RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Dnomyar -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/29/2007 9:52:33 AM)
My point was since when is cheating immoral. It seems to me that God lusted after another mans woman to have his child. So who are we to say that a married man /woman should not be in this lifestyle.

LotusSong -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/29/2007 11:12:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar My point was since when is cheating immoral. It seems to me that God lusted after another mans woman to have his child. So who are we to say that a married man /woman should not be in this lifestyle. Only God knows :) (actually, it was a non-sexual impregnation)

MHOO314 -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/29/2007 2:53:25 PM)
*"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special..."* *Steel Magnolias* *Once I judged, I can no longer, for I do not walk in the shoes of those---I just know that once in awhile, something happens that we least expect--and we become--painfully human after all.*

Carrianna -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/29/2007 2:55:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar My point was since when is cheating immoral. It seems to me that God lusted after another mans woman to have his child. So who are we to say that a married man /woman should not be in this lifestyle. As long as they are honest about it. Not for me, but if all are honest I see no problem.

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/29/2007 7:01:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Carrianna As long as they are honest about it. Not for me, but if all are honest I see no problem. If you are warm and safe and loved, why would you want someone to tell you of that you have refused to meet a need and they will be seeking elsewhere when all else is well? Would you not be more hurt than if he took care of business discreetly and returned home quietly? I'd rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick. It is said that discretion is the better part of valor.

TreasureKY -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 6:06:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar My point was since when is cheating immoral. It seems to me that God lusted after another mans woman to have his child. So who are we to say that a married man /woman should not be in this lifestyle. I'm not sure where to even begin addressing your comments... "Cheat" in the broadest terms means to practice fraud or deceit... to violate rules... to elude... to deprive something expected... to act dishonestly. Why is that term used for seeking sexual activity outside of a marriage? Because marriage commonly includes a vow to not seek sexual activity with persons outside of the marriage. The key word there is "vow"... a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment. If you have no problem with lying or breaking promises, then you'll most likely have difficulty understanding why others consider it unacceptable behavior. As far as using the term "lust" to refer to God's approaching Mary to bear his child... well, you must have a different idea about what lust is. Typically it is used to indicate an intense sexual desire... an uncontrolled sexual yearning or passionate craving. I fail to see where that even remotely applies. And where I've simply skimmed over most the posts here, I don't think anyone has said that married people shouldn't be in this lifestyle. I believe a good majority have implied that seeking BDSM sexual experience outside of a marriage is acceptable as long as it is agreed to by all the parties of the marriage and doesn't involve deception. For those who've suggested that it might be acceptable for a spouse to seek what he or she desires from other partners if their husband or wife refuses to give them what they want, I wonder if they would consider the same true if it were a submissive seeking what he or she desires because their dominant refused to give them what they desire. The idea is to not dishonor a promise... whether one of fidelity or obedience... by trying to skirt it using deceit or fraud.

slavebilly15 -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 6:30:50 AM)
this slave is a married man and when i married my completely vanilla wife i thought that i could walk away from the lifestyle and be happy. my wife needed surgery and we could not have sex for a while and the feelings and the need for the lifestyle grew again. Now there is a gaping hole inside me that needs that connection in the lifestyle and my wife does not relate. i still love her with all my heart yet to be complete need the lifestyle. i am very well versed and have been involved for over twenty years. my only hard limit is i will not have intercourse in respect for my marriage.

RRafe -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 6:33:51 AM)
Fast reply. I think of it as someone trying to make thier trouble yours. I try not to enable that.

s4e -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 6:38:08 AM)
When you have walked 38 years in my shoes, then you may judge my cheating heart!

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 7:58:58 AM)
bottom line this is about honor and respect if you can not honor or respect what you put down on paper or in front of people !!!move on cause this lifestyle is not for you .....some rules you have to stand by or you have nothing or you are nothing just that simple...some people will make up excuses for anything.. you are nothing

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 9:54:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 bottom line this is about honor and respect if you can not honor or respect what you put down on paper or in front of people !!!move on cause this lifestyle is not for you .....some rules you have to stand by or you have nothing or you are nothing just that simple...some people will make up excuses for anything.. you are nothing Humor me as I pose this question to you, if your wife had a health situation come up as to where she could no longer entertain your D/s proclivities would you simply divorce her in her time of need (or for however long it might last) or brow beat her with "I need to be me and go out and find what I need but I'll be sure to tell you when I'm leaving to do so and all about it when I get back"? Would you want that? If you had an urge to sky dive and your wife wanted no part of it and forbade YOU to do it..how would you handle that? People that put a strangle-hold on their relationships usually end up alone more than coupled. It's all about knowing your partner and intent. As I've said before, if you are unhappy to a point where you are hating your partner, then leave.

LotusSong -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 10:59:22 AM)
I've always been a believer if that a married play, with no intention of leaving the spouse, that they seek another married with the same attitude and situation. I always avoided single males. I mean, what would be the point? Why take up their time? Eventually the single will think they "have a chance" with you and get terribly hurt that you didn't find them so desirable that you would leave your spouse for them.

