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Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/13/2007 9:37:50 PM

highshadow

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urgg

< Message edited by highshadow -- 8/13/2007 9:55:42 PM >

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/13/2007 9:44:19 PM

MissMagnolia

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You haven't been on the site that long and you're already asking why it's so hard to find a Mistress? Do you think it's an instant thing?
You might want to rethink and read a LOT of posts before you ask the question.
For Me personally (apart from being in another country, LOL), you're whole profile is about ME ME ME and not enough YOU YOU YOU. What are you offering?

Good luck!!

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/13/2007 9:52:49 PM

InnocentYoungSub

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Chin up, dude. We'll both find lovely ladies to dominate us.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/13/2007 9:59:25 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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This of course would be the perfect follow up to financial domination thread. M

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"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 3:30:10 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Good domination is a valuable service. The truth is that not many women can actually do it well.

All my submissives over the last 10 years have been men who graduated from being clients of pro-dommes to lifestylers. Most of them were "given" to me by pro-dommes becuase they were nice guys, genuinely single, genuinely submissive, proven themselves to be financially secure and looking for 24/7.

Could I respectfully suggest that you open your mind to visiting a highly professional dungeon and paying for the Real Thing. Cruising the net for freebies is not working for you.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 7:26:35 AM

highshadow

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First, I need to apologize to Mistress A, I was rude to her as well in this post in general last night. I’m normally not a needy jerk (had a lot to due with taking my frustration out on a bottle of wine, which is not an excuse). I find as with any written correspondence, people tend to judge based off a few words. When communicating verbally, you have tones, expressions and gestures to help portrait the intent, in writing you do not, making it very hard for me to show my true thoughts. I’m not new to this lifestyle, that’s an assumption everyone makes (already been down the Pro-Domne route and ready to move on to the real thing). I’m also not confused, I know I want to serve, its getting past all the smoke and mirrors is where I’m having a hard time. I feel a D/S relationship has many of the same attributes as a vanilla relationship, one completes the other. That doesn’t mean a sub is needy, but like a good dog, a pat on the head is sometimes needed to show he’s done good. I tried to list information on my profile that has historically been asked by Domnes during initial emails, I thought I was doing a good thing but with how easily everyone is tearing it up, I must have missed the mark putting me back to square one. Anyone can say “whatever you want” or “I will do anything you ask”, here’s my money, my car keys, c’mon, are these people for real or living a fantasy? I (and would like to assume all the subs on here) are offering romance, love, devotion, our minds, and every little thing that goes along with it. It doesn’t take a Dominant woman for this, just a woman that is willing to let us love them. This isn’t an obligation, instead our desire to please her and make her happy, is out of love for her and not because she is holding a whip. I want to do everything in my power to make her happy, but so does every other sub on here, do I really have to say that (thought that's a given)? I took my frustrations out on this post and revealed my worst side, now I’m biting the bullet and more lost than ever. My instinct is telling me to quit but I can’t, I’m miserable without having someone to serve, to see her smile, to know I’ve pleased her, to see her happy, these are the things that complete me. That’s all I need to go on, to make someone happy, in return her happiness is my happiness, why is this so hard for everyone to understand? I feel that is all anyone cares about on here, what can you “give” me. Give in a sense of monetary items. I do have a good job/career, but I want a woman who will appreciate my devotion and attempt in making her life better, NOT because I am paying her. I’ll never understand the wants/desires of a woman let along a dominant woman, I accept this, but I am, lost. My post was a sad plead for help, advice, I get enough emails telling me how I’m doing things wrong, but rarely anything positive.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 7:41:43 AM

Oumae

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Well for something positive your second post here came across to me as heartfelt.
Be patient, read some of the postings here, approach the ladies as that and not as whip carriers. Try joining in the boards, it certainly brings some subs to my attention... have even wished a few lived closer in my time on here!

One comment about your profile.... a hairy chest is not a negative thing for some of us Dommes... mmmmmmmm here for them.

Oumae

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 9:28:54 AM

cumulus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: highshadow

I feel that is all anyone cares about on here, what can you “give” me. Give in a sense of monetary items. I do have a good job/career, but I want a woman who will appreciate my devotion and attempt in making her life better, NOT because I am paying her.

