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slavemaia -> RE: No safe word for punishment; what about discipline? (8/19/2007 12:50:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
You can't beat someone into being a good submissive. You have to make them CRAVE being good FOR you NOT by making them fear failing. It is a long slow process, one that isn't a good mask for a lack of patience and or anger issues which is why many love punishing.
Love, caring, patience, and vigilant attention, as well as an understanding of when they are trying are all crucial skills in forming and guiding someone to a better deeper sense of submission. My lady often thinks she has slipped something by me but I mention it sometimes days later with a touch of disappointment and it does several things. She knows that she is the center of my attention, that I am watching over her, that sense of security allows her to relax into me and let go of her need to control. She feels my love and caring for her in how I deal with the mistakes and errors she makes. I praise her when she does well and again, I try and praise her for things either she didn't notice she did better or things she might think I didn't notice. Again, all playing back into ensuring she has a sense of my omnipotence in her life which provides security, safety, love, attention, all things submissives tend to feed on.
I have been harsh with her once, I didn't touch her or scold her, I simply cut off every means of contacting me. Turned out it was a mistake in communication on both our parts and so we apologized to each other but she KNOWS that my attention and love IS contingent on her being my good little girl which is why she is SUCH a very wonderful girl for me.
To ME, being dominant is about leading someone and being the sort of man and creating the sort of nurturing relationship that makes her want to follow and obey me, not because of fear but because of joy.
~smiles~ my Master is much like this as well. i obey Him because i truly wish to please Him. When i am punished in any form, i'm sad and don't enjoy it whether it's in the form of pain or anything else. But then i'm not a pain slut and enjoy only a medium degree of pain. But it's all attitude for me. If i'm whipped or strapped and Master is not pleased with me, it's an entirely different experience than when He does so for His enjoyment and pleasure. i've grown past seeking pain for my enjoyment. my focus is on Him, His enjoyment, His pleasure, His will, when i fail and it's an honest mistake, Chairman is very patient and understanding. If it continues then punishment ensues to help me pay more attention. If i'm acting out and being defiant, which does happen sometimes, then there is no discussion and punishment comes. i usually welcome punishment, not because i enjoy it at all, but because it frees my mind of the wrongdoing. Once He has tended to it, i can let it go.
As far as the difference between punishment and discipline, well discipline for me is more of a self act. Obedience is a discipline, speaking respectfully is a discipline, exercising regularly, eating correctly, moving gracefully are all disciplines. They remain disciplines - something i need to consciously focus on, until they become habitual - things i do automatically. Then new disciplines are put in place to practice. i see this as being trained to be who He likes me to be and how He enjoys seeing me as well as developing into a more beautiful woman and slave.
In regard to safe wording - ha ha ha - there's no such thing really in O/our relationship. i trust Him to know when i've had enough - whether it's from punishment or pleasure.
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