How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done?

How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:36:16 AM)
If you are the femdom in your relationships, do you take an active and/or kinky role? Or, do you desire to be catered to in a variety of ways, where the submissive is the more active partner, attending to your requests? Without getting into semantic issues regarding "top" vs. "dominant," how often is your "kinky" interaction with your submissive - ie, bondage, strap on, smothering, chastity, cbt, spanking, flogging, etc. -- vs, how much is your relationship about "receptive" dominance, ie "foot worship, massages, cleaning, etc." How often do you need a kinky release? Could you enjoy your relationship, minus the "kink" part and just be dominant? Does your partner have a higher or lower "need" for kinky bdsm? Akasha

MistressSassy66 -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:47:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha If you are the femdom in your relationships, do you take an active and/or kinky role? Or, do you desire to be catered to in a variety of ways, where the submissive is the more active partner, attending to your requests? It a 50/50 thing for Me. I can be active,but also enjoy the pampering and giving orders while I do whatever. Without getting into semantic issues regarding "top" vs. "dominant," how often is your "kinky" interaction with your submissive - ie, bondage, strap on, smothering, chastity, cbt, spanking, flogging, etc. -- vs, how much is your relationship about "receptive" dominance, ie "foot worship, massages, cleaning, etc." Again its a 50/50 thing in this area also. How often do you need a kinky release? Could you enjoy your relationship, minus the "kink" part and just be dominant? Does your partner have a higher or lower "need" for kinky bdsm? I have the best of both worlds being a Pro there is never really a lack of kink and then there is My Punk. Yes,I could do without it...I think...LOL Punk has a lower need for kink. Akasha

MistressDaisy73 -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:56:16 AM)
While I do enjoy having my subs do things for me (in a variety of ways) I am MUCH more a do-er than a do-ee. My particular kink being a lot of torment, I enjoy constantly seeing what reactions I will elicit from the sub in question. Of course I use many forms of domination and I try to be decently well rounded, but one of the reasons I AM a Domme, and always have been, is because I would much rather "do" unto others, than have them "do" unto me. hehheh. M. Daisy

LadyHugs -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 10:00:40 AM)
Dear AAkasha, Ladies and Gentlemen; My relationships are all different however, should you be pin-pointing a living in or lifestyle relationship would my activities be? [fill in the questions you posed] I find myself more interested in being catered to, served and be given comfort and support in many ways, having an attendant; the older I get. In years past when I had too much excess energy I put in more energy to the relationship and carried it on. I also believe the other party/partner in the relationship can influence the degree of doing or being done, per se. Scenes off premise, where I often am a TOP or Dominant; I am the doing sort. I don't play often and choose someone who will at least return the favor of 'doing' something in return; like service. The club scene has many 'do me' types to which is 'old' to me and don't need to participate for a lack of practice and or reputation. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

MistressSassy66 -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 10:13:56 AM)
While I was sitting here answering mail...an idea popped into My head. I can torment while being pampered... Nipple clamps with a rope tied to them so I can pull from a reclined postion and do some nipple torture while getting My feet rubbed...I could even expand that to some CBT. Okay I love the posts that give Me ideas [:D] I'm sure the lil worms will be so happy...lol

thetammyjo -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 10:32:29 AM)
My relationship with Fox is primarily about authority -- mine authority from him to make decisions and demand whatever in the areas that I desire. In that sense "kink" things are like spices to a very good and healthy meal. We generally do something that resembles a traditional BDSM scene once every three weeks I think. However we have daily rules and rituals that help us maintain the authority or DS of the relationship. Fox has certain fetishes he likes to indulge in but all of them take hours of time (3 minimum usually to make them "worth" doing for him). We wouldn't give up our kinky activity but it is not what drives our dynamic.

canupleaseme -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 11:49:52 AM)
Id say in my relationship its 70%kinky with me driving it and 30% me being cared for and tended to. This does change though sometimes especially when he isnt here and we can only have rituals etc to keep the dynamic going. Thankfully now he has finished uni and we are able to spend much more time together its defiantly more active play . I am looking forward to introducing more service orientated time to even it out though.

