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RE: What if I don't have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 6:57:21 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		For me if I don't have trust then I have no reason to be with that person. He lies to you and you know that you can do better and should do better. Why stay with someone that makes you unhappy?

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(in reply to blossomtree)
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RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 8:46:13 AM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		um trust is a mian corner stone ,,, you need to make the dicission

MM

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remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 10:32:20 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...


If you don't trust your partner, there is no reason to be with him, period.  If you know you're not his preference, I can't imagine how this relationship ever happened in the first place.  If you're obsessed with anyone, it's not healthy, especially if you're not treated in a way that fulfills you or makes you happy.

Definitely time to move on and definitely time to reconsider your motives in entering into a relationship with someone.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 10:44:39 AM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...


If you don't trust your partner, there is no reason to be with him, period.  If you know you're not his preference, I can't imagine how this relationship ever happened in the first place.  If you're obsessed with anyone, it's not healthy, especially if you're not treated in a way that fulfills you or makes you happy.

Definitely time to move on and definitely time to reconsider your motives in entering into a relationship with someone.



yep yep

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.


(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 10:46:25 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

You're obsessed with him? Boy, just think how you would feel if he actually treated you well.


Well yanno, as has been mentioned more than a few times on here.......some people actually dig people that treat them like crap.



That could very well be the case here. In that case I will tell the op, congratulations!

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Boycott Whales!

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 11:03:10 AM   
leadinghand


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		As so many have said, trust is everything in D/s. It is the foundation for all that happens. Without it, you are would be right to leave. I just wonder how you ever entered into a relationship without it. It takes many long soul-search talks to establish a D/s relationship. What happened to that process?

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LeadingHand

When insired by a great and extraordinary purpose, thoughts break their bounds. You transcend limitations, consciousness expands and you find yourself in a new, and wonderful world

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 1:32:55 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...


You've already answered your own question. From the way you describe things, why the hell did you become involved in this relationship in the first place?

Communicate with your partner and see if you can clear the air between you, and come to a mutually favorable compromise. Otherwise, if you can't trust him and you're unhappy... why are you hanging around again?


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to blossomtree)
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RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 1:34:33 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Comfort zones aren't always comfortable...

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 3:17:26 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

If you aren't happy, if you don't trust him, if he breaks his word... why are you still there?

...


HUNGER.

Perfectly understandable, though doomed :(

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Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 4:43:18 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		WTF is this Y/y stuff? No, don't tell me; I don't want to know. Showing respect is fine, but what small minds condemn those who fail to use capitalization? Not a real dom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.


I was with you until the end of this sentence. Perhaps he is at fault, but it's hard to criticize someone IF you are incapable of trust (which you didn't say, but your wording made me wonder).

I speak from experience: I lived with someone who said from day one that she'd never trust, believe in, or listen. And she never did.

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/23/2007 7:06:54 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		You don't trust him, you don't like him, he breaks promises, he doesn't really want you and he's looking for someone better.

Sounds like a really fulfilling relationship.

If you ask the question, you already know the answer.  You don't need to end this relationship - it's long gone.  Clean up the mess and move on.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/23/2007 11:59:30 AM   
WickedBDSM


Posts: 37
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree


quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedBDSM

Is this the same Dom, you were wondering about, if you should allow him to have another sub?


Yes, the same one



So...  He wanted another sub, you decided not to allow it, and now he's looking, behind your back....

Sounds like, a guy wants an "open marriage", his wife is not OK with it. So, he sleeps around with other women, without telling her.
A match made in heaven............  isn't it?

You know, what you must do.....

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/23/2007 2:11:55 PM   
atendersoul


Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		 this was well written and very much the truth in a relationship of the Lifestyle.....it is appreciated reading a reply that was not cutting and demeaning to someone seeking some type of answer....
quote:

ORIGINAL: newwillingness

I have been there, and I truly understand where you are coming from.  Yes it is hard to make the decision because you are emotionally involved with him....but you know what is right for you in your mind....you have to put your emotions aside.....would you put up with this in a vanilla relationship??  If your husband gave you a ring and then you thought he was looking for a second wife, would you stay?  My guess is no....this is no difference, it will be hard for you to walk away....but do what is right for you.  If you are asking the questions, you already know the answer.   And by the way, pay no attention to those, who ask you like you are stupid why you are still there.  It is easy to look at the situation with no feelings and think to yourself, well I wouldn't stay.....but they have distance and a lack of emotional connection.   I wish you well.


(in reply to newwillingness)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 1:32:27 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Firstly, you do not 'allow' Him to have another sub or not. If you want to play those sort of games then you are barking up the wrong type of relationship style. It is His way or the highway, your choice if you can't handle or trust the kind of person He is.... is to walk away.

you seem to want him... on YOUR terms, changed to suit YOU......... I think you need to take a step back and have a reality check!


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to atendersoul)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 8:08:24 AM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...


You already know the answer to your questions.
You're not his preference AND NEVER WILL BE
You know he is looking for another sub AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO
You don't have trust for him AND NEVER WILL

Find someone else or something else to obsess over and move on with your life.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 10:30:27 AM   
MasterJBK


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		then he isn't your dom.

you have to trust the dom first before he becomes yours and visa versa  for doms trusting their slaves

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 11:24:04 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

You're obsessed with him? Boy, just think how you would feel if he actually treated you well.


Well yanno, as has been mentioned more than a few times on here.......some people actually dig people that treat them like crap.

LaTigresse is right, there are some into that and even some into that that there's a "trust factor" involved.
Yet I'm thinking that's not the case here. 



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"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 6:26:32 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Firstly, you do not 'allow' Him to have another sub or not. If you want to play those sort of games then you are barking up the wrong type of relationship style. It is His way or the highway, your choice if you can't handle or trust the kind of person He is.... is to walk away.

you seem to want him... on YOUR terms, changed to suit YOU......... I think you need to take a step back and have a reality check!

Kind of agree with this thought process..however I would of said that you mistakenly went into this ...hoping...he would change, and that you would become after all, what he wanted...and.....it did not happen...but I sensed a wee bit of desperation on your part to accept this in the first place...I am not sure from where this desperation comes from,.but you may want to figure that out for yourself, and then find some resolution to it within you..I wish you well...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/24/2007 8:16:31 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Doesn't sound like a good situation to be in.  i would like to understand more what you mean by "obsessed with him" - could you explain it more. 

If you are enjoying your weekend time with him and all is good when you are with him, why can't you just take it for what it is and enjoy yourself, not worrying so much about things.  It all depends on what you are looking for.  Why not keep looking yourself - tell him you enjoy your time together but since you know he's not 100% happy with you and is looking  for another sub more to his preference, you want to keep doors open for yourself as well.   As long as all are honest i don't see what the problem is.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/25/2007 8:01:26 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Actually for me trust is not the issue here.  You seem incompatible. You are looking for different things. He  has been clear you are not what he wants long term. Stay with it or not, but don't expect his desires to change. Why in the world are you obsessed with him?

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to blossomtree)
Profile   Post #: 40
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