RE: Dissatisfaction with Master

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Constanza -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 12:59:06 PM)
Any good relationship is based on communication. If you are not happy with your Dom, you should be able to talk to your Master about it and come to some kind of understanding. If you are not able it's maybe a good idea to look elsewhere and let you Master find another sub to please him. This is not fair on your Master or on yourself i think.

Cyntilating -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 4:49:01 PM)
Fsslave you write [when you say i am a bad bad bad slave].... ( sorry it has taken me a day to get back to this, I was working ) ... I, personally, did not say you were a bad slave...I don't think anyone can make that call about anyone else. Only the people involved in the relationship can attest to its being " good or bad" and only the person themselves can even decided if they are right or wrong in feeling certain ways.... That is for you two to decide..and for you to decide about your own feelings. I only asked you questions and presented you with situations that might help you think about your responses and actions....its for you to decided what to do about them..or how to feel about them. casting blame does no good...solves nothing..and wastes time and energy...( valuable time and energy ) .. but I will say that, if there is a problem it is typically NOT one sided... and in a relationship with a dom and sub or master and sub/slave > IMO it is a reactive/reflective relationship.. the dominant is not dominating without someone submitting.. and the submissive is not able to submit without a dominant one.. their roles in the relationship depend upon one another to reflect/react/respond. So in your situation > you could be having trouble responding as a submissive because/if the dominance is not there... BUT he could also be having trouble responding as a dominant because/if your submission isnt there... who knows whether the chicken or the egg came first..hmmmmmm..anyway> only you two can decide this for yourselves..and as others have said > talk about it .. I wish you happiness..

cwytch -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 5:31:40 PM)
as i read your post i could not help but wonder exactly who the Dominante was..you talk about not getting what you want but you did not mention if He was getting what He wanted...i have been a slave most of my adult life and have learned to be happy with that which has been granted me...it seems that this man has been giving you a great deal of attention and yet you always want more..perhaps you should reevaluate your desires...is it you desire to serve? if that is the case then if he is happy with giving you 5 swats it is your job to be thankful for those 5 swats and express that thankfulness to Him...if you desire a specific amount of pelasure given in a specific way perhaps you should examin the role of a Domme where you can give the direction...of course then you may end up with a subbie who cannot be satisfied..we tend to reap what we sow..good luck to you

adaddysgirl -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 7:58:17 PM)
i once found myself in somewhat of a similar situation. The very first dom i met called himself a Master....but he actually could only dominate inside of the bedroom. Outside of that, i called all the shots. But the thing was, i didn't want to. i needed dominance outside of the bedroom as well but he was just so laid back (for lack of a better phrase) that i could get away with murder with no problem. But before the relationship ended, i found he was a switch and for him, he could have been just as happy with me domming outside of the bedroom, and he, in the bedroom. i am not a slave (and never will be) but i realized i needed dominance in all areas....not just the bedroom....and he just was not able to fulfill that need. We just were not on the same page in what we needed from a partner. Personally, i don't think you are a bad slave....and i have never bought into that bs about you are not a "true slave" (or whatever) because you can't conform to your Master's particular ways. Slaves pick their Masters just as much as Masters pick their slaves. If that weren't the case, then all the slaves here could just line up against the wall and wait to be "chosen" by anyone who calls himself a Master. Maybe you became his slave before knowing enough about what he considered D/s and what his expectations were; or maybe you already knew but thought he would change; or maybe he promised more strictness, but hasn't followed through. i don't know....but it does sound like you just might have the wrong partner for you. If you've talked about it and nothing's changed, it probably won't so you either live with that...or move on. If you were a masochist and believed that the partner you were becoming involved with was a sadist, and then found that he really wasn't....would you be a "bad slave" to say this isn't really what i expected so maybe i need to move on? i've seen plenty on here who said they wouldn't have considered a partner who wasn't a sadist. i think that is where it is important to know who you are getting involved with, how they view D/s, bdsm, whatever...and what they expect. Just saves problems down the road. Despite what it sometimes sounds like on here, slaves are entitled to fulfillment in their lives too...and i believe that most people choose partners who will fulfill them in some way. i mean, i really don't hear anyone here saying they really hate their partner but stay with with him (her) anyway. Everyone is getting something out of that relationship. So whichever way it goes, i wish you luck (and i mean that). i think you'll be just fine [&:] Daddysgirl