ocilla -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 11:52:23 AM)
This sounds good to me. But in most of my life and I am the "doer", very much the energy and the person making things happen - so the part that I like best is being in the receptive role, where it is all about my desires and pleasure and restoration. Afterall, in my professional life I am literally trying to save the planet and create huge market, gvernance, culture and social shifts - thats a lot of responsibility and very draining at times. re-filling me up and restoring me, nurturing me, means that I am more effective in the rest of my life which is a role where I serve for the greater good. So I could easily do with the receptive, serving part alone - but do like a bit of kink spice yet not driven by it. If kink with me as the doer had a big effect on my sub/partner then I am more inclined to practice it but it is more about doing it as a gift rather than because I like to inflict pain etc. And at times being a doer or giver can be emensely satisfying. Also, I do enjoy the artistry and creativity and mastery involved in s/m and bondage but I could live without s/m and bondage with absolutely no angst as well. But being served, being the authority, being in the driver's seat, being catered too in simple, sweet, passionate and often sexual ways is what I long for, yearn for and crave. And for me that service component is not so much about cleaning my house or doing errands and tasks - it has more to do with satisfying my desires for pleasure and helping me accomplish goals. quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo My relationship with Fox is primarily about authority -- mine authority from him to make decisions and demand whatever in the areas that I desire. In that sense "kink" things are like spices to a very good and healthy meal. We generally do something that resembles a traditional BDSM scene once every three weeks I think. However we have daily rules and rituals that help us maintain the authority or DS of the relationship. Fox has certain fetishes he likes to indulge in but all of them take hours of time (3 minimum usually to make them "worth" doing for him). We wouldn't give up our kinky activity but it is not what drives our dynamic.

LadyClaudiaVan -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 12:29:38 PM)
"Doer" as in "do" things for him? Like dildo-strap on activities, cbt, etc? Yes, I am a doer and I do "do" things for him, like sensory play, cbt, dildo strap on, etc. Since I am a "doer" and "do" things for my current submissive, I am more of a top to him more than anything else. For us, he is not really my submissive in the sense that he does things for me and is at my beck and call, catering to my needs and wants and things of that sort of nature. It's all about kink for us, not servitude. And I am his mistress when I am doing things to him and for him. I actually serve his kinks when I do those things to him. I am his mistress when I cater to his kinks, (dildo strap on being the most favorite). Even though dildo strap on play doesnt give me any sensation, I do it for him because I know he likes it. I gather to say that yes, I am a doer to my submissive, not a receiver of pleasures and things of that nature. quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha If you are the femdom in your relationships, do you take an active and/or kinky role? Or, do you desire to be catered to in a variety of ways, where the submissive is the more active partner, attending to your requests? Without getting into semantic issues regarding "top" vs. "dominant," how often is your "kinky" interaction with your submissive - ie, bondage, strap on, smothering, chastity, cbt, spanking, flogging, etc. -- vs, how much is your relationship about "receptive" dominance, ie "foot worship, massages, cleaning, etc." How often do you need a kinky release? Could you enjoy your relationship, minus the "kink" part and just be dominant? Does your partner have a higher or lower "need" for kinky bdsm? Akasha

MzMia -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 4:30:58 PM)
Cute thread AAkasha, I had to think for 2 seconds. I love to do.....but .............. I rather be DONE! all night if possible. Do ME Do ME and then Do ME again, damn it! This is ME talking---- What's for dinner dear? Bring me a cold beer while I put my feet up! I had a long day at work, I will need EXTRA attention tonight! [:D] LadyHugs I am with you, I am looking more for comfort than another job. [:D] But what would you expect from someone looking for a wife??? [;)]

Smythe -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 8:40:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyClaudiaVan "Doer" as in "do" things for him? Like dildo-strap on activities, cbt, etc? Yes, I am a doer and I do "do" things for him, like sensory play, cbt, dildo strap on, etc. Since I am a "doer" and "do" things for my current submissive, I am more of a top to him more than anything else. For us, he is not really my submissive in the sense that he does things for me and is at my beck and call, catering to my needs and wants and things of that sort of nature. It's all about kink for us, not servitude. And I am his mistress when I am doing things to him and for him. I actually serve his kinks when I do those things to him. I am his mistress when I cater to his kinks, (dildo strap on being the most favorite). Even though dildo strap on play doesnt give me any sensation, I do it for him because I know he likes it. I gather to say that yes, I am a doer to my submissive, not a receiver of pleasures and things of that nature. quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha If you are the femdom in your relationships, do you take an active and/or kinky role? Or, do you desire to be catered to in a variety of ways, where the submissive is the more active partner, attending to your requests? Akasha Lady CV, It's kind of interesting that you view certain dominant activities almost as you giving service to your sub. If you don't get enjoyment from doing them, I can see how this might be so. For me, even those activities that don't provide direct physical pleasure can be incredibly erotic because of the thoughts that go along with them. I am generally driven quite crazy by my boy's helplessness, vulnerability,and my own feelings of ownership and control. I would say our relationship contains kink and service in a pretty good proportion. Smythe

earthycouple -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 8:45:05 PM)
kinky is never enough....my sub and I, just like my husband and I have to make time around UM's. I tell men over and over and over...blah blah....that you make time when you can make it. That's life. It is never enough but one has to simply understand that's the way it goes with lil'uns. Luckily I've rarely met someone who fit with me, who didn't get it. If they couldn't hack it, that was typically only a portion of the problem. (think poser, do me, and castlerealmed up who have no idea about real life without a dominant forget with)

