male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 6:43:34 PM)


I'm interested to hear what submissive males think is the right level/frequency of kinky, dominant-driven "play" in their relationship.  Don't say "Whatever she wants," instead, briefly summarize what would be ideal.  Acts like bondage, strap on, chastity, cbt, spanking, humiliation -- how much, how often? 

What about femdom acts that are more 'passive' -- ie, you worship her feet or give massages?   How often/how much in an ideal relationship?

Finally, what about a relationship without kinky "play" per se - but a woman that enjoys being in control, empowered, and calls the shots.  Is that an ideal?

Akasha



realtuffdom -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 8:19:23 PM)

I'm usually pretty good with most things until it involves adding people to the dynamic that I haven't accepted beforehand, such as random men. For me, it's not about how much of it, but that the relationship involves various activities and that there is a sense of things being done for the sake of fulfilling needs and fantasies of both parties.



LiveToPamper -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 8:50:29 PM)

I laugh when i read a submissive male who writes:

"sensual male slave who enjoys being flogged, CBT, extreme
bondage, electrical, flogging, and strap-on."

Play, toys, kink activities stop at one level.

For me, my submission drives and moves deeper than this level.

My greatest happiness comes from lovingly serving a dominant Woman.

She is in control, I am Her subordinant.

I accept Her authority automatically.

I obey Her without questions.

She is everything to me.

I want to be used exactly as She sees fit, to be a source of Her amusement.

knowing I belong to Her is good enough for me.

knowing She is using me is good enough for me.

Kink driven play or not, it's not not important.

That She calls the shots, is important to me.




abusablepaintoy -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 9:04:58 PM)

Interesting question, and a good one.  I'm sure you'll get a different answer for each person out there, but here goes mine.

I would want the "heavy stuff" i.e. scene-type playing of bondage, spanking, etc maybe 1 to 3 times a week, or 3-12 hours a week on average.  (Some weeks every day would be fine, other weeks I feel totally "vanilla") 

I'd prefer a different word than "passive" there, but can't think of a better one.  But to me the ongoing things would be chastity, humiliation, and personal service.  While no one task would need to be done with any regularity, it is the sum of all of them that I would look for on a daily basis.  Holding doors, wearing a chastity device, personal services such as massage, the "maintenance" work of the relationship would be a daily occurance.  This would include the rituals of the relationship, whether it be opening doors, greeting her after an absence (such as coming back from work) all the little details that solidify the dynamic in my mind.

As for a woman who "calls the shots," I was married once.  Now divorced.  Of course, that wasn't a power EXCHANGE so much as a lack of boundaries on both our parts.  For me, the woman simply calling the shots without the rituals and trappings wouldn't fulfill me enough to be sustainable over the long term.  I know there are men out there that that is all they want - I'm not one of 'em.

But a great question!



aidan -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 9:37:35 PM)

I think for really kinky play, things that would involve bondage, prep-time, I guess a few times a month might be good? Other things like spanking, that don't require so much fore thought, maybe once or twice every week or two weeks? Pinning down hard numbers for something like that is hard, I guess I just don't think of it in that way, as a statistic.

As for more "passive" acts...Well jeeze, as often as we can. I still maintain that my biggest fantasy is being curled up at somebody's feet and giving them a massage while we both read.

And a relationship without play, while not ideal, is not something I'd rule out. If I click with somebody, and their dominant, even without all the accoutrements...It'd be kind of foolish to say no to that. I'm not going to lie and say I don't want or prefer the "bells and whistles", but I can live without them.



Morsigil -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 10:25:19 PM)

Whatever she does I want it to be passionate; from some of her deeper, darker desires. I want her to consider my feelings in great detail, examine what I can withstand, and act accordingly. Hard limits are knife, needle, scat, and blood play, but otherwise it's as I've said. She should do to me what she loves.



MisTabsDratt -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/17/2007 10:43:29 PM)

I must say, it took me a minute to stop chuckling after I read this post...

