Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: is all this right??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: is all this right?? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 4:00:57 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
i think some people think way too much about  some things. 

 
Some people enjoy thinking about things and it feeds them.  It may not be a pleasure that you enjoy and for you it may be thinking way to much about things, but for some it feeds them, gives them energy and great pleasure to think and intellectually pick things apart.  I am that way. 

Figuring things out, especially about myself gives me a great high.  My Lord indulges this about me as long as my quest for understanding does not prevent me from moving in the direction that he wants me to go.  I have an extremely analytical mind and if I don't feed it I am denying myself something that I need to be fulfilled. 

Whether this is true for the OP or not, I don't really care.  I was just offering my perspective on thinking about things.

Knight's Kyra


_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 4:14:27 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hi YourGuardian
You write:
[ While I think sexual D/s could quite easily originate from early life experience, I also think the desire to be Dominated in "real life" can have a similar origin... ]

This part of your statements stand out to me...
  
I think that, if I am understanding your concerns/underlying comments are about the possibility that people who want to control or be controlled are doing it from an unhealthy mentality..( because of possible harm done to them early in life ) ...
 
I would like to point out that >  I am not dominated...> I prefer to be with someone who is a dominant personality ( man in my case ) who is in control of himself and his surroundings >>> which differs from him wanting to CONTROL me..or me needing to be controlled because I cannot take care of myself or control myself.
I am not dominated...I am not controlled..
I submit because and only when I feel the energy of a dominant being in control of the environment.  I can and have lived without it quite successfully, when I have had to in the past......it is a preference in the type of personality I choose and want to be with in a relationship.. Why is it my preference ??  my theory :  partly my basic core personality ( that yes I was born with ) ..of a care-giver, helper, nurturer, people-pleaser, and beta vs alpha mentality.  and 2ndly> my upbring..the parental relationship that was modeled to me ( and it was healthy by the way and far from abusive or destructive to my mental health ) ..
 
so, that part I highlighted stood out to me, and I wanted to comment ...perhaps if you think of the difference in those terms> it might help you to understand a different view to consider  ...for me, this is not about being a victim nor about abusing myself or letting someone else control me or use me ( without my consent) and even when it is consented>  I am not abused..it is a dynamic I am fully aware of and quite naturally respond to..
 
Will you find victims and the victimizers in this lifestyle?..sure...sadly, they are out there...but you can say that about most every lifestyle> alternative or not.  Those people are not the "definition"  ..they just exist amongst...........

You have brought up some good thoughts....and many here can and will also add their feelings I'm sure : )  
 
a question to you
are you asking to openly listen to the answers and views of others?
or are you asking in hopes that someone will convince you?
are you here to convince "us"  otherwise??
rhetorical question, of course...only for you to ponder  : )
 

 
 

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 8/22/2007 4:45:00 AM >

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to yourGuardian)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 10:53:26 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
i think some people think way too much about  some things. 

 
Some people enjoy thinking about things and it feeds them.  It may not be a pleasure that you enjoy and for you it may be thinking way to much about things, but for some it feeds them, gives them energy and great pleasure to think and intellectually pick things apart.  I am that way. 

Knight's Kyra


Absolutely!  And, i don't believe i said anything about thinking too much is wrong or that anyone should stop thinking too much.  All i said was that i think some people think too much about some things.
 
The man asked "what do people think" and i told him what i think.  i hope that it is okay for me to say what i think, even when it is in disagreement with what others might think. 
 
For me, i prefer to live my life rather than sit around and think about it.  That's all i was saying.  i never said that anyone else should do the same or think the same as i do.  In fact, i said that the way i live "might not make any sense to anyone else but, it works for me."  And, that was all there was to it, i think. 
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 3:54:25 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Trust me, not all subs feel "lost" without a master and plenty of dominants are way more lost than plenty of vanillas and subs I know.

Some subs do have low self esteem.  Some subs do need a good therapist far more than they need a dominant in their lives.  Good dominants recognize this and don't try to pretend to be the therapist that the sub needs.

You can't base what YOU choose in YOUR life on some fucked up people.  There are fucked up people who are vanilla as well.

It's not the authority dynamic which makes a relationship good or bad, and it's not the 'source' of the motivation which is good or bad either- although there are many many out there who WILL try and use bdsm/Ds as an escape route or as a magical cure for their problems.  They always find out the truth in the end.

We're all adults, choosing who and what we involved ourselves in. 


I am a bit worried, lately I agree with everything L.A. writes on here.
I agree with everything the Grand Poobah says!
NEWSFLASH!
People can be crazy as hell and getting into this lifestyle will NOT make you sane!
Sorry folks, joining the kinky kool kids club, does not make you sane, take away your issues, baggage,
hang-ups, etc.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/22/2007 3:57:42 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 3:59:18 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
Absolutely!  And, i don't believe i said anything about thinking too much is wrong or that anyone should stop thinking too much.  All i said was that i think some people think too much about some things.


If you had said "I think that some people think a lot about some things", it would have not caught my eye.  However, when you say "I think that some people think way too much about some things" it implies that you think there is a limit on how much they should think otherwise it wouldn't be "way too much" it would just be "a lot".  

The value judgment that the person exceeded what you think is appropriate is what caught my eye and I wanted to add the perspective that maybe this is what fulfills them so it isn't "way too much" but just right for them.

 
quote:

The man asked "what do people think" and i told him what i think.  i hope that it is okay for me to say what i think, even when it is in disagreement with what others might think. 


It is not my place to say what is or is not okay for you.  I know that it is okay for me to post my contrasting perspective that it wasn't way too much thinking.
 
quote:

For me, i prefer to live my life rather than sit around and think about it. 


Do you think that people who think more than you think they should don't actually live their life?  The two are not mutually exclusive, you can put some deep thought and consideration into your life and live it at the same time.


Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 4:34:44 PM   
Durus


Posts: 184
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourGuardian
I cant for a second believe its innate!! It has to manifest through experience and my fear is its bad experience!!


Why can't you believe it's innate? Why does it HAVE TO manifest through experience...except that it furthers your argument?

(in reply to yourGuardian)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 5:08:39 PM   
theq


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
My experience forces me to believe that the "you are into BDSM" or "you are a sub because you've been molested/abused/whatever" is complete and utter BS. I've encountered too many different types of people with completely different backgrounds to point to any common experience that "made us this way". I definately know that I was never abused mentally, physically, or sexually as a child and the sexual abuse I have suffered came long after my interest in BDSM.


I have to concur. I had an otherwise normal and "healthy" upbringing with 2 parents who were married (to each other) when I was born and who remain married (to each other) till this day. No one beat me, except I was spanked and tossed into the corner for 5 minutes when I got out of line. No one molested me....etc...etc. Other than being a little introverted as a child (ok, maybe more than a little) I grew up "normal"...*shrugs*

Q

Edited to add: Though I don't doubt there may be some validity behind the claims counter to this. I just don't think one can state that as the case for everyone who is into BDSM.

< Message edited by theq -- 8/22/2007 5:10:02 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 6:38:40 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
Absolutely!  And, i don't believe i said anything about thinking too much is wrong or that anyone should stop thinking too much.  All i said was that i think some people think too much about some things.


If you had said "I think that some people think a lot about some things", it would have not caught my eye.  However, when you say "I think that some people think way too much about some things" it implies that you think there is a limit on how much they should think otherwise it wouldn't be "way too much" it would just be "a lot".  

The value judgment that the person exceeded what you think is appropriate is what caught my eye and I wanted to add the perspective that maybe this is what fulfills them so it isn't "way too much" but just right for them.
 Yes, i stated my opinion which is based on my values.  Even if i had said, "I think that some people think a lot about some things", or if i had said, "i think some people think way too little" or "not enough", it still would have been my opinion based on my values.  i also happen to think that some people sometimes drink way too much and argue way too much and worry way too much and.....etc., etc.  Those are my opinions based on my values, also. But, i never place my values on anyone else.  i never say that anyone else should adopt my values or live their lives according to my values.  i simply state my opinions.  i thought that was a big part of the reason why these boards are here and what it is that we do here, state our opinions, read the opinions of others and either agree, disagree, or ignore each others opinions.  Everyone has a right to their own values and to state their opinions here and that's all i did.
 
quote:

It is not my place to say what is or is not okay for you.  I know that it is okay for me to post my contrasting perspective that it wasn't way too much thinking.
 Thank you.  i agree.
 
quote:

Do you think that people who think more than you think they should don't actually live their life?  The two are not mutually exclusive, you can put some deep thought and consideration into your life and live it at the same time. Knight's Kyra
 i didn't say anything about how other people should live their lives.  i only stated what matters to me, in the way i live my life.  What's wrong with that?  Like i said, i don't place my values on others.   slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: is all this right?? - 8/22/2007 9:44:17 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourGuardian

I cant for a second believe its innate!! It has to manifest through experience and my fear is its bad experience!! I could expand but to try and preempt every possiblity would be an exercise in futility, I'm sure everyone can visualise a scenario where someone could have poor early experiences, or poor relationship experiences, that left them with a "need" to hand over control.



 




"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, and possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding." ~Anais Nin
 
I can NOT remember a time when I didnt feel this.
Innate ?  YES !
 
Sir's girl who finds her Sir as sincerely innate

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to yourGuardian)
Profile   Post #: 49
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: is all this right?? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078