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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 6:13:02 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


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anyone notice that the OP has not responded to this thread since posting it?

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 6:13:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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And that surprises you?

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 6:21:22 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


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Everyone is looking for something different. Everything from just physical relations to long term. It is best to talk to the person you are interested in and see what they want specifically. There isn't one formula that works for everyone in this lifestyle.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 7:48:23 PM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


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Really? I thought the purpose of the topic was to gauge some opinions as well as some advice. But as they say, different strokes for different folks.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:35:20 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

Here's a question that has been on my mind of late: What do submissives/slaves really want in a D/s relationship? Since my journey began, I've encountered "submissives/slaves" who either had no real time experience or no idea as to what they want. And then, I've run into some who were only looking for sex or were full of buffalo chips as far as being honest goes. Any thoughts on this?


I think it intersting that where Dom's often pounce on the new (dare I say 'fresh meat'?) you are anguishing over not finding one that is experienced enough.  This is not in any way a critical statement!  I just think it an interesting change from what I've seen in general. 

I know it can be an exercise in frustration to look for a gem in a glass factory.  Good luck and best wishes in your search.  Just one thing you might consider.  You have very defined demands of what you want.  Specific age, size, height, location, experience, knowledge.  That's ok, but you really narrow your options down and it focuses on the mechanics not the spirit of D's.  You then say IF you meet these qualifications...Few can or will meet all your requirements and it might deter someone who might possibly meet some of them from feeling comfortable enough to approach you. 

The spirit of D's.  The heart and soul of it, is the thrill that drives the mechanism.   Perhaps the reason you aren't beginning to understand what a submissive wants is because you are still focusing on the mechanics.  Maybe?  I sincerely wish you fair seas in your journey.

Charlotte

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:50:33 PM   
dawntreader


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

i just want a pianist



<----- used to be one in the past.  All I have to show for it these days are dexterous fingers who can snap these posts off with only a few typos to correct.

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Sweeet!

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:50:55 PM   
CutieMouse


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Quick Response:

What I wanted from a D/s relationship was outlined in my profile; my profile is now blank, as I found what I was looking for. I could attempt to explain my perspective (and thus, what I was seeking in a Lover); however, I'm not sure my opinion would be relevant, as your sig line ("Submissives need to be told what to do, slaves need to do as they are told.") suggests we'd probably find ourselves at odds over a submissive's "role" in a relationship...

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:53:29 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

And that surprises you?


nope, but my mentioning it managed to get the OP to pop in at least once more...LOL

(i can be such a brat sometimes)


< Message edited by michaelOfGeorgia -- 8/12/2007 8:54:02 PM >


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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:57:21 PM   
suggababy23


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I don't believe in putting down people who have not had any real time experience. At one time, I didn't have any myself. Perhaps what they need is to find the right person to give them that experience.

What I want is really simple. I want someone who is honest, real and who cares.  Its alot harder to find than people think. And thats ok, it means it will be that much better when I find it.

sugga

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 8:59:38 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


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hell, finding someone for a first-time D/s experience is a very difficult thing also. but, hey...at least i don't have to worry about wannabes showing up.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 9:03:48 PM   
DameTrisha


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I'm so happy for you! Where did you find what you were looking for? Did you know immediately?

All The Best!
Trisha

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 9:05:53 PM   
DameTrisha


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It's all that and a bag of Buffalo Chips!!!

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/12/2007 10:02:58 PM   
MasterFireMaam


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No one can really answer this for someone else and all you can do is answer it for yourself. What do YOU want? I highly recommed writing it down. That was extremely helpful for me. Once you know what you want, you can put it out there...then you will better attract others that want the same thing...and you won't ponder the original question so much.

Master Fire

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 3:00:57 AM   
littlebitxxx


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However many subs you ask, that's how many answers you'll get.  And I betcha they are all different.  Individuals tend to do that sort of thing.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 5:02:46 AM   
julietsierra


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

Here's a question that has been on my mind of late: What do submissives/slaves really want in a D/s relationship? Since my journey began, I've encountered "submissives/slaves" who either had no real time experience or no idea as to what they want. And then, I've run into some who were only looking for sex or were full of buffalo chips as far as being honest goes. Any thoughts on this?


My thoughts on this? Well, I'd say you've met a nice cross section of people who won't work with you. Beyond that, as others have said, I don't think you can lump all of us together into one amorphous group just because we call ourselves submissives - any more than we can lump you into some amorphous group just because you call yourselves dominants.

That being said, I can tell you what I look for - what I really want in a D/s relationship.

I want a man with a plan. In other words, he has to know his goals before he decides how he does things with me. I don't like confusion. I don't do well with those who mish-mash around making plans, breaking them, making decisions, changing their minds to the point where I no longer know where he stands.

