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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/20/2007 6:31:05 PM

sylentobeyance

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/24/2007
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i have one more thing to say about all this ....

is he a member of CM ???????? i think everyone agrees with me
on this and i need not say what i am thinking ....

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/20/2007 7:45:18 PM

Joseff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ultimatesubbie

They do have an advocate that will accompany me. Her name is Christine and I met her today. I have not invited any friends or family and feel this is something I have to face alone. Thank you so very much for your words of hope and encouragement. I will post to everyone on the outcome.

No, you do not have to face this alone. Seek out all the support you can find. You will also have the prayers and good wishes of a lot of very decent people here.
Joseff

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/20/2007 9:30:01 PM

SusanofO

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Anna, it's great you have photos. I predict this guy loses his case, and I hope he does jail time.

- Susan

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/20/2007 9:35:48 PM

winterlight

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25 years!

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 12:04:22 AM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
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Greetings
just cut the fuckers nuts off...slowly...I have a couple of axes you could borrow...I will relax the law about females who are subs/slaves holding weapons.....or better yet can I please please!
this type of shit has Me in a state of so not in control....I don't like reading about these instances, hearing or knowing about them...far to freaking often it is the case however.
you have Me in your corner if you need Me. Lean on those in your personal support network....if they support you then they are worth your time...if not they never were. Give the bastard life and put him in the child molesters....then...ok enough...you get the drift. I hope you come through this intact...My prayers are for you this night.

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"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 6:06:08 AM

MadameMarque

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Joined: 3/19/2005
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Often, people not in the scene can still relate to something similar, but milder.

Like, anyone might imagine a little playful spanking, or being held down, or light bondage, for titillation. So, you've voluntarily let someone do something like that to you, but with the understanding that if it gets to be too much, you can let them know, and they'll stop. How will they know?

You have a safeword. That is so that you can even say, no, please stop, and struggle around, and keep going and have fun, and pretend, because it's fun and exciting to act out your fantasies
BUT if you have to say stop, for real, you can use the safeword (or safe signal, as the case may be), and you both will understand, that stops everything, immediately.

That's what the safeword is for; that's why it's called "safe," - it's for the safety of both of you. If the person who's not being beaten or tied up is acting in good will and is concerned about the other person's welfare and not harming them - then one person's safety and welfare is also the other's.

Even a child could understand the rules to this game. Even a child would know, after you say that special word, if you keep going, you're doing wrong.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 7:16:54 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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To be honest..I would tell that VANILLA judge

'look we enjoyed playing a little rough in our lovemaking and quite simply we had an agreement that if I said 'RED' it means 'OUCH BIGTIME/STOP!! which always worked before and we cooled it down. On this day Mr. so n so did not stop but became unconsentually violent (no different from fooling around that becomes rape after a gal says no) out of some unknown and unannounced anger and he continued to cause such n such damage to my body.'

If the judge asks for more information, keep it as vanilla in explaination as possible to avoid yourself looking as if 'you were out to get it' in attitude to a possible woman-disrespecting judge.

Good luck though, hope you get closure and justice.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 7:20:47 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: ultimatesubbie

Thank you - the police took several photos. He broke a bone in my left eye and broke my nose. It was not pretty. The attorney did ask me today if I used my safe word so they have either done their research or are familiar for other reasons.

Gee, this is a shame because many of us DOM actually practive how to slap or hit somebody where it does not cause permanant damage, and know better. How long as he been in the lifestyle? This could be a point that could be made in court, that he intentionally hit you with the "intention of causing Damage" and "that it was not Erotic Pain for play". How the Hell he expects to pass this off as controlled erotic pain is Crazy.

It's like somebody that is involved with martial arts! They know how to hit to cause damage to somebody and simply how to hit in a manner that won't. It's important to know these things. I believe people in BDSM should be held accountable to the same level as those with Martial Arts skills. Then they could not even dream about trying to covering things up like this...

There was a thread a little while ago about punching: some people are actually into breaking bones and inflicting serious damage. Some of the recipients end up in hospital and brag about it

.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 7:40:43 AM

domiguy

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SSC doesn't mean shit....Isn't it the same in the vanilla world?...The problem has nothing to do with bdsm...It's the fact that you chose a shithead for a partner....Far too many vanilla women end up exactly in your predicament...

