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Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/16/2007 7:02:58 PM   
johnnyak


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"
 
"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."

"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

< Message edited by johnnyak -- 8/16/2007 7:05:41 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/17/2007 1:54:15 AM   
pinkpet


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		These were so funny, the one about bringing religion into my life, I am going to use as my myspace quote.


Thanks~

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/17/2007 1:29:17 PM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		You've been glowing for months,
Your tummy grows bigger
lets hope your white husband
forgives you your indiscretion

My favoritest grandma
I'm sorry you're ill
think of me now
as you're updating your will

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to pinkpet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/17/2007 4:56:15 PM   
johnnyak


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		  Im feelin the first one!

(in reply to RubberWitch)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/17/2007 5:20:47 PM   
MastersMaiden


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline 		OMG i love these!! Too funny.

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."

This is literally my mother :)

*dies of laughter*
-MM

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/17/2007 10:31:16 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		There's a few of these I'd buy!

(in reply to MastersMaiden)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/18/2007 12:35:28 PM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		We all bang your wife,
when you're out of town
We hope that this film
will ease your frown.

Sincerely,
All the guys from the office

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/18/2007 9:43:12 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnyak

"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"


"Happy 50th Birthday!  You don't look at all like you're 50!
--But you used to!"

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 2:55:16 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		"Today, father, is Father's Day
And we're giving you a tie.
It's not much you know,
It is just our way of showing you
We think you're a regular guy.

You say that it was nice of us to bother.
But it really was a pleasure to fuss.
For according to our mother, you're our father,
And that's good enough for us.
Yes, that's good enough for us."

Harry Ruby/ Groucho Marx

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 3:00:44 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		"I [heart] your indiscriminant sexual behaviour"

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 3:05:57 AM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear you're feeling poorly;
I hope that soon you'll be just fine!
Keep on waiting for that new kidney
Cause you ain't getting one of mine.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to MadameMarque)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 5:52:42 AM   
VadFarkas


Posts: 923
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline 		 If you ever need a friend...
Buy a dog.

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 9:14:25 AM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Your mind is like an open book.

Page 1: The End.

(or how about the one I saw on a shirt yesterday)

Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be left outside alone.

(in reply to VadFarkas)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 9:54:23 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		I think we could sell these. How's that for a business idea ?

T

(in reply to HypnoticDan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/19/2007 10:08:42 AM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		 You say Hallmark rejected those?!?    What were they thinking?!?
 

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/20/2007 7:13:33 AM   
johnnyak


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		They OBVIOUSLY were not thinking were they!!  I better get making these cards there's serious money to be made

(in reply to Saratov)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/21/2007 5:28:56 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		This reminded me of a joke.

Dude shows up at work all beat up, bandaged and swollen, says his olady did it. Said he wanted to be romantic and wrote her a poem (not from Hallmark) :

Nappy hair nappy hair,
Eyes like a frog,
If I could roll you over,
I'd do you like a dog.

How about that for a Valentine's day card ?

T

(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/23/2007 8:16:39 AM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		We're sorry for your loss.
In these dire times, remember...


...it was probably a massive Orwellian conspiracy orchestrated by the government to undermine your basic freedoms because simply taking advantage of your own inadequacies to achieve their ends is an idea to guilt-ridden for you to contemplate.

Love,


(in reply to johnnyak)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/23/2007 4:59:29 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		"My Darling, on this, our anniversary, I want you to know that I am just as happy, and just as honored to be your wife, as I was on the morning I woke up with a hangover in Las Vegas and realized we had gotten married. Hang onto this card, because if the gun doesn't misfire this year AGAIN, you won't be getting another one."

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to HypnoticDan)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Rejected Hallmark Cards - 8/23/2007 5:15:22 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Very heartfelt...but I'm thinking, too specific.  There can't be more than a couple hundred people, a year, who can use this card, and those are the people who either bought that unlicensed firearm from an unreliable source, or don't know how to clean a gun.
 
...and, those are the kind of people too disorganized to remember it's their anniversary, and buy a card.
 
...and there ya go - You've got no market. 
 

"I say, if you can't be immortal, why bother?"
 
- from A New Leaf, screenplay by Elaine May

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 20
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