about newbi,s(myself)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

about newbi,s(myself)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> about newbi,s(myself)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 3:32:35 PM

shybifemale

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline

I am very new.Trying to find my place There are many questions I have and I find is very hard to find answers on chat rooms .so many do and don,t .all i know is that i want to be controlled in a postive way.iIwant to find a Master that will take there time with me and guide me let me learn to trust them is that so wrong. i live in the Tampa Bay area and maybe soon i will find someone to talk with that has some time being a sincere honest and loving Master with a firm hand of coarse.

Post #: 1

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 4:11:43 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It's wrong when you probably haven't thought through even half the issues that you will face in being someone's slave, and aren't likely using good judgement to find that person because you're too focused on having 'a master' that you won't take the time to find the one right for you, instead of the one right in front of who knows how to say what you want to hear.

Advice I always give newbies is to wait at least 6 months before making a commitment to anyone. But no one listens.

(in reply to shybifemale)

Post #: 2

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 5:21:49 PM

Dragonzaymaster

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

shybifemale, be very careful. I would take the advise of the many seasoned subs and slaves on these message boards. If you read through the many topics note the threads that sound right in your heart. Thare are also many excellent dom's and mistress's that will steer you in the right direction and help to coach you. Again be very wary of who you trust. All waters are infested with sharks. Keep an open mind and talk to a large variety of sources. A prior post stated beware of the "protectors", believe that. As much knowledge and undrestanding is your best bet. I wish you well in your journey.
Dragonzaymaster

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 7:20:14 PM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

It's wrong when you probably haven't thought through even half the issues that you will face in being someone's slave, and aren't likely using good judgement to find that person because you're too focused on having 'a master' that you won't take the time to find the one right for you, instead of the one right in front of who knows how to say what you want to hear.

Advice I always give newbies is to wait at least 6 months before making a commitment to anyone. But no one listens.

*Gives standing ovation to EmeraldSlave*

shybitfemale, if you've never listened to any advice please give thought to what EmeraldSlave has to say.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 4

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 9:13:17 PM

subsapphire

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm not a Master nor even a Dom(me) but have made my fair share of mistakes as a sub.

The advice given here has been excellent. Take your time and don't let your desire to find a Master lead you to make impulsive and possibly dangerous decisions. Something that may be helpful is to allow a day/week/hour or two to pass before you respond to or commit to anything. That includes giving out a cell number, meeting casually or deciding the time is right to engage in BDSM activities with someone new. As one who can be very impulsive, I know this can be very difficult but I have found myself in a few situations where I wish I would have thought things out more thoroughly &/or sought guidance.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 5

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/5/2005 11:33:03 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

Ok, I will play to type and disagree with what is said here.

As a new sub, you are about to experience some of the most amazing and intense sensations you have ever felt. Don't listen to the naysayers...go out and get your heart broken (just do it with your eyes open)...read up on the safety rules and do your best to follow some of them. As EmeraldSlave says, no one listens to the 6 month no involvelment rule, so why even bother trying???

You will never again have the chance to see this life through un-jaded and un-cynical eyes. Don't waste these precious moments bowing down to warnings of the more experienced (and jaded and cynical). Try to play safe with your body, but let your heart go wild.

Live life like every moment might be your last...

Taggard

< Message edited by TallDarkAndWitty -- 7/5/2005 11:35:17 PM >

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to shybifemale)

Post #: 6

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 4:37:51 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Ok, I will play to type and disagree with what is said here.

Okay, I'm gonna play too! (Tongue in cheek, of course!)

quote:

As a new sub, you are about to experience some of the most amazing and intense sensations you have ever felt. Don't listen to the naysayers...go out and get your heart broken (just do it with your eyes open)...

At the risk of being flamed for stereotyping new submissives, he's got a point at least in that, it's inevitable this will occur. On the other hand, rest assured that experience is not going to take away your ability to enjoy amazing and intense sensations. If anything, now that I'm knowledgable and reasonably educated I find the sensations that much more enjoyable. This is because the fear has lifted as I make wiser decisions, which leaves me in a position to focus on what's important, not whether I'll get harmed.

quote:

read up on the safety rules and do your best to follow some of them.

