

Relationships are rarely forever, particularly in this lifestyle.

Your college education should be your priority, and if a potential partner doesn't also value it as such, they're not the right person for you.




_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 10:12:43 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		NO I would encourage him/her to go as far with their education as possible. I never discourage learning as I think it is vital to the mind. The mind that gets comfy and does not expand anymore stagnants very quickly.

I am always encouraging my malesub to do the very best that he can because in the long run it will benefit us both.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 10:52:09 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Fast reply to the OP. I'm in the opposite situation and have had to delay my search in order to prioritize school and internship schedule. I simply didn't have the time to put into building a relationship and training that was necessary. I didn't feel it was fair to anyone that came into My life and suspended my search until I do have the time to put into both a search and a relationship.  

While it's wonderful that you're eager to serve someone, perhaps this isn't the best of times for you to attempt to do so. Stretching yourself thin won't be at all in your best interest. Take this time to make friends, to learn and educate yourself within the lifestyle for now rather than focus on the search itself. Take some of the already huge amount of pressure off of yourself by not focusing on trying to have a 24/7 TPE right now. If a Dominant comes along in the interim and She can accept your schedule then that's even better. If someone is asking you to give up your goals then I would say they wouldn't have your best interest at heart.

Personally I would want anyone that I bring into my life to work hard to acheive their best. If that means I'm not their first priority for now then I am capable of accepting that. Their priority of bettering themselves will only benefit Me and our relationship in the long term. I know that I'm always #1 in their heart even if I may not be #1 on their list at any given moment. Patience is a vulture.

Best of luck to you and welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Morsigil)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: TPE/live-in preferences - 8/13/2007 10:57:56 AM   
kshearsecouple


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		My husband and I are here looking for the live in parts of this.  So I can understand why you have questions.  My husband and I are going to be attending college this fall to better educate ourselves and I would fully expect our live in to want to do this for themselves.  Everyone is diffrent in what they want, but I'd say never lose sight of your goals.  Also on a similar note think of it as this way.  If a Mistress/Master or your prefrence has taken intrest in you and you the same.  All goes well for awhile, but what happens when you both want something diffrent(whatever the casue) be educated and self supporting to be on your own.


(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> TPE/live-in preferences Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063