TreasureKY -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 11:49:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 bottom line this is about honor and respect if you can not honor or respect what you put down on paper or in front of people !!!move on cause this lifestyle is not for you .....some rules you have to stand by or you have nothing or you are nothing just that simple...some people will make up excuses for anything.. you are nothing Humor me as I pose this question to you, if your wife had a health situation come up as to where she could no longer entertain your D/s proclivities would you simply divorce her in her time of need (or for however long it might last) or brow beat her with "I need to be me and go out and find what I need but I'll be sure to tell you when I'm leaving to do so and all about it when I get back"? Would you want that? If you had an urge to sky dive and your wife wanted no part of it and forbade YOU to do it..how would you handle that? People that put a strangle-hold on their relationships usually end up alone more than coupled. It's all about knowing your partner and intent. As I've said before, if you are unhappy to a point where you are hating your partner, then leave. shakes head I'm wondering if you even understood what latexbaby64 was saying... The issue at hand is about honor and respect. Honoring and respecting not only the person you have vowed fidelity to, but your own words. Is the man who sneaks around behind his wife's back to fulfill his own desires, honoring her? Is the woman who pretends to be fulfilled by her husband to his face, but secretly sees others to meet her needs, showing him respect? Is your word only valuable so long as the person you make a promise to stays ignorant of the truth? Does your idea of love and kindness rely on deception? Does the person to whom you stood before and promised to be faithful to mean more to you than your own wants and desires? It's about making a choice. If you are unable to live your life without that which your heart desires... if that desire means more to you than the promise you made to your spouse, then yes, you should walk away. You do yourself and your partner the greatest disservice by living a lie if you do not.

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 12:07:05 PM)
Treasure, I feel there is a fine line between someone's"honesty" and rubbing a person's nose in their activities. Some silence is out of compassion rather than deception. I have been married for more than 10, more than 20, and more than 30 years- to the same person (first marriage no less) After all that time~ you know each other.

TreasureKY -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 12:17:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam Treasure, I feel there is a fine line between someone's"honesty" and rubbing a person's nose in their activities. Some silence is out of compassion rather than deception. I have been married for more than 10, more than 20, and more than 30 years- to the same person (first marriage no less) After all that time~ you know each other. I was married to the same man myself for 23 years. When I felt I could no longer abide by my promises to him, I respected him enough to give him the truth... I respected myself enough to not compromise my own principles. I doubt very seriously if he would consider it "compassionate" if I had continued to live with him in a lie. But then again, as you say it's a matter of knowing your partner.

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 12:40:55 PM)
Treasure, First let me say, I am appreciating your thoughts and a calm discussion on this topic you are having with me :) That being said, I'd like your insight on the following situation: Let's say your husband of many years had an operation that that rendered him impotent. You might be a tad younger and still have urges. The vibrator does not give you intimacy and the husband, being unable to to perform, pretty much is with drawn other than to give a hug and a peck on the cheek. You bump in to another whose wife of many years is the same with him. You both still love the spouse. You promised "in sickness and in health". You are their only support. What would be appropriate? Take care of them with a friend with benefits on the side or to divorce their (permanently) sickly ass to maintain honor? Sometimes a spouse will turn a blind eye for a reason.

TreasureKY -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 1:33:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam Treasure, First let me say, I am appreciating your thoughts and a calm discussion on this topic you are having with me :) That being said, I'd like your insight on the following situation: Let's say your husband of many years had an operation that that rendered him impotent. You might be a tad younger and still have urges. The vibrator does not give you intimacy and the husband, being unable to to perform, pretty much is with drawn other than to give a hug and a peck on the cheek. You bump in to another whose wife of many years is the same with him. You both still love the spouse. You promised "in sickness and in health". You are their only support. What would be appropriate? Take care of them with a friend with benefits on the side or to divorce their (permanently) sickly ass to maintain honor? Sometimes a spouse will turn a blind eye for a reason. Thank you as well, LightHeartedMaam. I do understand the dilemma that you've illustrated and where some might find the option of "discreet indiscretions" being preferable. However, I don't necessarily feel that any of the choices you've given is appropriate for me. Let me turn your scenario around a bit and see if I can't illustrate what my choice in this situation would be... I have developed a condition that has rendered me unable to engage in sexual activity of any kind and has destroyed my sex drive. FirmhandKY is still young and virile with sexual urges, and I know that I've no capacity to meet his needs for physical intimacy, even though we both love each other dearly. FirmhandKY has promised to care for me and is my only support, but I know that his needs are not being met. Would I want him to feel that he is trapped... with the only way his needs can be met is by deceiving me? Would I want him to throw away the love and relationship we have or compromise his principles by leaving me and breaking his promise to care for me? No, of course not. Remember that I love him, too, and I want him to be happy. As you said, people that put a strangle-hold on their relationships usually end up alone. At this point, I would offer to release him from any promise of sexual fidelity, if not all his promises. It would be up to him to decide what he wants to do. If he found a friend with benefits to satisfy those needs he had, I would gladly give my blessing. Would I want to know all the details? Probably not. I suppose this is the "blind eye" that you refer to, but the difference here is that it is by choice of both.