Please let me know which of the safety rules you end up choosing to utilize. LOL!

quote:

You will never again have the chance to see this life through un-jaded and un-cynical eyes. Don't waste these precious moments bowing down to warnings of the more experienced (and jaded and cynical). Try to play safe with your body, but let your heart go wild.

Yes, when I was new to the lifestyle and oh so very naive, I befriended a Master that voiced similar statements to me. In order to explore my submission and learn the lifestyle, I'd have to take all kinds of chances. Of course, it never occurred to me that I could find my 'way' in other ways. Not that it would have mattered, cuz ... I wouldn't have listened. So I followed your (TD&W) advice as stated above.

I found myself gasping for air in sheer pain and terror as I was being sodomized by a man I knew r/t less than an hour.

So yes, please take your un-jaded, uncynical little self and follow 'some' of the safety rules. Go for it.

Think it can't happen to you?

Yeah ... that's what I thought too.

Trust me when I say, being labelled jaded and cynical is far less painful than being anally raped and left sitting alone and crying in a parking lot somewhere...... too afraid to go home because you don't know where he went and if he might follow you ..... not to mention, being in pain like I'd never known before ...

The haze created in one's mind when moved by excitement, curiousity and natural arousal from discovering your submission makes clarity, and common sense become far less attainable for many. Sad ... but true. I'm a prime example of the type of new submissive Emerald spoke of ... one who didn't listen.

I don't often (if I've ever at all) share that in public forums as it's something I'm not proud of and it took me several years to come to terms with it, not to mention, re-open the door to the lifestyle. I'm at that awkward stage where I've experienced the ramifications of not listening to those more experienced than me, but still haven't come completely accepted the fact that as Emerald says ....

Nobody will listen ...

Until I reach that stage, I figure I'll continue chasing down new submissives on the forums and at least feeling to myself like I'm making a difference. Even though I'm not ....

Cuz ....

Nobody will listen. *Grins* <-- It's a work in progress.

< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 7/6/2005 4:39:04 AM >

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 7

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 5:52:12 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hey FA, nobody listens but I still repeat myself. And no one has to listen, lord knows *I* didn't follow that advice, and ended up doing real well for myself.

I disagree with TDAW simply in that I think waiting and exploring at your own pace is one thing, getting all consumed with "a master" is another. Go out and have fun, just don't make commitments.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 8

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 8:02:11 AM

LookingforDad

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

This thread is very helpful to me. Input from the caution side and the exlporation side are good.

But, how does one explore with different Doms and not make committments/promises?

It seems any conversation (electronic or phone) I have had with a Dom looking for more than a session turns to the topic of who and where I am getting information, training, experience.

Perhaps I have even broken a least time out record for "not listening" to the sound advice offered by Emerald.

_____________________________

Stephanie

Providence has hidden a charm in difficult undertakings which is appreciated only by those who dare to grapple with them.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 9

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 8:12:06 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookingforDad
But, how does one explore with different Doms and not make committments/promises?

Umm easily? I'm talking lifetime "I'm yours" commitments, not "Meet you next Saturday for a spanking" commitments.

quote:

It seems any conversation (electronic or phone) I have had with a Dom looking for more than a session turns to the topic of who and where I am getting information, training, experience.

That's find and dandy- as long as you are also clear that you are not interested or ready to make a serious commitment to anyone, have no expectations of commitment from them and they should expect no commitments of behavior or loyalty to them.

(in reply to LookingforDad)

Post #: 10

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 8:19:22 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FuriousAngel
Trust me when I say, being labelled jaded and cynical is far less painful than being anally raped and left sitting alone and crying in a parking lot somewhere...... too afraid to go home because you don't know where he went and if he might follow you ..... not to mention, being in pain like I'd never known before ...

The sad fact of life is that people hurt people. Rape happens. I am sorry it happened to you, but it happens as much, if not more, in the vanilla world. I have heard many many stories of contact that lead to sex that did not end in rape.