fsslave -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 8:19:53 PM)
Thank you so much for reading between the lines and getting what i was trying to say. You summed it up nicely, my problem in the proverbial nutshell! And right now, the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Free Bird" is running through my head. i do realize that both my Master and i will be happier with someone else, or even no one else.

ExquisiteFeline -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 8:33:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Constanza Any good relationship is based on communication. If you are not happy with your Dom, you should be able to talk to your Master about it and come to some kind of understanding. If you are not able it's maybe a good idea to look elsewhere and let you Master find another sub to please him. This is not fair on your Master or on yourself i think. i know one perfect for her....

junecleaver -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/16/2007 9:29:08 PM)
Read this thread to him, because in his situation, I would probably dump you. I'm not saying you are a 'bad slave.' But if you talked about me in the same manner you talked about him, why would I want to own you? The first thing I had to get over in my submission was...myself. I am an only child, who attended a small private school ("big fish/small pond") and until as recently as two years ago, the world revolved around me. Getting into a relationship where service was involved felt like going against the grain, but going against the grain felt extremely rewarding. Perhaps if you went into your relationship thinking about what you can GIVE rather than what you can RECEIVE...you would be more satisfied. Maybe you need to find another partner. Maybe it is a matter of compatibility. But the next relationship you form will still be in dangerous waters if you are constantly concentrating on yourself.

slavemaia -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/17/2007 9:04:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble ~FR~ Okay, what I'm reading is you aren't suffering consequences for your actions and you want/need to in order to feel like he is your Master and thrive in your submission to him. Follow through is important and when you shrug off your job, you need to be called to the carpet for it. It sounds like you shrug off on your job on purpose just to see if there is a reaction. That's your bad, not his and then when he fails to react like 'you' believe he should, he's not a Master (or not creative, imaginative etc.) How about, do what you're supposed to do, serve him as he requires instead of how you think you should and let him worry about whether or not that fills him. I know how hard it can be to get to that place and until you're willing to let go of your expectations on how he should Master you, you're not going to be happy in your service. A Master uses his will, not the will of their slave. You really need to understand that whether you stay with your current situation or not. You're testing him and he's failing the test. Well, from my perspective, you're really testing yourself and you're the one who's failing. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible but that doesn't make him any less a Master or you any more a slave just because you might not be right for one another. You've talked to him already and he's still not doing what you want so you either have to change what you want and accept that he will Master you as he sees fit and not as you see fit or find someone else who is more in line with your desires, wants and needs as a submissive. You might want to apologize to him for the insulting things you've said about him as well, but that's up to you. Celeste i agree here. Also, please try to understand that you aren't necessarily WRONG in how you feel. It takes time to really "get" what a slave is. At least it has for me. i spent many months stomping around demanding that Chairman fit the model of a Master that i had in my head. And because He in fact IS a Master, because in fact He is truly a Dominant, my schinanigans had no affect on Him except to make it clear that i was not going to manipulate and control Him. He did exactly as He wanted to do. It was not His job to adjust His behavior or desires to suit me. It's my job to adjust my behavior and desires to suit Him. i am permitted to request what i desire, i am permitted to beg, but i am not permitted to demand, insist, manipulate, or anything along those lines. Once i beg or request, then my responsibility as His property is to let go of the desire - give it totally to Him to do with exactly as He pleases. Sometimes i get what i request, other times i don't. But one thing i'm positive about is that i will NEVER get what i desire by insulting Him, criticising Him, manipulating Him or anything contrary to serving Him and not myself. i also agree with what another poster said that you are not being at all respectful of your Master by posting things like "He may just not have the intelligence, imagination or ambition to be a good Master." Oh dear, not a good thing to say sweetie. Very very disrespectful and critical. May i recommend that you examine yourself and ask why you wish to be a slave, do you really wish to be a slave or perhpas being a bottom suits you better? The words Master and slave can conjure up all sorts of ideas about what they are. Those ideas are in your mind. They may not be who either of Y/you are. You have expressed alot of dissatisfaction regarding your Master. Do you find yourself constantly dissatisfied with life in general? If so, you may have a bad mental habit of feeling like nothing is ever enough. This is an opportunity for you to change that habit, if you're willing. If not, then i also recommend you move on and leave the Man to find someone who truly wants to serve Him and not herself.

