ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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Over the last few years, I've developed two fetishes that were previously of no interest to me. The first (needle play) was, I thought, one of my hard limits. The other (cross dressing) simply wasn't on my radar. These have become interests because dominant partners introduced me to them. Initially, the main attraction for me in both cases was seeing the joy, lust, and satisfaction in my partner. In essence, these were my partner's kinks and because I enjoy sharing and exploring with my partners, I decided to experiment with play that wasn't (at the outset) an attraction for me on it's own. The attraction was sharing energy and intimacy with my partners. Later, as I gained more experience, I began to enjoy needle play and cross dressing simply for their own sake. Still, the attraction for me, as it is with almost any of my kinks, is in sharing emotions and feelings with my partner. The play itself is rarely a fetish on its own.
In terms of approaching play that I found edgy, the critical element is that my partners allowed me to explore at my own pace and they gave support and encouragement when needed. If I felt frightened or unsafe at any time, my partners were willing to slow the pace or just stop entirely. When partners are supportive in this way, it is incredibly empowering and builds immense degrees of trust. The more a partner respects my fears and limits, the more I'm willing to push forward because I know I'm safe in their hands.
It seems a popular belief that male submissives often present "laundry lists" of their own desires. When reflecting on this, I find it interesting because my own experience don't corroborate this. In my relationships with dominant partners, it has always been a mutual goal to share in each other's dreams, kinks, and joys. With this in mind, it isn't often that I've been presented with a list of kinks or that I've given a list of kinks that "must be fulfilled". The process is much more organic in that we communicate and discover what turns each other on. I've never had any partner who didn't enjoy turning me on and conversely, I love seeing joy-filled, sexual lust in my partner's eyes and soul. Thus, for me, "the fetish you never knew you had" becomes a foundation of my BDSM relationships. Perhaps you could call the willingness to explore a fetish in itself. Certainly, I'd much rather be with a partner who will try and share new play, even when the play may not initially be a turn-on for both people. The element of doing something for someone simply because you love them is a huge turn-on and I like being on both the giving and receiving ends of this. Loving action and loving reaction often make all the difference in whether a type of play becomes attractive to me (and perhaps later on a fetish in-and-of itself).
ElanSubdued.
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RE: The fetish you never knew you had - 
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RE: The fetish you never knew you had - 
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