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He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 4:53:54 PM

labrat18610

Posts: 63
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

I've noticed that a lot of female subs post that they are highly concerned about a very intimate problem, usually sexual in nature. They admit that they are totally "owned" by a dominant Master, totally love their Master, and that they participate in BDSM. Their concerns indicate an intense personal relationship. Yet, the posts end with ,"he hasn't called" or "he stopped emailing me". That's the part that I find odd. You'd think that with such an intense, intimate Master/slave relationship, the two would live together.
Yeah, there may be sound reasons why they don't live together, but to me, it seems odd-like a married couple not living together. Again it seems odd that you can have a truly intimate relationship, but you don't want to live with the guy?

Post #: 1

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:01:14 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Angel and I do not live together, and yet we have a VERY intimate, intense relationship. Our situation doesnt allow us to live together yet. I have had similiar relationships with others. Not everyone is willing or able to move in. Some dont believe in living with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Some have jobs too far away that make it plausible. Or, in our case, Angel lives on campus, and in order for his parents to continue paying for school for him, he has to remain there. So, we are separated Not becasue we wat to be, but beacsue we have to be. Living arrangements do not make a relationship ore or less intense.
The problem I have had with he hasnt called is that thats usually the extent of the communication efforts. If someone doesnt call, and you are that involved with them... you go see them.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 2

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:01:19 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I've belonged to my dom for over 7 years. We don't live together or even in the same state

but believe me, it is a 'truly intimate' relationship.
Next week it will be especially so

.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 3

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:02:49 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

A) Lots of people have deep, intimate connections without living together. Not everyone wants to move in right away. Breaking up is a lot harder to do when you live in the same place. You don't get married until you are sure, don't move in until you are pretty damn sure you won't be breaking up.
B) There is still the group of people who just won't live together before marriage. Not just for religious reasons either. It's personal preference.
C) The "radio silence" break-up is, sad to say, common enough in both BDSM and vanilla-land. It's easy on the part of the person leaving, though not very brave.

Now, that said I still take the "we've been in an online and phone relationship for a few months and we haven't met but we still have an intense connection" posts with a few grains of salt.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/20/2007 5:03:54 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 4

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:06:02 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Living together is fairly irrelevant when it comes to depth and intensity of commitment. While there are specific dynamics and expectations that come with only a live-in situation, that doesn't mean anything about how well the relationship itself works.

I DO agree that it's odd that so many are willing to say they are "owned" by someone when they can't even call them at 2 am if an emergency occurs or has met any of their family.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:20:27 PM

labrat18610

Posts: 63
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

I understand that there are real world circumstances that would prevent two trutly involved people from living together. But it does seem odd that a sub could totally worship a Master, but won't live with the guy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:20:34 PM

SpankYouHarder

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/1/2007
Status: offline

If he does not call me I know how to find him *grin* I know where he lives have his home, cell and work number, copy of his drivers licence * I do this when ever I first have someone coming to my home* his health certificate with docs addy....and I like living alone. He has the keys to my place, we text or talk a few times a day.
Why do I have to have him here 24/7? I like my me time to rest up from a good beating and sex, time to soak, do my hair, my nails, shave ...be a girly girl with out clock watching unless I know he is on his way and has demands to meet. I can clean my home at my own pace and love the closet space. Do I miss him when he leaves? Yes I do but I know he will be back soon enough *smile*

_____________________________

Sir's sub or Sir

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Post #: 7

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:42:48 PM

theq

Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I was thinking along the same lines as AquaticSub when I read the initial post. Moving in together is a BIG step. Especially if your situation is like mine and the girl I am starting with. We live about 220 (mapquest says 219(point 66!)) miles apart. I have a full time position with a good organization (well....maybe not so good these days, but that's neither here nor there, it still pays me well) and I own a home.

The sheer distance makes moving in together no light proposition! I know asking her to leave her town (and family) or me leaving my job/selling my house is not something either of us would enter into lightly! I have vacation time (lots) I can use for extended visits...but moving...? I'd be open to it (hey, I love the city, good jobs in my market there too)...but she'd have an engagement band on her finger first.

Though it would be "easier" for her to move (it seems) I'd still not even ask her to even consider it until I knew we were both "pretty damn sure" (as AquaticSub worded it).

Also, "intense/intimate" could mean many things. Different things to different people. One thing it doesn't necessarily mean is "long lived". One might classify a relationship that has lasted 4-6 months as "intense and intimate". Like vanilla dating/engagement/marriage there are different phases to a D/s relationship...then again I suppose you know that. A girl might call one Master who she has been dating steady for several months.