slaveluci -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/17/2007 9:53:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fsslave i always want MORE from my Master. If He smacks me with the crop 5 times, i wish it had been 10. If He orders only water and a salad for me in a restaurant, i wish it had been only water. If He cuffs one of my hands to the bed for three hours, i wish it had been both hands, or a longer time. If he makes me put a butt plug in but lets me take it out when i beg, i wish he had been "more dominant" and made me leave it in longer. i always want my boundaries pushed, and i am constantly dissatisfied with Him for the dominance he does give me. i feel that he doesn't really want to be a Master; He talks the talk but does not walk the walk. i think i have dragged Him kicking and screaming into something He never desired, although he says He gets off on it as much as i do. And sometimes i think He may just not have the intelligence, imagination or ambition to be a good Master. Again, i believe He is just doing it to please me. Which is wonderful, but not particularly effective. Am i, in effect, topping from the bottom?...okay i know the answer to that one, i am. But i don't want to. Any sage words for me? Hello fsslave, I don't believe you are topping from the bottom at all if all you are doing is wishing these things. If you are feeling/thinking this way but not stating it, in my opinion, that is in no way attempting to "top." You have taken a few figurative beatings by some of the other posters here that I, frankly, feel are quite unfair. You are being honest. You are admitting that you "wish" for things that aren't happening. Anyone who says they have never done that is just not being honest. You are being upfront about it and confessing that you feel things are not as they should be. I commend you for at least seeing that and being able to try and face it. As some others have said, you have written some things that aren't too flattering in regards to your master. The fact that you are willing and able to do that indicates to me that there really is a problem. As others have said, you definitely need to take these issues up with him as well. It has been pointed out that you two may simply be incompatible. That's not a crime. It happens. If there is no way to bridge the gap and really connect, perhaps parting ways is the best solution. Others have touched on the idea that having a "slave mindset" doesn't happen overnight. If it's not happening for you - and it doesn't seem to be, at least with your current master - that's fine. But, it's not good for either of you to continue on as if it's working when it isn't. It was mentioned that perhaps what you should instead seek is a service top. That may very well be the solution at this point. If it is, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone can jump into slavery from the beginning with both feet and have it feel natural. Talk with him, gain some perspective, and do what's right for you. If you're anything at all like I am, you're never going to be able to put your whole heart into serving someone that you can't respect and look up to. If he's not the one, seek someone else and perhaps look into the idea of "bottoming" rather than being owned. Maybe that is indeed more suitable for you. Best of luck.................luci

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/18/2007 5:42:48 PM)
you don't seem to like the man very much. you don't seem to respect him very much. Why either of you continue knowing this is beyond me. Now you do have to decide if you would respect anyone.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/18/2007 6:01:44 PM)
You need to talk to each other about what expectations you both have. If it isn't what either one of you can deal with you would be better off moving on instead of constantly being unhappy in your relationship.

swtnsparkling -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 3:24:07 AM)
quote: I think you should leave this poor man alone and go find someone else to be disapointed in. Sure makes you feel better doesn't it knowing how good a sub you are and how crappy a dominant he is, doesn't it? Don't worry, y ou will find someone who does exactly what you say and exactly when you want it. Well said

trustingsubHF -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 3:36:36 AM)
i would say to talk this through. but, after seeing that You have totally disrespected your Master... it seems pointless. you have lost all respect for Him obviously... i could not imagine speaking about another person in such a manner, let alone my Master. maybe You should evaluate yourself and see what it is that you truly desire?