Remember John Wayne in The Quiet Man? That's what I like. I want someone who has the power but maintains it in such a way that is not boastful or needing the clamour of attention. I don't want one of the "See me Roar? I am Dom!!" Dominants. I want his power to come from a place of knowledge, not from public acclamation.

I want someone who knows how to laugh, knows how to love and is passionate about the causes in his life. I want a dominant who lives life, not someone whose main pasttime is sitting on a couch.

I want someone who has been around long enough to have worked through and done away with all the inanities that seem to float around in this world of D/s. To me, it's not about being able to sit in some ritualized fashion that makes me submissive, even though I appreciate ritual. To me, it's about domination and submission being such a part of our lives that we simply live, not add on to how we live in some part time fashion. I want a dominant who understands this - not because it's what I want, but because it's how he lives as well.

I want a dominant who is confident in his abilities and can walk away if need be. I want a dominant who has a clearly defined set of personal standards and expectations regarding the behavior of both himself and the person who serves him. I want a dominant who has a clue about behavior modification and knows how to use behavior modification techniques to get what he wants without resorting to corporal punishment.

I want a dominant with a touch of arrogance, tempered with compassion, and spiced up with humor. I want a dominant who can laugh at foibles, but doesn't insult as he goes - even as a joke. I want a dominant who doesn't use someone else to point out the difficulties his submissive is having. "Why can't you be like _____? SHE appreciates ______!" is not an incentive for doing better. It is however, an incentive to walk away.

I want a dominant who understands and accepts and SUPPORTS my career choices. I get tired of having to defend my chosen career, so I want someone who understands the difficulties of it and recognizes that just because we might make it look easy - it's not.

I want a dominant who understands that I have children. He doesn't just make allowences for them. He demands that they take center stage in my life. Conversely, a dominant who treats his own children as if they are an inconsequential part of his life is someone I would not be interested in - at all.

I want a dominant who enjoys the same (or nearly the same) things I do when it comes to leisure activities. Me finding someone who can't stand the out of doors, hates or is fearful of the water, and just plain would rather choose invasive dental procedures over fishing or swimming just will not work.

I want a dominant who finds value in me, who WANTS to be with me - not under some guise of "this is what doms do," but because he genuinely wants to be with me. I want a dominant who is not afraid of love, or who has not sworn off of love. I want a dominant who believes that love does have a place in D/s and M/s relationships but does not allow love to change the dynamics of that type of a relationship. I would prefer a dominant who loves me, but I need a dominant who genuinely likes me as a person. And I want a dominant I can like as a person too. I'd love to love him, but love - in either direction - doesn't happen overnight. I'm patient.

I want a dominant who understands the difference between dominance and domineering, who does the former and does not do the latter. I want a dominant who understands the difference between inspiring compliance and inciting compliance. I want a dominant who understands the difference between abuse and control and can control without resorting to abuse.

I want a dominant who understands my love of obedience and with whom that resonates because he most desires someone who will be obedient.

And I want sex - long, hard, rough, suffer the next day cause I'm sore inside and out - sex. I want on my knees doing EXACTLY what you want, any time you want, any way you want - SEX.  I want a dominant who wants this too. I want a dominant who doesn't use sex as a weapon but makes it part of our play, our way of interacting with each other and sometimes, our way of communicating with each other.

Anyway, I used to try to explain some of this to people and most often found that it rather overwhelmed them. I was told continually that I had too many guidelines and criteria and that no man, no dominant could possibly live up to these pie in the sky imaginations of the fantasy man I had in my head.

Then, I met my Master. In him, I found the mirror images to the things I've listed here and so much more. In him, fantasy met reality and reality turned out to be all the things I used to fantasize about.

I think the trick to finding someone is not in knowing what they want. It's in knowing what you want - and never settling for less than what you want - even if you're lonely for a long long time.

juliet


< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/13/2007 5:26:38 AM >

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 5:47:24 AM   
came4U


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quote:

anyone notice that the OP has not responded to this thread since posting it?


anyone notice I still never got my coffee from the batcave?

<heaves up dry furballs.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 6:02:08 AM   
ExquisiteFeline


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i wanna pony, please Daddy

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 6:16:16 AM   
julietsierra


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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

anyone notice that the OP has not responded to this thread since posting it?


anyone notice I still never got my coffee from the batcave?

<heaves up dry furballs.


not sure I understand this...was it directed to me or just typed at the bottom of the page (I do that all the time)

juliet

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 6:17:42 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


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i'm sure it wasn't directed at you. probably posted at the bottom of the page.

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RE: What do subs/slave really want in a D/s relationship? - 8/13/2007 6:18:13 AM   
jeff44311


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less control. j

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