You're going to have an uphill battle on that issue here in the land of Collarme.com. As you can tell from the responses you've been given so far, being led directly to compensation is relatively common as an icebreaker in the mind of the Internet-savvy Female Dom.

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Cumulus

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 9:37:10 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cumulus

quote:

ORIGINAL: highshadow

I feel that is all anyone cares about on here, what can you “give” me. Give in a sense of monetary items. I do have a good job/career, but I want a woman who will appreciate my devotion and attempt in making her life better, NOT because I am paying her.

You're going to have an uphill battle on that issue here in the land of Collarme.com. As you can tell from the responses you've been given so far, being led directly to compensation is relatively common as an icebreaker in the mind of the Internet-savvy Female Dom.

This online searching is a funny thing. When sub men email me, I tell them they have to tribute me with time and effort. They send off these very short emails asking for orders, "I am so obedient, I will not disappoint you!" and they want phone numbers or IM addresses, and they just keep slamming you with messages when they see you online. "You did not respond to my last email Mistress, I am humbly waiting for instuctions," or they get downright rude, "So I guess I am too much for you to handle? Figures. I knew you weren't the real thing." I had a guy last night demanding I get on the phone to "prove" I was really a woman, and yet I had not even expressed any interest in anything about him.

Most of these guys are a total joke. They never ask any intelligent questions, they never put together a nice email. When I do get a nice email I want to set aside some time to answer it, but inevitably I get 3 - 4 more one line emails, and in an effort to "respond to everyone," I respond to them and ask for something a little more in depth. Then days later I FIND that "good" email I wanted to answer underneath the pile of crap. It's an endless cycle.

I have found it's much easier for me to pick out the men, based on their profiles, and contact them myself -- those are at the top of the list and take up most of my time. But even as I am pursuing them, I get endless demands for attention and time from men who - even when I say clearly "Go read my web site- the free sections - and send me a much more detailed letter about yourself" -- they ignore it, and wait a day, before starting the same barrage of "How may I serve you today, Miss?" garbage. It's really rude.

Akasha

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 9:58:05 AM

cumulus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

This online searching is a funny thing. When sub men email me, I tell them they have to tribute me with time and effort. They send off these very short emails asking for orders, "I am so obedient, I will not disappoint you!" and they want phone numbers or IM addresses, and they just keep slamming you with messages when they see you online. "You did not respond to my last email Mistress, I am humbly waiting for instuctions," or they get downright rude, "So I guess I am too much for you to handle? Figures. I knew you weren't the real thing." I had a guy last night demanding I get on the phone to "prove" I was really a woman, and yet I had not even expressed any interest in anything about him.

Most of these guys are a total joke. They never ask any intelligent questions, they never put together a nice email. When I do get a nice email I want to set aside some time to answer it, but inevitably I get 3 - 4 more one line emails, and in an effort to "respond to everyone," I respond to them and ask for something a little more in depth. Then days later I FIND that "good" email I wanted to answer underneath the pile of crap. It's an endless cycle.

I have found it's much easier for me to pick out the men, based on their profiles, and contact them myself -- those are at the top of the list and take up most of my time. But even as I am pursuing them, I get endless demands for attention and time from men who - even when I say clearly "Go read my web site- the free sections - and send me a much more detailed letter about yourself" -- they ignore it, and wait a day, before starting the same barrage of "How may I serve you today, Miss?" garbage. It's really rude.

Akasha

This pretty much makes the case for avoiding 'online' D/s relationships altogether.

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Regards,
Cumulus

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 9:58:31 AM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae

Well for something positive your second post here came across to me as heartfelt...

Ditto the above. And that got me to look at your full profile, which your original post did not (though some white space in that flow of words would make it easier to read, important in communicating in this medium.)