As far as which rules to use, stick with the ones that make sense in the 'nilla world. Don't be alone with a strange man you just met. Meet in public places. My personal faveoriteis that all first time play should be done in public, surrounded by people who know you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookingforDad
But, how does one explore with different Doms and not make committments/promises?

I really think that depends on just what kind of exploration you want to do. If you are looking to explore the physical sensations, then go to a play party or dungeon and negotiate a scene...you will be (relatively) safe in a public space, and no one will expect a commitment to come out of a play scene. If you are looking to experiment with ownership and committed D/s relationships, maybe some short-term contracts would work for you as they do for me. When talking to a Dom you like, suggest a short term (24-72 hours) contract (either verbal or written). Make sure it is understood that at the end there will be a time for both of you to back out of any further relationship.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 11

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 8:38:53 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

When talking to a Dom you like, suggest a short term (24-72 hours) contract (either verbal or written). Make sure it is understood that at the end there will be a time for both of you to back out of any further relationship.

Taggard

I understand the point you are trying to make I just don't see how 2-3 days shows anyone about ownership in the long haul, any more than it would show someone about how they would deal with marriage or raising children.

Even if you did the standard "3 day bdsm vacation to kneel play and fuck constantly" it wouldn't really show much about the day to day long term issues to deal with. Those things really only do come with time and understanding.

I think making that sort of commitment would end up leading to more disappointments and misapplied expectations than not. If you want to go on a 3 day vacation with someone, do it, but don't make it an ordeal or some contract issue. People emotionally take contracts seriously, whether they mean to or not and to just say "well that's over, now I'm gonna go contract with this other guy next weekend" I don't think would be practical.

Date around, have fun. If you go on an extended date with someone, let them know. If you accept someone else's rule, let everyone else know.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 12

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 8:47:06 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I understand the point you are trying to make I just don't see how 2-3 days shows anyone about ownership in the long haul, any more than it would show someone about how they would deal with marriage or raising children.

Ummm...the only way to experience what being in a long term committed relationship is like is to actually be in a long term committed relationship.

Short term contracts are a way to explore without making a long term commitment. Nothing more, nothing less...

quote:

Even if you did the standard "3 day bdsm vacation to kneel play and fuck constantly" it wouldn't really show much about the day to day long term issues to deal with. Those things really only do come with time and understanding.

Time and understanding while in a long term relationship. If your only goal is a long-term relationship, then why wait 6 months? That makes no sense. Even if your first relationship doesn't work, the experience would be a lot more helpful then 6 months of playing around with things that do not really interest you.

quote:

I think making that sort of commitment would end up leading to more disappointments and misapplied expectations than not.

Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.

quote:

If you want to go on a 3 day vacation with someone, do it, but don't make it an ordeal or some contract issue. People emotionally take contracts seriously, whether they mean to or not and to just say "well that's over, now I'm gonna go contract with this other guy next weekend" I don't think would be practical.

And why not? Some people take contracts for what they are, an agreement between people. They needn't be any more emotionally laden then that spanking session you were setting up above. And by keeping them short term, you are assured of not entering into something that will be hard to extract yourself from.

quote:

Date around, have fun. If you go on an extended date with someone, let them know. If you accept someone else's rule, let everyone else know.

Let them know what?

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 9:04:09 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Time and understanding while in a long term relationship. If your only goal is a long-term relationship, then why wait 6 months? That makes no sense.

Because newbies are in frenzy and don't understand what exactly they want and need to shed their disillusions. I obviously don't think they are more likely to get killed or terribly bad stuff if they don't follow my advice, but I think they can avoid the "obvious newbie mistakes" if they explore without commitment at first.

quote:

Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.

I did below :)

quote:

And why not? Some people take contracts for what they are, an agreement between people. They needn't be any more emotionally laden then that spanking session you were setting up above. And by keeping them short term, you are assured of not entering into something that will be hard to extract yourself from.

I think that's suspect. People take contracts seriously and I think the idea of making one, even with INTENDING to be only 3 days, won't work out that way in the end. People get wrapped up in that immediate frenzy tense energy and think it means something long term. Instead, simply continue to date.

