vegas0623
Posts: 29
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Redoubt
Any time you get feedback from others, remember it is their perception. You should always try to suppress your immediate emotional response, consider the feedback and the source, and whether or not you believe the feedback is valid.
The fact that this dom chose to give you feedback rather than keep it to himself and just move on may mean that he felt it important enough to communicate it. The emotional response is to smile sweetly and think "Jackass, you don't know didly" because it's challenging your self image.
Not having seen how you assert yourself, I cannot give you an opinion on what it is that he saw and felt the need to comment on. But your posts are articulate and you at least appear to have an idea what you want.
I get the impression that you act up when you meet a dominant male you're attracted to, demonstrating you're a handful and testing him to see how he reacts to it. But if you have not communicated any level of submission to him, and he doesn't attempt to dominate you, who's shortcoming is that? If a dom presumes too quickly a level of submission exists when it's not there and not communicated, he's usually labelled an unrespectful jerk. (and the way I feel about, quite rightly so), but if he doesn't pick up on your needs (the ones that you may be inadvertently masking) you cross him off the list... doesn't this sound self-defeating?
I have known some submissives whose idea of a first date would be another submissives idea of a restraining order and filed charges for sexual assault. Yes, some have the fantasy that their partner will know immediately how to take and control them from the offset, and in some blessed occasions the instinct the dominant has is right... but its usually because they have picked up on something that leads them to believe that she is one of those that dreams of being taken and has the confidence to change the approach taken to be more direct. But how many submissives here have been approached by someone that has misjudged their level of interest and has presumed too much?
I can say "I am dominant" all I want, but if I go out on a first meeting with a submissive, and wait on her hand and foot, and don't exhibit any dominant behavior, should I be surprised if she is thinking "Is this guy really a confused sub?"... and if she likes me enough to ask "are you really sure you're dominant?" knowing how most people respond to such a question, I should pause and take a good hard look at whats going on... and thank the sub for having the courage to present her feedback and communicate her confusion.
juliet talks about being told to make herself more available... I'm not suggesting you go round submitting to every Tom, Dick and Harry hoping you find the right one... but if you do meet a potential partner, make sure he's aware going into the first meet that you are strong willed and a bit of a handful, and if he can't handle that side of your personality, you had best just keep it platonic.
There are many Dominants out there who like the challenge of taming a strong-willed submissive, and many more who like a submissive that has a brain and an opinion. There are others who are just looking for a silent, warm, wet hole to fill and finally those who fit all the other colors of the rainbow in between.
Its only through honest communication, as open as is appropriate for the stage of the relationship we are in, that we can ever find a match with that which we are seeking. I believe empaths and mindreaders do exist, but I also suspect they are, almost certainly, already in a successful relationship :)
Thank you Sir for a well thought out reply. I greatly appreciate your wisdom and your valuable time to impart it, you have given me much to ponder on. I only chatted with this Dom once before meeting him, now I wish I had not been so hasty in meeting him face to face before we got the chance to know each other a little better online (my inexperience shines through!) If I had encouraged him to know me and vice versa online perhaps things would have progressed differently. I am a vivacious and exuberant person, gung ho to be the first to do something that sounds safe and interesting and perhaps I was a little too hasty...to be fair...he did ask me if I would like to chat more on the IM but I was so attracted to this gentleman that I was impatient to see if we might clique and progress. He is by no means the first Dom that I have interacted with on here, but HE was the first I was actually interested in getting to know more intimately and see where it might lead. I in no way blame this gentleman for the blunder of that meeting, my personality and zest to explore can be overwhelming and even intimidating to some people at times. After meeting with this gentleman in a public place and talking for a couple of hours my initial reaction was that I thought him intelligent and wanted to progress to spend some time getting to know him better. When we were chatting on the IM, he asked me if I would do something to show my willingness to submit to another person, I trusted him and agreed that I would do as he asked, which by the way I thought quite reasonable (I am a practical person). Before I acquiesced to him he stated that he would actually check to see if I had conformed to his request during the meeting.
I did conform and he did check and I thought he was pleased. Although, I did question him as to how long it would be healthy or safe to restrict blood flow the way I was doing as it had been a hour since doing so, I conveyed to him that I was way beyond numb and in intense pain in fact I was in so much pain that I was sweating profusely and fidgeting in my seat, nor could I focus or concentrate on his end of the conversation as my complete attention was elsewhere. He suggested I could take care of it in the restroom or I could wait until he finished his drink, he was clearly testing me. I demurred and said that I would wait so that he may indeed check. I do admit that I didn't make it to the end of the drink. Some ten mintues later I disgraced myself and begged him to please consider leniency, I was to the breaking point and desperately felt the need to violently scratch the offending pain from my chest, in public no less!
During our meeting I reiterated that I am looking for a Dom that I can get to know on a deeper level than just play. I conveyed to him some of my recent experiences with online dating and my dis-satisfaction with the results, ie...that i'm looking for something more fulfilling than mere sex or just play, that I'm looking for an experienced Dom that can be my mentor, friend and casual lover, and that if it did perchance progress to something more meaningful I would not run from it. I also explained to him that I have a voracious sex drive and that I absolutely love to give oral sex, I am an empathic person and I sensed my exuberance and excitement to get to know him better might have been intimidating him. Generally, I am more standoffish and practical when meeting people, but I was extremely attracted to this man.
I stated that I would be amenable to getting to know him better and thought chatting online more would be a great idea and see where it progresses to (I thought it would also be a way for me to cool my heels and not do anything rash because of my raging hormones towards this gentleman.) He agreed and left. The next day I sent him a thank you e-mail expressing my enjoyment meeting him and the exquisite pleasure/pain that he gave me. He replied back and while the e-mail was flattering and gracious - whether out of politeness or sincerity, I know not...reading between the lines I had been declined.
I am disappointed...but I believe in fate and what is supposed to be...will be, and what is not is best accepted and a learning experience.
< Message edited by vegas0623 -- 8/18/2007 12:30:39 PM >
|
RE: Confused - 
Profile
. 
. I could make a long list of things He enjoys doing that others much less secure in their Mastery would never "stoop" to do. Much like your master, He is confident and secure in who and what He is and just does whatever pleases Him at any given time regardless of what others think about it. Aren't we so fortunate?
...............luci
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread