The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (Full Version)

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fungasm -> The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 8:52:16 PM)

It's been about 3 weeks since I first joined CollarMe.    First I answered ALL the questions and I put up my fave BDSM pic- but more people saw the heels than the crop.  My inbox was icky.  Then I put up a frumpy picture and pulled down about 1/2 of the things I liked- especially the hardcore... Still horrid.  Now my profile states only the elements which are required and nothing else.  No photograph.  Nothing personal.

I have a question for the "Masters" here.  Does a photograph that seems appealing or mention of fisting give you the right to ignor the user's profile?  I had over a dozen Dominant males tell me all sorts of nonsense...The nicer ones offered to show me the "true meaning" of bdsm.  Then it progresses to the realm of I'd make a great "bitch" "slut" and worse.  "It would fun to break you" wasn't as bad as "It would be fun to rape you."  Who says this to someone they don't know? 

I have always believed in SSC and RACK.  Is there something I'm missing?

Alison



FangsNfeet -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 9:22:02 PM)

For every message you get or profile you view, you have to trust your gut instinct on what the next step should be.

Belive it or not, there are people who would like to read some naughty and demanding talk in a message. For every language a person speaks, there's normally atleast one other person who speaks and wants the same thing. People need to be who they are and keep it constant. Do I write sincere or nice? If I continue to go back and forth when fliping a coin, I may never get a correct call. But if I stick with the same call, then I will find myself being right for someone who is right for me.

Every message you get is nothing more but bait to see if they can get a nibble. If and when you don't like what's been cast your way, then continue to wait for a cast with better bait and a bigger hook.




celticlord2112 -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 9:26:37 PM)

Rude, obnoxious, boorish behavior is, unfortunately, every fool's inalienable right.  So is their right to be put on the "blocked users" list.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 9:28:57 PM)

The short answer to 'who say's this to someone they don't know?' Trolls, predators, morons, wannabes, loosers and wankers. I have heard from those trolls over and over, its normal around here. You get use to it and you get a LOT of use out of the 'delete' function. No response if required. Trolls don't deserve one.
 
After 3 weeks you think something is wrong? It takes xyz amount of time, relax, don't get flustered. Be yourself, why don't YOU make first contact, its not taboo, if a man is offended or bothered by that, then that's his issue, NOT your's. Be yourself and welcome to the site. Relax, no magical amount of time to meet someone.



breatheasone -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 9:55:23 PM)

Sorry you were treated badly...but you can't possibly belive ALL Doms/Masters are like that...can you?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 9:57:18 PM)

Don't expect anyone to share the same values as you do.

Be happily surprised when someone does.



OedipusRexIt -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 10:21:20 PM)

Ummm.... first of all.... nice avatar.  Now, where have I seen that before??

Next, I'm not sure how your question relates to the post topic.  I don't believe in "breaking the unwilling" and would find that anathema to good D/S practices.

As for the question in your post, the answer seem clear, and you already know it:  No, it doesn't give them the right, and all you're missing is a little experience.

Some people are jerks.  Do your best to ignore them.

Good luck, and again, nice avatar....



Honsoku -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 10:21:30 PM)

I am probably a little confused about the "right" to ignore. Of course it is my choice to ignore whatever I want at my own peril. That said, the profile text is what I pay the most attention to. A good photo draws the eye but the profile text is what determines whether or not I'll make contact. A bare profile I suspect is highly unlikely to get quality responses, just fewer ones. The better your profile is the more attention you will get of both kinds and vice-versa. The problem is that the signal to noise ratio is awful. I second what slaverosebeauty says. Don't be afraid to make first contact, and that people who act like boors and asses, are.

Honsoku



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 10:26:18 PM)

The only thing you are missing is the fact that, as in all walks of life you must take the good with the bad..Frankly, be grateful that the ones who write such dreck, make it easy to be recognised by you ,as unacceptable to you...Its the more subtle ones you need to be leery of......Tempting



MissMagnolia -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/19/2007 10:38:00 PM)

There are dickheads everywhere. That's why the Goddess gave us block and delete[:D]



MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/20/2007 12:24:36 AM)

To answer the question posed in short "no no one has a right to ignore a profile and just write"

I have been on CM for a few years no and this is the first time I have felt compelled to write. Because of the way someone close to me has been treated the last few days by a so called Dom I want to put my two cents in..

