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What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 3:57:11 PM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Here's a question that has been on my mind of late: What do submissives/slaves really want in a D/s relationship? Since my journey began, I've encountered "submissives/slaves" who either had no real time experience or no idea as to what they want. And then, I've run into some who were only looking for sex or were full of buffalo chips as far as being honest goes. Any thoughts on this?

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:03:06 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		well, i can honestly say that, since i've only had online experience ( i know...that's not real experience) i don't really know what i want, except that sex is not part of my submission. people don't tend to believe me, but it is true. i think that, if i wanted sex...there are soooo many outlets for that. i am a service-oriented submissive...it is who and what i am.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:03:54 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I think its honest to say you only want the sex part of the power exchange. As far as what do people want? With age comes a better understanding of ones self. If I am submissive, I want someone who can take charge.

If I were 21, it would really pretty much be a mysetery. I mean how would I know if I didnt have any experieince? I might think I know, but that might all change after I attempt the relationship. I think we're all entitlled to change what it is we want, as we go along thru life.

I hear a lot of people being suprised by things that dont work after they jump into it and discover its not what they thought. In many ways life is never what we thought it would be. So try to keep an open mind, and a bag full of ready forgiveness by our sides. Just my two cents.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:05:28 PM   
femslave4life


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		subs want a strict master who knows what He wants and knows how to get it!  Slaves are there to be used however the Master sees fit.  period.,

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:08:01 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

Here's a question that has been on my mind of late: What do submissives/slaves really want in a D/s relationship? Since my journey began, I've encountered "submissives/slaves" who either had no real time experience or no idea as to what they want. And then, I've run into some who were only looking for sex or were full of buffalo chips as far as being honest goes. Any thoughts on this?


Since there is a myriad of replies to this, you will have to ask alot of subs/slaves. Each of us wants something different, that is why life is so fascinating.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:24:00 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Here's a question that has been on my mind of late: What do submissives/slaves really want in a D/s relationship? Since my journey began, I've encountered "submissives/slaves" who either had no real time experience or no idea as to what they want. And then, I've run into some who were only looking for sex or were full of buffalo chips as far as being honest goes. Any thoughts on this?



Speaking only for myself - i sought a Master who wanted D/s to be the strongest thread in the fabric of our relationship but not the only thread.
 
What didn't i want?  A Master who believes that real time experience must include munches, play parties and knowing all bdsm terminology.  I'm not a lifestyle submissive.  A cookie cutter submissive.  A dime a dozen submissive.
 
quote:

Each of us wants something different, that is why life is so fascinating.

 
Exactly.  

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:27:13 PM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		Hi,
An age old question ;)

When I first started, I was asked what I wanted. The relationship/interpersonal dynamic part was easy for me to express ( and it has only altered slightly with experience).

The physical "acts" "scenes" "limits" were not realized.  I knew enough to say I didn't know.

I found out there was a whole wide world of luvin' fun BDSM - who'd a thunk!

PS I did say I couldn't relate to how anything that hurt could be a good thing.    X - wrong answer! ( I now stand corrected)

edit to add:  not quite what you asked OP, but ...figure us out? oooh?
smile 

< Message edited by leatherette -- 8/12/2007 4:31:43 PM >

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 4:35:07 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		That really depends on the submissive, whether its a he or a she, how old they are, what their background is and what their goals are.  There are very few things that could be said to be common to them all, if anything at all.  It might could be said that most of them are looking for a sense of place, somewhere to belong, somewhere they are accepted, somewhere they have a purpose... course that's people in general, with submissives it just takes on a specific context and form.  Most of them, I find, already have an inner self image of who they are and they're looking for a relationship that re-creates that.  They're trying to find a place where what's outside matches what's already inside.  Figure out what's inside and well... there you are.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:02:30 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		i just want a pianist

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:07:00 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: femslave4life

subs want a strict master who knows what He wants and knows how to get it!  Slaves are there to be used however the Master sees fit.  period.