Also, I find the idea suspect as a whole, if someone came to me and said "I'm a slave to him for 3 days and that's it" I'd think they'd be fooling themselves into thinking they understood the fullness of what they were getting into and instead would likely just be experiencing a nice brief kinky vacation.

quote:

Let them know what?
Taggard

That you've accepted someone else's rules or have limits on your behavior.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 14

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 9:34:17 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Because newbies are in frenzy and don't understand what exactly they want and need to shed their disillusions.

So in order to understand what they want and need in a long term relationship, they should avoid long term relationships? Maybe there is a reason no one listens to your advice. *wink*

quote:

I obviously don't think they are more likely to get killed or terribly bad stuff if they don't follow my advice, but I think they can avoid the "obvious newbie mistakes" if they explore without commitment at first.

Can one really learn to avoid the "obvious newbie mistakes" without actually making at least some of them?

quote:

quote:

Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.

I did below :)

Obviously not to my satisfaction :)

quote:

People take contracts seriously and I think the idea of making one, even with INTENDING to be only 3 days, won't work out that way in the end.

Who are these "people" you keep talking about? Some take contracts very seriously, others do not. Some take collars very seriously, others do not. I have negotiated and executed many short term contracts, and they have all worked out more or less like I had planned.

quote:

People get wrapped up in that immediate frenzy tense energy and think it means something long term.

Some do, some don't...people are different.

quote:

Instead, simply continue to date.

I think you need to define "date".

quote:

Also, I find the idea suspect as a whole, if someone came to me and said "I'm a slave to him for 3 days and that's it" I'd think they'd be fooling themselves into thinking they understood the fullness of what they were getting into and instead would likely just be experiencing a nice brief kinky vacation.

Just what is the difference between "a nice brief kinky vacation" and "dating"? Why does a short term contract mean you are no longer "dating"?

Why do you think one can not enter into a short term contract and understand that a long term contract would be different? Do you think people check into a hotel and think that it is anything like owning a home?

I thought the topic was "exploration", which to me means trying all sorts of things, not only the things that are very similar to the things we think we want in the long term.

quote:

Let them know what?
Taggard

That you've accepted someone else's rules or have limits on your behavior.

Just whom do we have to let know of these things, and just why is it any of their business??? I think I am confused...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 15

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 9:48:43 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
So in order to understand what they want and need in a long term relationship, they should avoid long term relationships? Maybe there is a reason no one listens to your advice. *wink*

har har har, For the first few months, they should avoid long term relationship commitments, yes. This will help them understand what they want and need in the long term, rather than just reacting in frenzy.

For an analogy, a student trying to figure out what they want to major in or have a career in should not simply pick the first subject that blazes into their heads. They should take a few courses in a variety of disciplines to explore each of them to some depth, and then make an informed mature choice among them.

If you're using your "3 day" contract to mean the same as "one course in one subject" I can understand your point (and always did). But I think it's simpler just to DATE multiple people at the same time. Go to parties with them, spend the night, go on day trips together, but don't make things complicated with mini-contracts and romanticized views of what Ms long-term is like.

quote:

Can one really learn to avoid the "obvious newbie mistakes" without actually making at least some of them?

I think we all make mistakes along the way, but I think the obvious newbie mistakes can be avoided for those who really choose to.

quote:

Who are these "people" you keep talking about? Some take contracts very seriously, others do not. Some take collars very seriously, others do not. I have negotiated and executed many short term contracts, and they have all worked out more or less like I had planned.

That's awesome, and I hope all benefited from it, but I don't think it helped them understand what long term life as a slave means or how to deal with long term relationship issues.

quote:

I think you need to define "date".

The same way vanilla's do- having regular individual time together socially to learn about eachother and do fun things together, but with no expectations or commitments.

quote:

Just what is the difference between "a nice brief kinky vacation" and "dating"?

Dating tends to be regular, vacations are irregular. I think your contract is more like a vacation idea than any actual understanding of Ms long term.

quote:

Why does a short term contract mean you are no longer "dating"?

Because then you have made some establishment of expectation and commitment, no matter how short term it is.

quote:

Why do you think one can not enter into a short term contract and understand that a long term contract would be different?

