RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (Full Version)

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domiguy -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/14/2007 4:29:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

I almost want to raise an eyebrow at the rather age discriminating statement

Moi?  You are still a hottie.....

"There is still life in the old lady yet."....Tom Cruise--"Interview with the Vampire."

 



MaamJay -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/14/2007 5:35:20 PM)

OK, with the ages, my Master is 36 and i am 51 so there's some similarities here! Have You considered the possibility that she could be early menopausal? Hormones do strange things ... my mother went right off the rails! Well beyond brat to superbitch ... and she'd NEVER been like that in her life! So far so good with me ... but i took Master to see Menopause the Musical so He could be prepared! A trip to the Dr for some blood tests might be warranted to see if there are any medical causes.

That said, my Master also loves pleasuring me and gets a heap of pleasure out of controlling my orgasm. i love it (who wouldn't!) but ... there are times when i wish He would take His pleasures too ... fortunately He usually does often enough to stop me from feeling guilty about getting all the goodies. This is a worthwhile angle to explore too.

And i also agree with what others have said about not allowing the brattiness ... one way could be through some ritual the next morning which she stays silent until it's performed and it's designed to get her back into sub mode. Or maybe you could both come up with a little saying or signal that instantly reminds her she is overstepping the mark? Master and i have 2 such signals ... one unconscious habit i had was that i used to rock a lot when talking to people, either when standing or sitting (must be the muso in me!). It's something i have tried to control and am much better now ... but it's still not always conscious to me so i am grateful when Master wags His finger from side to side or just touches me in the centre of the back lightly if i am talking to someone else. The second has to do with the fact that I am a switch ... and as My Domme side hasn't had a permanent outlet for a while, every now and then Jay breaks out inappropriately in dealings with Master! All He has to say is "pet, your capitals are showing" and it's an instant reminder to apologise, get Jay out of the picture and bring violet to the fore. It would be worth exploring in conversation when you are both calm and in appropriate dynamic to see if there is a similar catch phrase that would help her. I'm assuming here that she doesn't LIKE being bratty or doesn't want to annoy You, she is simply unaware of it so it's pretty hard for her to control.

Good luck and let Us know what You and she decide!
violet[A] aka Maam Jay (well violet had more to say today [:)])



CreativeDominant -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/14/2007 6:01:16 PM)

I don't do brats.  I know some dominants like that in the dynamic, to varying extents.  I don't. 

I can do mischievous, playful, even a bit recalcitrant.  But a brat?  No...I did not allow my ums to be a brat and I damn sure don't want it in an adult.

In your case, I would say that you need to speak with her.  And as Latex said, if you knew this going in, then why are you wanting to change it now?  Either way, you are going to have to communicate with her and change something because it sounds like it is beginning to wear on you.



CelticPrince -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/14/2007 6:25:52 PM)

Ponyseeker,

All subs have emotional flare ups but when it is predictable, I question you as to why you put up with it?

CP



LadyIce -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/14/2007 6:58:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I don't do brats.  I know some dominants like that in the dynamic, to varying extents.  I don't. 

I can do mischievous, playful, even a bit recalcitrant.  But a brat?  No...I did not allow my ums to be a brat and I damn sure don't want it in an adult.

In your case, I would say that you need to speak with her.  And as Latex said, if you knew this going in, then why are you wanting to change it now?  Either way, you are going to have to communicate with her and change something because it sounds like it is beginning to wear on you.


I don't do brats either, never have and never will.
I don't understand the appeal to having a brat for a submissive.
If you enter into a relationship with a brat or another known personality type,
why complain about what you signed onto?



PAcpllooking -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/15/2007 12:52:22 PM)

The morning after when she is acting like that immeadiately remind her she is acting like that. You said in one post that she doesnt realize it until its too late so remind her before it happens.
Another reason why she may act like this is because she enjoys the feeling of being sexually frustrated and once that is gone she is not what I call "centered".
Does she act the same way when you get off with her? If not then it could be that she feels bad because you didnt get off when she did which may make her feel like she isnt serving you.
Try a few differant things and see what the reaction is

William



PONYSEEKER -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/15/2007 1:35:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking

The morning after when she is acting like that immeadiately remind her she is acting like that. You said in one post that she doesnt realize it until its too late so remind her before it happens.
Another reason why she may act like this is because she enjoys the feeling of being sexually frustrated and once that is gone she is not what I call "centered".
Does she act the same way when you get off with her? If not then it could be that she feels bad because you didnt get off when she did which may make her feel like she isnt serving you.
Try a few differant things and see what the reaction is

William



She acts the same way if she is with me accept when we actually do a scene which is about every couple of weeks.  Then she is really extreamly quiet for about three days and sometimes after the three days are up she will give a one line comment on the scene which I also think is a little strange.  Last night I spent about twenty minutes with her and just treated her as if she was having sub drop and she pulled out of it so to speak and became her old self. I am kind of suprised that she requires that much attention after just getting a finger...lol not really buying into it and it kind of makes me look closely at all of her after behaviors.  She very rarely talks about sex at all or mentions it so a scene has to have a big effect on her before she will make any kind of comment at all.



