RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (Full Version)

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pixelslave -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/20/2007 4:41:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There's been a fresh round of posts asking for advice regarding how to develop a relationship with a dominant woman.  People have given a lot of advice, but I think it would be interesting to specifically hear from submissives who are currently in a longterm, successful femdom relationship.  How did you do it? How do you deal with ongoing challenges?  What are some of those challenges?

Akasha



As others have pointed out, some of us in relationships are rather busy, both in our relationship with our Mistress and in other parts of our lives.  Mistress pointed me to this thread and asked that I post a response.  As our relationship is relatively new (we made "first contact" here on CM late last October), I didn't exactly feel "successful" yet, which I shared with her, but she asked me to post anyway.  After thinking more about it, I'm collared to her now and we are making plans for our future, so I'd say that I am indeed "sucessful!"  I've also been successful in the past, and more importantly, in the present by connecting with Majik through CM...  So here I am. [;)]
 
How did I do it?  Good question Akasha!  First, I'd have to say would be that I was honest, both with myself and with everyone I've met through the forums and on the other side here at CM.  I started by creating a profile that described myself as honestly as I knew how to, which included what I felt I had to offer, what I thought was looking for, my general interests, and bit of who I believed I am.  Then, I actively became involved in the boards.  Becoming involved gave me an outlet for my desire to discuss the lifestyle and be part of it without playing with strangers, as that's simply not who I am or what I'm about.  It was also a form of free advertising to attract a woman that might read something I had to say that resonated with somthing inside her.  If nothing else, I knew it would give me something to do and that I'd likely make a few friends in the lifestyle.  From my point of view, one can never have too many friends. [:D]
 
That approach worked for me.  Occasionally I received messages on the other side from various people about things I'd posted that would lead to discussions of one sort or another.  I've done the same with others who've posted things that touched something within me.  One day last October, Majik complimented me on the other side about something I'd posted.  After reading her profile, I discovered we had numerous other interests in common which we began to discuss as two people who were equals.  Eventually things moved to IM and we continued to chat about various things while slowly getting to know each other.  When we finally met face-to-face during the first week of January, there was a lot of mutual chemistry and definitely more than a few sparks were flying about in the air by the end of our lunch. [8D] 
 
I'll confess that early on I was chatting with others and as time passed, I discovered for one reason or another, either it wasn't clicking with them, that it just wasn't going to work, or that I was losing interest in favor of Majik.  The message to other subs being, "don't put all your eggs in one basket" and that I felt I had a lot to offer the right Mistress "for me".  Until I was collared, I was under no obligation to not continue to explore possibilities with more than one domme unless I chose on my own to only see one, which I did as time passed. [;)]
 
For us, the biggest on-going challenges have been the slightly over 3 hours distance between us and problems I've had in dealing with a very angry and increasingly emotionally unstable former Mistress who is being intentionally difficult in regard to my unmentionables and doesn't want to finalize a very litigious divorce (over 15 months now, purely because of her) which could easily have been final a year ago.  The financial burden has been tremendous for me and the legal issues I've had to contend with every couple months very stressful.  It's affected my ability at times to be fully present and focused entirely on Majik, despite her being very understanding and supportive of what she knows is a difficult situation for anyone to endure.  But our communication is very good and we've been able to talk about those things when they've occurred.  Initially, when we first met, I think we were both concerned about our BDSM compatibility, but that has turned out to be a great and very pleasant surprise for both of us.  Speaking for myself, I've gone further with her than I'd ever anticipated I'd be able to in such a short time and fully expect her to take me to places that I'd never dreamed I'd be able to go. [8D]
 
We share many of the same vanilla interests as well as similar philosophies on how we'd like the basic D/s power exchange and interaction between us to work.  We've also been introducing each other to different areas of that D/s interaction (I'm more service oriented than she's been used to) and exploring new areas of play for one another that one of us had experience in, but not the other; with both of us finding it very enjoyable to share as we've learned from the other.  So for us, it's been a very good melding of different D/s experiences and historical backgrounds that we've both approached fairly slowly with a certain degree of caution; particularly considering the status of my prior relationship with my UM's difficult mother/former Mistress. [&:]
 
For the record, my former Mistress became verbally and emotionally abusive.  According to her, I couldn't do anything right.  I know better, but tolerated it because of the UM's.  It eventually escalated to where it was happening in front of the UM's, greatly frightening them. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m13.gif[/image]   That's when I moved out and papers were filed.  

