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My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 12:23:46 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		*UPDATE*

this is just an update on my current state of health and well being. i is not, however, a rant or any attempt for pity or remorse. just stating facts here in order to clear my mind and get things off my chest.

I think everyone is aware of my depression/anxiety and mood swings. well, something happened to be these past few days that have cause me to have thought I had tried to purge from my mind over the past few years. These thoughts have me a bit concerned and, quite frankly, scared.

for the first time in at least 5 years, the serious thought of suicide (without notifying anyone or letting on my intentions) have raised it's ugly head yet again. I am tending to this matter as I often do when I don't want anyone around to cause me to feel worse than I do in such situations. the ones that come up and say things like: "I/We will miss you" "what about all those people you'll be leaving behind?" or, the ever popular "you're just wanting attention, get over it".

let me continue by saying that, although those thought have arisen yet again, i am fighting these feelings. having a major tooth infection and pain is not helping matters none at all. I am using whatever means I can to get the pain and swelling down, again...all on my own.

to top it all off, I love my girlfriend dearly and have to think of her since it is mostly my job (not really a job, just a labor of love) to take care of her and her needs. She has Muscular Dystrophy and tries to do as much as she can herself, and I fill in when she is not able to do some things. I have no regrets with this choice in life. we love eachother dearly, that and the fact I am a born submissive and love my duties. it's a strain sometimes, but still I have no regrets.

I have SSI/Disability and would really love to have a regular job, but she has told me many times that my job now is helping her. She gives me a little money here and there if i need it, I use my EBT card and share my food with her, since I do most of the cooking. we even take in a new movie at least once a week, provided there's a good one and her parents allow us the use of the van.

but, despite all of this, I still have my depressionary problems and I usually keep to myself in these times, hiding as much of my pain from her when she needs me. I put aside myself for her. she lives nearby, with her parents, it's a mutual arraignment since they all are paying for the trailer. They are purchasing it themselve.

I live alone in my own wreck of a trailer, paying $300.00 a month rent, and the rest goes to bills, so I have very little money of my own.

I have no personal vehicle so if I go anywhere, it's usually with her, or she helps with busfare if I don't have it and need time to myself.

otherwise, when not in use, I'm sitting at home at the PC, TV playing off to my right, either watchin cable or a DVD...sometimes listening to music, if i get the need to sing and try to better my spirits.

so, now everyone knows more about me. just keep in mind this...I wrote all of this to let everyone know who I am, what I do during the days of the week and how emotional I can get. also, I wanted to let everyone know that I am a service sub, even if it's in a vanilla capacity. there are things missing that I see others talk about all the time, things I long for...but know this, my girlfriend comes first and will never be kept out of the loop. she is also available for primary and supliment meetings as well as occaisional phone calls at her discretion. Poeple wanted to know the real me...well...here it is...in black and white for all to see. I am real.

thank you for taking the time to read this and please remember, this is for informational use only. not sympathy or negativity are required.

and now back to your previous forums.


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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 12:28:04 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Thank You for the update Michael..wishing you well/Tempting

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 12:28:38 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Very open.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 12:39:27 AM   
Tarisa


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Wow that was alot...Michael I do wish you well

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 12:41:28 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		thank You, Ma'am. this has been eating at me for some time and it was keeping me awake, well that, and the toothache pain and queasiness from all the different meds I'm trying in order to alieviate my pain.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 1:06:43 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect that your episodes of depression are inherent to your sub nature. Your soul is so very small that occasionally it blinks out and consequently you are hit by a depression, for the soul is the source of life. Just sit it out: your soul will blink on again eventually.
 
According to my hypothesis your sub nature should peak when your soul is not active. Are you able to either confirm or to deny this?
 
As for your toothache: tomorrow is your dentist appointment. Endure.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 1:11:37 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		it's not actually the dentist I'm going to see, but my regular dr. Medicare/Medicaid does not cover dental, so going to get some anti-biotics and stronger pain meds on Tuesday. Isn't America wonderful? they take soooooo good care of their people (sarcasm is one of my strong suits)

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 1:22:13 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		That will not do. You must know more people than only your mistress and her parents. Approach all of them, even those that may dislike you, and tell them about your pain and beg for them to get together and put up the money for a visit to the dentist. That will also save you the cost of pain medication and of antibiotics.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 3:37:14 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Thanks for sharing Michael.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 5:33:20 AM   
Solaise


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		See what you have nearby that will help you get outside more, and interact with more people. Find a church or local community group and volunteer. Churches will often help pay for medical expenses like your problem tooth. I am sure the pain you are feeling isn't helping your mindset one little bit. Good luck.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 5:42:26 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others when you are no longer around?

Do something for you.  If you want a job, get a part time one.  Something to get you out of the house, interacting with people.  It doesn't need to be full time.
Go to school.  Volunteer. 
For the first time since getting my degree's almost 20 year's ago I am back in school.  You could as well if you wanted to.  This semester my classes are varied.  All, just stuff I am interested in.
Although one of them is Dreamweaver.  So I can design even bigger better websites than I normally do.

If I become proficient at that.  I could sell myself out as a pro web designer.  It is not my intentions...although I am telling you this because.  It is an option for you.  You could do that at home while you are taking care of her.

Let your mind wander and many ideas will come to you. 