*shrugs* Now I'm ranting so I'll end this note.

To clarify, before someone flames back, yes we've met. No, we aren't extremely close yet.

Q

Edited to add: Also agreeing with AquaticSub...I had a distant relationship...

quote:

Author: AquaticSub
The "radio silence" break-up is, sad to say, common enough in both BDSM and vanilla-land. It's easy on the part of the person leaving, though not very brave.

It did hurt a lot. I was pretty messed/caged up emotionally for a couple of months.

I can sympathize a bit with those similarly situated. It wasn't the bravest thing for her to do. It was difficult moving past that.

< Message edited by theq -- 8/20/2007 5:46:36 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:47:38 PM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610

I've noticed that a lot of female subs post that they are highly concerned about a very intimate problem, usually sexual in nature. They admit that they are totally "owned" by a dominant Master, totally love their Master, and that they participate in BDSM. Their concerns indicate an intense personal relationship. Yet, the posts end with ,"he hasn't called" or "he stopped emailing me". That's the part that I find odd. You'd think that with such an intense, intimate Master/slave relationship, the two would live together.
Yeah, there may be sound reasons why they don't live together, but to me, it seems odd-like a married couple not living together. Again it seems odd that you can have a truly intimate relationship, but you don't want to live with the guy?

Great post

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 9

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 5:53:11 PM

trustingsubHF

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/19/2007
From: VA
Status: offline

committing to someone that you do not live with is a common thing... there may be a few issues that are to be cleared up before the 'move'. there are many who choose not to live with a person they are committed to, many just prefer things that way. i feel that the distance between two is a main issue... sometimes it is not that simple to pack up and go, it may take time!

_____________________________

...never make Someone a priority when you are simply being viewed as an option...

~Owned property of HF~

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

Post #: 10

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 6:06:22 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610

I understand that there are real world circumstances that would prevent two trutly involved people from living together. But it does seem odd that a sub could totally worship a Master, but won't live with the guy.

Why not?

Like I said, some people just won't move in until it's the "forever" commitment. And others just don't want to share their bathroom yet. I firmly belive you can love, adore, and even worship a person but not want to be around for their morning bowl movement yet. Living together isn't easy and it's not just something to rush. It's so personal, I don't think it's possible to apply one person's timetable to another person.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 11

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 6:42:14 PM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

...Boxes can be built> but that doesn't mean everyone is going to fit into the same one....and hell, theres gonna' be a majority of people( around these parts' anyway) who look at THE BOX and just plain refuse to go into any of them..

dang, I just said "hell" and I'm not even gonna fix it.

I find that statements that begin>
" the proper way......."
"the right way to do that is........"
" you're wrong if you .........."
"everyone says........."
"the only way to ..........."
well you get the idea...
all need to be left at the door....imo, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thinking outside the box...
living outside the box...
living my life and letting others do the same.....
smiles....

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 12

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 7:22:04 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610

I understand that there are real world circumstances that would prevent two trutly involved people from living together. But it does seem odd that a sub could totally worship a Master, but won't live with the guy.

I understand what you say...but do all or a major portion of engaged couples live together?

I dont live with Sir.... I am not sure I would want to. We have not come to that spot in our relationship when he tells me..."time to move."
I understand that you are probably equating a standard of relationship with an intimate M/s one.... its NOT comparable.

I am not sure I as a submissive would ever say to a Sir, I want to move in with you. Each know when it is time.

In regards to intimacy... once again you cant compare apples to oranges.

What is good for you may NOT be good for me. To want all such intimate and worshipful relationships to bed together within months is not an expectation...not only here but inthe nilla portion of reality.

Sir's girl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 13

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/20/2007 10:53:40 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

~~fast reply~~

i dont live with Sir, i probably never will. that doesnt mean i'm any less owned, nor that he cares for me any less.

its just how our lives worked out.

kitten, who had a good day despite the broken toe....

(in reply to shyinini)

Post #: 14

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 2:51:37 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

To the OP:
I have children. I am raising them in a certain way. To have someone move in here would mean that by virtue of another adult being in the house, his concerns, as well as his child-rearing techniques and beliefs would have to be considered and respected. My children have a father. They don't need another one. In addition to that, just because I choose to live my life in a certain way does not mean my children do and I want them to have the right to grow up developing their own beliefs.

So, I don't live with my Master. He knows all the kids but has very little contact with them. This is how I wanted it. Anything more and I'd have had issues.