Things have gone so well with Magik because I've been myself and above all been totally honest, not hiding anything from her about myself or my past; creating trust with her from the beginning.  We also developed a friendship first as two people who shared common interests.  Like any woman, she likes to know that she's attractive, so I'd flirt with her and apply some innuendo or use double entendres' as part of our conversations; adding some sexual tension to the conversations without trying to lead or be too overt.  However, that's also part of my nature and personality, so what works for me may not be a formula that works for others.  I will say that one occurrence of something I said as an innuendo, did lead to breaking the ice and turning the talk directly to our shared interests in certain kinks.  Otherwise, I'd have waited for her to open the doors to that discussion.  As I recall, it kind of snowballed in a way that felt natural for me as things progressed from there.  I think Majik was relieved as well that the door was open and we were free to go there, although we've never discussed it. [:D]
 
Probably the first hurdle we had to get past was my getting back "in the groove" to submitting to a woman (or anyone for that matter) after having lived on my own independently for quite some time.  I greatly desired to submit to her, but was simply out of the habit and just not totally in the same mindset I once was.  She was very understanding of this, giving me the time I needed to adjust when we were together having face time (not as often as either of us would like because of conflicting schedules and the distance); where my submission needed to be shown as coming naturally from within and as being given to her freely.  It didn't take long for me to be able to do this with her. 
 
Initially, I found myself unconsciously wanting to "top from the bottom".  I know ladies, what a bad boy it sounds as though I must be; a real do-me sub!  Honestly, it wasn't something I was doing on purpose.  Instead, it was simply something that was from the anxiousness which had been built over time to be with her in so many different ways we'd talked about which I now desired with great intensity (you could say from all the teasing too; something she's very good at).  I think it was more a case of after all our discussion about what appealed to us, I was a suddenly feeling like a kid in a giant candy store who wanted to sample everything at once (I think we both did to a large extent).  Gently, she reminded me who was the Domme and would be in-control.  That was all it took to put me in my place, helping me to easily let go of any need I had to direct where things were going.  It released my mind to enjoy wherever she decided to take us on any particular occasion. [:)]
 
The more we've been together, the more increasingly submissive I've become to her.  She tells me I don't need any "training".  One of the things I did early on, which pleasantly surprised her, was to ask her as we engaged in various things what it was that she liked.  This kind of communication to me, is essential.  In order to please her, the only way I could do that, was to ask questions of her so I'd know the answers; either when I needed them or preferably in advance so I'd know what to do at the appropriate time in the future.  In return, I've found her very appreciative, seeing to it that my needs have been satisfied as well.  She's always respected my limits.  When problems (usually misunderstandings) have occurred in our relationship, they've always been readily resolved with honest communication.
 
I think part of the key in our success for us is that we've also taken our time and not rushed headfirst into things.  This has allowed us to get to know each other at our own pace without a lot of pressure or diving-in and suddenly "finding ourselves at the deep-end of the pool and not knowing how to swim."  That's allowed us to build both a D/s connection as well as an emotional one, which is what we both want and desire from a relationship. [sm=lol.gif]
 
I'm not certain what else I can say without writing a tomb of more personal information than is necessary.  To subs, I'd say to get involved in posting in the forum, to know thyself and what you want from a relationship with a Domme who is a real woman, and most important of all, to value yourself along with what you have to offer a woman as her submissive; then have the confidence in yourself to show her that you're worth her time! [&:]
 
Hope someone finds this useful. [:D]


 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 



cloudboy -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/20/2007 10:03:52 PM)

When we met, I wasn't even looking. It was a chance thing. A simple innocuous introduction mushroomed into a relationship. I found someone whose life lined up with mine.

After that, the main thing I **did** was put myself at risk. At the time it was like blindly jumping into a river's moving current with no clear idea where it would take me. Luckily the river hasn't dead ended or tossed me over a catastrophic falls. But I took the chance of trying to make the relationship into something even though we were both married to other people in a set of rather complicated circumstances.

I dont' exactly see us as a femdom and malesub, tho, I see us as two people who share a connection.



