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Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 11:06:04 AM

fsslave

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/14/2007
Status: offline

i always want MORE from my Master. If He smacks me with the crop 5 times, i wish it had been 10. If He orders only water and a salad for me in a restaurant, i wish it had been only water. If He cuffs one of my hands to the bed for three hours, i wish it had been both hands, or a longer time. If he makes me put a butt plug in but lets me take it out when i beg, i wish he had been "more dominant" and made me leave it in longer. i always want my boundaries pushed, and i am constantly dissatisfied with Him for the dominance he does give me. i feel that he doesn't really want to be a Master; He talks the talk but does not walk the walk. i think i have dragged Him kicking and screaming into something He never desired, although he says He gets off on it as much as i do. And sometimes i think He may just not have the intelligence, imagination or ambition to be a good Master. Again, i believe He is just doing it to please me. Which is wonderful, but not particularly effective. Am i, in effect, topping from the bottom?...okay i know the answer to that one, i am. But i don't want to. Any sage words for me?

Post #: 1

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 11:14:12 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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buy yourself a cattle prod, use it liberally on yourself, and talk to the guy I mean really talk.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 11:52:51 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

It sounds like you are trying to passively dominate him.

The sagest advice is also the simplest. Stop doing it.

< Message edited by slaveish -- 8/15/2007 11:53:49 AM >

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 11:56:42 AM

MastersMaiden

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline

i had this problem with my last bf...i knew what i needed, and he wanted to try and be dominant for me, but he just wasnt. period. my only advice is to talk with him, and if that isnt working, he's probably not the one for you.

i wish you luck, for i know personally just how frustrating a mismatch can be X_X

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 11:58:54 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Break up with him and find someone whose dominance is more in line with your type of submission.

(in reply to MastersMaiden)

Post #: 5

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 12:10:09 PM

isispisces

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/7/2007
From: Oregon City, OR
Status: offline

I definately recommend the discussing option before breaking it off. My (I hope!) Master and I have had that specific conversation, actually. He brought up safe words and hard limits and respecting my boundaries etc. etc....I just had to really emphasize that as my Master, any such limitations are only there for Him to plow on through, because I don't want to -have- limitations...and if by some chance we do find something I truly cannot tolerate, I'll make it -very- clear, so that He never has to worry that I'm just not telling Him if I find a hard limit somewhere. If your Master cannot handle that then you may need to look elsewhere...but also keep in mind, if He wants you to eat a salad, and you only wanted Him to allow you water, maybe that's tough cookies on your part. ;) I wish you the best of luck though!

*hugs*
isis

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 6

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 12:33:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I have to say it sounds like you got into a case of hoping or thinking you could change him. It soundsl ike he was always honest and always demonstrated who he was and where he wanted to go. For some reason you said to yourself "I want more, but I'll go ahead and make the commitment"

It's fine to want more- it's fine to ask for more, it's fine for him to not give more. And I believe when he says he's getting off on it- he's getting off on what you guys are doing, but you aren't! The question to really ask is do you want more dominance or do you want more pain/aggression/kink? Those are not the same things at all. Once you've really figured out what you really want, then you both need to sit down and see whether it will work between you or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to isispisces)

Post #: 7

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 1:18:59 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Sounds to me like you should be telling these things to him not to us. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk about this, communation is key. It may be that you need to break it off and find someone more it tune with what you want. If may be he was a little afraid of pushing too hard. Only he can tell you this so please talk to him first before making any rash decisions.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 1:35:15 PM

vltava

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Anaheim
Status: offline

I think this is actually a pretty deep topic with a lot of room for discussion, but, on a more practical level, to the OP, what if you had a discussion with him where you made it clear that when you say "no", "stop", and "please", that those words carry no meaning? Except perhaps as an invitation for you to be further dominated.

vltava

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 9

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 2:22:39 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Perhapse a change in perspective will help.
The man does what pleases him and you wish he was more dominant (in the way you want it)
Seems to me he is being dominant, but you are failing to be satsfied with not getting what you want.
(as was mentioned earlier passive dominaton)

The question has to be asked not only of him but also of you, Is your desire to be "more dominated" a want or a need.
If it is a legitimate need then the answer is one thing if it is a want then it's another thing entirely.