With regard to "being led directly to compensation is relatively common as an icebreaker in the mind of the Internet-savvy Female Dom", I don't know how relatively common it is, but it is not universal, and you want to stand out to the uncommon, no? Patience, (and the right kind of persistence - you might want to re-read Akasha's post) is a virture.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 10:55:19 AM

MySweetSubmssive

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highshadow,

I don't have positive feedback for you, because I don't know you and we haven't interacted. I can offer you observations and questions. You seem to be looking for submission within a relationship (you want to be able to love someone). Starting a D/s relationship is more similar than dissimilar from starting a "regular" relationship. It starts with catching someone's interest, seeing what you have in common, finding someone with similarities. When I'm getting to know a submissive, there is a structure of D/s in the interaction, but very little talk of D/s. Mostly we talk about other parts of our lives. I'm attracted to his wit, his kindness, his (fill in the blank). I mention this because, as Akasha stated, lots of men want to get right to the D/s discussion and that feels false and overly intimate and is a turn off. Is this something that you do? (trying not to criticize!).

I do tend to look askance at men who have primarily been with prodommes. My concern is that they may be dependent of the trappings of the pro, even when saying that's what they don't want. I don't have lots of toys, equipment, sexy costumes. I am not dominant all the time. I don't always want to beat someone, tell him what to do ... etc. It's exhilerating to scene (which is what's happening with a pro); can you handle the doldrums that happen when you're dealing with a person? When you're relationship is focused on more than fantasy? I have difficulty with this integration myself, but previous experience with clients of pros is that they can be unaware of their assumptions and sense of priviledge when meeting with someone they aren't paying. Again, not criticism but food for thought.

As to your statement that all submissives want to make women happy, that is not a given. There are lots of ways people approach their kink here, and CM only gives options for submissive, dominant or switch. Frankly, I am thrilled when a man gets in touch who is submissive and sees love and regard as part of the package. It's fairly rare on the other side.

There are a number of women who want something different than a cash payment, but they are hard to please in other ways. They want you to be interesting, bring your whole self into the interaction, pay attention to details, be looking for the same thing that they are looking for (i.e. be compatible). Guess what? They have probably been looking for quite a while, too. (smiling)

I liked your rambly post on this thread. You exposed yourself, more than you did on your profile, and I appreciate that.

MSS

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 8/14/2007 11:07:17 AM >

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/14/2007 9:23:20 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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quote:

I’m miserable without having someone to serve, to see her smile, to know I’ve pleased her, to see her happy, these are the things that complete me. That’s all I need to go on, to make someone happy, in return her happiness is my happiness, why is this so hard for everyone to understand?

To whom are you making this kind of offer and being turned down? I'm not flirting here with you. I'm saying that somehow your message is getting lost in the haze with whomever you are communicating, or you are simply picking the wrong people for yourself. I could be wrong, but what you say you offer is what most lifestylers seek, which isn't of course to say that you will share the right mix of pleasing looks and chemistry with every lifestyle domina, but it does give you a head start among the "do me" boys.
Good luck, and welcome to the forums, M

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"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 5:03:41 AM

MamaDomme

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>>fast reply<<

and now the profile does not exist..............

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 5:08:33 AM

MissMagnolia

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Maybe that was my fault. He sent me a couple of whiney, bitching messages and I KINDLY, yes I was nice the first time, tried to put him on the right path. The second time I wasn't so nice. He basically wanted to know why Dommes can pick and choose and male subs can't and why doesn't anyone love him. Oh well, my work here is done...................................................

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 6:11:05 AM

PhDslave

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What MySweetSubmissive wrote makes sense to me if someone is seeking a relationship as am i. Thanks for the insights.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 6:14:12 AM

InnocentYoungSub

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^Uh, nice... o_O

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 6:16:09 AM

FitnessModel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Maybe that was my fault. He sent me a couple of whiney, bitching messages and I KINDLY, yes I was nice the first time, tried to put him on the right path. The second time I wasn't so nice. He basically wanted to know why Dommes can pick and choose and male subs can't and why doesn't anyone love him. Oh well, my work here is done...................................................

That kind of message may come across as pathetic indeed but I wouldnt neccesserily interpret him as being intentionally insulting. It wouldnt neccesserily mean he is looking for you to be his Domme either, I might be wrong but it just looks to me like he was looking for a bit of councelling? From where I stand this is not something that I would percieve as insulting but thats just the way I am. At worst I may not have the time to help him but I dont think I would go out of my way to incite further nuerosis.