LadyPact -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 2:14:08 PM)
A while back, I had My comment on the married submissive I currently have. After reading some other replies, I'd like to add a little something. Many of the regulars who frequent the boards know that I am also married. My husband is well aware of what I participate in. He has met all of the bottoms I have played with (often watching in those enviornments of public play), known all of the submissives that I have had D/s dynamics with during Our marriage, so on and so on. If for some reason, either he or I would wake up tomorrow and say that BDSM activities with others could no longer fit in this marriage, I have no hesitation is saying that My marriage would be first. Being a person who has seen both sides of it in My life (I did have a BDSM break, so I do speak from experience here) I know how I weigh in on the 'all else happy vrs BDSM' debate goes for Me. I have more honor and respect for him, as well as Myself, to know where My decision would lie. If I found I could not do that, then the 'all else happy' part of the equation probably isn't all that true for Me. If a person isn't happy in general, is it really worth all those reasons that most people cling to when wanting to maintain a marriage? The house, the cars, financial reasons, etc., etc., etc. It seems to Me that there are many who find interest in BDSM later in life. After they married young and so forth. Each person has to decide if that makes their partner still compatible with them or not. Some, like Me, have the opportunity to do these things with full consent. For many others, they don't. They are then in the position of deciding which is more important to them. In some ways, I do see this as a selfish vrs selfless debate, which only the person can answer for themselves. No amount of writing on the message boards, or judgements made, or anything else are going to change the choices made.

Blaakmaan -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 4:58:45 PM)
Well, well, well... What an interesting discussion! I'm so glad I found it! Let me add my two cents, please. First, I'm married. My profile says I'm married, right up front! I'm not pretending to be single. Second, I'm new to this BDSM scene (a beginner, actually). If I take the plunge, so to speak, it won't be with my wife or with her knowledge. So, I would be cheating on her. I can't deny that, and I'm not proud of it, either. Does that make me a person who lacks "honesty" and "integrity" such that others in this scene (this "lifestyle") should shun me? Oh, please...! In the best of all possible worlds, married people would not cheat on their spouses. But, in the best of all possible worlds, we wouldn't be at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I could go on, but I think you understand my point. I am absolutely astonished at the judgmental comments and the pompous moralizing I've read in this thread (and I haven't even finished reading all of them)! According to several of the posts, married people who have sex outside of their marriages "lack integrity." They're "liars," "untrustworthy," and "selfish slobs." They "defile the whole meaning of D/s," which--apparently to a greater extent than any other type of human relationship--is "about honesty and trust." Since a BDSM relationship depends on such a high level of honesty, and a person who cheats on his or her spouse is (by definition it seems) dishonest, it follows that a person who cheats on his or her spouse cannot be trusted in a BDSM relationship. Really? Well, excuse me!!! People in this "lifestyle" must be the salt of the earth! This must be the greatest collection of true, honest, morally upright individuals outside of the Vatican! Are you??? From what I've seen, lots of you have profiles without pictures. How honest and open is that??? Do your parents, friends, co-workers, and neighbors know that you're a dominant, a submissive, a switch, or whatever? No? You mean, you're hiding such a large part of yourselves from others? Well, how open and honest is that? Do you speed? Have you ever broken the law? Have you ever shoplifted? Have you ever taken anything home from the office without the boss knowing or giving you permission? Have you ever lied on your tax return (taken a deduction you weren't entitled to or failed to report ALL of your income)? If you did, being persons of such grand integrity, I presume you immediately ran right to the police station and turned yourselves in! If you didn't, maybe you need to re-think just how much "integrity" you really have! Have you EVER lied to your spouse, your significant other, your friend, or even to a stranger? Have you ever, as Jimmy Carter said, lusted in your heart for someone other than your spouse? If you have NEVER done ANY of these things, then MAYBE you are in a position to condemn others for THEIR moral failings (and your application for sainthood is in the mail!). If NOT, then, PLEASE, save your moralizing! I have thought that the people in this "lifestyle," who by-and-large have been pushed underground by the condemnatory societal judgments that have been heaped on this "lifestyle" and its adherents by the vanilla world, would be less judgmental of others than the posts I have read here indicate. Apparently I was wrong... Believe it or not, although I have had sex outside of my marriage, and may again, I still consider myself to be, by and large, a person of honesty and integrity. However, like everyone else that walks this Earth, I am flawed! Many of you seem to think you aren't! Think again!!!

TreasureKY -> RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE (8/30/2007 6:19:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan However, like everyone else that walks this Earth, I am flawed! Many of you seem to think you aren't! I don't think anyone here has claimed to be perfect. But for me, I believe the difference is between working to overcome my flaws and welcoming them. In the end, I've only my own definition of integrity to live up to.

Page: << < prev 4 5 [6] 7 8 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875