YesMistressIrish -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 12:24:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sjacket

quote:

ORIGINAL: puppy22DBQ

Well, perhaps it is jus luck that has done this for me but I am only 22 years old and have had 3 girlfriends who all were accepting of me as a sub and, therefore, themself as a dom.  In addition, I've had a few more oppertunities spent with young women (one-night stands, if you will) in the same regard.  Most of the girls have never done anything like that before, and each girlfriend I've had has always said, "I never thought I would've liked it!" ...
Alright; on to the good stuff... advice that I'd have...
No girl likes a man they can walk all over from the start.  It doesn't make sense to say on the first night, "I love your feet, could I kiss them and serve you any way you'd like?"  Nor do women like to hand out instructions from day 1... at least in my experiences.  Therefore, you need to be confident.  Once a girl falls for you, she'll be willing to try things she might have never tried; and as a sub, it's worth doing for her pleasure!  ...........Take one aspect of the bdsm at a time; never push her to do new things because then it'll just be harder to get to the next spot. 

How about this (and not to brag or anything) my girlfriend recently called her best friend while I was kissing her toes to inform her that she thought I had a foot fetish (pretending I wasn't there).  The best friend says, "Wow, that's intresting.. just make sure he doesn't spend all his time down there." 
... so I didn't so much as tell her that there are tons of people who like being tied up-- NEXT: at first my current girlfriend thought it was odd that I enjoyed feeling small in front of her; she and I made a night where we looked on the internet and found about 1000 sites with people with similar intrestes.  All of a sudden she was searching online to get ideas because she thought it was pretty cool. 

SO- In conclusion; if the woman has fallen for you, she'll try new things.  Start small and work slow.  Never force and never pressure.  Be sensitive and make her realize that you do enjoy it... it's a little like trying to talk a woman into buying that new car you don't have.


This entire post is about topping from the bottom, finding 'nilla girls and turning them "as a dom".  Of course.  Since he's a sub, naturally any girlfriend will be a dom [sic]. 

Since he was with new domme potentials, seems to me he might have been empowering women, and there's a lot of good in that. When he is with a domme woman, instead of a 'girl',  then She can whip him into shape, and may they live happily everafter!
 
I also agree with TexasMa'am re: mansubbies being too busy serving to post here, although seeing a lot of successful subs writing 'what worked for them' is a welcome idea.
 
 



ChainsandFreedom -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 12:33:45 AM)

Great topic, AAkasha. Obviosly this is the sub male half of this Couples profile writing. I've read post's of yours complaining about pushy subs who wont take a hint-maybe this thread will help. 

Its sad how few 'sucessful' subs are posting here. Pleasing a dominant woman full time can be a demanding job.
If your searching for a woman, you might not be reading and posting in forums. Personally, I've always liked writing and reading and NOT searching while living with insomnia has brought me here dispite not searching.

I think the PUPPY poster hit the nail on the head-No woman wants a man she can simply walk all over from the start. Too many subs approach women as a sub first, human being second. I used to.

The secret to my sucess is that I gave up looking.

I had enough relationships in life to know something vanella  was great, but it wasnt what I was after.

I had used up my real-time and online networking leeds to try to find a domme for a relationship, because I was pretty certain it was the only kind of relationship worth trying anymore for me. I kept running into people I had no real connection to no matter how sexy they were, girls to whom being a domme was a serious fantasy but not their reality or who were in it because they liked the attention of a great many sub males (which didn't appeal to me). These didnt work for me, and I gave up trying.

At the point my Madame messaged me on CM, I had written some pretty negitive things in my journal about the scene in general which she agreed about. We actually connected at first about how unrealilistic long-term d/s relationships were.

Because I was at a jaded time in my life where I was uninterested in any sort of reltionship or singles scene, we just talked, as two people, for hours on end. It was the fact I'd rather spend a night on the phone with her than out with friends night after night that made us meet. We shared so much in common, and taught each other so much interesting and important things by talking, the whole d/s thing was eclipsed by a love of sharing a conversation.

I wasnt 'selling myself' as one of a million sub males. I was simply there for her enough that she wanted to talk as much as I did.

So because I treated her like a person, not some sought-after domme on a pedistal like other submissives tended to, she wanted to meet me. If a woman is attractive, young, and outwardly a Domme, especially in the lifestyle, she will have many men willing to do alot for her as a sub. But close friends are precious no matter who you are.