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:15:13 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

That will not do. You must know more people than only your mistress and her parents. Approach all of them, even those that may dislike you, and tell them about your pain and beg for them to get together and put up the money for a visit to the dentist. That will also save you the cost of pain medication and of antibiotics.


well, for one thing, she's my girlfriend, not Mistress since she has told me she has no interest in the lifestyle, I'm more her caregiver in that respect. also, it costs way too much to go to a dentist and I don't have other insurances to handle that. I wish I did. of course, if I were in California, I know they have state health plans that help with this. but I'm not in California anymore. I'll make due, though.


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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:17:34 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solaise

See what you have nearby that will help you get outside more, and interact with more people. Find a church or local community group and volunteer. Churches will often help pay for medical expenses like your problem tooth. I am sure the pain you are feeling isn't helping your mindset one little bit. Good luck.


I don't do churches, they try to convert people too much and they also pray too damn much...LOL

seriously, church and I do not get along well.


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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:22:37 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others when you are no longer around?

Do something for you.  If you want a job, get a part time one.  Something to get you out of the house, interacting with people.  It doesn't need to be full time.
Go to school.  Volunteer. 
For the first time since getting my degree's almost 20 year's ago I am back in school.  You could as well if you wanted to.  This semester my classes are varied.  All, just stuff I am interested in.
Although one of them is Dreamweaver.  So I can design even bigger better websites than I normally do.

If I become proficient at that.  I could sell myself out as a pro web designer.  It is not my intentions...although I am telling you this because.  It is an option for you.  You could do that at home while you are taking care of her.

Let your mind wander and many ideas will come to you. 


I know this will come off as some kind of lame excuse, but My credit rating and past credit history stands in the way of returning to school. as for jobs, the type of job I am good at, and love, isn't available to me...not in this area anyway...it's a franchaise area. they're picky and want younger workers. if it were possible to move back to Atlanta, I know right now that both Fuddrucker's and Dunkin Donuts would take me back in a heartbeat. but I am not able to move.

like I said, that sounds like excuses, but it's the truth.


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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:27:47 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		There are no coffee shops of any kind in your area????
No restaurants?  Why does it have to be only specific chains that you'll consider?
Expand your base and you'll expand your resume.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:59:36 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		michael about your toothache, either do a search online or in your local yellow pages for a dental school. They quite often offer extremely low cost or free care if you don't object to a dental student doing the work under the supervision of the instructor/class room.

Some of them really will do the work for free but you have to take the step to locate them.

Please try and get that done, an infected tooth can cause a lot of health problems and pain.

Good luck to ya.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 7:50:57 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Michael,

You haven't mentioned if you're on medications for your depression.  If so, then you need to see your physician about a change in dosage or medication.  Reappearance of symptoms is a sign that meds need adjustment.  If you're not on medication, then you need to talk to you doctor and find one that helps you. 

In regards to your toothache, check with your local university to see if they have a school of dentistry.  You can have your tooth attended to at a greatly reduced cost.  Yes, the student is learning, but is also under the direct supervision of a dentist.  It is not something that you can ignore and hope goes away.  It need to be dealt with properly.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 8:27:35 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

There are no coffee shops of any kind in your area????
No restaurants? Why does it have to be only specific chains that you'll consider?
Expand your base and you'll expand your resume.


there are, but, like I said, they only want younger servers, and that's all I'm good at.

quote:

michael about your toothache, either do a search online or in your local yellow pages for a dental school. They quite often offer extremely low cost or free care if you don't object to a dental student doing the work under the supervision of the instructor/class room.

Some of them really will do the work for free but you have to take the step to locate them.

Please try and get that done, an infected tooth can cause a lot of health problems and pain.

Good luck to ya.


the only place I've found like this won't have any openings for new patients until mid-November. can't wait that long.

quote:

Michael,

You haven't mentioned if you're on medications for your depression. If so, then you need to see your physician about a change in dosage or medication. Reappearance of symptoms is a sign that meds need adjustment. If you're not on medication, then you need to talk to you doctor and find one that helps you.


I have been on every med available and they're good for about 3 months, then I develope an immunity to them, as for talking with a shrink, I gave that up after being shifted around from one shrink to another, and they always go back to square one, like none of them can read a damned chart. forget about groups, they're more depressing than anything.

quote:

In regards to your toothache, check with your local university to see if they have a school of dentistry. You can have your tooth attended to at a greatly reduced cost. Yes, the student is learning, but is also under the direct supervision of a dentist. It is not something that you can ignore and hope goes away. It need to be dealt with properly.


answered above

*please note, I placed this up here to let everyone know how I'm doing...not for getting advice. while I do appreciate it, that's not why I started this thread*


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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 3:05:12 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

it's not actually the dentist I'm going to see, but my regular dr. Medicare/Medicaid does not cover dental, so going to get some anti-biotics and stronger pain meds on Tuesday. Isn't America wonderful? they take soooooo good care of their people (sarcasm is one of my strong suits)


Michael,

I hope you are feeling better soon.

As a note, when I was depressed the worst thing my doctors did for me was prescribe me pain meds and muscle relaxers when I had severe muscle spasms in my neck and shoulder.  I went from managing my depression, to full out suicidal had to be hospitalized in a manner of days.  Nothing had changed other than the meds.  I will not take either type of meds now. 

Just be careful with what you take and how it impacts you.

Knight's Kyra



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RE: My Wellness as of late - 8/20/2007 6:50:26 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Michael:

Maybe this site will help you out with the tooth situation.

http://www.gadental.org/Medicaidfaq.htm

I am thinking perhaps Ga. is like Massachusetts and not all DMD accept Medicaid, and you have to hunt around and find one who participates in the program.

                          mbmbn

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