Oh I think they can, but then what's the point of the short term contract? They KNOW it won't be the same, they KNOW it's not really doing what you're saying it's intended to do. Just call it what it is- a fun 3 day intense kinky vacation.

quote:

I thought the topic was "exploration", which to me means trying all sorts of things, not only the things that are very similar to the things we think we want in the long term.

Without commitment is what I said. If something that starts casual in the first few months DOES develop later, that's awesome. But I don't think there should be commitments made or loyalties established in the first few months.

quote:

Just whom do we have to let know of these things, and just why is it any of their business??? I think I am confused...

Taggard

The OTHER people you're supposedly dating.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 16

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 10:55:48 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Rape happens. I am sorry it happened to you, but it happens as much, if not more, in the vanilla world.

Really? I was not aware that any studies had been conducted to this effect? Did 'they' also determine what is different in the make up 'vanilla' over 'lifestyle' people that causes the vanilla to rape more often? I'd be interested to see the studies and/or statistics you derived this information from. On the other hand, if it's a personal opinon, perhaps in fairness to newbies you may want to clarify this so they aren't taking your statement as a false sense of security?

In all fairness to you, I do understand the perception in which you approach the words of the OP with. In fact, I'll go as far as to say I feel your advice is perfect for someone like me. I'm someone who's made the stumbles, had time to digest the mistakes I made, educate myself and of course, do a whole lot of thinking about what I have to offer, and what I seek.

But right here, right now you have a submissive who joined this site less than a month ago.

A submissive who hasn't yet read up enough on D/s to know that to post on a public forum in search of a 'Master to guide her' is just looking for trouble.

A submissive who as I write this has probably already been sent more mail due to her post than I care to even think of.

A submissive who as we debate this is probably already corresponding with someone with less than honourable intentions.

A submissive who somehow believed that in posting this, a hero would come to her and take her by the hand, and in believing that, probably won't recognize the difference.

Yes, people get hurt. However, had I have known back then what I know now? I would not have gotten hurt that day. Nobody is suggesting she not explore. People are sharing reality of what can happen and what can be avoided if the breaks are gently applied even if only for a little while.

The truly sad part to me is that if/when shybifemale returns to view this thread, she will 'see' only the post of the Dominant (that being you, TDW) encouraging her current approach to finding answers in the lifestyle. Like all many submissives, she's looking for for a hero right now, and you just became the hero to her.

It's too bad because clearly you are experienced and intelligent. I feel if more Dominants like yourself were standing behind the 'jaded, cynical' submissives, some newbies might give more pause for thought. They don't want to hear what we have to say. They want Dominants (aka Hero's).

If I've learned one thing it's that the world of D/s is not going to collapse if I take the time to learn before seeking out a hero.

I think I shall end my replies with this post. I've said my piece. Besides, what's the point ?

No one listens. <-- *Grins*

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 17

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 11:01:40 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

What can it possibly be other than his opinion? I happen to believe it too, because it accords with my experience as well. I know disproportionately more women who were raped by vanillas than women who were raped by kinks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FuriousAngel

quote:

Rape happens. I am sorry it happened to you, but it happens as much, if not more, in the vanilla world.

Really? I was not aware that any studies had been conducted to this effect? Did 'they' also determine what is different in the make up 'vanilla' over 'lifestyle' people that causes the vanilla to rape more often? I'd be interested to see the studies and/or statistics you derived this information from. On the other hand, if it's a personal opinon, perhaps in fairness to newbies you may want to clarify this so they aren't taking your statement as a false sense of security?

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/6/2005 11:02:51 AM >

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 18

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 11:29:58 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
If you're using your "3 day" contract to mean the same as "one course in one subject" I can understand your point (and always did). But I think it's simpler just to DATE multiple people at the same time. Go to parties with them, spend the night, go on day trips together, but don't make things complicated with mini-contracts and romanticized views of what Ms long-term is like.

Well...I can only speak for myself, but one person's complications are another's kink. As you must know by now, I love contracts...paperwork is an intrinsic part of my kink, and any long term relationship would involve such artifacts. And since when do mini-contracts provide a romanticized view of Ms???

quote:

quote:

Can one really learn to avoid the "obvious newbie mistakes" without actually making at least some of them?