The rest is even more personal. We met. It couldnt help but be physical and romantic when the time was right. We like to say we cheated on the long distance thing by moving in together.

advice, assuming your definiton of sucessful male sub is a relationship and not a play partner:

1) Don't objectify your woman. This means, either seek out d/s qualities in someone who is not the object of many sub's desire, or seek out this womans attraction in a unique way. The most easy Dommes to spot are the kind that literally enjoy having many submissive men grovelling at their feet. Accept that this person is not looking to give you her undivided attention for very long and move on. Either you knock her socks so completely off she's willing to see you as more than just another sub, or you don't. Maybe finding a naturally dominate woman who doesnt self identify as a domme would be a good place to start-someone willing to see you on equal, human terms while she's getting to know you.
In the same vein, don't overlook clashes simply because a domme is sexy to you. If you don't share a personal conncection, or you don't find charicter traits of hers suitable to you, move on rather than wasting your time. Dont comprimise on personality simply because of orientation-you cant ignore the personality in the long run.

2) Dont objectify yourself. you have to be able to be responsible and worthy of being in a reltionship in the first place in vanilla ways, before you can tackle a d/s relationship. Puppy was right: no woman wants a man she can walk all over from the start. Competition for the affection of a dominate woman is fierice. What can you bring to the dinner table that no one else can?being a sub male is not an excuse to be 'sub-male' and if you cant own up to yourself and your lover in vanella ways you'll never be worth it to anyone else. You're you, and never let your submissive tendencies hold you back.

3) Never be yourself. Be honest and true to yourself but always strive to improve yourself. Going without a better half for awhile is better than settling for an inferior better half, or lonliness, in the long run. Use being single for self-improvement, not just enjoying the singles life untill your next relationship. Remember to continue to better yourself while with your perfect lady, too-nothing pleases a dominante woman more than watching her man try hard at something and push his own limits. I'm not sure if complacency breeds contempt, but its far too easy to use being a sub for an excuse not to try hard at life and nobody finds that attractive.

4)Remember, d/s can drive you together and apart. Just because you're a sub doesnt mean you have to do everything her way, no matter how natural this may seem. Don't be afraid to speak up if something isn't right before things get unendurable. Especially, I have found, when it comes to a persons natural sense of direction and traffic patterns. Though she probably CAN dress you better than you dress yourself, so trust her.

More importantly, d/s can be a good protocal for working through disagreements-remember she is your goddess, and let her speak her peice first. She may not always be right, she might be right and it hurts your ego to admit it, but maybe you'll be surprised how much this dynamic can aid in communication.

hope that was helpful and not just my gushing. Hell, hope anyone reads it at all...I have a feeling unattatched male subs have other things they'd rather do that listen to other lucky basterds talk about how lucky they are.



alittlebent -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 5:53:14 AM)

As a sub, i am not sure what you would call success, but in my case i am going to consider it being with my Dominant through thick and thin as friends before serving Her and as Mistress and sub for the long haul once Wwe entered in to a D's relationship. This means having a slave heart, wanting to serve and please for the sake of it, expecting nothing in return, but when it is reciprocated being grateful. i am not an exclusive sub, Mistress has many interests, some of which, i am not able to fulfill, thus She seeks others for that. one has to be confident in their service and not feel needy or threatened by Her seeking others. One has to have confidence in their submission. It also means being with the right Dominant, a Dominant who also cares for you and your best interests. In my case i was allowed to explore romantic interests with a former female Dominant, knowing full well if the chemistry was right that She may have to let me go. In summary, the submissive must be confident in their submission and the Dominant confident in their Dominance.
 
respectfully submitted,



OO8OO88O8 -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 5:58:11 AM)

Spot on ChainsandFreedom,

I try to use many of those ideas myself and what people should understand is that they may not always help, but they never hurt. There is no manual for this, but all of this is sound advice. Thank you to those that have replied.



slavebilly15 -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 7:55:03 AM)

Awesome, this slave is jealous!



SuspendedInGaffa -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/21/2007 10:55:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainsandFreedom
[...]
I have a feeling unattatched male subs have other things they'd rather do that listen to other lucky basterds talk about how lucky they are.

Not this one. Many thanks for that, C&F, and all the other posters for their excellent advice. As a newbie I'm sitting on the sidelines taking notes here.



jssubc -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/22/2007 12:38:47 PM)