For me, the answer to the first part is generally "as much, and as often as I can get it."  I love doing kinky stuff etc, and for me personally, I doubt I could hit a "too much" phase.  Now that said, when it comes down to brass tacks, my Wife/Mistress and I usually play hard a couple of times a week if everything is going well.  But life intercedes, people get tired, sick, overworked, etc, and so you get your dry spells. 

As to what "types" of activities... Well that varies extensively, but I can say, in general, if it's something that my Mistress has initiated, or is doing because "She" wants it, it is ten fold more intense than her doing something that I've setup and is more focused on me and my specific kinks. 

The thing that I'm big on and tends to help me a lot are the maintenance type of activities.  It's unrealistic (in most situations) to assume that hardcore play is going to be a daily occurence.  Especially when you have kids and a regular life outside of the "lifestyle."  But little things can go a long way, for me at least, in keeping me in the right headspace and focused on my Mistress.  Even as simple as undressing her before bed, kissing her feet, giving her a foot massage in the tub.  Or even just kneeling before her for a few moments after we've undressed can put me into a decent subspace.  It helps keep me in the right mode and focused on her, even when we don't have the time/energy for more intense play. 

As to the third aspect of your post, honestly, we tend to be pretty equal in day to day life.  It tends to be a necessity when dealing with kids and what not.  But there is always the underlying knowledge that she does indeed have the final say.



iwearpanties -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/18/2007 3:08:32 AM)

whats too kinky  ?????  not trying too be dumb here at all but i think why not try things atleast once  or think about trying them ????



jimbo747 -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/18/2007 8:01:03 AM)

my kink is serving her. 

for specific activities:  daily reminders of my place in relation to her (kissing her feet, ironing her clothes, chastity, massage, oral service, kneeling at her feet while she works, running out her errands, oral service) etc.



AAkasha -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/19/2007 9:06:50 AM)

There are many, many more subs who post here regularly and have not chimed in...

Akasha



PhDslave -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/19/2007 9:56:53 AM)

If kinky play helps a loving, stable, healthy,  monogamous FemDom/malesub relationship, then i'm for it. Otherwise, no.



malloves69 -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 5:45:09 AM)

i love kinky play [:)]  the more kinkier the better i think [:)]  it makes for the session with your mistress that much more enjoyable when she is thinking up new things to do [:)]  love a lady in control who has a playfull kinky mind [:)]  love strapon play and yes please make it a big one ..size does matter here [:)]  love medical play ..like enemas ...catheaters ...sounds any holes she wants to play with as long she knows whats shes doing [:)] love to be fisted by my mistress ..i think when she fists me it takes strapon play to the next level [:)]  love golden showers and swallowing my cum one way or another [:)]  after all if guys expect ladys to swallow they should too [:)]we have done bi sessions and it seemed so natural to do so with her there calling the shots [:)]  how is that for being kinky ? [:)]trust is key and so is the right chemistry i believe ...makes a get together that much more enjoyable ..not bad for a 50 year old guy ehh ? [:)]  have fun ...mal



MHOO314 -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 11:32:18 AM)

AAkasha, I am so amazed that all the drooling boys out there have not stepped to this post---and with a truely legitimate question that asks how much fantasy versus reality does one expect and to what degree? Its just amazing, guess they are too busy petitioning-----heh.



AAkasha -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 11:42:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I'm interested to hear what submissive males think is the right level/frequency of kinky, dominant-driven "play" in their relationship.  Don't say "Whatever she wants," instead, briefly summarize what would be ideal.  Acts like bondage, strap on, chastity, cbt, spanking, humiliation -- how much, how often? 

What about femdom acts that are more 'passive' -- ie, you worship her feet or give massages?   How often/how much in an ideal relationship?

Finally, what about a relationship without kinky "play" per se - but a woman that enjoys being in control, empowered, and calls the shots.  Is that an ideal?