The translation some of us are reading is "My Master won't dominate me exactly the way I want him to do it (pouty foot stomp)"

When you get to talking with him I would be sure you can articulate more precisely what you are feeling, and what you need and what you want as well as the difference, because here I give you a communications grade of C-

(in reply to vltava)

Post #: 10

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 2:26:58 PM

viperess

Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline

Greetings to the OP,

Okay i have to say when i first read the title of the thread i was mmmm surprised is the word i will use since the moderators frown on some language around here. i then thought okay this has to be some young, willful, full of it brat...low and behold it is written by a 40 year old. No it does not sound like you are trying to top from the bottom. It does sound like you have forgotten who it is all about. When you become a slave the world stops revolving around you and instead it revolves around Him. What He wants, what He desires, what He thinks...personally from the sound of your whinning it sounds like the only thing you deserve is a couple of days in the corner on your knees while He goes about His life. To bitch because you beg Him to stop doing something or in this case to allow you to remove your butt plug and then complain that He does so is stupid. It sounds like instead of sticking a butt plug in you that He needs to concentrate on the other end of things and stick a ball gag in your mouth. Mostly after saying something like "And sometimes i think He may just not have the intelligence, imagination or ambition to be a good Master" not only is that disrespectful to your Master but it brings dishonor to Him also. In my humble opinion the smartest thing He could do is kick your ass to the curb and get someone who is a slave, i don't mean someone who claims to be a slave, but one who really is. One who knows what being a slave is, one who brings honor to her Master with her words and actions and knows it is all about Him. Not someone who bashes Him and puts Him down for all to see. To do so shows a total lack of training, self control, maturity, and insteads sounds more like a two year old pitching a temper tantrum. i can see why He might not be doing things the way you want Him to...why should He reward bratty behavior? Personally i am surprised He would want to have anything to do with you if this is how you act when you are with Him. Yea go ahead and flame me all you want..i see so many on these boards lately talking about the difference between topping and being bratty, i see so many who will hold someones hand when they act like this saying oh poor you..how could a Master act like that..oh you deserve so much better than that..talk to Him, tell Him how you feel and if He will not straighten up then drop Him....Bull crap...i am sorry but damn it if you are a slave then grow up and act like one and quit acting like some woe is me milk sop or in the very least quit calling yourself a slave which puts those of us you not only talk the talk of a slave but alsowalk the walk 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It sounds more like you have a kink you want satisfied in the bedroom and screw the rest of the time. Anyway this old slaves 2 cents worth say GROW UP!!!

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to vltava)

Post #: 11

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 2:29:47 PM

Masternslave07

Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

And if he ordered just water for you, you would wish he had ordered nothing for you. I think you need to examine why you cannot be satisfied. It could be him, but more likely it is you.

_____________________________

You can lead a horse to water, but not a cow.

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 2:44:51 PM

vltava

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Anaheim
Status: offline

It sounds like you are getting a lot of input that could learn from; I hope that you learn something from everyone that posts (whether you agree with them or not) and figure out how to apply the some of the feedback to your life.

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 13

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 2:54:51 PM

fsslave

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/14/2007
Status: offline

Yup, You're right, i probably could find someone who is more on the same page with me and then i would whine about Him too...
Sorry you think i just "have a kink in the bedroom"...that is some of the stuff i specified in my original post, but there was so much i didn't write...bear with me, i won't flame you, ever, for speaking your mind. in fact, i appreciated it. Here's the rest of my actual complaint. i do serve Him out of the bedroom, all day if He is around, and i love doing it, i also can stop being His slave at a whim (mine) and he simply does not notice. We have actually written out rules, which i can and do follow, but if i don't, no big deal, He is perfectly content resuming a traditional, equal relationship. ie: it is expressly my duty to keep the coffee hot and to serve Him, but if i let the pot go dry, he will make some himself, and yes, i get to drink it, too. If i point out to Him that i forgot, or apologize and say, "but it was my job, Master." He will excuse me, no discipline, not even, "I'm disappointed in you." Just...nothing, one way or the other. As if He is indulging my little fantasy, but not necessarily entering into it with me. i feel like "Why bother, it's really not that easy of a lifestyle to live." i just want Him to be as into it as i am. i can kill myself making the world revolve around Him, but it won't bother Him in the least if i don't. i hope this explains a little more of my problem.
To all who told me i need to talk to Him, well, i have, and all i get is agreement, but no difference in action. i think MastersMaiden said it best when she called it, politely, a "mismatch." i am not really spoiled, i think at my age, like most women of my age, i finally know what i do want, and i will not settle for less.

(in reply to Masternslave07)

Post #: 14

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 3:01:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Expectations need to be mutually understood, followed through and enforced.

If any part of the relationship is not adhering to those things- then you need to sit down and make a new game plan. You can't make him want more, but I wonder if you've ALWAYS wanted more and somehow decided to settle, or if he let you believe you could expect more and then didn't follow through?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 15

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 3:03:20 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

It sounds a bit like the matyr complex to me. "The more I endure, the less I have, the better I am".