As usual Akasha's question is provocative and stimulating, no wonder i'm a fan.
Mistress and i have been together for more than 5 years now and we met each other in a Femdomme oriented talker (yes it can happen) and went on from there. i wanted to snap off a quick answer to this and i realized that the more i thought about the question the tougher it became, but i am trying. i have to agree with a lot of what MisTabsDratt said rather than repeat much of what he said i will only emphasize the importance of communication. Mistress and i talk, talk and talk more. Mistress NEVER allows me to sulk or internalize any issues that i may be having, in fact that is probably Her most consistent demand of me in that i am not allowed to withold anything from Her. We usually go for beer and wings once a week which is a code for us to just spend time together and talk. We find a sitter for the UM's and i am allowed complete freedom of speech with no recriminations. Believe me i appreciate these times and take advantage of them. (the beer isnt bad either)
There have been a number of serious steps in our relationship but we have always navigated our way through them together. Mistress has shown infinite patience (and i mean infinite) but we live a 24/7 and i wouldnt have it any other way. i do not have a safeword which i know many will disagree with but in truth i have never needed one. i place absolute trust in Mistress and in return She has never abused me or pushed me to a place that i am not ready to go to, though we have been close a couple of times. Our most recent mistep was my feeling that Mistress had relaxed Her control in our day to day exchanges. i run Her house for Her in every way, cooking, cleaning, groceries etc. and at the risk of boasting i run it well. i was getting very frustrated at what i perceived as a lack of caring and indifference on Her part and to Her credit She realized something was bothering me and brought it to a head. After a long discussion (that was a 4 beer chat) *g* we both realized that we had responsibilities and that we had ignored them, boy was Mistress demanding that night! *g*
i'm sorry if i am rambling and i could go on for ages but i thought it was a great question which deserved a serious answer.



subiugo -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/22/2007 2:25:00 PM)

What does it mean to be a 'succesful' (male) sub? Or to have a 'succesful' D/s-relationship?
For me it is about 'dynamics'. In 'normal' relations the general rule is: the closer you become, the more equal you become.  In the D/s-relationship i have with Supreme Goddess Lorena it is: the more closer we come, the more deeper i grow in  my submission and the better i  understand She is far superior to me. And the more i grow in my submission, the more i feel i grow closer to Her.

Supreme Goddess Lorena insists that Female Supremacy is about the superior needs of the Woman, not about the fetishes of the male. So that is also the mean difficulty for the male: to stay focused on Her needs. As Supreme Goddess Lorena is a very creative person, Her needs are changing. So, as Her slave i really must try to anticipate Her needs. And as She is choosing new paths in Her life (e.g. in Spirituality), i must try to follow Her. Until now, it works remarkably well for me. As our relationship grows, Supreme Goddess Lorena shows me the different aspects of Her personality. And  the better i know Her, the more i feel it is my role to serve Her. Sometimes i even think it is really my 'destiny' to have met Her, and to have found after all these years the Woman who really can appreciate my submission to it's fullest extent. Mentally it asks a lot of me to 'keep up' whit a Woman that is so creative and so sensitive, but by doing the effort i feel i develop my own personality. So it is well worth the effort.

And that is maybe the 'secret' of a succesful D/s-relationship: it is not just about some 'kinks' but about the total person. And is that not exactly the seem that holds for relationships in general?





littlesarbonn -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/22/2007 5:18:04 PM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: subiugo

[Awaiting Approval]


I had this exact thought in mind when I read the thread.



MisPandora -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/22/2007 7:33:49 PM)

I don't necessarily think that it's telling.  Perhaps it speaks to the fact that successful male submissives are not wasting their domina's time pining on a message board and are out being productive for their Goddess.



ChainsandFreedom -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 1:04:02 AM)

quote:

  I don't necessarily think that it's telling.  Perhaps it speaks to the fact that successful male submissives are not wasting their domina's time pining on a message board and are out being productive for their Goddess.


and what if you're pleasing your mistress by writing something beautiful and demonstraiting how much you cherish your relationship? what if she finds creativity and intelligent thought regaurding the nature of your submission to be endearing qualities? Perhaps writing about her even while you listen to her sleep is the the exact oppisite of wasting her time...perhapse pining implies longing for the unattained rather than a union two people hold dear.



MisPandora -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 1:36:36 AM)

*deleted the comment because its just not worth it!*



MsLilac -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 6:05:58 AM)


I think the lack of replies from male subs doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of success for them. What I have noticed on these, and other forums for that matter, that men are far less numerous in their participation than women, particularly when it comes to personal matters. Not sure why, but just my limited observation, rightly or wrongly. I think there is some pop psychology about (generally) women being more socially orientated than men. Not sure I agree with it, just a theory. Maybe if the question was asked to their Fem Dom counterparts, I suspect you’d might find more responses/success stories.