Akasha



I think they are either afraid of coming off too demanding/needy (for kink) or they have so little real life experience the answer is "I have no idea." -- even so, they should answer and just clarify that and say "what they assume" they will need.

Still, I was hoping to have a lot of answers, and it's really puzzling how few of the "regular" subs just skipped this thread entirely.  Maybe those that did can step up now and just say why?

Akasha



darchChylde -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 12:11:22 PM)

for me, as it's been a very long time since i have recieved corporeal play and have no idea where my pain threshold is now (it used to be incredible, but i think now it may be a bit laughable); ideally, i would like graduating levels of flogging and other corporeal activites, Her continuing until just past my saying i can't take anymore...i greatly want to increase my pain tolerance and really love the reminders that marks and welts can give you

also, i quite enjoy sensation play with wortenburg wheels, feathers, vampire gloves, Her nails with occasional slapping or spanking the flesh with hands or tools; some kissing and biting and even some ice (can't believe i just said that, shivers), with Her frayed nylon flogger; perhaps leading up to corporeal or just cuddling

i think, for me this would be best done with a blindfold and being tied down... if i can still handle it without freaking out, with blindfold and sound muffler's of some sort so i have no idea what is coming from where

later, i would lie in Her lap while she runs Her fingers through my hair and scratches my neck and scalp; or us cuddling, both nude (with no overtly sexual activity) just enjoying the closeness and intimacy of touch
_________________________

on the other end, i would like to give Her a gentle massage with cornstarch... follow that up while giving Her a long bubble bath feeding Her favorite dessert to Her in a candle lit room with soft music, culminating in washing Her hair (my personal fetish) and gently patting Her dry with the softest and fluffiest of towels... after this, move to the bedroom and give Her a firmer massage with oils or body butter

all this would be done while i am fully clothed to drawn no attention to my own arousal

later, i would lie in Her lap while she runs Her fingers through my hair and scratches my neck and scalp; or us cuddling, both nude (with no overtly sexual activity) just enjoying the closeness and intimacy of touch



SuspendedInGaffa -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 4:11:12 PM)

For me, the heavier kinky play is the icing on the cake ... although having said that I do love a fully-iced cake!

I'm happy with a call-the-shots woman who loves to be stroked, caressed and worshipped, on her terms, and it only being reciprocated if and when she's good and ready to do so. I don't see why that sort of play couldn't happen practically every day of our lives in some measure. However, with both of us likely to have busy lives, I'd expect most of the heavier stuff to come on weekends, or on breaks from work. Once the parameters and boundaries are set, and we've decided we're compatible and understand each other, it'd be up to the woman to decide where to take the kinky play. A massive turn-on for me is seeing the lady get off on what she's doing to me (or forcing me to do to her), even when she's pushing my boundaries and I might not necessarily be 'enjoying' it in the literal sense of the word.



Cuckme4Life -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 4:52:59 PM)

i like the idea of being surprised as to the next kinky act. NOT knowing what is about to happen next. Being nailed with a strapon, then a much larger one and not knowing its coming. Being forced to suck a mystery cock while blindfolded. Whatever Her evil twisted mind conjures up as i am helpless to resist. Thats what i wish to live or. The UNexpected stuff!!!



labrat18610 -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 5:07:04 PM)

Male subs have a built in frequency gage that tells you when they had enough. The answer is right in front of you.
Rick



labrat18610 -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 5:42:21 PM)

BTW, that male sub gage also works with kinkiness, too.



cloudboy -> RE: male subs: How kinky is too kinky, or not enough? (8/20/2007 9:36:50 PM)


Well, the question kind of makes one think of a D&S relationship as a camping trip, aka, something you could plan ahead for. Relationships are more intuitive than planned activities.

I would say there are two kink schedules that would work with me. One kinky thing a day or two extremely kinky things a week.

This prevents oversaturation and it builds anticipation and appreciation.




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