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 8:47:54 PM)
Depends on the partner you refer to. With Kitten, he needed a lot of attention and our interaction was almost solely kink-oriented Angel and I are far more balanced. We have our kink, and we have our non kink interaction. I could, and have for long periods, enjoy my relationship with Angel without the kink. DV

RumpusParable -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 8:54:47 PM)
I'm about an 80/20 on the ratio of dominance vs. kink (or do-ee vs. do-er, as folks have phrased it). I am almost completely about the power and having someone do as I say. I play from time to time as the mood strikes. It tends to be spontaneous and may last just a second of pulling their hair suddenly to hours of topping. Just whatever mood strikes me and when...

AAkasha -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:37:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smythe Lady CV, It's kind of interesting that you view certain dominant activities almost as you giving service to your sub. If you don't get enjoyment from doing them, I can see how this might be so. For me, even those activities that don't provide direct physical pleasure can be incredibly erotic because of the thoughts that go along with them. I am generally driven quite crazy by my boy's helplessness, vulnerability,and my own feelings of ownership and control. I would say our relationship contains kink and service in a pretty good proportion. Smythe I am finding this interesting also -- how some dominant women see the acts they do as service, or things to "get" their man to be submissive. Which is fine of course, and what makes all relationships work - compatibility of desires and drive. However, the kinky things I do -- with bondage being at the very core and a minimum -- are based on my own desires. If there were no submissive men I would do them anyway. In fact, I did, a lot, to "non kinky" boyfriends. I am wired to enjoy these activities for myself - not as a means to an end or to satisfy anyone else. Akasha

MissMagnolia -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:46:25 PM)
I'm a DO ME kinda Domme. In a perfect magical land, I'd be pampered, sexually satisfied, massaged and worshipped, all in a clean house, continuously preferably. I'm such a lazy girl[:D]

MzMia -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:49:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia I'm a DO ME kinda Domme. In a perfect magical land, I'd be pampered, sexually satisfied, massaged and worshipped, all in a clean house, continuously preferably. I'm such a lazy girl[:D] Come sit on the Do Me Domina couch. We can sit by the pool and wait for our cute cabana boys to bring us fresh margarita's! Damn skippy I am with it.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 9:58:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia I'm a DO ME kinda Domme. In a perfect magical land, I'd be pampered, sexually satisfied, massaged and worshipped, all in a clean house, continuously preferably. I'm such a lazy girl[:D] Come sit on the Do Me Domina couch. We can sit by the pool and wait for our cute cabana boys to bring us fresh margarita's! Damn skippy I am with it. Did someone say margaritas? And cabana boys? Let's make them dance. Although I think lounge chairs would be lovely with little canopies over them. I'm fair and I burn easily.

MissMagnolia -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 10:16:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia I'm a DO ME kinda Domme. In a perfect magical land, I'd be pampered, sexually satisfied, massaged and worshipped, all in a clean house, continuously preferably. I'm such a lazy girl[:D] Come sit on the Do Me Domina couch. We can sit by the pool and wait for our cute cabana boys to bring us fresh margarita's! Damn skippy I am with it. Did someone say margaritas? And cabana boys? Let's make them dance. Although I think lounge chairs would be lovely with little canopies over them. I'm fair and I burn easily. I'm there with you MzMia and SD!! I burn easily too, so I suggest a sexy boy each to rub sunscreen onto our bodies (yes, I know we're under canopies, but are you going to knock back a gorgeous boy rubbing you all over with something slippery?)[:D]

ocilla -> RE: How kinky is your dominance? Are you a "doer" or like to be done? (8/17/2007 10:28:30 PM)
Okay -yall have to check out the viceroy hotel in Santa Monica and take a look at the pool picts http://www.viceroysantamonica.com/spa/index.html. OMG got to stay there on busness a few times and the pool is paradise. These sexy tented rooms with sumptuous couches - all that is missing is a swarthy boy with a large fan. I have to say - I did not get as much work done as usual the temptation to lol around the pool was intoxicating.

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