CreativeDominant -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/15/2007 4:51:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER

quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking

The morning after when she is acting like that immeadiately remind her she is acting like that. You said in one post that she doesnt realize it until its too late so remind her before it happens.
Another reason why she may act like this is because she enjoys the feeling of being sexually frustrated and once that is gone she is not what I call "centered".
Does she act the same way when you get off with her? If not then it could be that she feels bad because you didnt get off when she did which may make her feel like she isnt serving you.
Try a few differant things and see what the reaction is

William



She acts the same way if she is with me accept when we actually do a scene which is about every couple of weeks. Then she is really extreamly quiet for about three days and sometimes after the three days are up she will give a one line comment on the scene which I also think is a little strange. Last night I spent about twenty minutes with her and just treated her as if she was having sub drop and she pulled out of it so to speak and became her old self. I am kind of suprised that she requires that much attention after just getting a finger...lol not really buying into it and it kind of makes me look closely at all of her after behaviors. She very rarely talks about sex at all or mentions it so a scene has to have a big effect on her before she will make any kind of comment at all.


My opinion and my opinion only...you are the one being moved around in this relationship. Her behavior the "morning after" has you acting in a certain way. Her behavior last night had you acting as if she was in subdrop. She rarely discusses a scene or sexual behavior with you unless it is a big scene. So, in order to get her to COMMUNICATE, you have to do something ...whether it is a scene or give her an orgasm or whatever...that strokes her.

Not everything is about the dominant in the D/s dynamic but neither is everything about the submissive. And a D/s dynamic in which the dominant appears to be the main one serving the submissive at her pleasure seems skewed.

As noted, my opinion and my opinion only. I know what I would be communicating to this one and I believe I would have done so when the behavior first started.



excitedncurious -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/15/2007 5:04:44 PM)

I get the same way when I come. The only way to solve it is punishment or orgasm denial.



Mystique567 -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/18/2007 3:49:47 AM)

awwww you make me blush



meticulousgirl -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/18/2007 6:50:13 PM)

I'm not sure if anyone else has said this or not because i havn't read through the rest of the posts but honestly this could be due to her hormones, something related to or comparible to what we call subdrop.

After i personally recieve pleasure, or pain it doesn't matter which, i become exceptionally moody (however i know better than to show it usually) i cry for absolutely no reason, get exceptionally depressed and that's just it.  Subdrop can hit at anytime after any kind of scene, so it doesn't have to be above and beyond the normal.  Sex alone does it to me, masterbating does it to me, it just depends on the subs current hormone level and how much she may or may not be dealing with at the time mentally. 

How close is she to getting her period....the few days before durring and after can cause mood swings as well.

~meticulous~



sublimelysensual -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/18/2007 7:17:13 PM)

    I think You've gotten some really good advice, and I hope some part of it will help You out. My inclination is that finding something to put her in the right headplace the next morning might be the thing to do the trick. My only other thought would be, that after the next time it happens, withhold orgasms for a while (say a week, two weeks, whatever). Let her associate the undesired behavior with a loss of pleasure. On the flipside, if You do withhold, and after the next time she's allowed release, she behaves (for lack of a better word), reward her.
 
 That being said, I hate the whole "well, she might be hormonal" excuse. I've been having periods for 24 years. I'm at the point now where I know when I'm going to start because I get moody, I want to binge eat, etc. When I know I'm moody because of hormones, I think before I speak. Sounds simple, eh? I hate the fact that so many women pawn being bratty/b*tchy off on being hormonal and then wonder why men make jokes about it. Be responsible and own up. Seeing that His girl is in her 40's, she should be able to recognize by now if that's what is going on. There have been times I've been emotional, explained why I was feeling that way, and that I knew part of it was because I was about to start and that once that dropped off, I would look at the issue again. I'm also peri-menopausal, so that doesn't hold water with me either unless the person doesn't know they're going into menopause. The thing is, even then, women recognize when they're being a b*tch. Sorry for the soapbox, just a pet peeve, and only my two cents worth, as usual...
 
-a



PONYSEEKER -> RE: When to back off? --- Morning Brats (8/20/2007 11:00:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

    I think You've gotten some really good advice, and I hope some part of it will help You out. My inclination is that finding something to put her in the right headplace the next morning might be the thing to do the trick. My only other thought would be, that after the next time it happens, withhold orgasms for a while (say a week, two weeks, whatever). Let her associate the undesired behavior with a loss of pleasure. On the flipside, if You do withhold, and after the next time she's allowed release, she behaves (for lack of a better word), reward her.
 
 That being said, I hate the whole "well, she might be hormonal" excuse. I've been having periods for 24 years. I'm at the point now where I know when I'm going to start because I get moody, I want to binge eat, etc. When I know I'm moody because of hormones, I think before I speak. Sounds simple, eh? I hate the fact that so many women pawn being bratty/b*tchy off on being hormonal and then wonder why men make jokes about it. Be responsible and own up. Seeing that His girl is in her 40's, she should be able to recognize by now if that's what is going on. There have been times I've been emotional, explained why I was feeling that way, and that I knew part of it was because I was about to start and that once that dropped off, I would look at the issue again. I'm also peri-menopausal, so that doesn't hold water with me either unless the person doesn't know they're going into menopause. The thing is, even then, women recognize when they're being a b*tch. Sorry for the soapbox, just a pet peeve, and only my two cents worth, as usual...
 
-a


Very good. I allways felt that but of course being a guy am compleatly blind to the facts of female hormones.....lol



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