|
MisTabsDratt -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/17/2007 10:23:48 PM)
|
Well I've been waiting for a good thread to lose my CollarMe "cherry" on. My Wife/Mistress has been on for quite a while, and has finally gotten me to setup a profile etc.
Anyway, onwards to your question. I met my wife a little over 7 years ago. We had an interesting start. I was running an IT (Information Technology) shop for a national financial company when she was hired on in a group that worked closely with mine. We started going to lunch with others and quickly found a interesting chemistry developing. Now, I knew she was seeing someone at the time, which normally would have meant hands off for me, but something just kept clicking. After a few weeks, I asked her out. We decided to go to an old style drive-in movie theater that was still around. On the way there we figured we might as well hit the local grocery store and grab some munchies... We found ourselves standing in line with hand fulls of junk food. She told me that she would bet me that she could tell me 5 things about her that would send me heading for the hills. Now, being very well versed in all things kink at that point, (academically at least) I was pretty sure I could handle it. Not to get too entrenched in details, but she laid out a pretty hardcore kink list... And I responded with a list that was very similar. So the short answer is that we laid out our kinks on the first date and as luck would have it, they were close enough that neither of us ran screaming for the hills.
Ironically, we didn't get super kinky at first, I was 21 at the time and she was 30. I had had very little experience, so we explored a lot of areas. Eventually she left the other 2 guys she was seeing and we got more and more serious. We moved in together and later got married in '03.
In regards to challenges etc, they have been many and varied. We've gone through many phases, we were pretty vanilla for a while, then slowly started incorporating more kink as time progressed. We both had lots of hurdles to get over. It was very hard for her to learn to accept that she enjoyed being a sadist, and that reciprocation when it came to sex was not a mandatory thing. On my side, I had and still have difficulties trying to walk the fine line between husband and submissive. I find myself frequently falling into a more husband type mode when we haven't had time to do much kink stuff (3 kids). I have expectations that I shouldn't which always end up causing issues. My wife tends to stick in the Femdom role as the default. But for me, and I don't know if this is just a man/woman thing, but when we aren't actively doing things, I lose my sub headspace and end up just being a husband... Which doesn't work real well when your wife is still in Femdom space.
Anyway, I think the key that have gotten us through a lot of the rough patches has been communication. I know it probably sounds hokey, but more often than not, we get into the occasional spat and in the end, it usually just turns out that we aren't on the same page and after a discussion or two, we make some adjustments and move on with life. I will say that it's also very much an ever evolving thing. And thats a key aspect, the biggest issues we have are when we both figure, "Ok, we've got it worked out" and then don't talk about things for a while and one or both of us drift from where we thought we were and all hell breaks loose.
So in short, communicate... talk... Often and extensively. And don't assume that everything is fine just because nothing on the surface seems to have changed recently. Check in... Make adjustments... and have a blast... :)
|
|
|
|
