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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/6/2005 7:26:28 PM

Mylee

Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

YEAH BUT THE PROBLEM IS LIKE ITS AHRD FOR ME TO RITE NAYTHING LONGER THAN A SENTANCE OR 2 SO THAT LINE WOUDLNT COME OFF RITE IF I SAID IT

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mylee

*smiles at LordandMaster* Here's another line for ya

Changling, I've left you another message, it was long and I didnt wanna take up more space

Oooh my goodness you crack me up!

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/8/2005 8:07:32 PM

unholyruler

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlouLady

I was/am in this very same situation,right down to previously being very domineering. Unfortunately I have no solid advice for you.My own husband is very good at being a Dom when he is in the mood, sadly though he's not often in the mood and it leaves me frustrated.So I completely feel for you and offer best wishes--Lady

This sounds like the crux of the problem. Different levels of desire. It sounds like your husband simply doesn't have the same sex drive as you do. Perhaps, piquing his interest with new experiences might get things moving again.

Best of luck.. I know how it feels when you care for someone deeply but can't make that connection that underlies your entire being.

_____________________________

Has someone taken your faith
It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must, confess

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/11/2005 7:55:19 PM

kyakitten

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Joined: 11/21/2004
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deleted

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 8:28:13 PM >

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/11/2005 9:01:34 PM

DaveDe

Posts: 6
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmmmmmmmm
If I read it right, you're happy with the bedroom and not with outside it.

If that's true, perhaps he's just tired of making all the decisions every day. Perhaps you can work within your current dynamic by simply doing the things that need doing without waiting for his orders. Tell him you did what needed doing and aks him if it met his expectations. (But only talk about one or two things not every single thing you did... ) If it did, then fine, do it again without wearing him out... if not, then show your submission by taking some initiative and complying with his wishes. You know the things that irritate him, so minimize them. You know the things that please him, so maximize them... In short if you want to be a submissive, then be one....

It also appears you have been together a long time. There might be an analogy between your relationship and a weight problem. People don't get fat over night, so they don't lose the weight overnight either. You've indicated that you were in charge for so long, that his 'in charge' muscles might need some time to grow.

or i got it all wrong and you should just ignore everything above!

Dave

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/12/2005 1:49:01 PM

changeling

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten
I'll close by wishing you both all the best of luck and hope that you're back here posting your success story in a month or two.
Liana

Well, it's not been a month or a success...but is has not been a failure either! :) I shall explain.

First I wanted to thank you for your insight. You touched on several issues that do strike a chord in me. I do view D/s as very intimate. The bottom line is that I want my marriage to succeed...I want both my husband's and my own needs met. When discovering D/s two years ago...and submersing myself in learning about it...in thinking about it....I connected with it. It "spoke" to me. Not as a panacea for years of an unhealthy dynamic he and I both created....but rather as a starting point towards a path that leads us to a healthy and fulfilling relationship...for both of us. Bottom line...D/s or not...I love my husband...I want to share my life with him...forever.

But as I said, D/s speaks to me...deeply...as does submission. I view D/s beyond what BDSM means to me. To me, BDSM is the icing on the "cake"...the cake referring to the dynamic of D/s. I do wish for our relationship to be enveloped in a power dynamic that stresses respect, intimacy, honest and open communication, etc. etc....and I also happen to love the BDSM "icing" as well.

So, to get back on track with why I am responding...other than to thank you for your input....I have spoken with my husband...shared with him all that I have shared here and much more. He has opened up to me...shared his feelings and thoughts....and wants to be on this path with me.

So, as of now we are not a success...per se...but I believe we will be. Things have been going well so far...and we are both of the mindset and in agreement with many who posted on here....that it will not happen overnight...it will take time...but then it is the journey that is important....not so much the destination.

changeling

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/12/2005 1:55:26 PM

changeling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaveDe

Hmmmmmmmmmm
If I read it right, you're happy with the bedroom and not with outside it...........(include the rest of the post)

Dave,

Thank you for your input. You are 100% on with regard to my desire to be submissive. If I wish to be submissive then I have the "power" to do just that....and I should "shut up about it and just do it!" (LOL)

And yes, I agree...it takes time...it won't happen overnight...patience...diligence...committment...and preserverence.

Thank you again!

changeling

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RE: Married sub Confused - 7/12/2005 2:04:20 PM

changeling

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/6/2005
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I just wanted to thank everyone who posted. You all in some way brought insight to me...got my mind working and because of that I was able to "straighten out" my problem a little more. Thank you for the support....it is greatly appreciated. I responded to "kyakitten" and in that response briefly updated what is going on between my husband and I.

So thank you again...and take care,

changeling

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Post #: 27