I think we all make mistakes along the way, but I think the obvious newbie mistakes can be avoided for those who really choose to.

My point is that perhaps it really is better to learn from experience rather then from second hand knowledge. I was watching Lost last night (god, I hate to quote TV) and they had this great metaphore for growth...the moth and the cocoon. The moth was trying to get out of it's cocoon and the guy could have helped him by increasing the size of the hole...but then it wouldn't have been strong enough to survive. Maybe those newbie mistakes are necessary to toughen one up to the real world...just a thought.

quote:

That's awesome, and I hope all benefited from it, but I don't think it helped them understand what long term life as a slave means or how to deal with long term relationship issues.

Was that the point??? Why is everything about long term situations? Is this lifestyle exclusively for those who want one of those long term things?

quote:

quote:

I think you need to define "date".

The same way vanilla's do- having regular individual time together socially to learn about eachother and do fun things together, but with no expectations or commitments.

Ummm...so when you date, you feel no commitment to go home with the guy who bring ya? At any moment you might just stand up and walk off and feel that there was no commitment to finish the date?

quote:

quote:

Just what is the difference between "a nice brief kinky vacation" and "dating"?

Dating tends to be regular, vacations are irregular. I think your contract is more like a vacation idea than any actual understanding of Ms long term.

Of course it is...it wasn't meant to be anything like a long term Ms commitment. Long term Ms commitments are a lot more work, and, at least for me, a lot less fun.

Of course, there is nothing stopping one from having a long term series of short term commitments (or vacations) with the same person...if continued long enough, does that make it a long term relationship?

quote:

Why does a short term contract mean you are no longer "dating"?

Because then you have made some establishment of expectation and commitment, no matter how short term it is.

quote:

Oh come on...you can't think that "dating" implies no expecation or commitment, can you? If you go to a dance with a date, it is expected that you will bring her home. Formalizing the expectations and commitments in now way, shape, or form, means that you are no longer "dating".

quote:

Why do you think one can not enter into a short term contract and understand that a long term contract would be different?

Oh I think they can, but then what's the point of the short term contract?

Well, some enjoy contracts. Some find the formalization of expectations to be comforting. Some find the negotiation process to be one of the best ways to get to know one another. Some want to experience what it is like to be committed to serving someone else even for a little while. (If you can't do it for 3 days, you won't be able to do it for a year.) Some want to explore formal submission. I could go on...

quote:

They KNOW it won't be the same, they KNOW it's not really doing what you're saying it's intended to do. Just call it what it is- a fun 3 day intense kinky vacation.

What am I saying it is intended to do? What is wrong with a fun 3 day intense kinky vacation??? If I could package that properly, I could probably make a fortune. *wink*

quote:

quote:

I thought the topic was "exploration", which to me means trying all sorts of things, not only the things that are very similar to the things we think we want in the long term.

Without commitment is what I said.

How is commiting to a play contract any more commited then commiting to a dinner date? If someone you're dating asks you to go away for the weekend, and you agree, you have pretty much commited to being with them for the weekend, haven't you?

quote:

If something that starts casual in the first few months DOES develop later, that's awesome. But I don't think there should be commitments made or loyalties established in the first few months.

Which is exactly what I suggested. If you want to experience contracted consensual slavery without signing your life away, look into short-term contracts. They are nothing like long term relationships, which is a good thing...at least in my mind. No commitments longer than a typical weekend away and no established loyalties beyond the length of the contract.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 19

RE: about newbi,s(myself) - 7/6/2005 11:40:29 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Which is exactly what I suggested. If you want to experience contracted consensual slavery without signing your life away, look into short-term contracts.

That I think summarizes my issue right there.

There is NO such thing as "short term slavery"

It's bottoming, it's submitting, it's a break from reality, it's a game.

It's not anywhere close to experiencing "contracted consensual slavery" and to imply otherwise builds false expectations.

And for the record- a person doesn't need to experience mistakes first hand to be toughened up enough to deal with them. I've never been raped or abused or molested, but I think I'm actually a lot more capable of handling issues than the a lot of victims who have.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> about newbi,s(myself)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125