As for advice... really don't have any except talk to him and realize that what he wants is what he wants. Doesn't matter if you ever get beaten or are beaten bloody, wear rags or diamond-encrusted silk ballgowns. It's what he wants.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/15/2007 3:04:34 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 3:04:46 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I think you should leave this poor man alone and go find someone else to be disapointed in. Sure makes you feel better doesn't it knowing how good a sub you are and how crappy a dominant he is, doesn't it? Don't worry, y ou will find someone who does exactly what you say and exactly when you want it.

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 17

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 4:48:16 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

you sound like someone who wants/needs to be forced at times, as well as someone who likes/needs a punishment dynamic in order to act/know your place...

he sounds like someone who wants a well run ship and the fun of the d/s dynamic, but not at the cost of having to force or punish you regarding behavior that is expectd of you and that you've agreed with...

sooooooooo, from what i can see, you don't want to submit, unless it's on your terms, or through force; which can only mean one thing in my minds-eye, and that is that you both would do well to find other partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fsslave

Yup, You're right, i probably could find someone who is more on the same page with me and then i would whine about Him too...
Sorry you think i just "have a kink in the bedroom"...that is some of the stuff i specified in my original post, but there was so much i didn't write...bear with me, i won't flame you, ever, for speaking your mind. in fact, i appreciated it. Here's the rest of my actual complaint. i do serve Him out of the bedroom, all day if He is around, and i love doing it, i also can stop being His slave at a whim (mine) and he simply does not notice. We have actually written out rules, which i can and do follow, but if i don't, no big deal, He is perfectly content resuming a traditional, equal relationship. ie: it is expressly my duty to keep the coffee hot and to serve Him, but if i let the pot go dry, he will make some himself, and yes, i get to drink it, too. If i point out to Him that i forgot, or apologize and say, "but it was my job, Master." He will excuse me, no discipline, not even, "I'm disappointed in you." Just...nothing, one way or the other. As if He is indulging my little fantasy, but not necessarily entering into it with me. i feel like "Why bother, it's really not that easy of a lifestyle to live." i just want Him to be as into it as i am. i can kill myself making the world revolve around Him, but it won't bother Him in the least if i don't. i hope this explains a little more of my problem.
To all who told me i need to talk to Him, well, i have, and all i get is agreement, but no difference in action. i think MastersMaiden said it best when she called it, politely, a "mismatch." i am not really spoiled, i think at my age, like most women of my age, i finally know what i do want, and i will not settle for less.

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 6:00:36 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: viperess
Okay i have to say when i first read the title of the thread i was mmmm surprised is the word i will use since the moderators frown on some language around here.

What is wrong with the title of this thread that it might garner the attention of the mods? I don't see anything about that is in violation of TOS.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to viperess)

Post #: 19

RE: Dissatisfaction with Master - 8/15/2007 6:14:53 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fsslave

i always want MORE from my Master. If He smacks me with the crop 5 times, i wish it had been 10. If He orders only water and a salad for me in a restaurant, i wish it had been only water. If He cuffs one of my hands to the bed for three hours, i wish it had been both hands, or a longer time. If he makes me put a butt plug in but lets me take it out when i beg, i wish he had been "more dominant" and made me leave it in longer. i always want my boundaries pushed, and i am constantly dissatisfied with Him for the dominance he does give me. i feel that he doesn't really want to be a Master; He talks the talk but does not walk the walk. i think i have dragged Him kicking and screaming into something He never desired, although he says He gets off on it as much as i do. And sometimes i think He may just not have the intelligence, imagination or ambition to be a good Master. Again, i believe He is just doing it to please me. Which is wonderful, but not particularly effective. Am i, in effect, topping from the bottom?...okay i know the answer to that one, i am. But i don't want to. Any sage words for me?

mmmmmmmmm seems what the problem is not a lack of Dominance.. it's a lack of submission.

Him doing what you want is not Dominance.. it's him being a service Top. He is doing what he wants. He hits you with the crop 5 times, he only orders you water and salad, He cuffs one of your hands to the bed for three hours. Sounds like he is doing what he wants... In effect he is dominating and make the choices of what will occur. So..... are you submissive enough to accept what he wants or are you going to continue to want to top from the bottom and push him to do what he wants.

I also state since the problem is one of submission since.. you have talked about it.. and he continues to do what he wants.. and not what you want.... Being the sadist that I am.. if I was him... I would do even less of what you want... till you shut up and realize that I am not your service Top.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 8/15/2007 6:16:39 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to fsslave)

Post #: 20

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