We've been together now for five years and it's only now that I'm thinking that this relationship may turn out to be very long term. However, prior to this, I wasn't sure, and if there's one thing I don't want is a revolving door of men for my kids to learn to like and respect, only to lose them again.

On top of all this is the fact that when I was married, for the last five years of my marriage, I lived as a prisoner in my own house. Never again. This house is my safe place. Very few people get invited over. Even fewer get more than one invite. My Master wasn't here for the first three months of our relationship. After that, it took another year before he was invited back into this house. Nothing wrong, just not necessary. I don't intend on marrying. I don't intend on living with someone. I don't intend on making this house anyone's home away from home.

So, I don't live with my Master. Never will. We're happy. We're intimate. This is the closest relationship I've ever had in my life - including the good years of my marriage, But we will not be living together. And just because you think it's odd, doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's not right for you.

juliet

edited to add that this was not inresponse to you adoracat. It's just another instance of posting at the bottom of the screen.

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/21/2007 2:53:54 AM >

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 15

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 5:24:09 AM

callistaIn

Posts: 62
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labrat18610

I've noticed that a lot of female subs post that they are highly concerned about a very intimate problem, usually sexual in nature. They admit that they are totally "owned" by a dominant Master, totally love their Master, and that they participate in BDSM. Their concerns indicate an intense personal relationship. Yet, the posts end with ,"he hasn't called" or "he stopped emailing me". That's the part that I find odd. You'd think that with such an intense, intimate Master/slave relationship, the two would live together.
Yeah, there may be sound reasons why they don't live together, but to me, it seems odd-like a married couple not living together. Again it seems odd that you can have a truly intimate relationship, but you don't want to live with the guy?

There are some who have reasons outside of their submission or slavery that requires them to not live together.

Best of wishes

callie

(in reply to labrat18610)

Post #: 16

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 6:22:08 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

To the OP:
I have children. I am raising them in a certain way. To have someone move in here would mean that by virtue of another adult being in the house, his concerns, as well as his child-rearing techniques and beliefs would have to be considered and respected. My children have a father. They don't need another one. In addition to that, just because I choose to live my life in a certain way does not mean my children do and I want them to have the right to grow up developing their own beliefs.

So, I don't live with my Master. He knows all the kids but has very little contact with them. This is how I wanted it. Anything more and I'd have had issues.

We've been together now for five years and it's only now that I'm thinking that this relationship may turn out to be very long term. However, prior to this, I wasn't sure, and if there's one thing I don't want is a revolving door of men for my kids to learn to like and respect, only to lose them again.

On top of all this is the fact that when I was married, for the last five years of my marriage, I lived as a prisoner in my own house. Never again. This house is my safe place. Very few people get invited over. Even fewer get more than one invite. My Master wasn't here for the first three months of our relationship. After that, it took another year before he was invited back into this house. Nothing wrong, just not necessary. I don't intend on marrying. I don't intend on living with someone. I don't intend on making this house anyone's home away from home.

So, I don't live with my Master. Never will. We're happy. We're intimate. This is the closest relationship I've ever had in my life - including the good years of my marriage, But we will not be living together. And just because you think it's odd, doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's not right for you.

juliet

edited to add that this was not inresponse to you adoracat. It's just another instance of posting at the bottom of the screen.

no worries. *smiles*

i absolutely can understand where you're coming from. in some ways it reminds me of the relationship my MIL had with her long term boyfriend...they loved each other since she was 13...they both married others (he was 20 years older than she was), got divorced, but they never married, they never lived together...i think they would have killed one another if they had tried to.

that didnt make them any less in love, or any less devoted to one another. obviously that's the same way you and your Master are, juliet. there is great devotion, just need for separate spaces. and there is nothing wrong with that, either.

kitten

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 17

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 6:37:33 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

Smiles for Cyntilating :) :)

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Post #: 18

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 7:28:17 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I am another one who does not live with my Master and even thought we have been together for 18 months it is just not feasible at this time. We are in an very intense intimate relationship and very much in love. Just because i don't live with him does not mean i am any less owned. We both know who i belong to.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 8/21/2007 7:42:11 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: He hasn't called?????????? - 8/21/2007 7:29:17 AM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

Chimeing in as another... going on 6 years of an intense relationship and have no immediate plans to live together... we technically do spend the majority of our time under the same roof... what gets me is the reverse... how many couples I see who not only jump into a relationship... but jump into moving in with each other... (shutters).

< Message edited by YourShyPet -- 8/21/2007 7:30:55 AM >

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kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

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