This is a interesting thread. I do hope to see more entries from male subs :)



pixelslave -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 1:13:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac


I think the lack of replies from male subs doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of success for them. What I have noticed on these, and other forums for that matter, that men are far less numerous in their participation than women, particularly when it comes to personal matters. Not sure why, but just my limited observation, rightly or wrongly. I think there is some pop psychology about (generally) women being more socially orientated than men. Not sure I agree with it, just a theory. Maybe if the question was asked to their Fem Dom counterparts, I suspect you’d might find more responses/success stories.

This is a interesting thread. I do hope to see more entries from male subs :)


In general, men don't have "deeper" conversations with one another.  Instead they have more superficial ones about sports, the kids, the house, hobbies, building or repairing things, etc.  Only with very close friends do they share more personal things and even then in my experience it is rare for them to share their feelings on a really deep level.  Instead they're usually far more comfortable sharing these emotions with their partners instead where the ego isn't nearly so involved.  The only exceptions of note I've ever seen have been in various kinds of men's issues or therapy groups where getting to real emotions was part of the group's goal. [8|]
 
As to participation in the forums, in part I think there needs to be separate "Ask a Male Submissive" and "Ask a Female Submissive" Forums, just as there's an "Ask a Mistress" and "Ask a Master" Forum.  While many of the issues are common between the two, many are not.  Having an area of our own, might encourage more men to participate and discuss issues relevent or more specific to us. [&:]
 
When participating in the "Ask a Mistress" Forum, at times it can be rather hostile for men when they post or participate in that particular forum.  The attitude toward men who post there can vary; sometimes we're welcomed and sometimes we're not.  Sometimes, it's also deserved, particularly when inappropriate things things are posted just to stir things up or to look for wanking material, and that's not what I'm speaking of. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]


 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik




littlesarbonn -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 2:09:17 PM)

I agree, Pixel. It's why I post a lot less about significant issues in these forums these days. I got really tired of being either told I was wrong, or criticized for not toeing the invisible line. I've made the mistake too many times of taking the bait from a woman asking what I thought was a sincere question, only to be insulted and criticized in response.



herpet1313 -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 3:57:30 PM)

Texas Ma'am's point is a good one. i work full time and do all the housework, laundry, and grocery shopping, and thus have little time to spend on the internet. Besides, being happy, i am not looking to hook up. The subject of Miss Ahasha's thread perked my interest  but after reading the posts, i have little time to reply.       i would like to respond to the gentleman who implied that there is something wrong with topping from below. i would bet that most, although certainly not all, successful Femdom couples, began their journey with this approach.
We are today, a happy femdom couple, but the 15 year journey which led us here would never have started without my initial suggestions that she read some stories i wrote.



pixelslave -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 8:46:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

Texas Ma'am's point is a good one. i work full time and do all the housework, laundry, and grocery shopping, and thus have little time to spend on the internet. Besides, being happy, i am not looking to hook up. The subject of Miss Ahasha's thread perked my interest  but after reading the posts, i have little time to reply.       i would like to respond to the gentleman who implied that there is something wrong with topping from below. i would bet that most, although certainly not all, successful Femdom couples, began their journey with this approach.
We are today, a happy femdom couple, but the 15 year journey which led us here would never have started without my initial suggestions that she read some stories i wrote.



To a certain extent, there has to be some kind of communication about the sub's desires in order to have a sucessful relationship.  How to do that without "topping from below" is a delicate line to walk, and is one that is nearly impossible to do without crossing the invisible line on occasion.  It's the sharing of desires in a respectful and honest manner that counts as far as I'm concerned.  If the mutual desire for a D/s relationship is there, the Domme will understand and take this into consideration.  At least that's been my experience, even it I get laughed at on occasion when fumbling for the right words to delicately express my desires. [;)]
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 



pixelslave -> RE: Successful male subs: How did you do it? (8/23/2007 8:54:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I agree, Pixel. It's why I post a lot less about significant issues in these forums these days. I got really tired of being either told I was wrong, or criticized for not toeing the invisible line. I've made the mistake too many times of taking the bait from a woman asking what I thought was a sincere question, only to be insulted and criticized in response.


Yes littlesarbonn,
It is indeed very frustrating in certain forums when one never knows if their posts will be welcomed or not.  I also often feel as though I've been baited when I reply honestly to certain threads in the desire to contribute to an intelligent discussion of a topic relevent to all and of interest to me.  Like you, it's part of why I don't post as often.  I've also been very busy of late; leaving little time to read the forums, let alone to post in them.
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 



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