Maybe so.

And, probably not.

S-types are really all over the board in their desires.  Who they are, why they are, who they're looking for and why.  How they wish to be treated.

Fortunately, there are D-types for all of these.  The trick is to figure out what the person you are interested is looking for, and whether that matches who you are.

One or the other can conform to be closer to what is 'naturally' pleasing to their partner, and it is possible for that to work out as well.  Probably equally possible that it wouldn't work out.

Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to what the OP is asking.

Jeff

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:08:33 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

i just want a pianist



<----- used to be one in the past.  All I have to show for it these days are dexterous fingers who can snap these posts off with only a few typos to correct.

Jeff

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:09:59 PM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		"looking for a sense of place, somewhere to belong, somewhere they are accepted, somewhere they have a purpose... course that's people in general, with submissives it just takes on a specific context and form.  Most of them, I find, already have an inner self image of who they are and they're looking for a relationship that re-creates that.  They're trying to find a place where what's outside matches what's already inside."

Padriag:   May I say I am in awe? I couldn't, didn't, wasn't able to express myself or my inner reality on the topic.

While of course your reply was meant to be in general
- may I say   " Yes! What HE just said"?

Thank you very much. Truly inspirational, wise man.
leatherette

< Message edited by leatherette -- 8/12/2007 5:14:26 PM >

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:10:45 PM   
abda


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		Sir Ebony,
I  can only speak for myself when it comes to what I want in D/s relationship and that is to be with a Master who wants  D/s to be the center of the relationship.  Outside of the bedroom as well as inside of the bedroom. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the other aspects of the lifestyle but D/s part of the lifestyle is where I am most comfortable.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:12:08 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		We all want different things.   That is the bottom line.

I want a relationship.  With an inspiring man who is comfortable being a leader but without a lot of protocol.  Who doesn't need a lot of trappings and rules.  He leads, I follow.   I surrender.  And he can be comfortable with that without constantly worrying about whether I know my place or I'm trying to top form the bottom.



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Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:14:16 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as "they" would be the first lesson I would hope you would learn.

Second would be that
quote:

Submissives need to be told what to do, slaves need to do as they are told.
is complete and utter nonsense.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 8/12/2007 5:16:17 PM >

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:17:31 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherette

Thank you very much. Truly inspirational, wise man.
leatherette

Your welcome... buy me a drink first and I might let you show me just how grateful.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:21:39 PM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		Hmmmn.. I'll check your profile.. how far apart are we?
I'd most def buy that drink

( speechless for once)

smiles

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:28:59 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: femslave4life

subs want a strict master who knows what He wants and knows how to get it!  Slaves are there to be used however the Master sees fit.  period.,

DAMN Thats what I have had wrong all these years. My slaves are people, they have personalities and actually get a say in what we do and how they are used. My submissives are... well... people too.

What a submissive or slave wants depends on the person.  Some slaves want nothing but sex, some submissives want real relationships with someone who can be a dominant all the time.  Theres no written in stone definition. My slave, Angel, wants a Mommy.  And he has it. My sub Kitten wanted a girlfriend, and he had it. We were happy, so did it matter that one is a slave and one is a sub?

Lots of people in this lifestyle dont actualy know what it is they want yet. Dom and sub alike. Until someone has some realtime expereince, they arent likely to figure it out, either.

DV



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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 5:32:26 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		That depends on how far from SW Virginia you are.  I'll have a Blue Raspberry.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 6:07:51 PM   
Hiskat


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		Submissives and slaves are individuals because they are people too and as a result want/need different things in their relationships. I think sometimes it boils down to the fact that as people we are all on a journey of self discovery, self actualization if you will..I know I am getting carried away a bit but my point is that we all change and so it seems to me that our wants, needs and desires would change too. When I first came to realize that I was submissive, what was it that urged me to act on a desire I had been surpressing for so long, change. I changed when I made the decision to serve my Master as I am sure could be consider true for many.

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