Oumea mentioned earlier that his 2nd post was heartfelt so it would appear that she sees some kind of value in him. Its a shame he has dissapeared now not that I can blame him that much.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 6:16:11 AM

planomaid

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Maybe that was my fault. He sent me a couple of whiney, bitching messages and I KINDLY, yes I was nice the first time, tried to put him on the right path. The second time I wasn't so nice. He basically wanted to know why Dommes can pick and choose and male subs can't and why doesn't anyone love him. Oh well, my work here is done...................................................

Oh my, the dreaded 'why do dommes get to pick and choose' question. I think women, in general, and at least in the Western world, get to choose the relationship all the time. Why? Damnifiknow. That's just how it is. Men, for the post part, are the ones who are tasked to pursue their partner, and women, for the most part, can pick and choose amongst their suitors till they find the one that they want. Women can do the pursuit thing as well, but usually its much more indirect. At least that's been my observation to date

Our fair-weathered sub here is learning the painful reality of the fem domme world, and I daresay he doesn't like it. Perhaps he is honestly frustrated and confused, and his feelings and desires are not under control. I suppose we all can feel like that at one time or another. I know that I have felt the same things as he has, and at times the emotions have been overwhelming. Things like that happen, I write them down in a journal, or I just shut all feelings off and walk away until I have control again. Perhaps our frustrated friend is doing the latter and may reappear shortly under another handle. Hopefully he will do some research first, and at least read this old thread to learn something about his search.

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RE: Why is it so hard to find a Mistress? - 8/15/2007 6:28:21 AM

FitnessModel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: planomaid

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Maybe that was my fault. He sent me a couple of whiney, bitching messages and I KINDLY, yes I was nice the first time, tried to put him on the right path. The second time I wasn't so nice. He basically wanted to know why Dommes can pick and choose and male subs can't and why doesn't anyone love him. Oh well, my work here is done...................................................

Oh my, the dreaded 'why do dommes get to pick and choose' question. I think women, in general, and at least in the Western world, get to choose the relationship all the time. Why? Damnifiknow. That's just how it is. Men, for the post part, are the ones who are tasked to pursue their partner, and women, for the most part, can pick and choose amongst their suitors till they find the one that they want. Women can do the pursuit thing as well, but usually its much more indirect. At least that's been my observation to date

Our fair-weathered sub here is learning the painful reality of the fem domme world, and I daresay he doesn't like it. Perhaps he is honestly frustrated and confused, and his feelings and desires are not under control. I suppose we all can feel like that at one time or another. I know that I have felt the same things as he has, and at times the emotions have been overwhelming. Things like that happen, I write them down in a journal, or I just shut all feelings off and walk away until I have control again. Perhaps our frustrated friend is doing the latter and may reappear shortly under another handle. Hopefully he will do some research first, and at least read this old thread to learn something about his search.

Actually there are some very liberated countries such as Iceland, Sweden (I think?), Holland or Germany in which women are more foreward and approach men. Often these countries have a generally more liberated approach to sex. I dont believe that women approaching men is a form of female disempowerment, I think it works both ways and I would argue that women reaching out and "clubbing a man over the head then bagging him" could even be empowering for women so long as of course the man is respectfull towards her as is true of all sides of any coin. I even once read an article about how in one of these countries there was a training course for women to not be as overwhelming and foreward upon men to learn better how to date. Suprisinlgy there are a lot of women in the UK that approach men but not as many, I think that this correlates to the more repressed and confused attitudes in UK society towards sex such as how you are a mug if you dont lose your virginity as soon as possible or all these teenage pregnancies.

Compared the the West in some parts of the East women are treated badly, being set up with a man and having no choice in the matter for instance. In this instance it is the man that is approaching the woman while the woman is the obtained commodity but the nature in which it is done is actually quite disempowering for women. Personally I wouldnt put down who has more power than who based on who approaches who, I think it somewhat more complex than that an not as black and white.

< Message edited by FitnessModel -- 8/15/2007 6:31:42 AM >

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