First I have to agree with  slaverosebeauty...(Hi My friend)  I have known her for over 4 years and she is and always has been a straight shooter not to mention a good friend

As a Dom/Master I am offended by many of the so called Dom/Masters on this and many other sites on the net. They read a few books call themselves Master or Sir and think they can ignore a subs or slaves wishes even before they have met them.

They think it is about force when in fact it is about surrender and choice. Until a relationship is established NO Master or Dom has a right to order anyone around. There is a difference in Kink and lifestyle and most I have found have no idea where one starts and the other ends.

Albert Einstein ones said " there is a difference between genius and stupidity, genius has its limits"  A few on CollarMe demonstrate this every time they open there mouth.

Be safe everyone and don't let the bad apples spoil the barrel there are many her who are real and understand respect honor and limits.

Ray



Celeste43 -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/20/2007 6:39:04 AM)

So what's the difference between some guy into BDSM writing you an unpleasant email and some construction worker shouting out something inappropriate about your body when you walk by?

Online and off, there are always idiots.

As far as ignoring your profile, they have every right to just like you have every right to label them junk mail and never respond.



Kinkypupper -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/20/2007 8:33:45 AM)

There are a HUGE amount of wannabes here.
you will have to just wade threw them carefully.



iammachine -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/20/2007 6:15:09 PM)

If you have absolutely nothing personal that makes you distinguishable at all... I think odds are, the vast majority messages you get will also be rather unmemorable as well.

I'm sorry that you've gotten a lot of less than desirable responses, unfortunately it's rather par for the course. From personal experience, I'm much more amicable to people that have something to say in their profile so I can get at least some vague "feel" for where they're coming from, even if we aren't compatible. Say what you need to say, make what you want clear - youll have a better chance of catching the attention of someone that has compatible views. Also don't be shy to make first contact, I've found that I've had the most success amongst those that I've initiated conversation with - I know the characteristics that I like, after all. 

Sure, there will still be tons of people that don't work for you at all, and lots that just flat out don't "get it". The beauty of those cases is that if they clearly don't get it, you clearly  need not spend your time on them, either. :) It won't take long for you to be able to get a "feel" for who's spewing the same old trite, and someone that just might have some potential to be someone interesting to you.



Padriag -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/20/2007 6:34:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

Is there something I'm missing?

Yup... you overlooked the fact that they'll let anyone become a member here... and that's just what you get, anyone and everyone responding.  You sound like you already have some values, some standards.  Stick to them and ignore anyone who doesn't measure up.  If you really want to improve your odds, go looking instead of waiting for them to come to you.

Best of luck



fungasm -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/21/2007 3:26:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

Ummm.... first of all.... nice avatar.  Now, where have I seen that before??

Next, I'm not sure how your question relates to the post topic.  I don't believe in "breaking the unwilling" and would find that anathema to good D/S practices.

As for the question in your post, the answer seem clear, and you already know it:  No, it doesn't give them the right, and all you're missing is a little experience.

Some people are jerks.  Do your best to ignore them.

Good luck, and again, nice avatar....


Breaking the unwilling is the theme that ran through my inbox.  Because it seemed the fun for the doms who contacted me was that I was not a willing participant. 

I know there are wretched humans- and I do know very well that the internet pushes everything in some seriously twisted new directions... and I'm grateful for a lot of them. 

But even on a site like collar me- telling someone you don't know how much fun it would be to rape them is fucking appalling.  But I react to it- so it was effective, which is even more appalling.   I've altered my profile- and it saddens me.  When I read it now- I sound like a complete bitch.  I wouldn't contact me.  But I'd rather have that then what I had before.

As for the avatar- it's only there until my photo is approved... one only from the neck up. No cleavage, no heels, nothing but face. 

Thank you for letting me rant. 

Alison



Estring -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/21/2007 11:06:30 PM)

It's probably easier to say rude things to someone they don't know, and even easier to say it to someone they don't know while online. It's almost as easy for you to block them and forget about them.



littlebitxxx -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/22/2007 2:50:42 AM)

Personally, I found that if I didn't like the responses I was getting from my profile, I changed my profile.  As it changed (several times) I started getting more and more the types of responses I wished.  And it was much easier to filter out the ones that actually read through versus the ones that didn't.  Sometimes it's all in the wording, not the picture at all.

Love and light,
sage



jaymckenas -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/29/2007 9:07:53 PM)

quote:

The appeal of breaking the unwilling?


There is none.



rmanrr -> RE: The appeal of breaking the unwilling? (8/29/2007 9:13:19 PM)

Greetings
on the topic in general or maybe not....how can you break the unwilling...is that something like you can't rape the willing?



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