Just be a lot more selective in your choice of partners...Be picky...Don't give out information that people don't need...Anna....It probably wouldn't be bad advice to stay off of this thing...Remove your pics, until after your case has been decided.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 7:41:45 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Anna, please know that there are those of Us in the lifestyle who don't believe it should be a cover for bullies and abusers. From the sound of your post, I believe this is what happened to you, and for that, I am terribly sorry.

As Rover and some others mentioned, the fact is that neither ssc, nor rack are terms recognized by the legal system when it comes to prosecution. Turning things around to make the victim look guilty by prior actions generally doesn't work in court, and is a sleazy tactic that is very easily seen through. You are going to be just fine.

Just a side note, Rmanrr, I like your style.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 8:15:09 AM

CelticPrince

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subbie,

It might have been a good Idea to post this a week away from the court date, you might have received much more input // too late today tho!

CP

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 8:50:40 AM

salacioussquiz

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Joined: 6/15/2007
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You have my full sympathy i know how i hard this is having recently been through a horrific trial here in the UK, last year. His main defence was the so called slave contract he professed to have , which in court is obviously not worth the paper it's written on . . . feel free to contact me if you wish to . . .

(Anyone feeling they wish to judge me at this point feel free!)

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 9:57:11 AM

atendersoul

Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
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one would also have to ask you how long you have been involved in the Lifestyle.....to know the difference when marked in scene and what you term as beaten. Not knowing both sides of this story, it is hard to give advise when the Lifestyle is going to be on trial. There is abuse.....this is true......and that can not be overlooked....but there are many in this world that only has thoughts of what being within the Lifestyle is truly about......or other agendas using the name....

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 10:10:18 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

To begin, the state attorney should know the particular laws in your state which would have implications on your case. Particularly spousal abuse laws. Generally speaking, no one can consent to their own assault, which is why impact play is (generally) illegal in most states. Consequently, your consent would have no bearing on the case whatsoever.

And you might want to direct the attorney to the NCSF website at http://www.ncsfreedom.org/

John

Actually, this is nonsense in most states, impact play is perfectly legal because impact play isn't abuse, it's sex. It is sex because in most states being a pro-domme is prosecuted as prostitution. Since they can't say it is prostitution when a pro-domme does it but abuse when we do it. You can also play sports and box, both activities that result in both injuries and on occasion death.

This is from the current North West Master/slave titleholder who teaches classes on BDSM and the law. There is also no mention of the "can't consent to abuse so bdsm is illegal" mythology on the NCSF website.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/21/2007 3:06:22 PM

fungasm

Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
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I'm sorry for what you have to go through. I suspect this gets to you rather late- but I have a suggestion for you.

When ever you have to face him, or anything to do with him, Quack.

You are a Teflon duck. What he says will roll off your back.

Quack.

He can't hurt you.

Quack.

He violated the restraining order with a rose. Photograph it. Document it. Report it to the police. They may not do anything now- but it's there.

You were strong enough to leave.You are strong enough to make a new life. You are strong enough to be in court, even when you are terrified- and that takes a special kind of strong.

You can do this.

Quack. Good luck, my Teflon Duck...

Alison

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/30/2007 5:07:40 PM

ultimatesubbie

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To all of you who responded - thank Y/you. I won the case and he will be sentenced on November 6th. The attorney is thinking he will get 10 years. Guilty on three counts of felony assault.
Again, I thank Y/you all!
~anna

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/30/2007 5:10:17 PM

domiguy

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Good for you...I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

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RE: Explaining D/s to those who don't know - 8/30/2007 5:22:44 PM

KiandPhoenix

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One thing to point out as a related type of thing is spanking children. Spanking your kids is not illegal, but beating them is. There is a line drawn. Just because you enjoy play of a type does not mean you enjoy being beaten. Your attorney might use the comparison with more legal definitions. Obviously they know about safe words, and when they ask you what types of play you enjoy, your attorney should object stating that this was not play at all starting the instant you used your safword, and therefore what you do in your playtime is not relevant.

Good luck. Phoenix is going through a divorce where she is going to have to go through something similar. Her ex found out she was interested, and without bothering to find out more used it as an excuse to beat her, and literally carry her back into the house when she would try and leave. She never asked or accepted him as her dom or master. Because the abuse is going to have to come up, he is going to state that it was her lifestyle choice. We already informed our lawyer, and she will be objecting to anything that is remotely related. We got lucky though because his lawyer withdrew, because they could not get him to comply to anything or even return a phone call. Now he is going it alone, and wont know what to do.

Good Luck.

~Ki

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