KnightofMists -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 8:19:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: trustingsubHF i would say to talk this through. but, after seeing that You have totally disrespected your Master... it seems pointless. you have lost all respect for Him obviously... i could not imagine speaking about another person in such a manner, let alone my Master. maybe You should evaluate yourself and see what it is that you truly desire? I think that it was "Her lack of respect" for her Master that turned me off to her in the first place. I suspect that many in this thread that were harsh towards her also found the lack of respect particularly distasteful.

rollinonward05 -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 8:47:46 AM)
quote: He really HAS no life other than me, my interests, my house, my friends and our get-togethers, my professional income, my 401K to look forward to in the future...and i couldn't even make this up if i tried-He still lives with His parents! i get to see Him on weekends...you'd think it'd be easy to serve Him for 2 days of the week, but i guess i am too used to being in charge of my own life all week to do a good job. But remember, for Him, a good job is very minimal anyhow. You all think i have no respect? i don't, and i admit that. Except for the fact that He loves me so damn much i can literally see a purple aura around him when He looks at me, theres not a lot else there. i think if he could start feeling assertive, he can improve His outlook on life and motivation and stop letting people (including me) walk all over Him. But i know that nothing is gonna increase His IQ. OMG another one of these " I am to good to be true " so called slaves. Well girl time to grow up. This shows more disrespect for someone , at first, you seemed to care about , than anything else you wrote about poor little you and that big bad " won't do what I want him to" Master. This thread , like others like this lately should just die out because there are more serious matters for us lifestylers to discuss then a self proclaimed princess. Have a good day everyone :) rollin

rollinonward05 -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 8:50:22 AM)
quote: Just talked myself into doing what i have to do...end this mis match now. Yes and he will likely be greatful that he got away . :)

ExquisiteFeline -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 3:13:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rollinonward05 quote: He really HAS no life other than me, my interests, my house, my friends and our get-togethers, my professional income, my 401K to look forward to in the future...and i couldn't even make this up if i tried-He still lives with His parents! i get to see Him on weekends...you'd think it'd be easy to serve Him for 2 days of the week, but i guess i am too used to being in charge of my own life all week to do a good job. But remember, for Him, a good job is very minimal anyhow. You all think i have no respect? i don't, and i admit that. Except for the fact that He loves me so damn much i can literally see a purple aura around him when He looks at me, theres not a lot else there. i think if he could start feeling assertive, he can improve His outlook on life and motivation and stop letting people (including me) walk all over Him. But i know that nothing is gonna increase His IQ. OMG another one of these " I am to good to be true " so called slaves. Well girl time to grow up. This shows more disrespect for someone , at first, you seemed to care about , than anything else you wrote about poor little you and that big bad " won't do what I want him to" Master. This thread , like others like this lately should just die out because there are more serious matters for us lifestylers to discuss then a self proclaimed princess. Have a good day everyone :) rollin Sounds like they need to switch roles.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 6:17:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: trustingsubHF i would say to talk this through. but, after seeing that You have totally disrespected your Master... it seems pointless. you have lost all respect for Him obviously... i could not imagine speaking about another person in such a manner, let alone my Master. maybe You should evaluate yourself and see what it is that you truly desire? I think that it was "Her lack of respect" for her Master that turned me off to her in the first place. I suspect that many in this thread that were harsh towards her also found the lack of respect particularly distasteful. I agree 100% and its obvious there are more problems here than her apparent dissatisfaction.

obis -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/19/2007 10:23:31 PM)
This lady has train wreck written all over her. Breaking up with her Master will be the best service she ever provides him.

Domwolf1 -> RE: Dissatisfaction with Master (8/27/2007 10:28:46 PM)
Oh she does try, I don't think fsslave knows what she wants.

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